Until You (Off-Limits)

I glance around the apartment Grayson and I turned into a home. It’s in the little touches, the throw blanket on the sofa, the candles, the cushions. Then there are the little kitchen tools I bought myself, the photos of the two of us.

I was never supposed to get this comfortable here, and I’m wondering if I invaded Grayson’s space without even realizing it. He only offered me a place to live as a favor to Noah, after all. He thinks I don’t know, but the two of them aren’t as sneaky as they think they are.

“Aria?”

I turn to look at him, surprised to find him home at all. Lately he spends all of his time at the office, and when he gets home, he goes to the rooftop gym, using up whatever energy he’s got left. By the time he comes to bed, he’s ready to pass out from pure exhaustion.

We don’t eat together. We don’t talk. We don’t discuss our days, nor do we work together the way we used to. I don’t remember the last time we had a full-length conversation, something beyond casual pleasantries.

Grayson’s eyes drop to the suitcase beside me, and he tenses. “Where are you going?”

I look at him, searching for a trace of panic, a hint of pain. I find nothing. His expression is completely unreadable. I thought things might change once Ida’s case got resolved. I thought that helping Ida get justice would ease his pain, and I think it has. There’s less tension in his shoulder, and the look in his eyes is less haunted. But his attitude toward me hasn’t changed. It’s been a few weeks, and other than thanking me for my help, he hasn’t spoken to me. He hasn’t sat down to have dinner with me, and he certainly hasn’t so much as touched me. He hasn’t even held my hand, let alone hugged me. He comes to bed after I fall asleep, and he’s gone before I wake up. Some nights I’m not even sure he sleeps next to me. I know he’s home, but I suspect he’s been spending some nights on the sofa or in the guestroom, and I hate feeling like I invaded his space, like I took his bedroom from him.

“Home,” I tell him, and it kills me to say it, because I thought home was wherever Grayson was. I thought home was the apartment I’m standing in right now. But then, I thought the same when it came to Brad. I’m so desperate for a normal life that I turn blind to reality. I fail to see that I’m inserting myself where I’m not wanted.

Grayson walks up to me, and my heart starts to race. I hate myself for the hope I feel, for the way I can’t keep from silently begging him to ask me to stay, to take me in his arms and kiss me the way he used to.

“You’re leaving, huh?”

I stare at him, my heart shattering into a thousand pieces. That’s all he’s got to say? I smile mockingly and look away. He’s been showing me he doesn’t care about me for weeks now, so why is a part of me still surprised?

I glance around the house, my eyes lingering on one of the photos of my parents that Gray put there for me, my stomach tightening. “Tell me to stay, Grayson,” I whisper. “Tell me you don’t want me to go. Tell me we can get past this, that you’ll talk to me. Tell me we can work this out.”

I look at him, desperation clawing at me. “It’s been weeks since we last really talked. You’re killing me, Gray. You’ve got me wondering whether it’s just me, whether you just fell out of love with me, whether you just don’t want me anymore. And you know what, if that’s the case, just tell me. Tell me… don’t push me away like you have. Don’t make me feel unwelcome, like I’m intruding in your home.”

Gray runs a hand through his hair and looks away, his jaw locked.

“Tell me what you’re thinking, Grayson. Even if it’s just to tell me you want me to leave. Please, just speak to me. I’m begging you,” I whisper, my voice breaking.

He looks into my eyes, and it kills me to find nothing there. There’s no love, no affection, no intimacy. “Are you coming back? You signed a contract.”

I blink in disbelief and laugh humorlessly as a tear rolls down my face. I swipe it away angrily.

“Yeah, unless you don’t want me to. I love my job, Gray… but if you don’t want me to come back, I won’t.”

He nods and looks down at his feet. “No, you should keep your job. You’re good at what you do, Aria. It’d be a loss for the company if you left.”

My heart twists painfully, and I look away. A loss for the company, but not for him. How could this have happened? How did we grow this far apart?

“While I’m at home, I’ll start searching for a place to stay on some of the housing forums and online groups.”

Gray raises his hand to my face, but he pulls it away before touching me, letting it drop to his side. “My house is big enough, Aria. You can stay here if you want to.”

I swallow hard. Stay here? And do what? Watch him move on with his life? Watch him pick up the pieces of his broken heart and hand them to someone else? Am I supposed to watch him eventually fall for someone else? Listen as he brings other women home? Grayson won’t stay single for long. He’s too big of a catch. Even if he doesn’t want to date right now, he’ll get lonely, eventually. He’s far too passionate to go without a woman for too long, and I don’t want to be around to watch him find the girl that manages to keep his attention in ways I failed to. Maybe that’s all I was to him. I was accessible and easy.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Grayson.”

He nods and takes a step away. “Would you like me to drive you to the airport? What time is your flight?”

It hurts. It hurts that he isn’t in any way asking me to stay. My last few hopes disappear, leaving me feeling empty. I didn’t even realize I wanted him to fight for me, not until just now.

“No,” I tell him, my voice barely above a whisper. “My flight isn’t until tonight, but I just wanted to check in already. And I… I just want to go. I need to leave.”

I can’t explain how I feel. I want to run from the pain, the emptiness that surrounds me in this house, the memories of us.

Grayson nods, and I force a smile onto my face as I walk past him, the sound of my suitcase’s wheels filling the silence. I turn back to look at him as I reach the door, knowing this is the last time I get to look at him and consider him mine.

We might not have said the words, but we both know this is the end for us. We were over before we ever really began. Grayson and I… we’re two damaged souls that sought salvation in each other, our quest ending in mutual destruction instead.

I brought devastation to him through my platform and his mother’s case, while he… he destroyed me by making me believe in love when I should have known better.

“Goodbye, Grayson,” I whisper, before turning and leaving behind the best thing that ever happened to me.

But here’s the thing about that… just because he’s the love of my life doesn’t mean I’m his.