SWNOVELS Chapter 3.Daphne Monroe
“I want to die! I want to die! I want to die”
These words wake me up in the middle of the night. My heart is pounding in my chest and I am breathless. I am suffocating. I don’t have a good feeling. These words weren’t just a nightmare. They had a real feeling in them.
-“Adrian!!! Get ready. We are leaving” I shout.
-“To where?”
-“To Washington.”
With some difficulty I managed to get the address of my daughter and granddaughter from my ex husband. I had to come in touch with him after some years. When I asked him about Eleanor’s address, he was hesitant but he gave it to me.
As I get at her house, I ring the bell again and again but nobody responds. Then, a neighbor sees me.
-“Hello, I am Eleanor’s mother. Do you know if she is inside?” I ask her politely.
-“Gosh, you don’t know?”
-“Know what?”
-“Yesterday evening a ambulance came and took your granddaughter. I think that the poor think tried to suicide.”
-“Don’t say nonsense!!!” I shout. Her words surprised me and I start to feel fear.
-“It is not nonsense. You can ask the entire neighborhood. That child was an introvert and timid creature. She wouldn’t even say hello. I think she had depression. Her mother neglected her and didn’t care about her after her divorce.”
-“Where is she?” I ask stopping this gossiper.
As I was listening to her words, I felt despair and sadness. I thought that Eleanor wanted a better life so she can raise her child naturally.
Then, why did she become a parent like that? Why did she hurt her child?
I arrive at the hospital the moment some doctors are talking with my daughter. I stay put to hear. Well, they talk about the mental state of a teenager and the reasons that push him/her to do something like this. Eleanor is listening to them silently and promises to take more care of her kid.
I follow her inside the room but before I could say a word, I hear her speaking badly to her daughter.
-“What are you doing to me? Are you satisfied now that you humiliated me in front of so many people? Do you want my attention? I should never give birth to you. You are my nemesis!!!”
Her words can’t hurt someone more and my granddaughter just stares at her with an empty look that makes me shiver. I can only imagine what that child has suffered.
-“What do you think you are doing, Eleanor?” I shout at her. I can’t stand it anymore.
-“Mother? What are you doing here?” She says surprised.
-“I felt pain so my instincts brought me here.”
-“You never change with all that crap.”
-“I don’t want to hear about crap, when I just heard you scolding your child while she is suffering.” I shout at her angrily.
-“This is not your business.”
-“Of course, it is. If you keep this attitude, I am going to report you at the Well Fare Agency.”
-“Don’t make me laugh! You think you can act like a good grandmother now?”
-“Well, you never gave me a chance to be a grandmother at all.”
-“You were crazy and I think you still are.” I wave my head negatively. She is worse than she was when she left me.
-“If you abuse your child, then you are not worthy to have it.” I say strictly.
-“And you are worthy?” She sneers.
-“I don’t know if I am worthy but at least I am better than you.”
-“If you think so, you can take her with you and fill her head with your supernatural nonsense.” She says and she leaves the room.
I don’t believe that she just left her daughter. I approach her. I can see some bandages on her wrists and I feel my heart pounding.
-“Hi, sweetheart. My name is Matilda Monroe. I am your grandmother.” I introduce myself. She doesn’t even look at me. She only looks at the door with the same empty look.
I can’t imagine what kind of damage there is in her heart. I can’t imagine how many or how deep are her wounds that they drove a seventeen years old child to commit suicide. How painful it was, that the only soothing, would be death?
This is so heartbreaking.
That was a failure. I couldn’t even end my life. I couldn’t find peace. Mother said that I was trying to get her attention, but I stopped looking for it some years ago. I was just trying to free myself from the chains of this rotten world.
As I was expecting it, mother didn’t care about me but she cared about the gossip. She scolded me and I was sure now that she will never love me. Even now, in this moment, she didn’t care.
However, I was a little surprised when I finally met my “crazy” grandmother. I was hearing about her my whole life. My mother was always telling me to not be a freak like grandmother or to be distinctive and quiet.
Well, she didn’t seem like a mad person. She stayed with me the whole time while I was at the hospital. I can’t appreciate her kindness or pity. I don’t know her. She is a stranger to me.
-“Do you want to come and live with me in Ohio?” She asked me.
So, she came from Ohio but I didn’t know what I wanted. The sure thing was that I didn’t want to return to my school and I couldn’t live with my mother. When I tried to ask for father to accommodate me, he refused. He has a new family now. I am still unwanted.
As I was thinking the situation, I found her proposal attractive. In the end, I nodded positively. I saw her wide smile. She must be in her fifties but she looks like she is in her forties.
At the day of my exit of the hospital, another surprise is waiting me. My grandmother shows me a piece of paper. I look at it with wide eyes. It is an adoption paper. She will be my guardian for now on.
I see my mother’s signature as she gave her consent for the adoption. I tighten my fists but at the same time I am relieved. Now she can live her life as she wanted without any weights.
Then I look at my new surname. My full name is Daphne Monroe now.
Well, I don’t really care. I am just looking at my enthusiastic grandmother and I am wondering how long she will play her role as my guardian. How long will she tolerate me? How long it will take until she realizes that she picked up a weight?