Wildling

~~~Jaxson’s POV~~~

My stomach was twisted in knots and my heart was so far up in my throat it was difficult to swallow. I had never felt like this. The uncertainty was weighing down my soul. I just want Ember to accept me and we can start our life and start her healing process. I feel like breaking down, this feeling is twisting me inside out.

She’s going to reject me, isn’t she? Ares began whimpering in the back of my mind at this thought. Ashton had come back hours ago and she was still gone. The sun would be setting soon. She wouldn’t run, would she? No, no this is her home and Accalia is still here. She just needs time.

Sean and Ash looked lost. They had never seen me like this either. Their eyes followed me as I continued to pace the cabin floor. I desperately wanted to go after her, but I knew I should give her space. Ash had said she took things surprisingly well, but she needs to process it all. He wouldn’t tell me anything he saw. He wanted to respect her privacy and said she would tell me when she was ready.

But would she? Will she ever be ready? I remember the look on Ashton’s face when he saw her memories. I never want to see it again. He was so scared and shocked. Saddened and disturbed. Whatever she had gone through was so disturbing it unsettled him to the point that he didn’t even want to eat when he returned from talking with her. He kept staring off with a haunted look in his eyes. I’m honestly nervous to witness it but I know that marking is really where Ember’s main hang up is, so I know I need to be sensitive. She doesn’t want to cause me pain. She’s too selfless for her own good. She would give up her happiness just so I didn’t go through pain. That right there just proves how much of a good person she is.

I continued pacing. I couldn’t just sit and do nothing. I’m surprised I haven’t bore a hole in the floor by now.

“Ugh!” I punched the door in aggravation and unease.

“Just go find her man. She’s had a few hours alone. You guys need to get this over with so you can begin your life. You can’t just be waiting around for what ifs.” Ashton nodded his head, agreeing with Sean.

“She’s got a good head on her shoulders Jax. Just talk and I’m sure you will figure it all out. She can’t make the decision without talking to you first.” With those words, I yanked the cabin door open, lunged out into the yard and shifted.

Ares was so eager to get to his mate he took over, pushing me into the back of our mind as he galloped up the mountain towards the clearing. He was anxious. Our claws gripped the earth of the mountainside, rocks dug into our paws, but we didn’t care. We needed to get to her.

I took control and shifted as soon as I saw her in the clearing. Panting for breath and sweaty from the run I stared at her, not quite daring to move. She looked at me with wide eyes, her cheeks had a beautiful red tinge to them, and she averted her eyes from me. I didn’t quite understand why she seemed embarrassed. That was, until I noticed that in our haste we shifted in our clothes, ripping them to shreds. I felt myself heat up once I realized I was wearing only my birthday suit in front of my mate who had never seen me bare.

“S-sorry. I guess I was more worried about seeing you than I was about keeping my clothes intact.” I ducked my head slightly in embarrassment. Ember nodded, glancing at me. Her cheeks heating up further as her eyes briefly dropped below my waist. I smirked internally. At least I have some effect on her.

I walked towards her in timid strokes, not knowing how this would go. She made an effort to look me in the eyes, never wavering.

“Em. Please say you’re not rejecting me.” My sentence came out in a whimper as I choked back a sob threatening to escape. Just saying the words out loud is enough to make me break. Fuck I’ve never been this emotional before. I can’t lose her, I just can’t.

Her eyes softened as she noticed my eyes glistening. She stepped forward until our chests were brushing, the awkwardness of my nakedness forgotten. She cupped my cheek with her hand and brushed a fallen tear with the pad of her thumb.

She gave a slight smile. “I don’t think you’d let me do that.” My laugh came out more as a sob.

“Probably not.” I chuckled and shook my head. I wrapped her in my arms, not caring that I was naked. She didn’t seem bothered by it anymore as she leaned her head against my chest, basking in my warmth. Her arms wrapped themselves around my waist, keeping me against her.

“I’m so sorry Jax. I’m sorry I’m putting you through all this.” I can feel her tears as they roll onto my chest.

“I understand Ember. You have been through a lot. More than I can probably even imagine. I wish I knew what happened so that I could make it better somehow. I want to know everything about my amazing, beautiful mate. I want to learn your past, and what made you stronger than anyone I’ve ever met before. I want to show you how much I adore you and teach you what life and love truly is. I want to train with you, learn with you and watch you beat down whatever’s in your way because honestly, you are pretty kick ass.” She chuckled at my last statement.

I tilt my head and smirk down at her. “I kind of like the thought of having a mate who can take down my alpha.” Her lips quirked up slightly. My heart leaped at my little victory. “I want us to work Ember. I will never give up on you. Your past will make no difference with me. I will be with you when things get tough. I will pick you up when you fall. You make me want to be a better person, one who deserves you. ” I step back slightly and tilt her head up. I looked deep into her eyes as I utter my next words.

“I love you Ember.”

~~~Ember’s POV~~~

Good lord he’s naked. Like full on birthday suit. It took everything in me to keep my eyes on his face. He really is trying to kill me. My nerves shot through the roof even more than they already were. I’m not experienced, really, in the matters of the heart. I had forced sexual experiences but before that I had never even been kissed. I had never even looked at the opposite sex in that way before. All I ever knew was the pain it brought me. Seeing his well-endowed body lit a fire in my belly. I had never actually been turned on before, but I imagine it’s similar to this. I realized now how little I truly knew. How would I be able to please him? Would I get flashbacks whenever we tried anything? God, this is not the time to be thinking about this! I need to focus on the words coming from his mouth. We have more serious topics to discuss.

“I love you Ember.” My heart stopped. I searched his eyes for any hint of a lie but found none. My lips parted. I knew he did. Even Ashton had said it, I just wasn’t expecting him to say it so soon. He paled a bit as my brain struggle to connect with my mouth to form words.

Shit! Talk Ember. Move your damn mouth!

"I-I’m not expecting you to say it back Em. I know we have a long way to got but-but I-”

“I love you too.” I interrupted as he fumbled around for his words. His eyes lit up as he processed my words. “I know things haven’t been easy and probably won’t be for a while but you’ve made me feel loved. More than I have felt in years. You have made me laugh and smile. You’ve comforted me when I needed it.” My eyes watered as I poured my heart out to him. I swallowed the lump in my throat. “You never pushed when I broke down. You simply were there for me. You have no idea how much I truly value that and how much I value having you as my mate. This is something I never thought would be possible for me but now it’s in my grasp.” I smiled a little. “Plus, your friends aren’t half bad.” I tried to make the air around us a little lighter.

“Ember I can’t live without you. The whole day I’ve felt like I can barely breath because you aren’t by my side and I didn’t know where we were. I need you.” Jaxson pleaded with me to give him the answer he desperately wanted.

I smiled at him. Small but real as I decided to finally seize my happiness.

“I’m not leaving you Jax. I couldn’t.” I watched as his body sagged in relief. “I want to take things slow. I’m not quite ready to be marked yet but I want to be with you. To continue to teach each other, love each other. I want to discuss the serious matters we face but still be able to laugh. I want to heal and... I just want to be happy. With you.”

“I understand Ember. You let me know when you’re ready, I would never want to push you. You need to want it just as much as I do. I know you are nervous and scared, but we can get through it together. But you must promise me that if something’s ever bothering you, you will just talk to me.” I smiled at his concern.

“I promise.” He smiled, cupping the back of my neck with hand. He searched my eyes for any hesitation and when he found none, he swooped down and captured my lips with his. Slowly, hesitantly we moved together. Our lips molded perfectly just like our bodies when I am in his arms. We were made for each other. There was no more doubt. He is mine and I am his.