Waiting For Spring

“Arlarose.” I stopped instantly as I walked through the doors of my bedchambers. He sounded shocked and when I looked into his face, I saw that his expression mirrored his tone.

“Yes?” I drew out the word, eyeing him cautiously. As far as I knew, in the space of time since breakfast and now there was nothing, I could have done wrong. Other than my regular verbal sparring match with Marla.

As per usual, she got her way and I was in a pale pink dress with three more ruffles than yesterday’s dress. Not to mention the hundreds of pins keeping my hair perfectly coiffed. I had already pulled seven out before I had made it out of my dressing room.

“Are you forgetting something?” King James asked and for a moment I ran through a mental check of things I should have but as far as I could tell, I was fully dressed and ready to go and find out what the King’s surprise is.

“No.” Then, I watched as his eyes flicked to my feet and back to my eyes again.

“Where are your shoes, princess?”

“Oh,” I laughed, looking down at my feet and wriggling my bare toes. “I forgot.” Running back to my room, I plucked the shoes Marla had chosen for me, glad to see that they were pale pink silk slippers.

Running back into my sitting rooms, the King said, “Do you often roam the castle halls without shoes?”

“I never had to remember them before,” I shrugged, slipping them on my feet and stopping at his side. Glancing up, I see him open his mouth to say something, but then he seems to think better of it and instead leans down and takes my hand in his, leading me from my rooms.

“Troy says you wouldn’t like me walking around the castle without shoes,” I admitted, barely containing my excitement for what was to come. Maybe we were going on a carriage ride through the countryside.

“You’ve done this before?”

“They squish my toes.” I frowned. I waved at Mantai and Sam as we passed them by and received muted smiles in reply. Sam was stoic as ever.

“You are trouble, my Rose.” He chuckled. “I thought it was you who wouldn’t be equipped for my court but now I see that it is us who was unprepared for your arrival.”

“I guess I don’t fit in your mold.” Walking through the corridors of the castle at the king’s side, I didn’t miss the way the servants watched us. How their eyes lingered on our entwined hands and how quickly they averted their eyes when they caught my gaze. It made me think, what would happen if members of his court saw us? Would he hide me?

“I know.”

I didn’t think I cared about how he saw me. I didn’t think I cared whether he thought I was his image of the perfect princess. I didn’t even know that I had accepted my birthright.

But I did.

And hearing him acknowledge my shortcomings, my failings, evoked a hollowness inside of me. What if he decided that he didn’t want me anymore? What if he decided that I wasn’t enough for him or his country? What if he sent me back to the streets? If he never found me, he wouldn’t be obligated to uphold his part of the agreement. Would he let me return to brothers I have no memory of but have grown attached to, regardless?

Warily, I asked, “Do you want me to be different?”

By now, we were standing before his study door. In front of the same door I had fled from only a week ago.

“Arlarose,” he sighed, turning to face me. “In my memories of you, I have always known who you are.”

“This is who I am,” I breathed in exasperation. “I don’t know how to be anything else. I don’t know this girl you remember so fondly.”

“I wish you had never been lost. I wish I could have been there watching you grow and shielding you.”

“I don’t need protection. I am strong enough to stand on my own two feet. I am strong enough to know that who I am is not someone I should be ashamed of, no matter what you think.”

“I will never stop trying to protect you, my Rose. I need you to be safe.” He held the door of his office open for me to enter and knowing that he never answered my question I swept past him, releasing my hand from his.

“Even when it means I need to change so I fit more safely in your world.”

Scowling, I stood before his desk, thoroughly discouraged and sour over the day he might have planned. For all I knew, I was in for a day of lessons delivered directly from the king himself.

His footsteps trod lightly on the floor as he walked towards me. When I felt his hand try to take mine, I tore it from his grasp and continued to stare straight ahead, glaring at the fading beauty of the garden on the other side of his study window.

Hearing the snick of a door opening, my curiosity forced me to turn in its direction, only to find one of the stuffed shelves swinging open to reveal another room.

As if pulled or pushed by my own curiosity, I took several steps towards the secret passage.

“Your mother used to say that there wasn’t a secret passage in all the castle in all the worlds that you couldn’t find.”

A spark of something familiar flashed through me at his words, but I kept my eyes locked on the dark space beyond the door. And the king continued, “I guarantee you’ve never seen this one.”

He reached for my hand again but the look on my face made him pause. Instead, I marched past him into the darkness, running my hand along the rough stone of the wall that was in stark contrast to the warmth of the room I had just left.

I barely kept my feet when the floor came out from under me before catching on the next step. A hand wrapped around my middle and pulled me back before I could stumble any further. Although it already felt like my heart had tumbled down the unseen stairs.

“You don’t always have to lead, you know?” Light filled the narrow passageway, illuminating the steep, stone stairs I had almost tumbled down. But my entire focus was on the warmth of his hand pressed firmly against my stomach.

“I’m not good at following.” I felt the chuckle rumble through his chest as he pressed against my back, then his hand slipped from my stomach to hold my hand and he walked by my side down the worn and chipped stairs.

At the bottom, there was a wooden door. There were splits in the wood and gaps where it had warped over the years allow slits of light to paint the stone gold. Then he pushed it open and my heart paused before I released his hand and burst out into the light filling the expansive garden. Where had this been hiding?

I was already halfway up the nearest weeping willow tree when I heard his voice pull me back, “My Rose, will you ever keep these on your feet?”

Resting my foot on a knot in the tree, I pushed off from the trunk of the tree and hung from the nearest branch before pulling myself up and sitting safely on the sturdy limb. From there, through the leaves of the willow, I cast my eyes around the vibrant garden. In the distance, I could hear water rushing and I was eager to explore every corner and every tree hollow. Birds were singing among the trees in the distance and much of the floor was filled with the vibrant colors of autumn leaf fall. Flowers were wilting and hiding for the winter chill, but it didn’t take anything away from the wildly, calm, sprawling garden that almost felt like fairies had crafted it.

“If I had been wearing those, I might have hurt myself,” I smiled, watching as he picked up my discarded slippers, brushing aside the weeping leaves that settle around the tree.

“You truly are something else, my beautiful Rose.” I felt heat rush to my cheeks with his attention. He dropped my shoes at the base of the trunk before stepping closer to me. From where I sat, he stood as tall as my knees.

“Even when I don’t act like your idea of a perfect princess?” I challenged, drawing a long sigh from him as he rested his forehead against my knee and held the branch on either side of me.

“You twist my words, Rose. That isn’t what I meant, at all.” He groaned. The sun broke through the spaces between the leaves and caught golden streaks in his hair and suddenly all I wanted to do was run my fingers through it. Those thoughts immediately went back to a moment when I had run my hands through his hair while his lips had been stealing a kiss from mine.

I narrowed my eyes waiting for him to continue, “I love your unpredictability. I love the way your nose crinkles when you’re being stubborn. I love that you’ve always got a plan to cause trouble and I hate that I tried to change that. I just wish I could keep you safe, but…”

He stepped back, his hands fisted at his side, “I need you to remain relatively hidden until your brother arrives. You’ve already caused an uproar just from your few forays into my court. Lord Gregor already suspects- “

“When will he be here? My brother?”

Sighing, “Within the next two weeks. We will hold a ball the night of his arrival to announce our engagement. Then we are to be wed the next month.” His body seemed to tense as if he were waiting for a blow to strike him.

“Then the war will end?”

“Yes. Once you are my wife, your family will have upheld the last of the agreement.”

I hummed without reply, not sure how I should take everything he had said to me. I didn’t know what to think. Everything seemed to be moving quickly, but then it also felt like it was moving too slowly. Two weeks felt like a lifetime when at the end of it I would finally be reunited with the only family I was free to claim. A family that would love me, exactly as I am.

“How long will he stay?” My legs swung loosely beneath me and I watch as my bare feet came in and out of view.

“Long enough to witness the wedding, I assume.” His voice seemed wary as if he were waiting for my outburst.

“Will…will Marcus be there?” How could I be married without having met my eldest brother? I felt as if he had a part of who I was, and I wouldn’t be whole unless he had revealed to me that part of myself, he had been keeping safe all these years.

“Rose,” I felt his hand press against my knee through the many ruffles of my pale pink day dress and my eyes drifted to his. “I cannot predict what King Marcus will do, but I don’t think it likely he will be in attendance.”

“Is he like my father?”

“No Rose, he loves you,” and without knowing it, he reaffirmed what I had always feared. My father hadn’t loved me. He had tried to kill me. “He, like me, scoured your country, searching for you, but he’s king now. And that comes with responsibilities.”

“I wish I knew them better,” I sighed, brushing his hand aside and leaping from the branch I had perched myself on. Moving past him, I brushed aside the hanging branches and relished the feel of the cool lush grass against my feet. I moved through the garden, walking through the overgrown grass, brushing the petals of the dying flowers.

I could feel him following just a few steps behind me, but I kept the silence. I glanced up when the shadow of a bird passed over me and found that the sky was obstructed by a glass ceiling.

“How do the birds find their way inside?” I mused.

“The ceiling was designed by my father. He was a tinkerer.” I glanced back to see him smiling up at the ceiling. “He made it so when it rains, we can slide open the windows. Or whenever we would like them open all we have to do is turn the handle against the walls that will pull the windows open.”

“So, the birds are trapped until you decide to set them free?”

“I suppose they are,” he frowned, but then he looked around the garden. “But it’s not such a bad place to spend your days.”

“Why have the roof at all?”

“From the outside, my father wanted it to look like just another room. The only way to get in or out is through that door that leads directly through my study. He made it for my mother. A safe place to spend her day away from the prying eyes of the court.”

“It would be better without the roof.”

Silently, he continued to follow me through the gardens. Waiting when I stopped to watch the fish in the stream. It seemed to run through the center of the garden, filling the air with the freshness. The hem of my dress brushed against the water, dampening the hem before the dirt muddied it, staining the pale pink, brown. Water dripped from my hands and I wiped them against the ruffles of my dress.

“Arlarose,” I hummed to reply, stepping across the stones that ran through the stream. “Are you ready for the next part of your surprise?”

“Archery?” I asked, my eyes flashing to his only to have disappointment crash down on me when he laughed off my suggestion.

“Come with me,” he said, offering his hand to lead me back across the rocks through the creek.

I allowed him to lead me through the garden until we reached a dense patch of trees. He continued through the gap in the trees, pulling me through into a clearing where among the grass sat a bright red blanket with a basket placed in its center and pillows surrounding the edges.

“How about some lunch?”

“You did all of this?” I asked, allowing him to lead me towards the blanket and settling me among the pillows. “For me?”

“I wanted to do something special for you.”

“I love it,” I smiled, watching as he pulled sandwiches from the basket, plates, glasses and a bottle of something. He poured us both a glass, the bubbles fizzing over the top. Gently, he set a plate of sandwiches in my lap.

We ate in companionable silence, sipping at our drinks until they were drained, and our plates were empty. Stifling a yawn, I set aside my plate and nestled myself back into the pillows scattered around the blanket, gazing through the glass ceiling, my hands resting against my stomach.

I heard the king shuffling beside me until he was resting on the pillow next to mine. The rhythm of his breathing, the gentle movement of the leaves and the sound of the running creek in the distance drew my eyes closed and no matter how I tried I couldn’t open them again.