To My Shattered Soul

That dream felt like heaven and I woke up to his voice “Good morning” as I woke up, next to him I saw him shaking off his wet hair with the towel.

God! He looks good when he has his hair messed up, he slipped the back of his fingers from his cheek toward his jaw just to show me his skin without a beard.

I rubbed my eyes to make sure I was not dreaming again but I wasn’t, he got closer and smiled as he lowered his eyes and asked “How do I look?” and left me stammering.

I swear I repeated “you” and “I mean” throughout the sentence so many times that I lost count, I wanted to tell him he looked perfect, and he is perfect, with or without a beard.

Is it because I slept more than ever in my life or is it just that the goodness inside him has started working as a magnifier on his personality all of a sudden? Why do his eyes started sparkling more than usual?

Why has my world turned into heaven now? Why every positive and beautiful thing is leading me back to him? Why does everything seem perfect when you see it from his view? I had so many questions, and I think I had answers to those questions but I didn’t want to go down that road, I shouldn’t.

My only aim is to wake up and help him get a job! This is what I reminded myself then a second thought struck me harder “What if it’s all in my head and I did wake up?” followed by a third.

“If I will die then I would prefer this glass prison as my heaven in my last moments rather than returning back to the life where I had invisible shackles tied to my feet, I wasn’t thinking about anything else but just these thoughts were haunting me!

I couldn’t say what I wanted to say, but he read my eyes, he knew he looked good, I just stammered for a couple of minutes, and he laughed hanging the towel on his shoulder, well the series of both stammering and negative vibes ended right there and a new series began.

One that has something to do with eyes, looks and smiles, strange smiles, pointless and silly smiles, and also unstoppable… just an eye contact triggered smile, sitting together, smile! and a smile causing another smile.

It is a strange and awkward kind of beautiful feeling when you are looking at someone secretly, and it gets even more interesting when that person looks back at you the same way.

I don’t know why but I like watching him when he’s working, and whenever I woke up I find him sitting near the glass staring at me as if he’s seeing me for the first time, maybe you’ll find it funny but it felt good, I wasn’t a child who can’t understand why it felt the way it felt, I was kind of denying it.

But in my situation, I couldn’t keep it like that forever, especially after experiencing what happened next!

One day he went out and he told me he was going to the market to get some groceries and other important things, and I was waiting for him like usual.

The hours were more like crawling, slower than ever, it’s not like he’s never been out before, but he came back before evening, what happened to him this time? Where is he? I was worried, really worried! I kept waiting until I fell asleep.

I kept sleeping until I heard a sound it was the sound of the door opening.

I woke up and reached the glass, I saw him come in but he was holding his arm… He was injured! Bruno was with him he got inside putting his grocery bags under the window.

“Thanks, brother” He sat on the bed.

“Do you want me to stay?” Bruno asked.

“I just need to sleep,” He said and closed his eyes, for a few minutes Bruno kept looking at him to make sure he was fine then he left, for a few minutes he pretended to sleep but then he got up, tiptoed his way to his door and locked it, he rushed to the glass.

I was waiting for answers I was looking at his wounded hand covered with a bandage.

“What happened to you?” I asked but he was smiling at me.

“Hey?” I was worried so it was normal to act that way, no! his eyes didn’t mean anything at that moment nor did his smile, what was important to me at that time was just his life and his health.

Well, he told me he had an accident and he spent the night with Bruno his hand was injured. But it wasn’t that bad.

“I thought you…” I wanted to say how bad I felt about him not being around, but something made me stop.

He approached the glass and placed his hand on it slowly, “What? You thought I left you?” He looked into my eyes.

“No… I….” I opened my mouth but I felt like I ran out of words so I stayed quiet.

“Do you know your hair grew up a bit?”

Did they? I didn’t know, I touched my hair and realized they grew up not a bit but I think they grew up 2 inches.

I slipped my fingers in my hair and looked over my shoulder.

He asked me to wait and got out of the room, when he came back he had a mirror in his hands, just to let me see myself.

My hairs weren’t only grown-up but they looked good too.

“I think you look beautiful in long hair, I mean more beautiful,” He said putting the mirror on the bed. He again got closer, I had my fingers placed on the glass already when he kept his fingers on mine, My heart thudded heavier, why was he doing that to me?

Don’t put me through that again! I kept convincing myself until my eyes met his, here goes my heart again. I warned it before I am doing it again but it never obeys you! You end up being its slave instead.

I lost control over it and so on my feelings, I want this moment to stop forever, the way he looks at me even makes me fall in love with myself.

“I would never leave you!” He whispered placing his head on the glass, His eyes stuck on my hand and mine on his.