To My Shattered Soul

There was one thought that wouldn’t leave me alone for a second so I decided to talk to Peter about it instead of keeping it to myself, so when he was done with the lunch he sat with his legs crossed and started looking at me.

“I want to know something” I looked at him like an inspector or detective.

“I know! That’s why I sat here!”

I wonder how he knew me so well, whatever, I asked “What are you going to do about your job? Please don’t get me wrong I am just worried about you” I quickly explained myself because I felt terrible right after asking.

“Hey! It’s fine I know you care” He passed a satisfying smile “I don’t know when you will understand I don’t mind you asking anything” His voice slowed down and he kept looking at me for a couple of minutes until he himself realized he haven’t answered me “Oh! Actually! I have applied but….” He smirked with disappointment.

“Hey!” I wanted to cheer him up as he did for me “Can I say something?”

I kept my eyes on him until I got approval “You heard me without judging me, and I shared everything without hesitation!” I rested my back on the wall on my right.

“I intend to do the same for you, but whenever you are ready to talk” When I looked at him he was smiling with his palms under his chin and his smile was as bright as the sun.

I don’t know why I’ve started noticing his smile and why he looks so beautiful when he smiles, Well… when he was done smiling he laid on his stomach with both of his hands under his chin and stayed quiet long enough to convince me he wasn’t gonna tell me anything.

Until he emitted a heavy warm breath, “I was 6 when my father died and my mother never showed any interest in me, at first I was homeschooled I don’t know why!

Then when I grew up a teacher of mine bonded with me more like a friend and it was the first time someone knew about my big secret,” He closed his eyes tighter.

“When he got to know me he confronted my mother and protested against my mother so maybe she could pay attention to me, or show some interest in my life?” He stopped talking, I waited for a while then I opened my mouth.

“What is your secret Peter?”

“Do you remember that drawing made by a child? In light color? You know what was that about?” He sat while facing me.

“I drew it with the lightest pressure, for you it was a pink color but for me, it was a magic pencil using it I could write down my feelings without anyone reading it.

While I was the only person who couldn’t read it until I applied more pressure, I thought like nobody else could see it so whenever I was hurting I used to write my feelings using pink color” He got to his desk and took out some papers from his drawers and placed them on the glass.

“Do you see what they say? Cause I don’t!” He really drew them with the lightest pressure, I was squinting trying to read but I managed to read “My mom hates me!” One of the notes says and the other one says.

“Today I found out that there are more colors other than Black, White, and shades of gray” When I read it I felt sorry for him, my heart broke into millions of pieces.

Peter was an amazing person, he was so full of life and his eyes were full of colors when all he saw was a world without colors, but then I realized how talented he was, I didn’t say anything I just kept looking at him.

“For you, the rainbow is a beautiful arch made of Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Indigo, and Violet while I see an arch made of gray and white and shades in the middle” He turned around

“This is the reason why I never got the job! I learned to live with it but I can’t always stay jobless, and I don’t want a job in the face of sympathy, I don’t want to tell everyone that I am color blind!

I want to achieve something but only by working hard, not by crying in front of everyone!” He poured out his heart in front of me and now he seemed much calm and relaxed, but in the end, I had an amazing idea, when he turned back to me he saw me smiling, he was confused, he wanted to know why I was smiling.

He loosened up his arms and looked at me with questions in his eyes when I finally broke my silence “I am proud of you” It was jaw-dropping for him, it was written all over his face that “I wasn’t expecting this” I giggled on his reaction “Honestly I can’t draw half as good as you and I will never be able to draw”

“And why is that?”

I looked him up with my eyes open wide “Can’t you see? I don’t have talent!”

“Really? I don’t think so?” He folded his arms and looked at me as if I was lying.

“Oh please… I can’t draw!”

“No one said anything about drawing? It’s about talent!”

Is he crazy? I mean what talent could he possibly see in a woman who’s been behind a glass wall since we first met?

“You are a businesswoman right?” He had this devilish smirk on his face, I nodded “You could have appeared here in any dress? Like the ones you wear? Office wear? 3 piece suit!

Yet here you are! In a gown! And I enjoy your criticism of characters’ costumes in movies! You could be a wonderful dress designer” He laughed, when did he turn this around me? And how? Last I remember we were talking about him.

Perhaps he was right about me, I think I liked dressing up differently even though I couldn’t, and I might have opened my own boutique if it wasn’t for my parent’s reputation.