Waiting For Spring

Bruised and dirt covered arms stretched through the bars as I moved hastily down the line of cells. The stench stole my breath but did little to weaken my resolve. My answers were in this room, and I wasn’t leaving until I found him.

I ran my eyes over every desperate and grime covered face as I passed, looking for the same face I had known all my life. The first face I remember seeing through the flames on a night a life was lost and a new one began.

My feet dug into the layers of dirt and waste when I saw his familiar eyes, watching me, waiting for me. I fell back into the memories we had shared from years on the streets. The cut above his eyebrow from when he slammed his head against the window frame of the local tavern. He was stealing food for me. I was nine and he was fourteen. He had found me under the bridge after he returned from one of his extended absences. The winter that year had been brutal, and I found myself with a fever and no energy to find food. Everyday all I could do was wait and hope that Simon would return. He didn’t disappear for almost two years after that and he never left during winter.

“Simon,” I finally breathed, taking several more tentative steps in his direction. He watched me closely, warily and suddenly, looking into his eyes I felt as if I was looking at a stranger.

“What are you doing here, Rosie?” His voice was flat and cold, matching the look growing in his eyes. He must feel the change too.

“I needed to see you.” I began, stepping forwarded and sitting down, mirroring how he sat behind his cell’s bars. “I have some questions.”

“I guess it was too much to hope that you were here to free me.” His voice held nothing of the hope he spoke of and a wave of guilt washed through me.

“I’m not sure I should.”

“What lies have they told you, Rosie?” He sighed, and I couldn’t help but feel like I should be asking him the same question.

The eyes of the other prisoner’s were piercing through my skin. While they had retracted their hands from between the bars of their cells, I knew they were hanging on our every word and every move I made. I could feel the damp from the floor start to seep through my thin day dress. In the back of my mind I was picturing Marla’s disapproving glare.

“Does he…” Simon paused, shaking his head before he lifted his eyes from the hands clasped in his lap and looked at me. “Does he treat you well?”

I thought about it for a moment, thinking of everything that had transpired between myself and the king, then I answered, “I have a much lovelier cell.”

“I bet the king is none too impressed by some of your more…wild tendencies.” He chuckled, but it was nothing like the laughs I had heard from him before. Instead of filling me with a feeling of lightness it sent something heavy sinking to the bottom of my stomach.

“I don’t want to talk about the king.”

“So, ask me your questions Rosie. Judging by the way you keep looking over your shoulder, you don’t have a lot of time.”

“How did you find me?” I started and when he didn’t answer straight away, I continued. “The night of the fire, why were you there?”

“I followed your father.” Chills chased the words down my spine. My entire body turned numb, my mind trying to fill the gaps in my memories.

“Why?” I choked out, my eyes burning with an emotion I was struggling to identify and memories I was trying desperately to hold on to.

“I worked in the castle.” He began. I didn’t need to ask to know that he was talking about the castle in Paca. “I saw your brothers the night of the fire. They were racing through the gardens shouting your name. At first the castle had thought you were just out exploring and had wondered off, but no one had seen you since after the lunchtime meal and by then it was dark.

“Your mother searched the castle, in case you had fallen asleep somewhere no one could find you. And your father? He set off on horseback, searching the forest to the east. I followed.”

“Why?”

“Something didn’t feel right,” he shrugged, his eyes glazed as if the memories were playing across his eyes for only him to see. “I saddled a horse and followed after him into the dark forest. Yet despite the darkness, I knew if we did find you, you wouldn’t be afraid.

“As I drew nearer to your father’s horse, I heard the unmistakable sound of your laughter, drifting through the still forest air, followed by the deep sound of your father’s voice. But rather than hearing the nearing sounds of hooves heading in my direction they were heading away.”

Dread weighed down my limbs. My arms felt like they had been weighed down with stone in my veins instead of blood. I didn’t want to hear what was coming next, but I needed to hear it.

“When your father finally stopped riding, we had been riding for hours. You were slumped in his lap and I had assumed you had fallen asleep.

“I knew we were near the border. He carried you from the horse into an abandoned barn. You didn’t stir. The sun was already rising, so I stayed in the treeline, so the king wouldn’t spot me. Then a few minutes later, he strode out from the barn, mounted his horse and rode away.

“He left me there?” I asked, and I hated how small my voice sounded. I hated that with every word Simon spoke a piece of me was being chipped away.

“I waited for him to come back, but as soon as I smelt the smoke, I knew what he had done.” He shook his head, anger in his words.

“Then you pulled me from the fire.”

“I knew you wouldn’t be safe in Paca so, I took you across the border and sold the horse I was riding for food.”

“Why did you never tell me this?” The feeling of betrayal flashed through my veins and, in its wake, it sparked a furious rage inside of me. He had been lying to me my entire life. “Why didn’t you take me to the king of Citra? Why didn’t you try and get in contact with my brothers? Why did you hide me?” I seethed.

“I had to.”

“No, you didn’t,” I spat, getting to my feet and looming over him. My hands were wrapped tightly around the bars of his cell until my knuckles turned white.

“I didn’t have a choice,” he defended, but he refused to meet my eyes. All he did was sit there in his cell, staring at his hands. The boy I had spent my life with. The boy I had trusted with my life.

“There’s always a choice, Simon.” I hissed, crouching down so I was eye level, still clutching the bars tightly in my hands. “Why did you make the choice to keep me in the dark?”

“I never wanted to hurt you. When I saved you, I didn’t even know you.”

“But you did hurt me. You’ve hurt me more than the king ever could.”

“You don’t mean that, princess,” he answered, gently reaching through the bars and pressing a cool hand against my fury reddened cheek.

“Don’t call me that,” I shouted, slamming my hand against the bars and dislodging his hand from my cheek. The pain sliced through my palm and ricocheted up my arm, rattling the thoughts in my head.

“You are the Princess, Rosie.” Stumbling back to my feet, I pressed shaky hands to my temples and tried to rub the thoughts away. When I ran my hands down my face, I felt the wetness on my cheeks where tears had already started to fall.

“No.” I couldn’t be the princess. I didn’t want to be the princess, because if I was the princess then this war, the war that had stolen so many innocent lives could have been stopped. I could have stopped it.

“You won’t marry the king, Rosie.” My eyes darted to his, to find him already on his feet, looking intensely at me through his prison.

“I-I…”

“I was protecting you. You can’t marry the king.”

“Protecting me?” I scoffed, a bitter smile tugging at my lips. “All you’ve ever done is lie to me.”

“I’ll come for you Rosie. The king will never have you.” The fierceness in his eyes frightened me. He wasn’t the same Simon I had always known. He wasn’t my Simon at all.

“I-I don’t understand. Why-,” The doors slamming open at the ned of the corridor stopped my words in my throat. All eyes in the cells turned to the new arrival, but my mind was still trapped in my conversation with Simon.

“Guess our time is up.” I heard Simon distantly in my thoughts, but I could barely take a breath and my heart and mind were lost in a confusing mess of emotions and thoughts. Why did it feel like the ground had been ripped out from under me or my very soul had been torn from my body and then stuffed back in the wrong way?

Troy’s furious footsteps bounced off the walls of the castle dungeons, sending prisoners scattering to the backs of their cells. His eyes were locked on me, but I didn’t have the energy to be afraid of my punishment for my latest rebellious act.

Over his shoulder, I could see several guards waiting by the doors, but they didn’t follow him in. I couldn’t even imagine how many guards had been searching all over the castle for me.

As Troy came to a stop by my side, his gaze flickered to Simon’s cell and a dark chuckle escaped his lips. “Very clever, Rosie.”

He shook his head again, before reaching for my elbow to lead me from the cells. Instinctively, I threw his touch aside and took several steps back.

“Don’t fight me,” he threatened, danger flashing in his eyes as I got my first look at why he was made captain of the guard. My eyes flashed to Simon’s as he watched me closely. Everything looked wrong, from the way his eyes were looking at me to the taller way he stood. Nothing was the same.

“Who are you?” I demanded, seeing no traces of the boy I had spent my life with.

“You know who I am.” He shrugged, his words squeezing my heart with helplessness.

“Enough princess,” Troy hissed so only I could hear. He tromped across the distance between us and snatched at my arm again. I sidestepped his hold, glaring at his offending hand as I turned to walk back towards the entrance of the dungeons.

“I know the way.”

I heard his footsteps follow me down the corridor and out into the hall and not once did I want to turn back. Not once did I want a reminder of the man in that cell or the girl I had been.

Troy and the other guards didn’t lead me back to my rooms, instead, I found myself standing on the opposite side of a heavy-set wooden desk. Glancing behind the desk, I was able to see through the expansive windows into a part of the garden I had never seen.

The remaining walls were stuffed with hundreds of books with a large portrait of a man that looked almost identical to the king and a woman that had the same brown eyes. Although hers held more warmth than I had ever seen the king possess. Beneath the portrait was a fireplace emitting heat throughout the room and was quickly thawing the chill I had experienced since entering the dungeons.

Troy stood at my side, while the rest of my escort remained outside the room. Apparently, the captain of the guard wasn’t taking any chances.

What felt like hours later, the silence of the room was invaded by heavy footfalls and the groan of the door as it swung open. I stayed staring out the window as the footsteps marched slowly across the carpeted room until the king was standing in my line of sight across the desk.

When the king started laughing my eyes snapped to his watching as he slumped into the leather clad chair and rested his head in his hands. Looking at Troy, he seemed to be as lost as I was with the turn of events and all either of us could do was stand and watch.

“James,” Troy finally spoke, and the king just waved him off before asking him to leave the room. Troy hesitated for a moment, watching his friend closely before turning around and exiting the king’s study.

When the king’s laughter started to slow, he drew a finger under his eyes to catch the gathering moisture before gesturing for me to sit in the seat across from him. I apprehensively perched myself on the edge of the seat, poised to run from the room if the kings humour turned dangerous. I always knew I risked the king’s wrath from what I had done and thinking back to my conversation with Simon, I wasn’t even sure it was worth it anymore.

“What am I going to do with you?” He smirked and while it unsettled me to see such a carefree look on his face, the longer I looked the more relaxed I became.

“Are…are you mad?” I asked.

“Of course, I am, I’m furious,” he sighed but what he was saying didn’t match his body language. “At least I was, but what am I going to do? Short of locking you in a tower and throwing away the key, nothing I’ve done has been able to contain you.”

Sighing, I watched as he got to his feet and came to sit in the matching chair beside me. His huge frame making it look small. I jumped when he took my hands and held them in his own, looking at them almost reverently.

“This isn’t how I wanted to treat you, Arlarose.” He frowned, keep his eyes on our interlaced hands. “When I was younger, all I wanted to do was shower you with gifts and make sure that the light and happiness in your eyes never disappeared.

“Then I lost you, and with you, that innocent boy. Every day, all I could think was that I should have prioritised your safety, not your happiness. I should have protected you better.”

I didn’t know what to say. His anger was easier to handle. I didn’t know what to say to him when he was trying to make me understand, to make me see a softer side. I could feel his eye drift to mine, but I kept mine focused on our hands and the warmth and sense of safety they made me feel. A feeling I never wanted to admit I found with him. I didn’t want what he wanted.

“I’m tired.” I muttered, attempting to pull my hands from his and silence the thoughts rolling around my head, but he held them tighter.

“Don’t you see Arlarose, it’s impossible for me to protect you when you’re constantly putting yourself in danger?” He demanded, and the familiar edge was returning to his voice.

“I want to return to my rooms.”

“You aren’t listening to me,” he growled, gripping hands in one of his and resting the other behind my neck and forcing my eyes to his. “Every moment you are here you are in danger.”

“Then let me leave,” I shrugged hopelessly, because the truth was, I didn’t want to leave either. I didn’t want to face what was on the other side of the castle walls. There was no one left to trust.

“You think it’s safer out there,” he gestured to the window, releasing my hands before laying it back on my knee. The warmth of his hand trapping me in place. “If you would let me, I could prove to you I can keep you safe. You are my Rose, you are my everything. You have always been my everything.” His voice dipped, and I followed the curve of his neck until his lips brushed against mine. It was gentler than I would have imagined, but it didn’t stop an inferno from raging inside of me. His fingers curled around the back of my neck, holding me tightly in place. His other hand slipped from my knee and instead pressed firmly against my hipbone until his fingers bit through the fabric of my dress and into my skin.

While I was distracted by his hands, he pressed closer to deepen the kiss, drawing out my own tentative response, and for the first time in weeks, my mind was blissfully blank. My hands pressed against the firmness of his chest and in the moment, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to push him away or draw him in.

I didn’t realise I had stopped breathing until he let out what sounded like a triumphant sound coming from the back of his throat before he lifted me from my chair and draped my legs across his lap. He didn’t even break the kiss long enough for me to catch my breath before his lips had found mine again, but as soon as my chest was pressed against his, my body stiffened. It felt like I was being plunged into a river of icy cold water in the middle of winter.

What was I doing?

With all the strength I could muster, I braced my hands against his chest and pushed back from him. Still on his lap, I watched as his eyes fluttered open, a fire burning brightly in each iris. Neither of us could calm our breathing and it felt as if my heart was beating outside my body.

As fear raced up my spine, I unfolded myself from his lap, brushing off his outstretched hands. I took several steps backwards in the direction of the door and nearly tripped on a box of maps sat beside it.

He watched my every step but seemed too dazed to make a move after me. I couldn’t help but wonder if his thoughts were as chaotic as mine. Inexplicably, I felt tears building up behind my eyes and I knew I needed to get out of there.

I spun for the door, scrambling with the handle before finally pulling it open to find a startled Troy and several other guards watching me warily.

“Arlarose-,” Troy began but I had already pushed through all the bodies and was walking down the hallway.

“I want to return to my rooms,” I barely got out around the lump in my throat.

“Rosie, stop,” Troy shouted, quickly matching my strides and turning me to face him, seeing the evidence of my turmoil as tears fell freely against my already tear stained cheeks.

“I want to return to my rooms.” I said again, taking deep breaths to calm my out of control body.

“Rosie-,”

“Please, Troy,” I pleaded, and he considered for a moment before nodding his head and leading me silently back to my rooms.