Chapter 19 ~ Listen
I watched my mate help drag out the benches in the hall, eyes taking in every bunch and ripple of muscle. Smiling, I turned to finish lighting the candles around the walls.
It was too cold to eat outside now so everything was moving inside the hall, but the building had a few repairs needed before it would keep out the cold. Aljana and Hagan were arguing about whether or not it was going to snow tonight. It certainly felt cold enough to snow but the icy fingers crawling along my skin could have been from the statue I knew was staring at me from the cave.
She called to me, voices whispering for me to turn around and face her. I did, I couldn't ignore it anymore. Unseeing eyes pierced into mine, her face lit up by the massive fire that was steadily burning.
My name was whispered, again and again, many voices all calling out at once until the sound was deafening. What was it they wanted me to know? I began to turn, even as I tried to fight against the strange magic winding around me.
The spell was broken when the taper I held burnt down to my fingers. I dropped it, snatching my hand towards me chest. Gritting my teeth against the burn, I turned to give the cave my back. My body trembled and I looked around wildly but nobody else seemed to have heard what I had. Was my imagination playing tricks on me?
A touch to my arm brought me round to face Aljana who took my hand in hers, inspecting my burnt finger.
"What were you doing? Surely you know to pay attention when holding something that's on fire, Freydis." She tutted and I curled in further when I felt my mate approach.
"It's fine. I dropped it quickly, it barely hurts," I argued, pulling my hand only for Bjarke to grab my wrist.
I didn't resist as he checked himself and then hurried me over to dunk it in cold water. "I thought I was safe to stop watching you every second of every day."
"I got distracted," I murmured, leaning into his side. "I don't like it in here."
"You always come in here." He frowned.
I did come in here. Alone. My eyes flicked to the statue and Bjarke turned to look too. His frown deepened and he shifted to stand in my way so I could no longer see it. It had been a long day, that's all it was. My hand slid over my slowly growing bump and I pressed my forehead against my mate's chest.
"I wish you'd given me a different name," I admitted, squeezing my eyes shut. How was I meant to spend so much time in this place when she was watching everything? Did she not hate that I'd basically been given what should have been her place in the pack?
Strong arms wrapped around me but as usual he held me so gently. I'd tried to tell how annoying that was, that when I wanted him to hold me, I wanted to feel secure, but he was always so worried about hurting me.
"It's your name. Signy felt it was right," he said, cupping my face in his hands. "Why don't you sit down for a while? It's been a long day and you've spent most of it on your feet."
There was no point in arguing. He wasn't hearing what I was trying to say. Pulling away, I let him get back to work and sat dejectedly, unmoving, so he wouldn't have to worry about me. How had I gone from fighting for my life everyday to being made to sit around and do nothing in case I burn a finger?
I smoothed my dress out over my bump, muttering about my overprotective mate. And then there it was. A flutter that was almost nothing but to me, it was everything. I stayed still and held my breath, fearing it was simply my imagination again. Staring at where my hand pressed against my belly, I felt it again.
Blinking quickly in an attempt to stop the tears, I rubbed over that spot. That was my pup moving. Suddenly it all seemed too real. He was going to grow and then he'd be here, a real life, breathing baby that I'd be able to hold in my arms. I searched for my mate before realising he wouldn't be able to feel the tiny movements. This was a moment just for me, something nobody else could feel or take away.
I smiled, a warmth spreading through me. Maybe we would all be okay. We had Bjarke, my protector.
A gust of cold air howled through the hall as the doors swung open. I couldn't see who came in but suddenly the pack were shouting out greetings, circling around the new arrival. I stayed in my corner, watching curiously. Bjarke was pushing his way through the crowd with a grin. As wolves parted for him, I caught sight of who it was. Or rather who they were.
My mate embraced the male who would be future Alpha. I could only see the back of a blond head and I smiled a little at how happy Bjarke was.
Orin and Fenna were back.
It made me nervous. So much had happened since they'd left. What would they think of it all?
I could see Fenna moving amongst the wolves too. It was amazing how loved she was here when she'd spent so little time with them all. She greeted almost everyone, even the pups, and I was a little jealous of the way Tordis clung to her hand.
A tug on the bond and Bjarke was waving for me to come over. I shook my head at him but from the quirk of his eyebrow, I knew he would come carry me over if he had to. Standing slowly, my hand stayed on my belly as protective instincts rose. I didn't know how Orin or Fenna would react to me, even though common sense told me they wouldn't hurt me. My pup was my priority now.
I was overly pleased when Orin was called away from Bjarke and left the hall in search of his father before we could be reintroduced. My steps faltered when I watched Bjarke greet Fenna though. There was a playfulness to the pair as they parried with halfhearted punches then hugged. The female straightened up when she saw me, dark eyes becoming more guarded.
"Fenna, you remember Freydis," Bjarke said, holding his hand out for me.
I reached out to take it, giving him a shy smile as he tugged me into his side. Fenna was staring at us both, zeroing in on the mark on Bjarke's neck. Then her gaze fell to my belly and her eyes widened. I was nervous, awaiting her reaction and the bond told me my mate felt the same.
"Well, you got over my mother quickly," she teased, giving Bjarke a smirk.
I snorted, unable to help myself. Hadn't Madden said this was what she would say? The taller female scrutinised me, eyes trailing up and down before she leaned in. I stiffened as her cheek pressed against mine, surprised that she was accepting me without question. Pressing back, I inhaled her scent. It was a little different than the way the pack smelled, almost sweeter.
"I'm glad to see you're looking better. I thought by the time I got back, you might have killed each other." She brushed her fingers against my arm, still smiling. "I look forward to meeting your pup, Freydis."
She must have known it wasn't Bjarke's but she never said anything. The hard edge I thought her to have when I first met her was gone. Now she was all soft of tone and gentle touches. There was still an odd look in her eyes as she continued to study me but she shook her head and it disappeared.
"Congratulations, Bjarke. I think you've chosen a strong female," she stated.
I beamed at that, unable to help myself and Bjarke grinned down at me. "I believe so. She certainly keeps things interesting."
I elbowed his side hard enough to gain a grunt but it didn't shake the joy in his expression. Fenna laughed, her hand going to her chest. There was a pendant there, silver glittering in the light. It couldn't have been silver of course, it was extremely toxic to wolves. Still, I couldn't tear my eyes away from it.
"I better go find Orin. I haven't greeted our Alpha pair yet either. I'll see you when we sit to eat," she chirped, spinning on her heel.
Every step she took was confident, wolves slipping out of her way without thought. Apart from Signy, this was one of the most dominant females I'd ever been around. Power radiated around her. I could never be like that.
I was supposed to be Beta Female but I was shirking those duties. Although I didn't think Aljana minded that she'd slipped into that role in my place. Perhaps until the Alpha pair stepped down, Fenna would fulfil my position. At least she didn't seem to resent me.
"Do you think her mate will accept me so easily?" I asked, looking up at my mate.
"Of course he will. You've proven yourself, he'll know that," he assured me. Leaning down, he stole my worries away with a kiss. My fingers grazed up his chest as I kissed him back and he shuddered, grabbing my hands.
"You're freezing. I'm going to go get your furs, wait here," he ordered, already trying to guide me back to my seat.
I wriggled out of his grip. "I'll go. You need to help finish setting up in here."
He looked unsure about that arrangement and I could see him trying to work out if walking to our den and back would be safe.
"I'll be back before you notice I'm even gone." Pecking his cheek, I urged him to go back to work.
He grumbled a bit but obeyed. I chuckled to myself, watching him wander off before heading outside. Of I thought it was cold in the hall with all those bodies, and fires burning, it was positively Baltic outside. Wind whipped at my hair and dress, nearly blowing me right off my feet. Winter had decided to come early by the feel of it.
Rushing down the path, I made a note to grab Bjarke's mantle too. It was sure to be even colder by the time we made our way back to our den later tonight. The light of a fire spilled out of the Alpha's den and I slowed down when I could hear a male shouting. Frowning, I tried to figure out how I recognised the voice.
I crept closer to the wooden window shutter that was propped slightly open, peering into the crack. Alpha Jakkon and his mate I could see clearly, and I was sure the female who's back was facing me was Fenna. That would make Orin the male shouting. I was stuck only able to see the back of him again. When he'd found me by the river, I'd been too muddled with pain to really take note of him. Then he'd left.
He was tall and broad, built much like his father but exuding more of a feral edge.
"You can't speak to your mother like this, Orin. Give her a chance to explain and you'll understand," Jakkon said, holding up a calming hand that didn't dampen his furious son.
I wondered what they were arguing about and only felt a little guilty for eavesdropping. Orin growled and took a step forward but was stopped by Fenna's hand on his arm.
"You should listen-"
"Listen?" he snapped, turning a glare to his mate now too. "She gave that Wanderer, a wolf that took part in an attack on us, my sister's name! How is there any logic in that? How can any of you expect me to be able to accept her in this pack and call her Freydis?"
The moment he said my name, my whole body rocked. The hurt his words had caused was pushed aside as my mind connected the puzzle pieces that had been in front of me all along. Because I knew how I recognised this male's voice. It was a little deeper, huskier, but it was unmistakable.
I must have made a noise because suddenly they all turned towards the window and my breath caught in my throat as I saw his face. It was him. He was older now, a little more rugged, but I had no doubt now.
How had I not realised who he was the first time I'd seen him? Had I truly been so caught up in the heartbreak of being left behind by Valdis, of being captured, and suffering the pain of broken bones, not to realise who he was? The male from my dreams.
One dark blue, and one piercing green eye spotted my face at the window. All the colour drained from his face as he choked out one word, "Freydis?"
I could never quite figure out if the face I saw in my dreams was the identity of the creature who'd chased and attacked me the day I'd almost died; whether he'd been friend or foe. Panic gripped me and I stumbled away from the window, almost slipping in the mud.
The door flew open as I struggled to take a proper breath. The world was spinning and dipping in and out of focus. I was going to be sick again. The gentle touch of the Alpha Female steadying me only had me cowering back. I held up a hand when she tried to come closer again.
"Don't!" I snapped, struggling with the emotions that were swirling too quickly to really grasp.
Bjarke was coming. I could feel his sudden concern through the bond, of course he's have felt this. Alpha Jakkon kept a hand on his son who still looked like he'd seen a ghost. Maybe he had. The more my mind turned over everything that had happened in the last month, the more I began to understand why Signy and Jakkon always looked at me so strangely.
I was the ghost.
But it couldn't be. I didn't want it to be true.
"Settle down, Freydis. Come inside with us," Signy ordered, hands up to show she meant me no harm.
"Don't call me that," I begged, voice trembling. I stared at the male that looked seconds from crumbling then backed away further.
Bjarke came running around the corner and he frowned when he saw us all gathered. He was the only one I allowed to come near and I gratefully hid myself away from them. Nose pressed against my mate's chest, I took slow, deep breaths until all I could smell and feel was him.
"She's your mate?" Orin growled and I covered my ears so I didn't have to hear his voice.
Dreams shouldn't have real voices.
"She is," Bjarke replied. He turned to face the challenge with a growl of his own, keeping me safe in his arms. "What did you do to upset my mate?"
"I tried to explain to Orin who she was," Signy panicked. "He wouldn't give me a chance. I don't know what frightened her exactly. She was standing by the window and suddenly we heard her choking."
The presence of something wild came closer and I knew without looking who it was. I dared to turn my head enough to catch his scent. I recognised that too and it didn't strike any fear in me. In fact, it was familiar in a comforting way.
"Do you recognise me, Freydis?" Orin asked, his tone much calmer now.
I swallowed, terrified to voice that I did. I recognised him. My wolf knew him. But if his scent wasn't of the creature that attacked me, why did his presence frighten me so much?
"Back away, Orin. This isn't the way to do this," Bjarke warned. Gripping my waist, he peeled me away from him and passed me over to Signy. I struggled to get away from her, reaching out for my mate while fighting not to look at the male I somehow knew.
Mismatched eyes fell to the swell of my belly, his face creasing and then his gaze flicked back to Bjarke with new anger. I screamed when Orin's fist flew out, catching us all by surprise. My mate grunted, head whipping to one side and I felt the echo of his pain through the bond. He straightened up quickly and tackled Orin. The two males tumbled to the ground, both growling and snarling as they tried to gain the upper hand.
Alpha Jakkon threw himself between the two posturing males, tearing them off each other. He growled, the ground trembling. "Enough! Do you want to frighten her even more?"
With a heaving chest, Orin clenched his fists and shook his head. There was a flicker of guilt in his eyes but I only relaxed when my Beta stood up too. Blood dropped from the split in his lip and my own anger bubbled up. Launching myself forward, I snarled at the male who dared hurt my mate. Signy had to let her arm slide from around my waist so she wouldn't hurt the pup I carried but she called for me to stop.
Orin's eyes widened as I came for him and he backed up quickly then made a quick change in decision and dropped to his knees. That stopped me in my tracks and appeased the wolf a little. I studied his bowed head, growling again just so I was sure he got the message.
He stayed on his knees and nobody seemed to breathe.
"Who are you to me," I whispered, glancing at the Alpha pair who stood together now.
My heart hurt. It felt like it was about give out with how fast it pounded in my chest. I was sure my ribs were bruised. Fenna took her place behind her mate, maybe making sure I had no intention of hurting him. Bjarke placed a hand at the bottom of my back, letting me know he was there.
"Who are you!" I repeated, close to screaming now.
Orin looked up and I inhaled sharply at what I saw in his expression. So much pain, mixed with all the darkest emotions. Eyes shimmered with tears and I tried to think if I'd ever seen a male cry before.
"You don't remember?" His voice was broken, his entire body slumping.
I shook my head, even though a small part of me believed I did remember, I just didn't want to. Or maybe I needed to hear it from him.
"I taught you to climb trees, to swim, and hunt rabbits. We played in our fur and I taught you how to beat the pups your age. You'd order me around and I'd obey."
I shook my head again, jaw clenching as he spoke. Something was tugging at my thoughts but I forced them away. I'd had enough. It was like I was standing on the edge of a cliff about to be pushed off. There was nowhere for me to run, I was encircled by them all and Bjarke was tense and waiting for me to do just that. Run.
Signy was crying behind me, deep, heaving sobs that were muffled to my ears.
"No." Still shaking my head, fighting against the memories that sparked.
"Yes. I'm sorry I didn't recognise you at first. You didn't look like yourself under all that mud, so skinny and broken. You look more like you now," he murmured, scanning my face.
I was losing my patience now but the urge to strike him fled when he suddenly stood. Towering over me, I had to crane my neck to see him. He wanted to play games, they all did. I was asking the wrong question.
Trying to keep myself standing when the air was thrumming with the power of five dominant wolves, I wrapped my arms around my middle before managing to croak out, "Who am I to you?"
"You are my sister, Freydis."