To My Shattered Soul

I felt him! Even with a thick glass between us... I felt him.

We closed our eyes and stayed like that for a while until he started talking again “You don’t know what you mean to me, and I can’t describe it even if I want to” There were strange kind of emotions in his voice, it was like he was happy and sad at the same time.

He was happy knowing I felt something for him, But he was sad because he couldn’t be with me.

It felt good until I realized how my life is “Remember when you said ‘You are my reflection’? Maybe you were right! But I really am broken! Just like this glass between us, this glass represents me, every bit and crack of it!” I sat down with my back resting on the glass “You will get nothing from me but wounds” I emitted a heavy breath.

He got down on his knees “If you break down I will carry your pieces in my arms, no matter how heavy I have to bleed” His voice was shaking I turned my head back to him, He had tears in his eyes.

“What if I wake up and you are nothing more than a dream?” Even saying that made me scared tears started rolling down my cheeks my voice shaking like crazy.

“Then I will stay closer to you! Inside your eyes? Inside your heart?”

“I can’t…”

“Please! You have to live! For me?” He was begging me and I couldn’t see him like that.

We kept crying like that for so long with our hand on hand and our head on head, I want to be with him I can’t lose him at any cost, it was better if I had kept my feelings to myself but letting them out? That made things uneasier.

Only because the thought of him being a dream scared me, and I realized he was as scared as me, he motivated me to live, and he encouraged me to face my problems but he slept beside me.

This is how afraid he was, our eyes tangled in the thoughts along, I wonder when we slept? Or was it just me who slept? And he was awake?

I was expecting every bad or good thing! I was expecting to die, I was expecting to wake up not finding him around, and I was even expecting to wake up to the end of the world! But not what happened next.

When I woke up with a huge cracking sound, what I saw was a really big crack in the glass.

What just happened? The first thing came to my mind was “Where is Peter?” I stood up and the glass in front of me started breaking, I stepped back until my back jolted to the wall.

The crack got bigger with the sound and the entire glass just shattered in front of me, gladly I could walk out now so I watched my steps, I can’t explain how bad it was hurting in my feet, those shards pricking and burning all over my feet, and blood all over.

When I finally got out I raised my head and found myself somewhere else, my vision seemed lighter but reddish, as if I was wearing red glasses.

I looked around “This is not Peter’s Bedroom?” I whispered and looked to my left there was a rack near a wall in my front were big windows, going all through the floor to the ceiling, and they were very wide, and on the far right side was a bed and I was lying on it.

I was in a formal patient outfit what do you call it? Hospital gown? Scrubs? Patient uniform? Whatever… I was just lying there and my mother sitting beside me, she had a very short layered haircut! Jet black hair, and pearls around her neck as always.

Her eyes were swollen, maybe she tried to hide it using makeup but I could see it, I walked closer, and she was staring at her hands, she raised her eyes, and drops of tears started shedding from her eyes.

“Mom?” I stepped closer but she didn’t hear me, I stepped beside her and waved my hand in front of her face but she couldn’t see me either. She left the room right after and I couldn’t stop her.

I reached the door but I couldn’t touch it, neither could I leave the room, “Maybe this is my new prison” I thought “If this is my new prison please send Peter for me! I can’t do this without him” I prayed and sat beside my unconscious self, I mean beside the bed I was lying on.

After a minute I heard the door opening behind me and I stood up with excitement I thought it was Peter but it wasn’t, as I turned around I saw Jordan entering the room he was staring at me with anger.

I stepped backward and I thought I would stumble on the bed but instead, I fell across the bed on the ground, Jordan rushed close to me and pulled me up by my throat.

“You drowned yourself to death! You are crazy! And you will do it again” What the hell is he talking about? I couldn’t understand, he was strangling me.

I turned my head as I noticed a man who looked completely different from Jordan from the backside was sitting by the bed I was sleeping on and he was whispering something in my ear, I could hear it.

“You drowned yourself and you will do it again” He kept repeating the same thing over and over again.

Then I looked at Jordan again, his jaws were getting stiff as if he would break his teeth “What are you talking about I am not even here!” I questioned him.

But it felt like he couldn’t hear me, I again turned my eyes to the left and saw myself standing by the window and the man was holding my arm he pulled me tighter by my neck and then pushed me.

My body broke out through the glass of the window, as I looked back at Jordan I saw he wasn’t there anymore instead I was falling down toward a pool full of water.

I was scared so I closed my eyes and when I opened them again I saw Peter banging the glass and screaming my name, I was on my knees and gasping for air but I couldn’t breathe.