The Rules of Dating a Younger Man

“You’re scaring away the customers and making me depressed.”

I looked up from the front desk and frowned at Wells. “Thanks. And I put in extra effort today.”

I really had. This morning I’d gotten up early, forced a healthy breakfast into my belly, and done my hair and makeup like I was going out. I thought it might help my gloomy mood if I looked better. But apparently a little paint and hot rollers couldn’t stop what was on the inside from spilling out.

“Oh honey, this is why I prefer one-night stands. Love sucks.” He winked. “But a good one-night stand swallows.”

I attempted a smile, but failed.

“Jeez, Louise. It’s worse than I thought when I can’t even make you smile with a good blowjob joke.”

“I’m sorry. Even I’m confused by how hard I’m taking what happened. But I can’t seem to shake this gray feeling.”

Wells walked around the desk, pulled open the drawer where I kept my purse, and lifted it onto his shoulder. “Let’s go, Kitten. I’m taking you for therapy.”

“You made me an appointment with Dr. Mills?” I’d met with a psychologist a few times after Richard died. But I hadn’t seen him since.

Wells extended a hand and yanked me to my feet. “Retail therapy, sweetheart. I asked Hallie to stay and close up tonight.”

I wasn’t much in the mood for shopping—wasn’t in the mood for anything, really—but I knew better than to argue with Wells when it came to two things: shopping and taking care of me. So I nodded. “Thanks.”

Our first stop was Nordstrom. We perused the expensive shoes in the ladies’ department. I picked up a pair of sparkly silver Jimmy Choos. “These would look really cute with that black dress Caitlin has with the silver belt, wouldn’t they?”

Wells plucked them from my hand and steered me to a pair of ridiculously high leopard-print Louboutins. “Now these are hot. You need fuck-me shoes. They pair great with a Brazilian, preferably the kind with a landing strip. Nothing else.”

I smiled. “I don’t know if they have them in your size.”

Wells linked his arm with mine and started us walking. “Is down there still groomed to the nines?”

“Do you really need to know the current status of my pubic hair?”

“I do. Just humor me and answer.”

I sighed. “I have a Brazilian right now.”

“When did you get waxed?”

“I don’t know. The week before my birthday, I think?”

“So that’s what? Three weeks now?”

I shrugged. “I guess…”

“When was the last time you got waxed before that?”

“Is this conversation really necessary?”

“It is. Answer the question. I promise not to judge. When I went off that ridiculous six-month man cleanse I did a few years back, I had to use a sickle to cut down the bush before I jumped back into the dating pool.”

I frowned, but answered truthfully. “I hadn’t gotten waxed in a few years, not since Richard died. I’d shaved, but not gotten a Brazilian.”

“That’s what I thought. When you first get back into waxing, the hair grows in fast, so you must be starting to get stubbly.”

I rolled my eyes. “You know too much about the intricacies of ladies’ grooming. But if you must know, I have an appointment on Wednesday to get touched up.”

“And when did you make that appointment?”

“This morning when I got to work, why?”

Wells’s eyes sparkled. “Ah-ha! I knew it.”

“What do you know?”

“You might have closed the door, but you haven’t locked it and thrown away the key yet.”

“What on Earth are you talking about?”

“If there wasn’t a chance someone might see that hoochie, you would not have made a touch-up appointment. Ergo, while your head is not planning on banging the boy-toy, your hoochie has other plans.”

Wells directed us to the perfume counter. “Hello. We’re looking for a scent that will drive a young man wild,” he said. “What do you have that smells like sex?”

The woman smiled. “You want a sex-on-the-beach type scent?”

Wells twisted his lips. “Not quite that romantic. More like talk dirty to me and take me against the wall of my hotel room.”

The salesclerk chuckled. “Let me see what I can do.”

Fifteen minutes later, I walked away with a ridiculously overpriced bottle of Baccarat, compliments of my best friend. We then headed up the escalator to the men’s department. Wells loaded both our arms with summer clothes for him to try on, and I sat in a chair in the dressing room while he modeled for me.

“Doesn’t my ass look good in these?” Wells turned his back to the mirror and looked over his shoulder at the rear of a pair of aqua swim trunks.

“It looks like you do a lot of squats.”

He shook his ass back and forth a few times and then parked it in the leather chair next to me. “She still hasn’t called?”

I frowned. “She responds to texts politely, but that’s about it.”

“I love Caitlin, but she needs to get over herself.”

“I’m not sure what to do. I want to clear the air, but I also don’t want to push too hard. On the other hand, I don’t want her to think I’m not concerned that she’s upset.”

“As long as we’re talking about clearing the air, there’s something I should tell you. You know keeping secrets gives me heartburn.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I stole Brayden’s number from your phone and called him.”

My eyes bulged. “What? When?”

“The night before we went to New York. I thought you two should talk. So I suggested he accidentally show up at the restaurant where we were having dinner. He really wanted to see you, but he decided he didn’t want to upset you with an ambush.”

My chest grew heavy. That was just like Brayden. He’d jumped at the chance to meet when I’d called, but he was more concerned with my needs than his own. It was one of the things I loved about him.

One of the things I loved about him.

It felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. My eyes filled with tears, and I put my hand over the spot on my chest that ached. “Oh my God, Wells. I think I started to fall in love with him.” I shook my head. “I feel so guilty even saying that, but it’s true.”

“You can’t feel guilty for falling in love with a man before you knew anything about his past relationship with Caitlin.”

“I wasn’t talking about the guilt I feel toward Caitlin, though I do feel that, obviously. I feel disloyal to Richard. He’s the only man I’ve ever said I love you to, aside from my family members. And I thought he would be the only man I said it to for the rest of my life.”

Wells shook his head. “Jesus Christ, Alex. I have no idea how you manage to walk with so much guilt on your shoulders. Caitlin guilt. Richard guilt—for fuck’s sake, you might as well steal that pair of Louboutins so you get something for all that guilt you’re carrying.”

I covered my face with my hands. “Wells, what am I going to do? I’m in love with Brayden.”

“You need to have a conversation with Caitlin. Tell her how you feel. I can understand having guilt if you went after her ex knowing he was her ex. But this was completely innocent. She has to understand that.”

“Even if she does accept it, I’m not sure I can.”

“Well, that’s your choice. But who knows how many loves we get in life. I would hate to see you regret letting yours get away.”

My chest stayed heavy with that thought during the rest of Wells’s try-on session. He wound up buying an armful of clothes, so I was glad the day had been productive for at least one of us. On the way out, we had to pass through the ladies’ shoe department again. Wells picked up the pair of leopard-print stilettos he’d called fuck-me shoes and walked over to the clerk.

“What’s the return policy on these babies?”

“Thirty days.”

“Do you have them in a seven and a half?”

“I think we do. Let me check.”

The salesclerk disappeared. I started to say I wasn’t buying shoes, when Wells pressed a finger to my lips, cutting me off. “In thirty days you’re either going to be miserable or getting laid. Either way, you need these. My treat. Just promise me, if you do wind up boning the boy-toy, you’ll wear these and nothing else.”

I figured it would be easier to come back and return them in a few days than argue right now, so I nodded and forced a smile. “Sure.”

A few minutes later, we were buckling into the car when my phone buzzed from my bag. I dug it out, read the text, and showed Wells the screen. “It’s Caitlin. She wants to stop over tonight.”

***

I paced the kitchen like an expectant father. When the doorbell rang a few minutes after seven, I had to wipe my sweaty hands on my pants to open the door.

“Hi.” I smiled and held my breath.

“Hey. Sorry I’m a little late.”

I stepped aside and showed my nerves by babbling. “You’re not late. I’m early. Well, I don’t mean I’m early to arrive since obviously I live here, but the food is almost ready. Or maybe not. I should probably go check.” I shut my eyes, feeling like an idiot, and power walked to the kitchen.

Caitlin followed. “Mmm… Do I smell your sauce?”

“I had some frozen, so I made breaded chicken cutlets, pounded thin, the way you like them.” I opened the oven door to see if the mozzarella I’d put on top had melted, and Caitlin peeked over my shoulder.

“Umm… Is there an army coming?”

I glanced at the two trays, noticing for the first time that there were probably a dozen cutlets cooking. I shook my head. “I may have gotten a little carried away.”

Caitlin chuckled. “You think?”

I was afraid to get my hopes up, but Caitlin seemed very much like herself, at least so far. I, on the other hand, was a nervous wreck. The chicken still had a few minutes to go, so I shut the oven door. “Would you like a glass of wine?”

“I’d love one. Thanks.”

I busied myself pouring two glasses of chardonnay and passed one to Caitlin. We sat down next to each other at the kitchen island, and I tried to pretend I wasn’t gulping. But there was a giant elephant in the room, and I needed to muster the courage to address it or I’d go out of my mind trying to tap dance around it. So I took a deep breath. “Caitlin, I’m so sorry.”

She set her glass down. “No, Alex. It’s me who needs to apologize. I acted like a spoiled brat. And I regret that it took me this long to get my ass here and clear the air. I know you. You’ve probably been stressing.”

Hives had already broken out on my chest. That happened sometimes when I was upset. Caitlin zeroed in on them and shook her head. “Oh gosh. It’s worse than I thought. I haven’t seen you get that rash since Dad was diagnosed. I’m really an idiot for not coming over sooner.”

“You were in shock. We both were.”

“I’m sure I was at first, yes. But I acted possessive about something that happened a lifetime ago. It was immature of me.” She sipped her wine. “If I’m being perfectly honest, it wasn’t just about Brady. I think it took me this long because I didn’t want to admit something to myself.”

“What?”

Caitlin caught my eye. “I’ve always been a little jealous of you, Alex. It began when you started dating Dad, only I was too young to realize it back then.”

“It’s normal for a young girl to not want someone to come between her and her dad.”

She shook her head. “It was more than that. I wasn’t just jealous of the attention Dad gave you. I was jealous of you, Alex. You’re so beautiful and confident.”

“Oh gosh. I don’t hold a candle to you, Caitlin.”

She smiled sadly. “And that’s another thing that makes you so amazing. You have no clue what you look like or the effect you have on people. I remember when I was younger, when my friends would meet you, they would always comment how pretty and sweet you were. But it got worse when the boys who came around would say it.” Caitlin looked down and shook her head. “I used to tell everyone you’d had a shitload of plastic surgery.”

I wasn’t sure what to say, so I stayed quiet.

“Anyway, I thought I was past all that. But when I found out about Brady, it felt like I was thirteen with braces and acne all over again, and you were the beautiful stepmother.”

“I’m sorry I made you feel that way.”

Caitlin looked up. “That’s the thing, you didn’t ever make me feel that way. I felt bad because of my own insecurities. But it was easier to blame you than to look inward.”

“Oh, Caitlin.” I stood and hugged her. I’d thought nothing could be worse than having my daughter dislike me, but I was wrong—I’d rather have her dislike me than herself.

After a long embrace, she pulled back. “Can you forgive me for acting like such a brat?”

“There’s nothing to forgive.”

“I hope I didn’t mess things up with you and Brayden too badly.”

“There is no me and Brayden.”

“What? No! I saw the way your eyes lit up when you talked about him, before we knew about the connection. You really liked him.”

“It was a bad idea from the beginning. He lives in New York and is too young for me. It was just…” I shook my head. “Exciting to have a handsome man interested. That’s all it was.”

“You’re so full of it. When I asked you if he had a six pack, you told me what you liked best about him was that he was humble. You liked him, liked him.”

“Sure, he’s a nice guy, but there are plenty of nice guys out there—ones my own age who live here in Connecticut.”

“Really? Can you introduce me to a few, because I can’t seem to find any who are handsome, humble, and kind. How many have you met since Dad died?”

When I went to respond, I realized I didn’t have an answer.

Caitlin pointed to my face. “That’s what I thought. Trust me, if you find a good one, you’re lucky. I’m thirty years old, not a kid anymore. So I realize how hard it is to find a good man—one you connect with and has the qualities you want in a partner.” She paused. “A man like Dad.”

“Your dad was one in a million.”

“I agree. But this is about you, Alex. Not him. He’s not here anymore. So if you’re lucky enough to find another one-in-a-million man, you shouldn’t let him go.”

Wells had said something similar to me earlier, but right now, I thought a change of subject might be best. So I hugged my stepdaughter and took dinner out of the oven. By the time we started eating, it felt like there hadn’t been a two-week rift between us. I was so relieved and grateful to enjoy our time together. Somehow we managed to keep away from the subject of men for the rest of the evening, at least until I was walking her to the door…

“Are you going upstate to Ryan’s House this weekend?” Caitlin asked.

“I’m not sure yet.”

“Alright, well, let me know after you and Brayden have done the deed. We can compare notes.”

My eyes flared wide.

Caitlin laughed and bumped shoulders with me. “I’m kidding. Too soon?”

“I don’t think it would ever not be too soon.”

She kissed my cheek. “Love you, Mom.”

“I love you, too, sweetheart.”

A half hour later, I was staring up at the ceiling, going over everything Caitlin had said tonight, when my phone buzzed on the nightstand.

Wells: Are you alone?

Alex: Yes.

My phone rang seconds later. I sat up and flicked the light on before answering the FaceTime call.

“Are you in bed? You were seriously going to go to sleep without calling and giving me the deets of what happened tonight? How could you?”

“I’m sorry. My head is still spinning.”

“What happened with Caitlin?”

“She apologized and gave me her blessing to go out with Brayden.”

“That’s great!”

I frowned. “Yeah.”

“Jesus Christ, woman. What now? Why aren’t you happy that Caitlin is over it?”

“I am. I definitely am. It’s a huge relief that she’s not upset with me anymore.”

“So why do you still look like someone pissed in your Cheerios?”

My shoulders slumped. “Because I don’t think it changes anything between Brayden and me.”

“Why not?”

“Because I think it would still hurt her if we were together. Plus, what would happen down the road? If Brayden and I were a couple, the three of us would inevitably spend time together.” A thought hit and made me a little queasy. “What if we were to get married someday? Then Caitlin would’ve slept with her stepfather.”

Wells smiled. “And I always thought it would be me on one of those daytime talk shows…”

I sighed. “I need to get some rest.”

“You do that. You’re going to need all the strength you can get.”

“For what?”

“To get your ass up to Ryan’s House this weekend and have a conversation with Brayden in person. You at least owe the dude that much.”