Way of the Wolf: Redemption

Now that enough of you have described Bjarke as a big teddy bear, I'd like to reveal his name actually means bear

Bjarke got me outside just in time for me to be sick. On my knees at the edge of the forest, a tight band constricted around my stomach but I had nothing left. Panting, my shoulders slumped and my mate let out a soft rumble as he rubbed my back. The gentle flow of his emotions calmed me down and I sat back.

I'd wanted a more romantic morning as I woke up for the first time next to my mate. My body had other ideas.

"Sorry," I mumbled, wiping my mouth with the cloth he offered me.

"You've nothing to be sorry for," he assured me.

Helping me back to my feet, he led me into our den so we could get dressed. He tried to help me but I pushed him away. I didn't want to feel coddled. I slipped a dress over my head, already feeling a lot better, and I took time to appreciate the male getting dressed across from me.

My mate.

A flutter of pride filled me but I dreaded the reaction we were going to get when the pack found out. And I was still struggling to wrap my head around the fact I was carrying another life. So much had happened in such a short span of time but I didn't regret what happened last night. Not one bit. Other might not be so happy their Beta had taken a feral mate.

I tried not to start panicking again, curling my hand around the rabbit's foot that was still in the pocket of my dress. There was this niggling fear that Valdis would return and try to claim us both. Or worse, just the pup. Did he have that right?

My hand pressed against my abdomen, lips moving in a silent promise that I'd protect it. Him or her. I exhaled shakily. There was also the fact that Madden was concerned, I'd seen it in his eyes even as he'd told me there was nothing to worry about. Now that I'd done the maths, I think I knew what he feared too; my pup was too small.

Wulver pregnancies were five months, I should have had a more pronounced bump. My scent should have told any wolf nearby that I was pregnant. There was something wrong with me.

A hand on my hip brought me out of my thoughts and I looked up as my Beta pulled me against his chest. "You need to stop giving fuel to your fears."

"I can't help it. There's a lot to fear," I replied brokenly.

His hand replaced mine over my belly, his warmth seeping into my skin. I closed my eyes, relishing in the feel of him. A gentle kiss was placed against my lips and I smiled. If I'd thought the Beta could read my thoughts before, it was eerie now. At least now, I could feel him too.

"Our scouts and warriors are working on tracking down Valdis and his wolves but it's been weeks now and there's been no sign of them. You don't have anything to fear from him and the other Wanderers. And after breakfast, Madden can do his exam. He won't let anything happen to our pup, he'll know what needs to be done to get you both healthy," he comforted, tucking my hair behind my ear.

I stared at him in awe. He'd called the pup ours. Would he always feel that way? That was another fear, that he'd come to resent me and my child. It was biological that he'd eventually want pups of his own, and I knew he'd be a good father.

"Come. You need to eat." He urged me out of the door, giving me no time to fret over what the pack would think of the latest development in our relationship.

I struggled against the hand at my back that forced me to walk. "I'm not hungry. I feel sick."

"I didn't ask if you'd like to eat, I'm telling you that you need to eat. For you and the pup. Katrin might have some ginger we can make into a tea for you. It should settle your stomach," he stated firmly.

Irritation with him flared. Peering up, my eyes went straight to the healing bite at the crook of his neck and I inhaled sharply. Everyone was going to see it. There was no hiding it, nor was there a chance to wash away the lingering scent of sex. I began to struggle again. Would word have gotten out that I was pregnant? What would they all think of me?

The hand at my back disappeared to catch my own hand. My Beta smiled down at me and squeezed, offering me a little comfort. He was always so full of confidence, so sure of everything, I wished I could be like that. When we reached the top of the path, in view of the wolves already getting on with chores, I cowered behind his back.

I'd made us late for breakfast.

There was no letting me hide though. Bjarke maneuvered me until I was walking by his side again. Nobody really looked our way and I prayed they never would as we approached what was left in ways of food. I almost pouted when he had to let go of my hand to make us a plate to share.

I pulled my hair over my shoulder as I waited, playing with the ends and trying not to look up. Still nobody got close enough to notice anything different. Following Bjarke to one of the logs, I began to lower myself to sit by his feet but he caught my hip.

"You're my mate now, Freydis. You sit next to me," he explained. I wanted to hush him to speak quieter but I sat where he told me to without argument. The log was hard beneath my bum and I found I preferred the soft grass.

I was so focussed on trying to keep a low profile, I ate whatever was held in front of me without question, forgetting all about feeling sick. Like always, he made me eat a few more bites after I complained about being full then he ate what was left for himself. Pregnant females ate first here, I'd noted that when Katrin had filled her plate alongside Signy a few days ago.

The Alpha Female herself suddenly appeared in my line of site and her face lit up when she saw me. I still felt angry with her, but I knew it wasn't fair. She'd only told me the truth and she had tried to comfort me.

"Signy," my Beta greeted. I forced myself to look up, leaning unconsciously closer to my mate.

Green eyes darker than my own flicked between the mark on Bjarke's neck, to the mark on mine. I sat stiffly as I waited for her reaction and I knew from the way Bjarke stiffened too that he was preparing to defend me. She beamed, a grin that almost lit up like an aura around her.

"You mated," she noted, looking almost smug. Wolves close enough to hear, stopped and stared.

Bjarke nodded and stood, one hand going to the top of my head as he puffed himself up. "We have. She is mine, and the pup she bares is mine. No one will question that."

I hid my smile behind my hand, watching my male stare down any wolf he felt didn't like what he said. Nobody challenged him but I felt eyes on my belly. Everybody knew the pup couldn't be Bjarke's and that weighed heavy on my shoulders. The smile disappeared from my lips. Would it be accepted here? Him or her. Not it.

"You need to start preparing. You'll need more blankets, furs, a bed for the pup," Signy said, looking down at me. "I can weave a Bassinet for you."

"That would be appreciated," Bjarke answered but it was an answer from me the Alpha Female wanted.

I remembered what Bjarke said about not having to go through all this alone but I was so used to doing everything for myself. It was hard to admit I didn't know what I was doing now. I'd never been around a pup for long before, I didn't know what they needed.

Giving Signy a small nod she smiled and Bjarke sat back down to finish eating breakfast. Signy sat too, in front of me so I couldn't hide from her gaze.

"I could take you to Madden too. I refused to let Jakkon come when I was being checked over when I was pregnant with my pups. Males can be. . . difficult when they see another male touching private places." She kept her tone light and friendly but nothing could hide that shimmer in her eyes.

I wished everyone would just be honest and admit they weren't sure I'd carry this pup to term. Wrapping my arms around my middle, I peered over at my mate. Would he be difficult while watching Madden touch me? I couldn't see it. My Beta had control.

"You're not my mother, Alpha Female," I finally replied, fear making me irritable. Bjarke gave me a warning look and I clenched my jaw, pushing myself up to get some much needed water.

She didn't take offence though. In fact, she laughed and watched me go, calling after me, "An Alpha Female is mother to all in the pack."

Maybe she was right about that. Deep down, I liked that she wanted to show me a mother's love. I'd never known mine, and Signy had lost her child, but part of me felt like she was trying to use me as a replacement and I resented that.

Sipping my water while I waited for Bjarke, I couldn't help but watch the pups that were playing by the great oak tree. They swung from the branches, giggling and laughing as they tried to climb the highest. Katrin's pup was determined to make it to the top and a little flutter of anxiety grew. It was a long way to fall.

A flash of memory took over my vision, the ground quickly coming closer, the pain of hitting it. A hand flew to the scar on my arm and the mug of water fell from the other.

Bjarke was crouched in front of me to pick up the mug I'd dropped before quickly cupping my cheek in his hand. "Freydis?"

"I felt dizzy," I lied, closing my eyes to nuzzle into his touch. He always managed to bring me back.

I knew what he was going to do as soon as his arm moved and I scampered back with a laugh. "You're not carrying me."

He smirked, following each step I took away from him. I held my hands up, forgetting all about the pups in the tree and the memory that had flashed through my thoughts. I laughed again when he lunged for me, dancing easily out of his way. We both knew he'd catch me if he really wanted to.

"If you feel dizzy, my female, we should take precautions. Surely you're not going to argue that you don't like it when I carry you?" he teased, chuckling when I darted around the other side of the table.

"I want to walk today," I told him. "It won't be good for our pup if I don't exercise and you won't be able to carry me all the time. You have many things to do around the pack."

His smirk turned to a grin and he stopped all attempts of catching me. I stopped trying to run, tipping my head in confusion at the delighted look on his face.

"Our pup," he repeated, still smiling.

I smiled too, feeling such relief at the joy he found in that. He wanted this pup as if it really were his own, as if we were a happily mated couple that had simply taken the next step. Over his shoulder, I could see the Alpha pair. They turned away quickly but not before I caught them watching us with secret smiles as they whispered to each other.

"We need to go see Madden now." My Beta held out his hand and I narrowed my eyes suspiciously.

He laughed, brown eyes twinkling. "I won't carry you if you want to walk, I promise. And if at any point with Madden you want me to leave, I will, but I promise I won't lose control."

I pretended to think about it for a while, humming softly as my gaze went up to the sky. Sighing heavily, my mate only continued to find amusement in my actions. I walked around the table to take his hand, loving how easy it was to do. There was no awkwardness like I feared there would be after allowing him to have me. I snorted at myself. If anything, it had been he that allowed me to have him. On top, I'd been in complete control, my wants and needs had come first and he'd fulfilled them as if his body had been made to bring pleasure to mine.

Bjarke tugged me closer, releasing my hand so his arm could slide around my waist. His nose pressed against the top of my head and I soaked in the strength of him as he let the breath out in a growl.

"Are you thinking about last night?" he wondered, the hand on my hip squeezing gently.

Cheeks burned in embarrassment at being caught. I'd forgotten that he could feel all I felt now. Exploring the matebond, I could sense his own arousal. I didn't need to answer, and I doubted Madden would be happy if we showed up smelling of hormones. Bjarke had explained what Madden would look at and I didn't need him seeing proof of how much I wanted to take my mate again.

"I think you're quite insatiable, Freydis. Even as you slept last night, you rubbed yourself against me-"

"Stop!" I whispered harshly, slapping my hand against his chest.

That delightful throbbing was back between my thighs. Bjarke took my hand, uncaring that we were in plain view of anyone as he pressed my hand against the bulge in his trousers. Losing myself for a moment, my hand pressed more firmly against him, gaining a rumble of approval.

"There's no need to be embarrassed. If you hadn't fallen asleep, I could have watched you cry out all night." He leaned down to nip my lip and then looked over the top of my head. "Good morning, Madden."

I spun in horror, finding Madden standing at the door to the healer's hut with folded arms and a grin.

"It's afternoon," he corrected. "It's not like you to sleep in, Beta."

"We had a long night." The playfulness was gone from his voice now. He was still angry Madden had told me without him being there.

Bowing his head, the healer motioned for us to come in. My mood dipped as I stepped over the threshold and took my seat on the bed. The emotions of yesterday came rushing back. I hoped my prayers for this pup to be okay had been heard. If I got bad news, I wasn't sure I'd be able to handle it.

Bjarke sat beside me, fingers tangling with mine. Madden talked me through what was going to happen and I laughed when he talked about protecting my modesty. I didn't care about that. I was more worried about how Bjarke would react as Madden directed me to lie slightly propped up against the wall.

My gaze stayed locked on my Beta as I tugged up my dress and I was happy to see he kept his eyes trained on my face too. While it was a little uncomfortable as the healer checked whatever he needed to, it wasn't painful, but he had been right about my modesty. I felt the growl building in my chest as fingers touched between my thighs and that had my mate smirking.

I glared at him, unhappy that he found it funny it was me needing to keep control. Madden muttered to himself as he worked and I relaxed when he moved to feel my belly. I watched him do that, noting every flicker of expression on his face but he kept his thoughts well hidden from me. Once he'd finished that too, he gave me a smile and turned to wash his hands.

Sitting back up, I fixed my dress and slid my hand into the pocket to grab at the rabbit's foot. It had become my lucky charm.

The air in the room felt like it was slowly being sucked out as I waited to hear what he had to say. Bjarke took his place next to me again and he slid his hand into my pocket to hold mine. He frowned when fingers brushed over my clenched fist until he could feel the fur I held. The frown turned to a surprised look and there was an odd quirk to his lips as he looked away.

Did he know it was the foot he'd tossed at me that day? It felt so long ago now.

Madden moved to sit across from us both, rubbing his hands together. My nails were digging into Bjarke's hand but he didn't seem to even notice.

"Everything looks fine," he finally announced. "You've definitely gained weight which is good, we need to keep you eating a little but often. That should stop you feeling so sick."

"He's okay?" I asked, still not quite believing he could be with everything I'd been through.

Madden smiled. "A he is it? He's just fine. I'll keep an eye on what you're eating and check you again in a few weeks. You can always come to me with questions if anything feels wrong. I'm sure Katrin will have advice for you too if you ask her. He might be a little small, but that's okay."

I relieved breath left me and I looked up to whisper my thanks to the universe. Perhaps the gods did listen after all.

"You see, my female? You'll be filling out your dresses in no time," Bjarke jested, grinning as I glared. Madden chortled and pushed himself to his feet.

"Congratulations to both of you. Fenna will be relieved her mother is now safe from your clutches," Madden said, giving Bjarke a wink. "I wonder how Orin will react."

I frowned at that, looking up at my mate. His jaw clenched as he narrowed his eyes at the smirking healer. Had my Beta had eyes for another female? Sliding my hand from his, I stood up and bowed my head to Madden in thanks.

"I have chores I need to do. Sol will be looking for me," I said.

He nodded and patted my arm. "Take things easy. Don't wear yourself out too much."

"I won't," I promised.

Bjarke watched me as I opened the door and I paused. I was acting like an irrational, jealous female. So what if he'd had something with another female, or even many females? He was all mine now.

"I'll see you later?" I asked quietly, looking over my shoulder at him.

"Of course, my female. Make sure you eat something in a bit," he replied.

These males with all their orders and demands for me. I'd eat if I felt hungry. Closing the door behind me, I took a deep breath of cool air and gave myself a moment just to breathe. Rubbing a hand up and down my belly, I could feel the curve beneath my touch. When I'd first noticed it, I thought it was just from eating so much, I wondered if that was what Madden had thought at first too until he got a closer look.

I couldn't feel anything that told me I was carrying a life. How was I supposed to know the little one was okay if I couldn't feel him move? Katrin was always complaining about the kicks her pup gave her. How long would it be until I had that luxury? I should have asked these questions. Now I was getting myself worked up but I was in no mood to be coddled and rumbled at by my mate.

Walking towards where Sol was sat with a young male, I readied myself for a day sat having my work dissected by my teacher. Before I could reach him, a hand grabbed mine and my heart skipped a beat as I was spun around. I relaxed at seeing it was Katrin. A few pups were by her side and Aljana was carrying a sharp looking spear.

"We're going fishing!" Tordis cried out with a grin that was followed by excited yells of delight.

Aljana eyed the pups with a scrunched nose and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Do you want to come?" Katrin asked. "I won't be fishing but you and I can sit together and we can talk while Aljana teaches the pups."

The female warrior sighed heavily and grumbled under her breath about being stuck babysitting. I eyed the river, feeling the familiar flicker of fear.

"I should really help Sol-"

"You should go," Sol interrupted from behind me, making me bristle.

He looked up from the male he was tattooing and nodded towards the river. "It'll be good for you. You can't avoid the river forever."

Bjarke would have growled at him and I found myself wanting to as well.

"Like I said, we don't have to go in," Katrin assured me, flashing a stern look at Sol.

There were things I wanted to ask her about being a mother and some time relaxing a little might be what I needed. I didn't have the focus to learn anything knew.

"Okay," I agreed. "Just for a little while."