Way of the Wolf: Redemption

My fingers were stained black from charcoal, as they often were now, but I loved it. Sol had me drawing every rune and symbol until he was happy with it and Katrin watched over my shoulder.

We were both waiting for Aljana so we could help her with fishing. It was one of the few tasks I did well at so I was happy to help, especially as the pack were always grateful. I was slowly finding my way here, each day becoming easier amongst so many wolves.

Another presence appeared behind me and my back stiffened. He leaned over and picked up the drawing I'd done for myself. It felt like weeks ago now, and my fingers brushed over where it was tattooed on my arm.

"This is good," my brother complimented, taking a seat in front of Sol.

I nodded my thanks, watching him warily. He'd avoided me over the last few days, as I had him, despite our mother's attempts at getting us to speak and make up.

"Maybe you could do my tattoo," he suggested. Handing me the paper back, he offered me a small, half smile.

"She's not ready yet," Sol answered for me. "When I deem her ready, then she can."

"The first wolf I tattoo will be Bjarke," I added, feeling a little guilty for the harsh edge to my tone.

Katrin shifted uncomfortably, sensing the growing tension. I sighed, fiddling with the charcoal in my fingers. Why were we fighting really? Decades apart and the first thing we did was fall out. "After Bjarke, if you still want to, I'll then tattoo you."

"Good." He nodded and patted the back of my hand before pulling his tunic off.

So he was who Sol had been preparing for today.

My gaze moved over every piece of art on his skin. It wasn't as full as Bjarke's; there were many unfinished outlines and bits yet to be filled in, and I itched to do it. I read every symbol and picture like an unfolding story, one which I understood.

"Are you going to be still this time?" Sol asked, levelling my brother with a look.

My lips twitched but I fought not to laugh even as Katrin snickered from my other side. Orin grumbled, setting his elbow on the table so Sol could easily reach his bicep. He didn't flinch like I'd seen other wolves do when the needle first pierced his skin.

I refocused on my work, half listening to the conversation Katrin and Orin shared. They talked a little about his visit to Fenna's pack and that caught my interest. It didn't sound anything like it was here. Was every pack so different from each other?

He spoke of televisions and mobile phones, cars and aeroplanes. It intrigued me. All these things were a part of life for humans, and the wolves that lived in their shadow.

"They stay in one place?" I asked, unable to help my growing curiosity.

Orin tipped his head, seeming to struggle to find an explanation I'd understand. "There are four or five packs in Scotland, the country Fenna is from. Her pack takes up the western edge, in their territory are human cities and towns. The highranked of the pack stay in the same place, it is where the pack gathers if they Alpha summons them. Others in the pack are free to live where they choose. Some reside in nearby villages and towns, close to their Alpha. Others move away all through their land. Their children attend schools and universities, and even work alongside humans later.

"Fenna has human friends, she had to deal with their tirade of questions about why she's decided to live in a place where there's no electricity to live with a male she has only just met. Human relationships move far slower than they often do with wolves."

I soaked in his every word, eager to hear more. It was such a strange way of living to me, I couldn't imagine it. I'd had next to no interaction with humans. In fact, I couldn't think of a time I'd shared as much as a word with one. They were to be feared.

Before I could ask what it was like, what humans were like, Katrin grunted from beside me. Her face was creased, a hand rubbing over a spot on her back. I twisted to face her, frowning as she hissed out a breath between her teeth.

"Katrin?" I reached out to touch her arm, every instinct on alert.

"The pup," she gasped, doubling over. "Gods, fetch Madden."

I scrambled up from the table at the same time Orin did, even as he got a disapproving look from Sol. Before I could leave, Katrin snatched my hand again, shaking her head. "No, Dirk. Get Dirk.

"He's out with my father, they're checking the traps," Orin said, quickly pulling his tunic back on.

"Then you better be quick!" she snapped, her eyes flashing.

Sol chuckled but quickly stopped when those Wulven eyes narrowed on him. An angry mother-wolf now terrified me more than any Alpha, she looked ready to kill.

"I'll get Madden," I promised, even though I didn't want to leave her. I was petrified. I'd never seen this end well and I worried for her as she groaned again, eyes squeezed shut.

She was quickly surrounded by the other females in the hall. Signy helped her to her feet and motioned for me to go. "I'll get her to her den, you fetch Madden and bring him there. It's still icy outside so be careful, don't rush. There's plenty of time."

Bowing my head, I spun on my heel and left. The ground was frozen over and icy, leaving me moving painfully slowly but I was determined.

Hammering on the healer's door, I watched Katrin being helped to her den. They moved quickly, only pausing when pain took over and she'd double over in agony.

The door swung open and I was immediately hit with the smell of sex. My hand flew to cover my nose and I took in the sight of a naked Madden standing in front of a panting Aljana. The male scrambled to pick up clothes but the female remained sprawled out on the bed with a satisfied smirk on her face.

"Katrin's having her pup," I rushed, looking between the pair. Scenting the air again, I understood why Aljana had been late coming to fetch me for fishing; this room stank of a female in heat.

"I'm sorry, Aljana," Madden said, leaning down to kiss his mate once he was dressed.

She kissed him back hungrily and I looked away when her hand stroked up the inside of his thigh. Madden growled, every muscle in his body going tense. He pulled himself away, fumbling to shove a few items in his bag. I felt sorry for my friend as she whined her need that Madden had to ignore.

"I'll be back as quick as I can," he promised. Forcing himself not to look back, he shut the door firmly behind him and took in a ragged breath.

Once he'd regained his control, he nodded and squeezed my shoulder. "Thank you for coming to get me. Get back inside the hall in the warmth or Bjarke will have my head."

"Wait," I cried out, grabbing his hand. He raised an expectant eyebrow when my mouth moved but no words came out. "Can I come with you?"

He blinked at me in surprise. I couldn't blame him; I couldn't believe I'd even asked, but I knew the only way to settle my fear was to see that here, both pup and mother survived.

"If Katrin is okay with that, then yes. I suppose it would be good for you to see and I could use an extra pair of hands, especially if Dirk arrives. No male likes watching another male touch his female when she's in pain," he agreed. "Come along."

I trotted obediently after him, my breaths coming out in puffs. My back was beginning to ache after a long day but I pushed it away. If I could help, I wanted to. And maybe if I saw for myself what it was like to give birth, I'd be less afraid.

Katrin was pacing outside her that den was bigger than mine, perhaps to make room for the pups. She looked relieved to see us and Madden gave her an encouraging smile.

"How do you feel?" he asked, putting his bag down so he could check on her.

"That's a stupid question," she grumbled, resting back against the wooden hut. She looked like she wanted to shove Madden away but she resisted.

Signy stroked her arm. "I'll leave you in Madden's hands."

"Wait what about Dirk?" she fretted, clutching her Alpha Female's sleeve. "I can't do this without him."

"Of course you can," she soothed. "But Orin will get Dirk, I promise."

Katrin relaxed and nodded. "Okay. Okay."

Placing a kiss on her cheek, Signy whispered something by her ear that seemed to settle the nervous female. I stood wringing my hands, watching every flinch in her body when the pain built again. My mother came to me and tried to lead me away but Madden straightened up.

"She wants to stay, if that's alright with you, Katrin. She needs to see you'll be okay, that she'll be okay," he explained.

Signy frowned at me but I was watching Katrin. She held her hand out and smiled, "Of course. We'll get through this together, in case Dirk doesn't get here."

Before I reached out to take her hand, I turned to my mother and pressed my cheek to hers. She softened and rumbled, but I could sense she was still worried about me.

Another cry from Katrin startled me into moving. Madden was helping her inside and I grabbed his bag to take in for him. I blinked when Katrin peeled of her dress then braced herself against the wall.

"These are contractions," she told me breathlessly. "Standing like this helps for me. You find ways to get through it, modesty goes out the window."

I nodded my understanding, amazed that while going through this, she was trying to comfort me. She motioned for me to come over and placed my hand low on her back. "If you're going to stay, you're going to help me. Rub there."

Rubbing slowly, she brought my other hand to her bump. It was hard under my touch and I looked up with wide eyes when I felt the pup. She pressed down on my hand so I could feel and then moved it slowly up. "That's his bum. He's much bigger than Tordis was, but Tordis was the wrong way round. This one will be easier."

"I'll remind you that you said that when you're screaming at me," Madden teased.

Katrin shot him a glare over her shoulder but then she was tensing and groaning between clenched teeth. I kept rubbing her back, struggling to remain as calm as she seemed to be. Katrin had always struck me as a strong female and seeing her like this was hard.

"This one isn't waiting," she gasped. Her hand flew out to grip my arm and I cringed as sharp nails dug into my skin.

Madden came to her other side and peeled her away from the wall. "Let's get you lying down then, yes?"

She nodded and I kept a firm hold of her as we led her over to the furs. The door swung open before we could lay her down and Dirk's presence filled the room. Madden released Katrin, leaving me to help her lie down as he turned to face Dirk. I watched him too, noting the glint of wolf in his eyes. He was glaring at me and I felt his want to tell me to go.

"She's here to help, and she's here to learn. If you're going to do nothing but growl you can leave!" Katrin grit out, pushing herself up on her elbows.

I shifted on my knees, prepared to defend her if these males started to fight. Instinctually, I knew how Dirk must have been feeling with Madden.

"Will we have a problem again, Dirk?" Madden asked, widening his stance a little.

I'd never seen the soft healer posture before. I couldn't imagine him trying to prove his dominance to another wolf, but here he was, and suddenly I could see his strength and decided if they did fight, Dirk might not be the one coming out on top.

"We've no problem," Dirk conceded, tipping his head to give the healer his submission.

"Thank the gods," Katrin muttered, looking relieved.

The water that had been left to boil over the fire was taken off by Dirk, and Madden piled blankets and cloth beside him. I didn't miss the lift of Dirk's lip as Madden knelt between Katrin's legs. When the male looked ready to attack, I stood without thought and growled a warning. Three pairs of eyes blinked up at me in surprise, but what shocked me was when Dirk settled, his head bowing down to me.

Crouching again, my heart was beating fast with adrenaline. Katrin grabbed my hand again, squeezing it tight as she breathed through another contraction. Dirk carried the water over to Madden before taking his place at his mate's side. He kept his head low as he took her hand, stroking up and down her thigh.

"What a time to decide you're Beta Female after all," she huffed.

Grabbing one of the cloths, I wiped the sweat from her brow with a soft laugh. "We females have to keep the males in line."

She snorted at that and I saw the signs of her next contraction before it happened. Her nails dug into my skin and she couldn't hold back the scream this time. Dirk stroked her hair, breathing with her while I sat stiff. I struggled to push away the images of the female that had given birth to a stillborn pup, reminding myself that here they had a healer and medicine.

It didn't calm the erratic pounding of my heart. I should have stayed away. I would be no help, in fact I would only make matters far worse as fear clasped me tight in its grip.

Madden motioned for me to come to his side but I shook my head vehemently. That was too much for me. But his expression was firm and I stopped myself from running.

"You agreed to help, I need your help," he said.

Slowly, Katrin released my hand and I crept over to Madden's side. He moved but I averted my gaze from between Katrin's legs, my cheeks blazing.

"Little pushes again when you're ready, Katrin," he murmured, and finally I found the courage to look.

Madden glanced at me briefly and chuckled as he gathered towels to lay down. With Katrin's next scream, my fear spiked again. She whimpered and clutched at her mate, sweat coating every inch of her skin as she struggled. She barely got the chance to breathe before another rolled through her. I watched Madden's every move. The smell of blood filled the air and my panic grew, heart skipping a terrified beat as I listened to Katrin heave for air.

Madden grabbed my hands and positioned them, giving me a small glimpse of fangs to startle me into action. Dirk was getting antsy, his eyes on the healer and I could sense his restraint coming close to snapping.

"The pup's going to come fast, you're going to be ready to catch him," he ordered before looking at Katrin. "Big push now."

I was still shaking my head, hands trembling. How did he expect me to be able to do this? I was no healer. I'd already tried to help a birthing female and failed. This was meant to put my fears at ease but now I was sure now more than ever I couldn't do this myself.

Clutching at my belly, I went to turn and leave but it was Dirk that called my name. "I need you to stay and do this. Watching Madden hold my pup might take more control than I have and my mate needs me to stay in control."

I wasn't sure if he was only saying it to make me stay or if he was being honest. There was a wild edge to him and Madden seemed to want me here too. My fears could wait for now.

Pushing herself up once more, there was determination in eyes. Katrin was panting hard and I could tell she didn't have much energy left. Somehow I managed to get my hands to stop shaking and did as Madden instructed. He moved further away but he seemed to have a confidence in me that I'd didn't share.

The pup's head was there, supported my hand and I wasn't sure I took a single breathe as Katrin pushed again. I followed Madden's every word, choking on a lump in my throat as I cradled a newborn pup in my hands. I didn't even blink at the fact he was covered in things I didn't want to think about. A little face was scrunched up and I waited for the pup to make a sound.

Katrin slumped back against her mate, her eyes fluttering shut as she took quick, shallow breaths.

"Is he okay? Is it a male?" she gasped, trying to sit up to see.

Wrapping the pup up in one of the small blankets, I rubbed the pup's back. Madden didn't seem concerned yet but I could feel my whole body tensing with every second of silence. Just as I was about to look helplessly at Madden, the piercing cry of a newborn pup to fill the room.

I froze, watching with a mix of awe and wonder as my hands cradled the crying baby. Madden cut the cord and mumbled about afterbirth but I was too busy studying every inch of this tiny female who was screaming her lungs out.

"Another female," I told Katrin, feeling my cheeks begin to ache with a wide grin.

She sat up immediately, holding her arms out to hold her pup to her chest, skin on skin. She didn't care about the stuff that rubbed off the pup onto her. She didn't care that it hadn't been the male she'd hoped for.

Dirk whispered his praises to his mate, telling her how well she'd done and how proud he was before he fretted the pup too. The pair washed the pup themselves while Madden began to get rid of something that was wrapped in a towel. They both seemed to forget we were even here when they began the ritual I was instinctually aware of. The new parents touched every inch of their pup, brushing their cheeks together, fingers stroking over her little face and arms so she was thoroughly coated in their scents.

A lump formed in my throat as I watched and I quietly left them to it. Madden was at the other end of their den scrubbing his hands and arms and I gratefully did the same.

"Are you less afraid now?" he murmured.

"I think so. There's still many things that can go wrong," I replied, peering over my shoulder to watch them for a moment.

"I don't believe anything will go wrong. I've not seen any signs that say different. You did well with Katrin. It's easier for a father to allow another female close than another male. . ." He looked at me expectantly and I quickly caught on to what he was suggesting.

Drying my hands, I looked over at mother and pup once more. "I don't want to be a healer. And I have my work with Sol."

"So don't become a healer. The pack could use a midwife, I could train you. Fenna's aunt is healer and midwife too, they even have a doctor at their pack, maybe they could teach you too. I saw your face when you were helping, I know that while it scared you, you loved it. You'd still have time to do your work with Sol too."

I considered his offer carefully, fretting with the cloth in my hands. It was tempting, and everyone kept telling me I'd find my place, maybe this was part of it. Helping with tattoos was all well and good but I wanted contribute more to the pack.

"I think I would like that," I agreed.

Madden grinned. "Good. I have to do a few checks on mother and pup, you need to get some fresh air and something to eat. You did well, I mean it. You should be proud."

Putting the cloth down, I smiled to myself, feeling a sense of pride like I never had before. Not only had I somehow gained Dirk's submission, I'd perhaps found something to do with my life too. That would make up for the mistakes I'd made while being a part of Valdis' rogues; bringing new life into the world.

Stepping outside, I sucked in a greedy breath of fresh air then leaned back against the wall. I was still trembling as adrenaline wore off. It was dark now and the moon shone her silver light down. I could hear the sounds of wolves echoing from the hall but I wasn't ready to join them yet.

Closing my eyes, I replayed everything that had happened. Every mother went through the pain of childbirth and it terrified me, but Katrin seemed to forget all about the pain the moment she'd heard that first cry. Then all she cared about was whether her pup was alright.

Stroking over my belly, I did feel a little more at ease after all.

The bond flickered and I opened my eyes to see my mate stalking up the path towards me. I stepped into his open arms, burying myself into his chest.

"Signy told me you'd decided to stay and help Katrin. I was worried it might only frighten you more," he said, stroking up and down my back.

I shook my head, breathing out in wonder. "It did frighten me at first. I couldn't imagine coping with all that pain when I'm so much weaker than Katrin. But then I was holding a pup in my hands, a pup I'd helped into the world and. . .and it was beautiful."