Where I Belong

He just stared at me. Jared scared me sometimes because when he looked at me it was like he could see into my soul, like he could see everything I was hiding. "Why are you looking at me like that?" I asked as we both walked into the kitchen. Ever since I found out I had gone straight off coffee and suddenly taken a liking to tea.

"You sure you're alright darling?" Opening the backdoor he light his smoke and stepped outside. I hated lying to him and I know when I finally decide to tell him he'll be hurt. He was going to be an uncle yet I wasn't in the right frame of mind to tell anyone.

I had only found out about 2 months ago. I wasn't feeling good, I was sick every morning and I couldn't seem to keep any food down. That's when I knew something was up. At first I was a wreck. I didn't know what to do heck I didn't know if keeping it was the right thing but then I realised I had a tiny human growing inside of me. Something that Blaze and I had made together. Yes he may not be around anymore but this child was mine and I was going to love and cherish it unconditionally.

"You look different".

"That was a quick smoke" Jared observed everything and something told me he was very close to finding out my little secret. I wasn't showing very much and I could still fit into my normal clothes. The only thing that I had noticed changing were my boobs.

"You're hiding something. I observe everything Ava it's part of my job and there is definitely something different about you. You don't smoke anymore and I haven't seen you with a cup of coffee in months". Shit!!

Switching on the kettle I tried to busy myself "I'm still me Jared I'm just doing what's good for me. Stopping smoking isn't a bad thing and I was drinking way too much coffee".

"You hate tea" He stated as I dropped a teabag into my cup. His nose was scrunched up and his arms were folded across his chest. "You can't even stand the smell of it".

"Jared" I sighed "Honestly will you just drop it?. I'm not hiding anything, I'm not acting differently I'm just trying out new things. Is that a crime?" Pouring the hot water into my cup I placed the teabag onto the sink. I knew he wasn't convinced but I was glad when he stopped.

"Okay I'll drop it but you do know if something's wrong you can come to me right?"

I knew he was always going to be there for me. Our relationship was special and I was glad we had got to that stage. He was one of the best guys I knew. It made my heart swell at how much trust he had in me. "He made me promise to look after you"

"Please don't" I whispered. I didn't want to talk about Blaze and he knew that. We hadn't had the chat yet and truthfully I didn't want too. "I'm doing okay Jared and that's all you need to know. I'm living the life I deserve and that's what he wanted so please don't think you have to always be there for me". Bringing the cup to my lips I blew gently before taking a sip.

"He's doing okay. Still a miserable, crabbit bastard but he's okay" He laughed but I didn't find it funny. I didn't want to hear that he was okay.

"Why are you telling me this?" Frowning I looked down at my feet. I didn't want to think about him anymore. It was all I had done and I was sick of it. He left me not the other way round I just had to keep telling myself that. I was sick of feeling sorry for myself, sick of thinking I needed him. I was finally getting over him and the last thing I wanted was to be reminded of what he had done.

"Thought you'd want to know he's safe Ava and-.."

"No Jared I don't want you to tell me anything about him. He is not part of my life anymore so I don't need to know. I'm moving on and the last thing I need is for you to keep reminding me that he's not here and that he's not coming back". I knew I was getting worked up and no matter how hard I tried not to I couldn't help it.

"Got it sweetheart I'll say no more. Listen I have to go. Be good and stay safe" Kissing the top of my head I watched as he left through the backdoor.

Locking it after he left I continued throughout the house locking windows and my front door as I went. I wanted to freshen up before Ally arrived so a bath was definitely on the cards.

...........

Ally arrived around 9pm. I was already curled up on the sofa in clean pjs watching crappy TV. When she walked in though I couldn't take my eyes off the rock she was wearing on her ring finger.

"I've missed you girl" Sitting down next to me she pulled me in for a hug.

She was engaged?

"I've missed you too now tell me when the hell he put that ring on your finger".

"Shit Ava I'm sorry I forgot to take it off" Standing up she attempted to pull it off.

"Ally why in the hell would you take it off? Most importantly why didn't you tell me? Getting engaged is exciting".

Sighing she took a seat on the opposite couch. "I wasn't going to rub it in your face Ava. I know you've been through hard times recently with Blaze".

"I get it Ally but I wished you'd have told me. My best friend getting engaged is the best news I've had in a long time. How did he do it?" I grinned. "You're really not mad?"

"Why would I be mad? You're happy aren't you?"

I knew what she was getting at but I could never be mad. Her and Cage were perfect for each other and I was so happy for them.

"Really happy Ava I mean I couldn't see him not being in my life and by my side. Now he's going to be my husband".

I knew the tears had already began to slide down my cheeks but I wiped them before she could see. "You need wine and then you can tell me all about it" Clearing my throat I disappeared into the kitchen. I needed a few minutes to collect myself. I was happy for her but I couldn't help the little bit of jealousy that sat in the pit of my stomach. Deep down I didn't know if I was ever going to find someone to have that kind of love with again. Resting my hands on the counter I took a few deep breaths.

Just because Blaze wasn't here anymore didn't mean I had to put my life on hold. I was trying so hard to be positive and move forward but my heart was still holding onto him for dear life. I still believed that he would come back. "You do know it's okay not to be okay".

Jumping slightly I wiped at my face again. Opening the fridge I pulled out a bottle that Cage had brought earlier "I'm okay honestly" Grabbing a glass I filled it half way and handed it to her. "Now how about we go chill out and you can tell me all about the proposal".

Ally was also good at knowing when I was hiding something.

"Or how about you tell me what's going on with you? Cage dropped down on one knee in the middle of the freaking supermarket" Rolling her eyes I smiled. That was defiantly his style. "So it's not a big deal. Now tell me what's been going on. I haven't seen you in months".

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"Has it really been months?"

"Babe last time I saw you your hair was blond but I'm liking this dark sexy new look" She whistle giving me a wink.

"Was time for a change". I shrugged when in reality I knew how much he loved my blond hair.

"You're looking really good Ava you're glowing" Taking a sip of her wine she looked at me from over the glass "Have you heard from him?".

Shaking my head no my eyes lowered to the carpet. "Not a single word but I think I'm finally starting to accept it".

"He best not bring his ass back here because if he does he'll be meeting my fist. Nobody gets away with breaking my girls heart twice".

She really wasn't making me feel any better. "He won't come back Ally and if he does it won't be for me".

"I know Cage keeps in contact with him. I know they chat a few times a week. Boy knows to take that conversation out side though" Smiling at me she finished what was in her glass.

"Jared keeps in contact with him too but I expected that. He is still a member of the club and they are still brothers".

"Fucks me off how he just got up and left you".

"Ally" I sighed

"Well it does" She snapped "You don't leave the girl you love and he did. That is-..."

"He left to protect me" I whispered cutting her off "I haven't had any trouble in months. Those men that hurt me are dead. He's doing exactly what he said he would. He's protecting me, letting me have the life I should have had".

"Fuck all that. I know you Ava and I know deep down how much you're hurting. He hurt my best friend and that for me is hard to swallow. And screw the protecting you shite he could have protected you by keeping you under his nose at all times".