Waiting For Spring

The nightmares were worse. It had been over a week since I had seen Simon in the dungeons and I could barely recognize when the day began, and the night ended. Every shadow was a new threat. Each time Lucinda raised her wretched ruler to strike when I wasn’t paying attention, I about jumped out of my seat. My hands were permanently red after the week I had been having. I could barely string two thoughts together, and the prospect of food only made my stomach do swooping summersaults threatening to throw up the emptiness inside.

Troy had visited almost daily, but his visits were getting shorter as he realized I wasn’t offering him any conversation. I had never heard a man sigh so much.

The king had not visited me. And every day that he didn’t caused frustration to build inside of me only to be released in a relieved sigh. Every day I would wait for him to walk through my chamber doors, but as soon as the thought manifested in my mind, I would wish it away. My mind was torn in two and all my thoughts were twisted and tangled inside. Everything that had happened since my expedition to the dungeons had left my world in pieces.

By midafternoon, a week after my trip to the dungeons, Lucinda left my rooms muttering furiously about my lack of progress before shouting for all to hear that I was unteachable. The doors stood ajar after she left in a flurry of papers and stale perfume only for Mantai's head to appear in the space.

“Highness?” He inquired, watching as I slumped further in my chair, pushing several books to the opposite side of the table. “Should I fetch Captain Hennison?”

I offered him a weak shrug in reply, my eyes burning, almost demanding that I submit to sleep. But I knew what awaited me in the darkness.

“Perhaps you should ring for Marla?” He suggested, moving from his post beside my door and toeing the threshold of my room as if asking my permission to come inside. “It appears you could do with a rest.”

“I’m not tired,” I huffed, pushing to my feet, only to clutch the table with white knuckles as the world tilted beneath me.

“Of course, Highness,” He murmured, daring to take several steps past the threshold. “What can I do for you?”

For a moment, my mind was blank. It had been a long time since someone had asked me what I wanted, and now that I had to think about it there didn’t seem to be any thoughts left in my head.

I felt Mantai’s expectant eyes on me and I slumped back in my chair as my legs started to give out on me.

“Maybe you could just sit with me?”

“I’m not sure, the king wou-“ He began, casting a nervous look over his shoulder but I was already speaking over him, trying to stop the dark cloud of thoughts from filling the space in my mind.

“Please, Mantai,” I breathed. “Just for a moment.”

When he turned from me, I thought he was going to deny me, but instead, he muttered something to my other guard, Sam, before turning back and taking the seat across from me.

When he remained silent I spoke, “How long have you been a Royal Guard?”

He seemed shocked by my question and as he sat there, motionless, I believed he would answer me. “Seven years, your highness.”

“Did you choose it?”

“I-I don’t understand,” he frowned, but as he spoke his shoulders began to dip.

“Was it your choice to become a guard or did someone choose it for you?”

“As a young boy, I liked to spar with wooden swords. I spent every free moment, I wasn’t completing chores, challenging the other children.” A distant smile sat on his lips and a faraway look filled his eyes as if the memory was playing out for only him to see. I felt a pain in my chest at a childhood I had missed, one that had been stolen from me. “When I was sixteen summers, my father, who was the local blacksmith, crafted me a sword. And I took that sword to the castle and challenged the Captain of the guard.”

“You challenged Troy?” I asked, feeling a heaviness start to settle over my body.

He nodded and said, “Graciously Captain Hennison accepted my challenge and after he had beaten me, soundly, he offered me a place to train as a palace guard.”

“That was kind of him,” I yawned. “Guess looking after me isn’t why you wanted to join?”

“It is my honor to guard the future queen of my country,” he smiled kindly.

“What did you do before you were guarding a miscreant princess?” I asked and slowly his deep, soothing, sonorous voice lulled me into the darkness. Dragging me under and wrapping me tightly in its warmth and protection.

“As far as we can tell, she has not been sleeping, your majesty.” Low voices distantly filled my mind, but not enough to chase my bliss away.

“Why was I not informed sooner,” another familiar voice demanded, but this one was closer. As if their lips we beside my ear. The other voice didn’t reply at first, and I wondered if I had drifted away.

“She cries out in the night.” This voice was higher, less warm. I must have missed the reply.

“What are these marks on her hands?” I felt warmth seep through my body, like the first rays of sun on a summer’s day. There were hands in mine and a cloudlike pillow at my back.

“Sleep well my Rose,” the warm voice murmured. “I will not leave you.”

When I woke again, sunlight was streaming in through the windows of my bedchambers and my body was cocooned in the warm, reassuring layers of my bed. I couldn’t bring myself to open my eyes. All I wanted was to drift back under. It had been so long since my dreams had been so blissful.

My body felt heavy, almost as if it wasn’t there at all but then as my mind started to awaken, I felt a pressure on my fingers. Forcing my eyes open, I blinked away the sleep and the sun before turning in my bed only to lose my breath.

There, at my side, was the same man who had been occupying all the space in my mind for the last week. The same man who stole my first kiss before I pushed him aside.

His brown eyes were hidden behind delicate eyelids and a mess of golden-brown hair. His head rested beside our entwined hands and as I travelled back through my memory, I couldn’t find him there before I had drifted off the night before. Had he been by my side the entire night?

I watched as his chest rose and fell, wondering what it would feel like to run my hands through his hair. As my thoughts began to relive the feel of his lips against mine, his eyes began to flutter open, as if he knew I was watching him.

I watched as he woke slowly. His eyes blinking in the morning sun, his free hand rubbing at the back of his neck to soothe his sore muscles. I watched it all until his gaze finally settled on me and then he smiled a smile just for me. It filled his eyes and softened his sharp edges. It felt like I was melting from the inside out.

“Good morning, my Rose.” All I could do was smile. “Did you sleep well?”

The best I could muster was a weak nod. What world had I woken up in? Was I even awake?

The legs of his chair squeaked against the floors as he shuffled closer and reluctantly, I asked the question that had been filling my mind since waking only moments before, “Why are you here?” And before he could reply, I continued, “Did Lucinda say something to you?”

“No, my Rose,” and suddenly storm clouds filled his eyes. “If anything, I need to have a word with her.” His fingers traced the red marks against the backs of my hands and I fought the urge to pull them from him. I just wanted to feel his touch a little longer.

“I’m not a very good student.”

“I know,” he smiled, leaning forward and pressing a kiss against my forehead. “But no one should be raising a hand against you. Ever.”

“Oh,” I muttered, watching as he rose to his feet, stretching for the robe at the end of my bed. His own clothes were rumpled, his collar askew from sleeping with his head resting at my side. His hair was tangled and flat against the left side of his face. It seemed more boyish that I had seen him since arriving at the castle.

“Now, why don’t we ring for your maids and get you some breakfast.” He held the robe out for me and in a daze, I tossed my covers aside and slipped my arms into the sleeves of my outstretched robe.

“Will Troy be joining me?” I froze the moment his fingers laced through mine, pulling me back to his side.

“Why would he join us?” I glanced up as we walked from my bedchambers and found a strange look on the King’s face. He wasn’t angry, but he wasn’t happy either.

He rang for the maids as we passed into the dining area and I hoped it wasn’t long before they arrived. For the first time in days, I felt the hunger gnawing at my stomach. When was the last time I had had a real meal?

“Us? Are you staying?” Maybe I had done something wrong?

“I have cleared my entire day for you, my Rose,” He said, bending over to help me into my chair.

“Why?” I blurted, slapping my hand over my mouth in case any more stupid words could escape. The King didn’t seem to mind my outburst, breaking into deep, rolling laugher just as Marla and the twins entered the room carrying trays laden with breakfast foods.

I noticed Marla shot the King a questioning look before turning her eyes on me and glaring down at my robe and nightdress. A disapproving ‘tsk’ escaped her as she set a plate before the King, but he seemed entirely unphased by her attitude and merely smiled as she and the girls left the room.

His voice again, drew my attention back to the table, “Eat up Arlarose, I have a surprise planned for when we are finished here, that I think you will love.”

“What is it?” I asked, picturing all the things I would love to do. Maybe he would teach me archery, or sword fighting, or maybe he would take me down to the market. But he didn’t answer me, instead he smiled and ate his steaming eggs, nodding at me to do the same.