Way of the Wolf: Redemption

Sexual Content Warning

Chapter 23: Faith

~

The hall was completely full tonight, it seemed only the wolves circling the border were missing. You'd have never known the wind was howling from the north with how warm it was inside.

Pups encircled the stool Jakkon sat on, looking up at him with big, entranced eyes. The sun had long since gone down and the little wolves were getting one last story before parents dragged them to bed.

My father told the tale with such enthusiasm, reminding me there was more to being Alpha than being the stern, dominating leader. The pups loved their Alpha, and he loved them. I smiled a little as I listened too, paying no mind to the more mature conversation my mate was having with those we sat with.

I too was entranced by my father. Each character had their own voice, his body changing too. When he voiced Thor, he puffed himself up, his voice strong and booming. Loki's voice was smooth and sly, eyes changing with a mischievous, cunning glint.

My mother watched on in amusement, chuckling every once and a while when the pups gasped or giggled.

"You used to love his stories too," she said to me.

"I'm sure my pup will love them too," I answered, rubbing my bump. This pup was lucky to have such a big family to grow up in.

My father suddenly jumped to his feet, a loud bang echoing out and even I jumped in fright. One pup looked close to tears but changed his mind when the rest of his friends laughed and cheered. I was sad to have missed the end. The tales of Gods and Monsters intrigued me and the magic that would flare to life as they were told no longer scared me. It was comforting now I was pack, almost as if the power was accepting me.

Some things were easy to accept, others were so much harder.

Things between my father and I were strained; as strained as between Orin and I. I think my brother thought he'd find me to be the same as he remembered. We were getting to know one another again, while Signy with her gift of sight, if I believed such a thing, accepted me with no reservations. Or maybe it was I who was holding back. Bjarke had earned my trust inch by painful and patient inch. Males made me uncomfortable, even if they were family.

"You look tired," my mother noted, wiping something off my cheek with her thumb.

I was tired. Exhausted even. Today I'd taken another walk with Katrin, staying close to the village, then stolen an apple from my mate before spending the afternoon being taught at the loom. I ached, but in a good way. A way that told me I was slowly getting better, building a little muscle.

"I might head to bed too." I glanced at my mate who was grinning and laughing at the vulgar story Hagan was telling. Hagan and I had gotten off on the wrong foot but we'd started afresh.

Touching my Beta's arm, I whispered by his ear, "I'm going to bed. Stay and enjoy yourself."

"Are you sure?" he asked, twisting on the bench to face me.

"Yes. It's far too early for a grown male like yourself to go to bed," I teased before kissing his cheek.

Nodding, he helped me wrap up in my furs and my heart warmed when wolves bid me a cheerful goodnight, Dirk adding for me to be careful on the ice. Bjarke looking alarmed set off more rude jokes about him being clingy, or that maybe he should go to bed alongside the pups. I shook my head with pursed lips. They were always making fun of each other but never seemed to take it to heart.

At least now I felt a part of it.

I kissed my mother's cheek and then smiled shyly over at my father. He looked like he wanted to say something, stepping towards me and I held my breath.

Whatever he'd wanted to say, he kept to himself, bowing his head. "Goodnight, Freydis."

"Goodnight," I murmured.

Pulling the hood if my cloak up, I wound around the tables to get outside. I paused at the bottom step of the hall while I waited for my eyes to adjust to the dark. Stones had been thrown on the paths to give a little grip but I still moved slowly, overcautious.

Little flutters beneath my hand told me my pup was moving again and I chuckled to myself. "Be still, my pup. It's time to sleep."

And I had every intention of sleeping until I entered the den and stood by the door in the dark. It was chilly inside, the fire we'd lit having gone out. Kneeling by the pit, I worked quickly to light it again and grinned when I managed. Fenna had taken time to show me how to use the flint so I wouldn't have to rely on Bjarke. These little things I was achieving gave me a some pride in myself. Yet I knew I had so much further yet to come.

That one thought spiralled my thoughts down into the dark.

***

Lying on my back, I stared up at the roof of the hut, fingers stroking absentmindedly through Bjarke's hair. I hadn't slept as I'd intended and he'd been surprised to return and find me still awake. Of course he could sense my sour mood and he did his best to settle my fur.

On his side, he had one hand over my bump as he spoke quietly to the growing pup. My thoughts were twisting and turning but I didn't voice them, not when my mate was so peaceful. I could feel his joy through the bond, how much he loved the pup already.

The wind was howling around us and when I'd checked a few hours before, snow was slowly falling. I couldn't feel the cold at least; the fire was burning brightly and the furs beneath me kept me warm.

"I love you."

I smiled, looking down and expecting to see him speaking to my belly only to find his eyes on me. My smile fell, heart skipping a beat when I realised he was speaking to me.

"No you don't," I said, pulling my fingers from his hair.

He sat up, his expression darkening and I could feel a fight brewing. I didn't have the energy, not tonight. Not when we'd had such a good day.

"You don't get to decide whether someone loves you or not, Freydis," he stated. "You were content when you left the hall, what's happened?"

I looked away from him, feeling so exposed under his eyes. It was best to tell him. Secrets weren't something we needed between us.

"Everyone expects me to suddenly become the pup that they know. They want me to remember and act like who they knew me to be. But I'm not her. They don't love me, they love who I was. And you. . .you hardly know me really. I'm grateful that you love the pup because it doesn't matter who his sire is, you're his father, but me?" I shrugged helplessly, keeping my face turned away from him so I couldn't see the hurt. But I couldn't escape it because I could feel everything he felt, just as he could feel me.

He didn't move for a while but his eyes burned into my face. I glanced at him as he moved and then tried to scramble away when he caught my hips in his hands. My heart began to pound as he settled between my thighs, his body keeping mine pinned down. I stilled, feeling the familiar flicker of fear.

I narrowed my eyes when he gripped my wrists and held them by my head, a low growl rumbling up my throat. A growl of his own silenced me so I simply continued to glare. He'd always been so gentle with me, so careful not to do something that might triggers learnt reactions. Why had he suddenly decided to take that piece of control away from me?

His nose brushed mine as he leaned down and I shifted as he pressed against my bump but he was careful not to put any weight on me.

"I should stop you from thinking," he muttered before placing a teasing kiss at the corner of my mouth. I lifted my chin in an attempt to kiss him properly but he turned his head away.

Huffing, I slumped into the furs. "You'd rather I was a mindless female that fell at your feet?"

He chuckled, nuzzling into my neck. My eyes fluttered shut, head tipping to one side to give him better access.

"That doesn't sound bad," he admitted, nipping over his mark.

I whimpered, forgetting all about how he was pinning me down. The butterflies in my stomach faded to be replaced by a throbbing between my thighs. I lifted my hips, biting my lip as the hardness of him pressed against my core.

"Bjarke," I breathed out, trying to pry my wrists from his grip.

"No, you're going to listen to me," he ordered gently. "Your family never stopped loving you, even if they don't know the female you've become, it doesn't change their love. They'll get to know you and they'll love you even more for it. I love you for who you are now, do you not love me? Am I not living up to your expectations for a mate? If I'm not, I'll gladly fall at your feet willing to do whatever you need me to."

He rocked against me, giving me no chance to think about his words. How did he expect me to listen when he was making my body sing?

"Bjarke," I repeated, desperation coating my tone.

Another chuckle, the sound huskier now. I could feel the growing presence of his wolf but he still held back. Maybe I didn't want him to anymore, maybe I wanted to see who this male was when he lost control.

"I'm not done yet. Listen." Rocking against me again, his lips brushed over my shoulder before he began kissing his way over the swell of my breast. I squirmed, fingers curling until my nails bit into my palm.

His tongue flicked over pebbled flesh, a bolt of pleasure making me arch beneath him, eyes flying open again. He groaned, sucking the peak into his mouth. I couldn't hold back my sounds now, I panted and gasped, growing ever more desperate.

"I love watching your body change with the pup you're carrying; the way your belly is swelling, and your breasts," he growled before inhaling deeply of my scent.

My cheeks flushed and I shook my head in embarrassment, fighting to get him to release me again. I wanted him to stop looking at me, there wasn't anything beautiful to see.

"I love you," he repeated, kissing down to my belly where he whispered, "both of you."

I had to push up onto my elbows to see him but now that he'd released my wrists, I didn't want to go anywhere. He was good at stopping me from thinking. Eyes on me, he pushed my thighs apart and placed a kiss to my hip.

"Do you love me, Freydis?" he asked.

But he never gave me the chance to answer because suddenly his mouth was on me. His tongue pressed against the bundle of nerves at the apex of my thighs and a garbled cry fell from my lips. One hand flew to his hair, hips lifting in offering to him.

I submitted without thought. My head fell back against the furs as heat burned through my veins. The pride he felt in gaining such a reaction from me flickered through the bond, along with his slipping control.

I held his gaze and the brown in his eyes fractured with the red tint of his wolf. I ground myself against his tongue that stroked teasingly across my folds. He wasn't giving me enough and my frustration built until I was sure my grip on his hair had to hurt. The purr of my wolf called out to him and I saw the very moment he let go. He gripped my hips then twisted, and I didn't resist as he moved me onto my hands and knees. This position was what I was used to and for a moment fear returned. I glanced nervously over my shoulder to remind myself that it was my mate behind me. He would never hurt me.

Rough fingers stroked soothingly down my back until I settled, focusing just on how desperate I was for him to claim me as he should. Lowering my front, my back arched and my Beta growled his appreciation. The sound made me shudder but still he didn't move. I looked over at him again, giving him a glimpse of fangs to show my annoyance.

He smirked and finally gave me what I wanted, thrusting in with a claiming growl that left me with no doubt about who I belonged to. My body rocked forward, bursts of pleasure stealing the breath from my lungs. I gripped the furs beneath me, this time pressing back as his hips slapped against my ass. While I loved the power and control of being on top, this was something new and equally as exhilarating. I wasn't afraid as my mate's grip on my hips became bruising, I was too lost in how good it felt to have him moving inside me, hitting a spot that made me see stars and flashes of colour behind closed lids.

I moaned his name, heat coiling low in my belly, building up until I was sure he'd leave me screaming for him. His hand slid from my hip, down between my thighs to rub over my nub but every time I was close to release, he'd move his fingers away.

My fangs were scraping against my lip and drawing blood the more frustrated I got but no amount of growls and snarls convinced him to give me it. Fingers in my hair drew my head back and then he pulled me up so my back was pressed flush against his chest. Twisting my hair to tilt my head, he kissed me deeply, his tongue claiming my mouth. I melted against him, whimpering my needs against his lips.

Cupping my breast and pinching pebbled flesh, he then kissed his way down my neck. My head fell to the side and I gripped his arm to keep me up. Every limb felt like jelly, thoughts were middle and lost, his skin against mine was electric, and I didn't know how much more I could take.

"I love you," he murmured against my throat. Finally his fingers returned to my core and he started moving again.

I sighed in something between contentment and relief, allowing pleasure to flood my body as I ground myself against him. The crescendo hit me and my nails turned to claws that dug into his skin in an attempt to anchor myself to something. My body jerked in ecstasy, walls clenching around his throbbing length and I did scream; something garbled and nonsensical that made my Beta groan. His arm slid carefully above my bump to hold me to him, hips bucking to fill me until he found his own pleasure. I felt the hotness of his seed as he growled my name and it sent aftershocks rippling through me.

As soon as he released me, I slumped into the fur and shifted to my back so I could see him. We were both panting hard, sweat coating our skin. My Beta fell back on his knees, head tilted toward the roof, full lips parted as he tried to catch his breath. All I could do was stroke lazily over the tattoos on his thigh.

He'd succeeded in distracting me. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't remember what we'd been discussing before this. This beautiful male consumed me.

"Yes," I said breathlessly after a while, gaining his attention.

"Yes what?" he asked, frowning in confusion.

He lay down on his side to face me and I took my time in admiring his every feature. If Gods could walk amongst us, they'd think him one of them.

My fingers traced down his nose that I could tell had been broken a few times, then over his cheekbone and down a strong jaw before following the curve of his lips. Warm brown eyes like deep, swirling pools of water that dragged me down never once left my face, as if he too was taking me in.

I ducked my head as I forced myself to admit. "I love you. But I don't know if it's enough."

Gripping my hand, he kissed the tip of every finger with a Cheshire smile. Then he reached out to brush away damp hair that clung to my face. Forehead pressed against mine, he took a deep breath. I closed my eyes, swallowing past the nerves that constricted my throat after having made such a statement.

"It's more than enough," he promised, his hands wandering over every inch of my body before he pulled me impossibly closer. "Your love isn't any less than another's because of what you've been through. To me, your love is everything. You're not broken, my mate, your love isn't broken."

"Maybe not," I murmured. "But one day you might wish you hadn't taken me. I'm not a warrior like Fenna, I have no want or ability to fight my way to your side."

He shook his head, tugging up furs until I was buried beneath their warmth. "I'll never regret taking you as my mate, not for a single second. If you don't want to fight, I won't be disappointed. Madden only fights when he has to but he stands as a well respected healer. One day, when you feel settled, you'll find your path too. Whatever it is, I have every faith you'll earn the respect of the pack and that they will call you Beta Female."

"You have too much faith," I hummed, even though the picture he wove had me smiling. He always spoke with such surety and so far, he'd been right.

"For now, focus on getting stronger for me. Focus on being a mother." He kissed me gently before settling beside me, stroking soothingly up and down my arm.

For him, I could do that.