Way of the Wolf: Redemption

I ran for what felt like hours, way after my body began to scream for me to slow down. My chest heaved a struggle for every breath, muscles burning from exertion. Another step had me crumpling to the ground and whining pathetically. I'd been following a scent, the scent of the only wolf I wanted to be near right now.

I wanted to be the one to tell him that fate was laughing at me, cursing me with a pup growing in my belly that was created in violence and blood. A gift I'd always feared I'd never have but never wanted like this. But it was still just a pup, an innocent, and I wouldn't let it be brought up like I had been.

My wolf demanded I get to the Beta, instinct assuring me he'd calm me down even while I feared his reaction.

Bjarke isn't going to like this, those had been Signy's words and they clawed at my restraint. Another whimper, limbs trembling as I tried to get myself back up to my paws. It wasn't safe out here alone, I should have thought of that. There was more than just my body I had to care for now.

No matter how hard I tried to get up, my body just wouldn't listen. I slumped once more, giving up with no care what happened to me now. I was still panting hard, and that seemed to exhaust me all the more. Shuddering, I shifted back to my skin and screamed in a mix of grief and frustration.

Why? Why did this have to happen? Just as I was beginning to feel like I'd found a little peace, it all came crashing down around me.

I managed to drag myself over to a tree, leaning against rough bark with one hand moving over my abdomen as if I could feel the pup there. Two months, maybe longer, shouldn't there have been more of bump? Another sob and I went from wishing I wasn't pregnant, to praying the little life was okay; that beatings and starvation hadn't harmed it.

Would Valdis have kept me with him if he'd known I was carrying his child? Would he have taken me as his mate and raised the pup? I couldn't see it. But Valdis was a possessive wolf and I was secretly relieved my body had hidden the fact I was pregnant even from me.

"Mood swings," I muttered to myself with a husky chuckle. The sound grew louder until I was laughing a little hysterically and shaking my head at the sky.

It was a fleeting break from feeling as though the world was falling apart. When it was clear that I was completely alone out here, a sense of helplessness and stupidity set in. Only a few weeks ago Katrin and I had been attacked out here and yet here I was, alone and lost in the wild. The pup was cursed to having me as a mother. That started more tears that fell with only little gasping breaths as I tried to stay alert.

I searched my surroundings for any sign that told me where I was or even which direction I'd come from. Then I caught the scent I'd been following on the breeze, stronger now. I spotted his wolf in the trees and he shifted the moment his eyes found me. A burst of energy flooded through my veins alongside relief and I managed to get to my feet. Whatever phrase I tried to get out was garbled by my cries and I didn't care that the Alpha was waiting in the distance. When Bjarke opened his arms for me, I fell against him, hiccupping and sobbing into his chest.

Stroking steady fingers through my hair, he rumbled gently, swaying side to side.

"What are you doing out here, my female? Has someone upset you?" he asked, pulling back to cup my face in his hands. His thumb swept away my tears, his warm brown gaze raking over me to make sure I wasn't hurt.

I shook my head, too scared to say the words out loud. That would make it real. With a sigh he looked over his shoulder at the Alpha who slowly made his way closer. His posture was relaxed, meant to keep me at ease and I gasped when he pressed his cold nose into my side. I let my hand fall to his head, gently sinking my fingers into his fur.

"Well, you made it further from the pack than I thought you would. Does that mean you're feeling better?" Bjarke smiled, obviously trying to joke and the Alpha gave a snort of amusement that turned to a whine when I only started crying again.

The huge Beta looked panicked as he quickly hushed me and lifted me into his arms. "Let's get you home. We don't have to talk now. Whatever it is, Freydis, it'll be okay. I promise you that."

I settled against him, breathing in his scent that pushed away the butterflies in my stomach. He carried in silence, the Alpha padding along beside us. This was all I'd needed, just to feel the familiarity of being in this male's arms, the thud of his heart against my hand. When I was sure I could speak without crying, I lifted my head and Bjarke looked down at me.

"I'm pregnant," I told him, my voice shaking a little.

He frowned, confusion in his eyes at first. Confusion that soon turned to realisation, and then fury. His fingers dug into my thigh, his breathing becoming harsh and I worried all this anger was aimed at me. The Alpha whined again, his fur brushing against my leg.

"I'm sorry."

My words made Bjarke stop walking completely and his frowned deepened. "You have nothing to be sorry for. But those wolves do. Is the one you call Valdis the father?"

I avoided looking at either male and squeezed my eyes shut. It was difficult to remember if during my last heat Valdis had played his waiting game. I blocked out so much of those times.

"I don't know," I answered honestly. Weak and tired, I rested my head back against his chest as my eyelids dropped. "I don't care. It makes no difference to me."

"Freydis. . .there are things Madden can do if you don't want this. There'd be no shame in it. Nobody can force you to carry-"

I cut him off with a vigorous shake of my head. "I want to keep it. I can't explain why, but I have to. I can leave if you want, I won't force you to take on the burden of a pup as well."

He was silent as if thinking about whether he wanted to do just that and I allowed myself to doze off, gratefully escaping reality. I feared his silence meant that I was right, he couldn't bring himself to look after me and the child of another rogue wolf.

The sounds of the pack roused me and I turned my face into Bjarke's body so I wouldn't have to see anyone. I didn't want to see the looks on their faces.

Footsteps thundered our way and I could pick out Madden and Signy's scents. I squeezed my eyes shut and stayed still, hoping I could pass as sleeping. Arms tightened around me, bringing me impossibly closer to the Beta's chest.

"You should have waited until I was here to tell her. I could have kept her calm, or at least stopped her from running off where she could have gotten hurt," Bjarke growled.

"You're not her mate, Beta," Signy replied sharply.

I felt the male that carried me bristle and could almost smell his scent grow wilder. Holding my breath, I brushed my fingers gently over his chest and smiled as he calmed down a little.

"No, I'm not her mate, but you stood and watched when I took a vow to be her guardian. I left her in your care and she ran, anything could have happened. You take responsibility for that."

The power of an Alpha filled the air but Bjarke didn't waver in the slightest. If anything, he held himself taller as his Alpha dared him to continue speaking to his mate as he was. Peering through a veil of hair, I watched Signy place a hand on Jakkon's shoulder.

"I accept responsibility," Signy murmured, her eyes catching mine. "I should have known she might have bolted and I should have caught up. Go and take care of your female, Beta. I think there are things she needs to hear from you before calming down. If she needs me, come find me."

The Beta looked down at me, jerking his chin towards Signy. "Do you want to speak to her, you might have questions I can't answer about pregnant females."

"No," I answered, short and clipped.

Alpha Female Signy brushed the hair covering my face away but I turned my head away from her touch. She could act like she was my mother all she wanted but I refused to be the replacement for the daughter she lost. Bjarke was right, he should have been there when they told me.

"I want to check in on her. Maybe I can gauge how far along she is and from there I'll know what we need to do to keep her and pup healthy," Madden said.

I nodded to let him know that was okay, swallowing down the fear that he'd find something wrong. With that settled, Bjarke carried me back to his den. I fretted over the conversation that we'd need to have. Things were going to change, I could feel that in my gut and it terrified me.

"You carry me all the time," I mumbled.

He chuckled and shifted me in his arms so he could open the door. "You seem to need carried all the time."

I had nothing to say to that truth. He gave me a mischievous look before pretending to drop me and I cried out, trying to cling on only for him to hold me securely again. At first I scowled but then I caught sight of the red lines over his shoulder and chest from where I'd clawed into him, and his wince of pain had me laughing. That had been his own fault.

Still smiling, I swung my legs down and sat on a blanket by the fire. Bjarke opened a wooden trunk to pull out soft linen trousers to wear before sitting across from me.

There was no need for a fire but I wanted to keep my hands busy and snapped small twigs to throw in the pit. The crushing weight returned to my shoulders and I took my frustration out on the flint I struck together to get a spark.

"Tell me how you're feeling," Bjarke urged, taking the flint from my hands to do it himself.

I sat back and sighed. I wasn't really sure how I felt. I felt everything and nothing. "I'm angry, and scared, and worried. I won't be a good mother; I'm not anything for a pup to look up to. Whoever the father is, he forced himself on me, is that any way to be brought into the world?"

There was no judgement in his eyes as I spoke, despite the fact I judged myself.

"Are you worried you won't love him, or her?"

That question felt like a slap to the face as protective fury bubbled up. "Of course not! It's not the pup's fault. I just. . .I don't know."

"All a pup needs is to know they're loved and protected. Here, the pup will grow up with the love of a pack, and you will show them a mother's love. You have me, and even if Signy went about things the wrong way, she only wants to help as well." He sat back as the fire sparked to life and shuffled to sit closer to me. "I would treat your pup like my own if you'd let me. You don't have to do this alone."

Rubbing my eyes, I hated that I was going to cry for the hundredth time today. Fingers brushed over my cheek to tip my head up and I stilled as Bjarke placed a gentle kiss to my cheek. I wanted to turn my head to kiss him properly but I couldn't do that to him now.

He already took responsibility for too much. I couldn't force this on his shoulders as well.

"I don't understand why you'd do that. What happens to me when you pick a mate? She won't want you to raise a pup that isn't yours and I can't ask you to," I admitted, even as I nuzzled into his touch.

Brown eyes held mine and there was a sense of duty in their depths. "I could be your mate. That way you'd never have to doubt me, I'd be bound to you."

I don't know what he expected me to say to that. Pulling away from his touch, anger burned through me. Is that how he felt? Duty bound to protect me? He grabbed my hand to stop me moving away, puffing up his chest as he looked down at me.

"I'd be a good mate to you, Freydis. You'd never have to worry about having to fight for a place here. I'd never hurt you, or make you do anything you didn't want, and I'd defend you and your pup with my life," he insisted.

I shook my head, mouth opening and shutting in shock. Those warm browns bore into my face with something akin to desperation. All this male wanted to do was make me feel safe, but now I was getting the impression it was because he felt he had to rather than a want.

He'd found me by the river, like a stray pet that nobody else would take in.

"Am I meant to be grateful?" I snapped, pulling my hand from him. "The honourable Beta offering himself up because for some reason he feels obligated?"

"That's not why-"

"It feels like that's the reason." Cutting him off, I didn't want to hear anymore from him. Or from anybody.

He fell back a little, resting an elbow on the bench beside him as he stared into the fire. Maybe if he'd watched me instead, he'd have seen the wolf in my eyes. Something primal demanded I accept his offer and it took everything in me to hold back. Bjarke had proven he was a strong, high ranked male, and the instinctual part of my fur saw that as enough. I needed to create a stable home for my pup. This could be the answer.

The silence stretched on and I didn't know how to break it. I hated the tension in the air and the way it made me feel so unsettled. I didn't want to fall out with him.

I fidgeted with my fingers, trying to wrap my head around the fact there was another life growing inside me. A life that I'd eventually be able to hold in my arms, feel and touch. If I hadn't been sick, how long would my pregnancy have gone unnoticed?

Looking up as Bjarke turned to me again, there was something knew in his expression. Something that stopped all thoughts in their tracks.

"I want to be your mate. Does that change anything?" he asked quietly, barley above a whisper.

I smiled a little, wishing I could believe that was true but the more I studied him, the more I saw nothing but honesty shining in his eyes. My smile fell and I waited for the punchline that never came.

"You want to be my mate?" I repeated slowly, staring at him in wonder.

He nodded and came to kneel in front of me. He grabbed both my hands before I could run away again and pressed a sudden kiss to my lips. Of course, I kissed him back. I even melted into him, shuffling closer so I could feel more of his body against me.

Fingers sunk into my hair as my hands splayed across his chest, gentle nips to my lip drawing out a low purr from me. He pulled back, his forehead resting against mine and he was panting hard.

"You want me?" I couldn't help but ask again, studying warm brown eyes that held a fracture of Wulven gold and the odd shade of red. He was like no wolf I'd ever seen before. I could believe he had ancestry of more than just wolf.

Releasing one hand, he cupped my cheek. "I want you to be mine. I want to be allowed to feed you and care for you, to love you and have you in my bed. You hate that I'm your keeper so allow me to be your mate instead, Freydis. I can't explain how, but from the moment you held that knife up to me, I've been craving you. Even when I was sure you were feral and nothing could be done, I couldn't allow myself to stray far from your side."

"You hated me," I whispered back, lowering my head only for him to tip it back up. He was so close, his lips were nearly touching mine as he spoke.

"No. I hated that I felt fate had ripped choices from me. I hated that I couldn't act on how I felt because you needed a protector and not a potential mate. I hated that someone had ever thought to hurt you and that even now that most of the bruises have gone, your skin still carries their scars. And I hated that you hated me because your knowledge of pack wolves had been so twisted. I only ever wanted to help you," he announced, brushing affectionately over the mangled skin on my neck.

I closed my eyes. How could he want me? How could any of what he'd said be true? All this talk of fate and mates, yet my fate had always been to suffer

The sting of tears stopped me from being able to look him in the eye as I admitted, "I'm not beautiful. You could have a beautiful she-wolf who'll carry your pup's. Not someone else's.

"You're not listening to me, Freydis," he stated, fingers tangling gently but firmly in my hair. "You're the most beautiful female I've ever seen, your scars only make you more so. I don't want another female who'll carry my pups. I want you, and I want the pup you carry now."

Before I could speak in protest again, he kissed me once more. I didn't even try to stop him, my lips moving against his as if it was something we'd always done. He began to push me to my back but I stiffened as old fears flared to life. The weight of a body on top of me was too much even if I trusted him. He stopped immediately and rolled to his back instead. Hands on my hips tugged me with him, my legs either side of his waist as his tongue skimmed over my bottom lip.

"Whatever you need, my female, I will give to you. However you need to be touched and held, you can teach me what you need." He trailed kisses along my jaw, loosely holding my hips so I knew I was free to move away at any time.

I took a deep shuddering breath, my fingers tracing the ridges of muscle down his abdomen without really noticing. It was an oddly powerful sensation to be on top of the burly Beta who could snap my bones with a flick of his wrist. He was hard between my thighs, pressing against my core and eliciting a breathy moan when I shifted my weight.

"Even if you can only have me like this?" I asked, unable to help but grind against him. Pleasure coiled around me, throbbing low in my belly. The den was heady with the scent of our desire.

He nodded, eyes on my face as he trailed the fingers of one hand over my hip and down between my thighs. I bolt of heat shot through me when he pressed against the spot that throbbed. Gasping, my nails dug into his chest and my head fell back as he worked the bundle of nerves until I was moaning with my head thrown back.

Sitting up, he captured my mouth again. Fangs scraped against my lip and I gave into temptation. Why shouldn't I take him as mine? He'd pledged himself to me already, I deserved a male that had done everything to put me first.

I whimpered when his fingers left me, only to moan again when I felt him press the tip of his length against my core. Much to my frustration, that's where he paused, eyes boring into mine for an answer but I couldn't focus enough to speak. Bracing my hands on his shoulder, I slammed myself down. The stretch as he filled me was uncomfortable at first but Bjarke was in no rush. He groaned and his hips lifted ever so slightly but he didn't make a move to take me like I knew he wanted.

I was in complete control and nothing had ever been so exhilarating. My eyes held his as I lifted myself up and I feasted upon the sight of him biting his lip, head falling back when I sunk down again. An arm around his neck, I kept up that pace for a while, in awe of him, of the control he kept solely because he refused to scare or hurt me.

Feeling braver and craving more, I rocked my hips faster. I arched my back to take him deeper and felt the rough touch of stubble against my chest. I looked down in surprise when he didn't maul at soft flesh, instead he teased each nipple with tongue and teeth. This was a new pleasure, one that urged me to let go of my own control.

As I took what I needed from him, grinding myself against his lap in a desperation to keep feeling the heat that burned through my veins, he learned the curves of my body. Fingers found places I loved to feel his touch, and the places that triggered defensive instincts. His hand came up to my throat then moved away when he felt my body tense. Valdis had liked to keep me immobile with a hand around my neck, or his fangs if we were in fur.

I opened my eyes to remind myself I wasn't in the wild with him, but in a safe den with Bjarke. It was his lips that touched the scars on my throat now and while my breathing hitched, I tipped my head for him. I could feel the scrape of his fangs, my fingers tangling in his hair. But he didn't bite and a possessive growl rumbled from my chest as my wolf demanded he stake his claim. He answered with a soft growl of his own, one hand grabbing my ass to move me faster against him. It was the only bit of control he took back and I understood what he wanted from me.

I grabbed his arm to move his hand back between my thighs, my breathing harsh. Pleasure built until my movements became rough. A firm press of two fingers circling over them gently pinching my nub and I shattered.

Fangs sunk into my throat, a thread deep in my soul tugged and the world went black. I cried out something though I wasn't sure what because wave upon wave of ecstasy was crashing through me, stealing my senses. When he released my throat, his hands the only thing keeping me moving, fur took over my control. The Beta had already tipped his head for me and I bit down at the crook of his neck only to feel that pleasure all over again. But this time it was coming from the male who's soul was wrapping tight around mine as the bond formed.

His grip became bruising but I didn't care. I made sure this male's skin would hold my mark, teeth tearing in deeper, blood filling my mouth. The roar he let out must have been heard for miles and I shuddered at the pulsing of him between my thighs as he filled me with his seed.

I slumped against his chest, skin coated in sweat. Long seconds dragged on and still I twitched with aftershocks of pleasure. My fangs were still buried in his throat, low growls of pleasure and possessiveness filling the air.

Gently lying back, my Beta kept my body against his, neck still tilted for me. I trembled above him, the world coming back to focus as my fur settled and I finally managed to release his throat. I could taste his blood on my tongue, I could smell him on my skin and I inhaled greedily. He smelt like me too. There was something comforting about that.

It was the flurry of foreign emotions coming from the bond that was the most overwhelming. I wanted to savour in the feeling of it, to explore the emotions of the panting male beneath me. He'd claimed me. He was my mate. I was his. There was a pup in belly. How had that happened? I shifted as anxiety and worry built again, ruining my moment of peace.

A shiver went up my spine as fingers trailed gently up and down my back, the chest beneath me vibrating a comforting rumble. I settled down again, taking each breath as he did.

"Will that have hurt the baby?" I murmured, frowning.

Bjarke chuckled softly. "No, my female. He's safely tucked away."

I nodded relaxing a little more. I'd never lain like this before and I could still feel the press of my mate between my thighs. Unable to help myself, I wriggled a little, lips twitching as a firm hand grabbed my hip but I could feel him hard and ready again now.

"You're not a shy one are you?" he asked, his voice husky.

"No," I breathed, hips rocking of their own accord as he stretched me once more.

My arms didn't feel like they'd support my weight as I sat up to ride him again. He didn't try to move me into a new position, letting me keep my control. This time he stayed lying down and I could feel the burn of his eyes raking over my form.

Hair swept down my back as my head fell back and I murmured some plea to a goddess I couldn't name. My body twitched when the Beta's hands slid from my hips, grazing up to cup the weight of my breasts.

I forgot everything again, only able to think about the sensation of feeling another's pleasure on top of my own. The bond strengthened until our very soul felt one in the same. My Beta made sure there were no nightmares that night, chasing the ghosts away.