Way of the Wolf: Redemption

Orin scooted across the bench, leaving little space between us. The necklace glinted in his hand, leather cord wound around his fingers as if he was scared he might drop it.

We both waited for the other to speak first but I had no idea what to say, and I doubted he did either. How did you start a conversation with the sibling that had been lost to you? I could barely remember him, but he remembered me. Although the pup he knew wasn't the female beside him now. The Freydis everyone here had known had died. I wasn't her. Not really.

Maybe they should keep the statue up.

Clearing his throat, Orin turned to me and held out the necklace. I frowned at it, not understanding whatever it was it was supposed to mean. Why would Fenna's necklace be important?

"I'm not very good at. . .talking," he began, giving me a wry smile.

I returned it with one of my own as I studied his face properly for the first time. The more I saw, the more I could see the brother in my dreams. His face was a little more scarred, and there was something in his mismatched eyes now that wasn't there before. These were the eyes of someone who'd struggled.

What really caught me was the shade of green his left eye was. It was the same as Signy's. The same as mine. And the other was the same striking shade of blue as Jakkon's. I was a little jealous he carried something of both our parents. Maybe if I'd had something as unique as that, I could have been found.

Realising he was studying me with equal intensity, I looked down at the table.

"I'm not very good at talking either," I admitted. "Talking makes me think more, and Bjarke says I think too much already."

Orin chuckled. "What a pair we make then. You and Bjarke. . ."

"Please don't try and play the protective brother role. He's been good to me. He showed me a new life, defended me against the pack and gave me a place here. Even after he found out about the pup, all he wanted to do was keep me safe. He's my mate, I made that choice. One of the first decisions I ever made for myself, don't belittle that," I begged, the words tumbling out before I could even think them through.

He looked a little taken aback by my outburst but then smirked and some of the tension melted away. "Not good at talking, huh?"

Tucking a strand of hair behind my ear, I shrugged with a nervous laugh. Perhaps I could voice my thoughts and feelings now more easily than before. Here, I felt safe, there wasn't a need to hide everything away even from myself.

For a moment, as he lifted his hand, I thought he was going to reach out for me, but he thought better of it and instead heaved a sigh. "I respect your decision, Freydis. Bjarke is a good male, a close friend of mine, and our father. Despite how my father and I feel, we know you couldn't have anyone better at his side. You were born of Alphas, you were always meant to take a high rank in the pack."

"Thank you," I murmured. At least I knew they'd accepted Bjarke as my mate. We didn't need more fights like the one that had broken out last night.

This time he did reach out, taking my hand in his and placing the necklace he'd been fiddling with in my palm. I stared down at it, studying the swirling silver pattern. It was beautiful, unique.

"This was all I found of you the day you went missing. Mother made it for you and you never took it off. Then I never took it off; until I promised Fenna that I'd stop hunting. Then I gave it to her as a promise, and so she'd have a little something of you to carry with her. But it's still yours, do you remember it?" he asked.

The tale he told of the necklaces meaning broke my heart. I was coming to hate the thought that he had been so burdened by guilt for losing track of me that he'd torn himself away from his home. Signy and Jakkon must have felt like they'd lost both of their children. That made me, perhaps irrationality, angry with my older brother.

Anger would do no good now.

"I don't remember it. Not really. It looks familiar but. . ." I shook my head, feeling myself slump into myself. "I wish I could remember it, and everything else. It feels like a blank spot, or a shadow in my head. I know your face and your voice, but I don't know you as my brother. You're all still strangers to me."

My words hurt him, I could see that in his face. He looked away from me for a minute, perhaps to gather himself again. I handed the necklace back to him, feeling guilty for something I couldn't even control.

"No, like I said it's yours. You should have it back," he stated, giving me a small smile.

The gesture was appreciated but I couldn't accept. It belonged to the female who'd been lost, not me. "You gave it to Fenna, it's hers now. I'd rather she wore it. It means more to the two of you than it does to me now."

"Are you sure?" he asked, frowning a little.

"I'm sure. Consider it my gift to her, for taking you, my brother, as a mate," I replied.

For some reason, that made Orin laugh, his head tipping back slightly. I jumped in fright, watching him in confusion as I tried to figure out what if said that had been so funny. He sobered up and wiped his eyes as he pocketed the necklace to give back to Fenna.

"You once told me that I'd need to use gifts to get a female because I was too grumpy," he explained, laughter still coating his tone.

I snorted, unable to help but feel that it did sound like something I'd say. Maybe he and I could be proper siblings again, with laughter and teasing. He was about to become an Uncle too, I wondered how he felt about that.

"Will you tell me what happened?" His voice had dropped low and he leaned in a little closer.

My head bowed down and I gave a small shake of my head. It might have been easy to talk about how I'd lived my life up until the pack before I realised just how horrific it had been. My life was a burden my brother didn't needed added to the weight on his shoulders.

One day, I'd tell him and everyone else, but not now.

Thankfully, he didn't press me to talk. Instead he smiled down at where I was unconsciously rubbing my bump. "How long until my niece or nephew arrives?"

Smiling too, I managed to face him again. The bump was barely noticeable when I stood thanks to my dress, but not for too much longer.

"Madden thinks around two and a half months, and the pup will be your nephew," I told him.

"A Yule baby perhaps!" He grinned, brushing his fingers over the back of my hand, pulling away when I flinched. These wolves were always touching and it still took me off guard sometimes.

"Maybe."

If I was strong enough to carry him. If I was strong enough to give birth to him. My shoulders slumped with the realisation that if I'd stayed with Valdis, I might have lost the pup already. Would he have mourned as I would have?

Tears spilled over my cheeks and I turned away to hide them from my ever watchful brother. I was doing all I could to get stronger, I tried to eat when I was meant to and what I was meant to, but the end of the day still brought pain and exhaustion.

"I'm sorry, Freydis. I should have found you and kept you safe; that was my duty as your older brother. I failed you. But know that I will love this pup because he's yours, he carries our blood. The wolves that did this to you, that hurt you, do you want me to hunt them down? I will if you ask it of me. I can make sure you never suffer again," he offered, bowing his head for me.

It took me a few shocked seconds to realise that he was looking for a way to earn my forgiveness. He wanted to avenge me still after all these years. Feeling brave, I placed my hand on top of his head like I'd seen Signy do with her pack. I stroked his hair, in awe of my brother in that moment because I knew he really would do anything I asked.

"No," I said firmly, moving closer to him. "No, I don't want that. You already lived your life searching for me, I don't need you wasting time avenging me too. Alpha Jakkon thinks the wolves might come back, you'll have your chance then. For now, I want you to stay here, brother. I want to get to know you and your mate, and this pack, but I need help. Things here aren't what I'm used to and I still struggle, but I trust you to keep me right. And this pup, he's going to need you too. Especially if. . ."

Biting my lip, I stopped myself from saying anymore. I needed my brother, that was all he needed to know. But like my mate, Orin saw far more of me than what I thought I portrayed. He frowned, mismatched eyes scanning my face and he drew himself up.

"You don't think you're strong enough to give birth to him," he said slowly.

Opening and closing my mouth, I stared at him. I hadn't expected him to put that together, I'd thought he would just think I was offering him the chance to be in his nephew's life.

There would be no use in lying. Just like with Aljana, I knew my words would be sent to my keeper. These were just fears I had, everyone had fears. It didn't mean I was giving up.

"Don't tell Bjarke," I whispered pleadingly, grabbing his hand, but he pulled it away.

"You're not going to die, sister, so throw that notion away. The pup will need you more than he'll need any other. Make sure you're there," he demanded, as if the universe would bow down to him like a weaker wolf. Standing from the table, he placed a kiss on top of my head.

I glowed under such affection, closing my eyes for a moment. "I will try, but you can't protect me from everything."

Signy returned with a steaming mug of ginger that filled my senses and Orin stepped away instead of replying to me.

Her smile vanished when she saw her son's expression and her eyes flicked suspiciously between us both. "Has something happened?"

"Your daughter is preparing for her death," Orin muttered, swinging his furs over his shoulder. "I'm going to find Fenna."

I flinched, ducking my head. My first proper conversation with my brother and I'd upset him. Signy gave him such a severe look, I almost ticked tail. He mumbled something under his breath and turned back to me.

"Forgive me, sister. The very thought of anything happening to you after you've come back to us unsettled me," he apologised.

"I know," I murmured.

Leaning down, he pressed his cheek to mine and I didn't flinch away. I breathed in his scent, pressing back in acceptance of him. He gave my hair a playful ruffle and I growled half-heartedly as stray stands fell into my face.

Signy tutted as she watched her son march off and helped me fix my hair.

"Nothing has changed between you two," she noted, and that made me feel so much better.

Placing the mug into my hands, I could see she hadn't forgotten what her son had said. I was in no mood for the tea now, especially as I knew very well that this mother-wolf wouldn't be letting talk of my death go. She sat next to me, stroking my hair and urging me to at least have a sip of the drink. I did as I was told, even as it burnt my tongue, I forced myself to swallow.

"Do you think the pup is going to die?" she asked gently.

I shook my head, clenching the mug tighter between my hands. That was all I could muster in answer to her query.

Signy hummed. "Why do you think you won't survive?"

"I've seen babies die in childbirth, and I've seen mother's die, wolves far stronger than me," I explained, closing my eyes against those images that came to light.

"That's why we're feeding you up, to get you healthy. Everyday you get stronger. There's always a chance with every female that something might happen, but I know nothing will go wrong. Just as sure as you know your pups a boy." Her words were firm and certain, no room for argument. I looked up into eyes the same colour as mine and took strength in her determination.

"You say that like you know what the future holds."

Signy smirked and tilted my chin up, her voice full of mischief as she said, "Maybe I do. Maybe you do too. Now drink up, Madden will be waiting for us. I won't be carrying you through the snow like your mate."

I laughed and picked up my mug before looking up at my mother.

"I quite like the snow," I quipped.

There was a twinkle in her eye but a sad tilt to her lips. She brushed her knuckles fondly over my cheek and in that moment, I felt her there as my mother. I tilted my head into her touch, hoping she could somehow sense my acceptance of the truth.

Straightening up, she fanned her hand in front of her face. I hated seeing this female cry, it pulled at my wolf. Why was I making her sad?

"Drink," she ordered when I did nothing but stare.

I obeyed immediately and she seemed to regain control of her emotions once more. She glanced over at Katrin and the others as they worked, scoffing after a while. "These females are making a mess at my loom, come over when you're done. We can't have badly made cloth with winter here."

Signy confronted the group of females and I couldn't help but giggle as they started arguing over whatever technique one female was doing that Signy called a travesty. The others tried to keep their expressions neutral but every now and again a laugh would slip from one of them. In the end, their Alpha Female shoved them out of the way to do it herself. From the sly looks Katrin got, I had the feeling that's what they'd wanted all along.

I watched for a while longer, trying to figure out exactly how the loom worked. One thing I could admit was it did look better after Signy fixed the mess that had been made.

Finishing my tea, I slipped from the bench and tucked my furs around my shoulders in preparation to go to Madden. I waited by the door for Signy to finish, watching the pups still enjoying the slowly melting snow outside. Resting my head against the wall, I closed my eyes and enjoyed the sound of their laughter, the talk of the pack, the wind rustling through the leaves nearby. For a moment, I felt peaceful and at home, content in all things.

"Are you ready, my female?" Signy asked, brushing her fingers over the back of my hand.

More touching, I was beginning to understand why it was so important to them. Whoever I was with was always brushing against me in one way or another, either to comfort or greet, to form strong bonds.

"Yes," I said, straightening up.

Tentatively, she took my hand in hers and squeezed. I didn't try to pull away as much as instinct told me to. We stepped outside together and she guided me carefully across the slippy ground towards Madden's hut. I was glad she held my hand, I was worried I'd slip and further hurt myself. A hand curved protectively over my body and I didn't relax again until Madden was ushering us both inside.

"Your scent is definitely beginning to change, that's good," was the first thing he said to me, making me blush.

I hadn't noticed any difference in my scent and Bjarke hadn't said if he'd noticed either. It did bring me a sense of ease to know my body was beginning to catch up with itself. Signy took a seat on the bed but I stayed standing. I knew what order Madden liked to do things now.

Despite having gone through this process a few times, I still flinched when his hands first pressed against my bump. My hands fisted by my side and I resisted the urge to growl at him to back away. It was easier with Bjarke here to calm me down. Signy slid her hand back into mine and didn't so much as blink when I gripped it tight.

Madden pressed gently, face creased in concentration and as always he gave nothing away.

"I can feel him move now," I told him, and Signy gave a small gasp of delight.

Grinning, the healer looked up, seeming pleased. "That's good. He must be a strong one. How have you been feeling?"

Normally Bjarke answered this for me too. I wasn't good at voicing how I felt and he took closer note of my emotions than I did myself. But I'd done well when talking to my brother today, explaining my thoughts to him, maybe I didn't need Bjarke to speak for me anymore. Scrunching my nose, I tried to think over how I'd been since I last saw the healer.

"Still sick in the mornings, not as bad. I don't like wolves getting. . .close." I struggled to find the right way of explaining it. He seemed to understand anyway and chuckled.

"That's the instincts of a mother-wolf. Only those she trusts can be close to her now. I'm glad you trust me," he mused, glancing up at me with a teasing glint in his golden eyes.

I did trust him though. I trusted him to make sure my pup arrived safely into the world.

"How is she doing?" Signy asked.

"She's doing good. Gaining weight, mood levelling out, she no longer growls and tries to bite me." He grinned, then grinned wider when I flashed him my fangs.

I hoped he was right, and that I was doing well. He did the rest of his checks and found nothing wrong, which took a great weight from my shoulders. I always felt better after seeing the healer now. Signy stood and thanked him then turned to give me a hug.

"Thank you for allowing me to come. Maybe you'll allow me to be there when he decides he's ready to come out?" She looked hopeful but that was a step too far for me. It would be difficult enough to allow Madden inside my den when the time came. I didn't want to crush her hopes though, especially as I still had a long time to go.

"Maybe," I said hesitantly, taking a small step back. Her smile never wavered but there was understanding in her eyes.

Allowing her to take my hand, Madden waved us out. Bjarke was at the door and I released Signy so I could go to him. He scooped me into his arms, holding me tight and I relished in that. Burying my face against his chest, I inhaled his scent and smiled.

"We need to talk," he murmured into my hair.

I frowned. Orin was standing next to our mother and I narrowed my eyes. He'd told my mate what I'd said to him when I'd asked him not to.

"I'm sorry," he said, only looking a little guilty. "I had to tell him. You frightened me."

Growling, my skin shifted over bone. I wanted to throw him to the ground because what right did he have to tell my mate what I'd said without thought? It wasn't as if I wanted to die, I'd merely alluded to a fear I had.

His first act as my brother was to betray my trust and that hurt like no physical wound ever could.

"Don't be angry at him, my love. I'm glad he told me, I'm glad I know what your worries are so I can make things better. It's helped me decide what I should do; Orin will go on the hunt while I stay here with you. I can remind you that you've nothing to worry about," he soothed, brushing hair away from my face.

"I don't want to keep you from going if you really want to," I muttered, feeling once more like he didn't trust me to keep myself safe.

What would I have to do to get him to see I wasn't a weak female that needed constant protection? Maybe I wasn't the best warrior, especially in the state I was in, but I knew how to handle myself. That's at least what I'd drilled into myself.

"But-"

"No, no but," I interrupted with a huff. "Yes, I'm worried, but I'm sure every mother to be has worries and fears and thinks they're going to fail. If you want to go, you should go. I'll be fine here and you'll most likely be back before the pup comes. The snow will keep Valdis at bay so there's no threat to me. Go if you want to go."

I folded my arms, glaring over at my brother before adding. "Maybe you should go too."

"Watch how you speak to me, Freydis. You may be my sister but I am still future Alpha," he warned.

Bjarke growled and straightened up, puffing up his chest as he postured towards Orin. I gripped my mate's arm and tugged, feeling ever so weary. I thought I was the one supposed to be having moodswings but these two males went from close friends to enemies in a split second once more.

"Please don't," I begged. I didn't want to witness another fight.

Glancing down at me, my Beta softened a little before narrowing his eyes at my brother again. Signy watched with interest, folding her arms.

"You're no longer above me in rank, Beta. And she needs to learn her place," Orin stated.

Bjarke stiffened further while I flinched. My brother was upset I was angry at him, I understood that, but he was only making it worse. At least I knew in that we were the same, we lashed out in defence.

"Let's all take a breath," Signy instructed, coming to stand between us all. "You should go on the hunt, Orin. Bjarke has went with your father the last few years. One day you'll need to lead it yourself, it's time you started learning."

A few tense seconds stretched by, Orin and Bjarke never breaking eye contact. Was my mate as dominant as my brother? I studied the side of his face. I'd never thought about the fact that when Orin had left the pack, it would have put Bjarke in his position. Had my male been learning to one day be Alpha after Jakkon, is that why he struggled to submit to Orin?

Thankfully, my brother didn't seem to want a fight. He nodded slowly, backing down but never submitting. "Very well. You better look after her while I'm gone, Beta."

"You know I will," my mate replied, placing a hand on my hip.

Despite the urge to whack it away, my own hackles softened at the touch. I leaned into his side, letting out a soft breathe. Maybe Madden had to rethink the comment about my moodswings levelling out. I still felt as up in the air as the day I got here. Perhaps I was brushing off on those around me too.

"You have much to learn too, Freydis. Eventually, you'll need to take your place as Beta Female," Signy added, turning her stern gaze to me. Orin wasn't the only one in trouble with this mother-wolf.

"I don't think I can do that. I don't want to," I refused, backing into my mate because I was sure he wouldn't push me. I was wrong.

"You're being given some leeway now, my female, but I will have you accept your title. You were born for a high rank, your wolf craves the position even if you don't realise it yet," he agreed.

Orin smirked over at me, and it only widened when I glared then poked my tongue out at him like I was a pup. I began to understand a little about sibling rivalry.