To My Shattered Soul

We started to spend our quality time together again, lots of movies, lots of games.

Sometimes he would play video games while sitting near the glass and I’d be commentating like “Watch out” or “That guy has a grenade” right before he gets blown up.

He thinks Counter-Strike is the best game of all time. This is the only game I saw and I started liking it too, and he bought a few board games, according to him.

“Happiness doesn’t cost a lot” and now I finally understand what that Chinese man meant when he said, “Happiness doesn’t come with a price tag”.

We played scrabbles for hours without getting bored, making the funniest words and sharing related stories, and laughed until our eyes became flooded and our jaws started hurting so bad.

That day we were playing Scrabble for hours and he was even playing from my side, of course, how could I pick up the letters by myself?

After playing for sometimes we made the word “Confess” and that word left us speechless for some time until Peter broke his silence.

“I would never force you out of your comfort zone, I will make myself comfortable enough for you so when the time comes you can say anything you want without feeling uncomfortable around me” He smiled and I kept staring at him, how can anyone be so amazing?

I kept looking at him until he looked back on the board to make another word, this is when I stopped him. I wasn’t ready to talk about anything, but this is the point!

I will never ever be ready to talk to him about anything. So I reminded myself how quickly the time was running out of my hands, “I have a confession to make” As I started speaking he stopped everything he was doing and his entire focus was on me now.

“I want to tell you that, I wanted to share a lot with you… more than I’ve shared with you! But I didn’t because I was afraid about ‘what you’d say’.

While you are the most honest person I’ve ever met in my life and in fact the easiest to talk to, I can easily pour my heart out to you! Without thinking twice” He was trying and failing to stop smiling.

“And what is it that you wanted to share with me?” He slowly raised his eyes back at me, with a meaningful smile on his face, but purest intentions with just the happiness sparkling in his eyes.

“I was born in a rich family, I’ve been told where to sit, how to breathe, what to eat when to play, I was 10 when my closest friend committed suicide, I’ve been to a therapist all my life until I found Jordan”

When I said his name in my shaking voice Peter turned yellow, he could see how my expression changed when I started talking about him, “He made me fall in love with him and used me for my money, he made my life a living hell!”

I looked up first then closed my eyes and tears started rolling down my cheeks I told him about everything “I was so desperate... I... needed love so badly that I accepted his proposal even after knowing him for such a short period.

Things were going fine if you look it through society’s view, we appeared to be happy but everything seemed… so unreal. We dated, we went places, and we had fun but he always insisted on eating things like high-class burgers and special cocktails.

For our nights out he needed to go on yachts and I was so dumb to understand it when I was pregnant I was so happy.

But... then I... lost my baby in the accident and was told by the doctor I will never be a mother ever again and… after all we went through he just…. Ditched me, with another girl” I was bawling and sobbing, I told him how I was going to the lawyer that day.

“And that’s why you drowned yourself?” He asked and my sobbing stopped and I slowly wiped my tears with the bottom of my gown and lowered down my head.

“Okay listen to me” By the looks on his face I knew it was time for him to give me a motivational speech and I was kind of ready for it but what he said was a lot more different than I expected.

“You were not desperate! Everyone wants to be loved, It doesn’t make them desperate” He stopped talking for a moment while looking down.

“Daisy you are just like me! I’ve been pulled around and told what to do and what not to do, but the only thing is, I spent my life with my stepdad and my mother until they realized I was just a burden for them.

Now since I completed college I am on my own, but this is true, we have so much in common, it’s like you are my reflection” his facial expression turned more serious than he’s ever been then a soft smile appeared on his face when he watched the edges of the glass.

“A broken one but still, I am proud to be just like you” His eyes turn smaller when he smiles he smiles with his heart, I mean truly and that is something that makes you smile too.

“But I think you were not in love, You were just alone! Hurting! And that’s why you held the very first hand that came your way” His smile turned back to seriousness.

And he was not looking at me now, his words left me lost in thoughts for the rest of the night, I kept thinking about ’Was he right?

About me not falling in love with Jordan? That night even Peter was sleepless, I wonder why he stayed awake all night.

I just watched him turn his sides and him pretending to sleep while his eyelids moving constantly.