SWNOVELS Chapter Emptiness
Ch 8
Jessara pov
I woke up hours later and found myself alone in the room. Cora must have left at some point and that’s ok. I get up and decide to walk around just to try and clear my mind. Lita my wolf has retreated and won’t come out no matter how much a try and coax her. She lets me know she’s ok but she needs time also to process this and wants to be left alone. I realize that I can’t smell anything, and figure that Lita has shut everything off right now.
I slowly walk lost in my thoughts, and I can honestly say I never thought this kind of thing could happen but yet here we are. I just look at the floor shuffling along, and soon I’m so lost in my thoughts when I don’t notice a hand reach for me. I scream out loud trying to pull away and start swinging and kicking as if my life depended on it. Well now two more lives depended on it. In the course of the swinging the hand let go and I fell to the ground quickly scrambling for a corner to hide in. I curl up around my stomach, and just mumble to myself trembling. I can hear the pounding of feet coming down the hall with someone yelling.
“What the fuck did you do Tanook?”
“I just wanted to see if she was ok Killian I swear!”
I can hear them mumbling back and forth for some time before I hear someone slowly shuffling toward me. I can feel their presence getting closer when I start trembling more. I try to climb further in the corner begging them not to come closer. I can sense them stop and just stare at their feet when they kneel down. I tremble in fear not knowing what they are going to do, and waiting for them to make a move is excruciating. We just sit here for a few minutes when I hear a voice.
“Jessara, please baby it’s me Killian! Don’t do this please! What happened to you? Will you please talk to me?”
I gather up enough strength to look and just stare at him. He tries to reach for me when I start to shake and hide again. I don’t want him near me right now. I don’t want anyone around me, well maybe Cora but that’s it. I can hear him sigh when I hear shuffling around and Tessa and Cora come and sit down.
“Jessara, it’s Cora. Can you talk to me?”
I nod and slowly lift my head up to look at her. I see the doctor start to run towards us and see him stop dead in his tracks to watch. I just stare at him, Tanook and Killian. Soon Rikar comes running in and stops to watch. I just start trembling when I feel two hands touch mine and I scream pulling mine back.
“Jessara it’s ok it’s just me! Please take a deep breath!”
I look at Cora and Tessa when Cora starts talking again.
“Jessara please what happened? What happened over there, maybe we can help.”
I just stare at Killian when tears start to fall. He has no idea how much I hid from him. If he found out all hell would break loose. I’m sure he is having a hard enough time with this pregnancy, but then to add in what really happened.
“Jessara, please just tell us!” Killian whispered.
“NO! I can’t! It will destroy everyone!”
“Jessara I know what happened I could feel it!”
“You know nothing Killian! You felt a fraction of what happened! I tried to hide as much as I could with what strength I had. You have no clue what happened and you never will!”
I stand up and run off leaving everyone just staring at each other. I run down the hall storming into a guest room slamming the door behind me. I leaned against the door breathing deeply before walking over to the window to look out. I hear the door slowly open and close when I turn slightly to see Killian has entered the room. He keeps his distance and just watches me trying to figure out what to do.
“Can I come closer to you Jessara? I will still keep some distance, but I just want to talk.”
“Yes you can but there is nothing to talk about Killian.”
“Please just listen ok? I know you don’t want me to know, and I understand your reasoning. I do, but I’m your mate! I’m in this for the long haul! We have been through so much Jessara, why not tell me?”
I take a deep breath and turn my body to face him. When I look up I have tears falling down my face which makes him start to inch closer. I let him move to be a few feet from me and when he reaches out I flinch which stops him.
“Killian, I know you are my mate. If I tell you in detail what happened it will destroy you, and your wolf. I cannot have that. Then if Rikar finds out both of you will want the pups killed.”
“Jessara! I failed to protect you or even go after you when Matecor first took you hostage. Milak is already pissed off with me, so I don’t think it can get much worse.”
I just look from him back to outside as the breeze slowly makes the trees sway back and forth. I know at some point I will have to come clean because my mate deserves to know the truth.
“If I tell you, you will need to sit down. Once I’m done do not say anything to me. Do not touch me, do not even reach for me. Just leave and go take your anger out on the training fields.”
I look over while he pulls up a chair and sits down trying to relax as much as possible. I turn back towards the window and start from the moment we left here.
“The moment we arrived at the pack house I was immediately taken upstairs and stripped of my clothes. He touched me until he was called by his Beta to address his pack for kidnapping me. So he handcuffed me to his bed so I couldn’t escape. Once done downstairs he came back up and when I tried to fight him off of me he beat me until I gave in. When I wasn’t being beaten while handcuffed, I was dragged around by my hair and had to be everywhere he was. I sat on the floor next to him and if I made any noise I was beaten. When I was given food it was thrown on the floor and had to eat like a dog for their amusement. If I didn’t give myself to him whenever he wanted it, he would have his guards come in and hold me down and force my legs apart. If I still tried to fight I was threatened with his guards having their turns as well. I was forced to do what he wanted whenever he wanted. I was yelled at, called names, had items thrown at me, and choked till I would almost pass out all for fun. One guard did manage to get the key to the handcuffs and had me climb on after he shifted and we ran for it but they caught us. He was slaughtered and his blood was wiped all over me. Then I was brought back handcuffed again and punished. The whole time I couldn’t see anything as my eyes were swollen shut. The beatings and him forcing himself on me would be over and over again throughout the day. I prayed that the goddess would show mercy and just end my life. How would I or could I come back to you knowing what has been done and still try and look at you the same way. Or even have you look at me the same way as before knowing what has been done. Now that you know I would appreciate it if you would just leave. I will go and grab some bath stuff out of our room with some clothes and stay in another room for now. I just want to shower and be left alone.”
I wait to hear him leave but hear nothing. I turn and see him sitting there clearly on the edge of exploding. I can see him having an internal argument with his wolf on leaving.
“Milak!”
The moment I say his wolf’s name his eyes look straight at me turning black in response.
“Milak, I know he wants to stay. Please take him to blow off his anger. Force him if you need to by shifting. Please leave me for now. When I’m ready to see you again I will find you.”
He forces Killian to stand when he shifts and bursts through the door. He takes off running when I take a deep breath and turn to exit the room. When I exit I see Cora and Tessa crying holding Rikar and Tanook back who clearly listened in so I quickly walk by. I hear Rikar yelling for me, but I cannot face anyone right now. I walk down to the bedroom door and quickly walk in to grab some stuff and clothes out of the bathroom. When I go to exit I see a maid coming to clean when I ask her to have my clothes and personal items moved into a guest room at the end of the hall this evening. I start heading down that way and quickly enter, shutting the door behind me and locking it.
I walk into the bathroom and set my stuff down on the counter, and stop to look in the mirror. I didn’t want to see myself since I could gauge how I looked by everyones reaction. I turned the light on and looked at myself and could feel Lita come forward whining and apologizing for not being able to do more. I see my face is still a little swollen with busted lips that are slowly healing. I slowly undress when I see the marks and bruises that litter my body and can’t help but feel disgusted.
I walk over starting the tub letting it fill up with hot water. I add in some bath bubbles and when it’s filled I shut the water off and climb in. I slowly lower myself and soak in the water trying to feel anything. Any kind of feeling to know I’m still alive. I feel nothing but emptiness, as if my soul is gone. How do I recover from this? I have not only been destroyed mentally and physically, but now have two pups growing inside of me as a reminder. To know that these pups will most likely look just like him, but in turn will have no clue how they came to be. I must have sat for hours in my thoughts because the next thing I realized the water was ice cold.