Way of the Wolf: Redemption

I fretted again over my choice of dress while Bjarke stood behind me and braided my hair. He'd gotten better at it, nobody teased me for how messy they were now. He was even learning to French braid from Aljana and Tordis but I wasn't sure I was meant to know that.

"Nothing's changed, my female. You don't need to worry about how you look for your family," he soothed, tying the braid off and letting it fall against my back.

"Everything's changed," I argued.

In one night I'd went from simply being the Beta's mate, which was odd enough already, to being the daughter of Alphas, the sister of the heir. They were everything, and I felt like nothing. I hadn't even taken on the duties of a Beta Female. What if once I gave birth, the pack demanded I fight for my place? I wouldn't be able to.

Bjarke took my hand and pulled me to my feet, frowning at the way I chewed my bottom lip. He pulled it from my teeth and gave me a stern look. "I have never met a wolf that overthinks as much as you do. Why do you get yourself in such a state, my love?"

My heart skipped a beat as he called me that, skin flushing red, and I shrugged uselessly. I'd never been an overthinker until I met him. With Valdis there was no point in worrying about the future when the present was so uncertain. My fears had only been about where I'd get my next meal from and hoping the males would leave me alone.

"Maybe you don't worry enough," I accused, sliding my hands up over his chest.

He held my wrist and brought my hand up so he could kiss my knuckles. Smiling, I leaned in so my body was pressed against his. It wasn't enough. I wanted to tear his trousers for him and push him back into our furs but my Beta had already fought off such advances when he'd first woken, and I'd tried every trick I knew. Holding his gaze, I kissed his chest then flicked a tongue over his nipple.

I could feel his length harden against my belly, a low rumble vibrating from his chest. "You've been talking to Katrin again. What has she been teaching you that I should be teaching you?"

"I just ask questions and she answers. I want to please you," I purred, sliding my hand down to cup him.

His eyes fluttered shut and I smirked, stroking slowly. Maybe I'd get my way after all.

I felt bad that he always had to let me take control when I knew he wanted to do so much more. Katrin was open about sex and I didn't feel shy asking her things anymore. I was curious too. I wanted to know what his weight felt like above me instead, or the many other things I was sure he could show me to find pleasure.

As I felt his body relax and his hands fall to my hips, I thought I'd succeeded. Instead he spun me around and gave my rear a sharp spank. I gasped, looking wide eyed over my shoulder. His eyes were calculating my reaction, lips twitching when he inhaled the scent of my desire. There was no fear, even though I didn't understand why I'd found that quite pleasurable.

"You will please me by going to the hall and having something to eat, having some ginger tea, and letting Madden do another checkup," he stated, in control of himself once more.

I made sure he knew I was displeased by that as I draped furs over my shoulders. He only chuckled again, uncaring that I'd left him wanting. The only thing I'd succeeded at was frustrating myself.

Swinging the door open with every intent of storming off like a pup who didn't get their way, I stopped short. My eyes squinted against the brightness of the white landscape. Hagan had been right last night, it had snowed. Not as much as Bjarke said would come when winter was at its peak, but enough that I was sure my dress would be soaked by the time we go to the hall. The boots I wore would at least keep my feet dry and warm.

"Do you want me to carry you?" my Beta asked teasingly by my ear.

I wanted to say yes, I hated snow. But that was when snow meant less food and more chance of dying. Alpha Female Signy had been surprised when I'd voiced my hatred of it, had I loved snow when I was a pup?

"I'll walk," replied, something akin to childlike to delight filling me as I took my first step. The snow crunched audibly beneath my boot and I grinned. I was still nice and warm in my thick dress and furs.

Taking another step, and then another, I laughed. Maybe I didn't hate snow after all. Bjarke chuckled and closed the door to our den firmly behind him. His hand fell to my lower back, urging me in the direction of the hall. I could hear the playful screams and giggles of pups and smiled as I caught sight of a few playing in the snow. They tossed it at eachother, rolling about with no care of how cold and wet they'd get when they had a place to warm up.

My wolf perked up and I clamped down on the urge to shift and roll about just as the pups did. It had been a while since I'd shifted, and longer still since I'd had fun like that.

"We can play later if you like?" Bjarke offered, keeping me close to his side.

I blushed at having been caught and tried to puff myself up. Soon I'd be a mother, I couldn't be spending my time playing in fur. "Only pups play"

"That's not true," he argued. I glanced up at him, getting on a brief glimpse of a cheeky smile before he swung me into his arms and spun me around.

I clung onto him, heart skipping a beat before I burst out laughing at his childish antics. The pups pointed and grinned and I gasped when they started to chant for their Beta to drop me in the pile of snow they'd made. His smirk widened and I began to struggle as he stalked over to it.

"Don't you dare!" I warned, still laughing as I tried to scramble out of his arms. "Bjarke, don't!"

Humming, he pretended to consider my plead. "Will you eat?"

"I'll eat," I promised, nails digging I to his shoulders just in case he changed his mind.

With a playful, heavy sigh, he turned to the pouting pups. "We'll come and play later. Is that okay?"

They nodded eagerly, a few looking shyly at me. I tried to smile and appear as friendly as I could because I knew I'd frightened these pups with the way I'd behaved at first. Not to mention my wolf must have looked like a monster to them. I'd stopped shifting where they could see me but that wouldn't work forever. Hopefully my winter fur would start coming in again, and one day I'd look like one of the pack.

With that settled, my Beta stood and quickly got me to the hall. He set me back on my feet at the bottom step and I felt the Alpha's presence before I saw him. Stood by the door with his mate, he looked at us both unhappily.

"You shouldn't handle her like that when she's carrying a pup," he scolded with a shake of his head.

Alpha Female Signy scoffed and swatted his arm. "They were having fun. Your daughter and grandson are perfectly safe. Let them come inside and eat."

I paused at that and Bjarke and Jakkon both gave Signy a look. They were worried about how I was going to react. It was strange being referred to as someone's daughter, stranger still when it finally hit me that my pup would be the grandchild of the Alphas. Did they care about who his father was? I wanted to ask but didn't.

In fact there was loads I wanted to ask but didn't. I stood awkwardly at the door, too afraid to take the step inside.

"You think it's a boy too?" I asked Signy instead, guiding the conversation away from what had been revealed last night.

"I know it's a boy and so do you." She smiled and reached out to pull me inside. I felt a bit unsure but followed her lead.

The hall wasn't as busy as I thought it would be but I knew some wolves liked to eat in their own dens. It was strangely beautiful now, no longer cold and dark, and filled with howling ghosts. Now it was bright and warm, filled with my packmates and the sound of their voices.

Signy led me to the table that ran the width of the hall at the entrance of the cave. Thankfully, I was guided around so my back was to the statues. What would happen to the statue me? It was unnerving to think a carving of myself as a pup I could barely remember was watching my back.

I sat where my Alpha Female placed me at her side and Bjarke took the spot beside me. Normally Bjarke sat next to the Alpha with me at his side so I was sure this had been orchestrated so I couldn't hide from what had been revealed. It wasn't just my Alpha Female that was beside me, this female was my mother, the she-wolf who'd carried and given birth to me. A female who was still very much a stranger to me.

Nerves returned and I found myself leaning into my mate's side. He sorted a plate of food for me, making sure to add the things Madden had recommended even if I didn't particularly like the taste. I took a slow drink of icy water in the hopes nobody would try to speak to me. I'd expected the topic of my lineage to be brought up but it wasn't. Everyone spoke about the usual things; what chores needed done, who was going to go on the Winter hunt next month.

Apparently they could be gone for weeks, over a month even, with Alpha Jakkon taking the lead. I choked on my next sip, my body going cold despite the heat of the fires. The last hunt he'd led, I'd ruined. My father almost died because of me.

"Freydis, did you hear me?"

Snapping back to reality, I blinked up at my mate and shook my head. I had no doubt he'd felt that sudden flicker of guilt through the bond.

"I asked if you wanted me to stay here when the hunters leave. You'll be heavily pregnant, you might need my help," he said, rubbing his hand over my belly.

"I'll be here," Signy added. "And if Bjarke goes, Orin will stay. Your brother and I will look after you. Though maybe Orin wants to go on the hunt."

I didn't want to seem weak but I did want my mate to stay. My instincts were all over the place already and it was only going to get worse. Pregnant she-wolves were a little territorial and temperamental.

"I don't mind. You and Orin can discuss it and decide."

Brown eyes searched my face and my heart swelled with the concern and care that shone in them. I placed a kiss against Bjarke's arm, closing my eyes to breathe in his scent before eating what he'd given me. His hand rubbed a spot low on my back, sending tingles over my skin.

He'd been right earlier, I had overthought everything. While there was a small amount of tension at the table, there was no hostility. I just wasn't sure how to act or what to say to the family I'd lost and found again. I eyed my mother-wolf, noting our similarities that I should have seen before. Shifting, I caught her attention and she looked at me expectantly.

There was no point in trying to hide or run from the truth. Now was the time to try and mend things. Catching her gaze again, I tried to smile but it felt false.

"I have to see Madden later, you could come with me," I offered hesitantly.

The grin she gave me lit up her whole face and I didn't miss the glimpse of a smile on Jakkon's face too. I wasn't sure why it was so important for a mother to do this with her daughter but I wanted to give her the opportunity she never thought she'd have. And deep down, I wanted her to be there. I need her bravery, I needed to see the sheer joy she obviously felt at the idea of becoming a grandmother. I wanted to have my mother even if I was a grown female now.

"Is that a yes? You'll come with me?"

She gave me a stern look and tapped my nose. "Still so cheeky. Yes, I'd love to come with you. I want to hear about your progress. Maybe afterwards, we can make the Bassinet together."

"I'm afraid my mate and I promised to play with the pups for a bit," Bjarke put in.

"In the snow?" She was smirking and I pushed down the urge to get a little defensive.

"Has it been snowing?" Fenna joked, running for the fire in front of the table. Her mate, my brother, came up behind her. Both of them looked soaked through and Orin had snow still melting in his hair.

Alpha Jakkon sighed. "Must you trail all that water in with you?"

"I slipped," he grumbled.

Fenna snorted, lips turned up into a smirk. He leaned in and whispered something by her ear that had her cheeks going red in a way that had nothing to do with the cold. I looked away.

Bjarke bumped his shoulder against mine, his voice low. "It looks like you weren't the only female who had other ideas about how to spend the morning."

My cheeks flamed, eyes going to the mated pair that were taking their seats at Alpha Jakkon's side. So that was why Fenna was drenched too. The female caught my gaze and offered me a small smile. I knew she was trying to ask if I was okay, and I nodded.

Orin was doing his best not to look my way but I couldn't help but stare at him. I understood what Signy meant when she'd said looking at me was like looking at a ghost, it was exactly how I felt looking at my brother. He'd lost that playful glint in his eye, it was replaced with something stern and painful now.

What had he gone through to try and find me?

"You should go talk to him," Bjarke urged, nodding over to where Orin sat.

"I will," I mumbled. Pushing my plate away, my stomach rolled. This was all too much. Why was everyone acting like nothing had happened?

Of course, Signy had always acted like I was her daughter, and Jakkon had recently started doing that too, so why would I be tested differently now.

Frowning, my mate tipped my face towards him. "Are you going to be sick?"

I shook my head, rubbing over my bump in an attempt to sooth myself. He didn't look like he believed me and scanned the hall before getting up.

"I'm going to get you your tea, keep drinking water," he said, but before he could get up, Signy touched his arm.

"I'll go. Jakkon, come with me." Signy looked to her mate who seemed unhappy at leaving his unfinished plate but he acquiesced.

The Alpha pair got up from the table, leaving me, my mate, my brother and Fenna, alone at the table. I knew what Signy was doing and watched as she led Jakkon away. He grumbled about his food and I felt a little bad for him. He was a male of few words, he'd said all he had to when asking Bjarke to be more careful with me.

Fenna stood too and gave Orin a meaningful look before motioning for him to move up. He glanced at her then the way I sat as though my spine had turned to wood.

"I don't think she wants to speak to me just yet," he said quietly.

"I'll speak to you," I replied. He stared at me, seeming just as unsure as I did, then nodded.

Fenna and Bjarke had an unspoken conversation that had my mate standing too. "Why don't I show you around, Fenna?"

"I'd like that." She smiled, both Orin and I watching them both with the same expression of disbelief. They were going to leave us alone together?

A whine from my throat and Bjarke paused to kiss the top of my head. Orin didn't miss that action, a flash of his wolf showing in his eyes. Apparently my brother still had reservations about my choice of mate.

"You'll be fine," my Beta promised, squeezing my shoulder. "This will be good for both of you."

I wasn't so sure about that. Fenna seemed to be giving Orin a pep talk to. Her hands went behind her neck and something in my heart panged when she took off the necklace she wore and placed it gently in his hand. Then she grinned up at my Beta, the familiarity between them making me feel almost jealous again.

I'd seen how they interacted with playful challenges and fights. Fenna and Bjarke had spent a lot of time together. I shook my head, cursing such thoughts. Fenna was happily mated to my brother.

A brother that was still sitting on the other end of the bench. I glanced at the retreating back of my mate and then swallowed when the hall began to empty as wolves finished eating. Everyone had chores to do. Eventually, there were only a few of us left. I was at least glad that Katrin and a few others were wheeling out a loom to work on.

Twisting in my seat, I refilled my water and poured a drink for Orin too. Hopefully he could see I was offering a chance at peace between us.

It was time to stop cowering.