The murder card

Dear diary, I was finally able to meet with Ian. How anxiously I have awaited for this. Guilt was eating up inside, so I confessed as to why I joined them in the first place quickly. When I finally unburdened myself, I felt better, lighter for a moment, but he didn’t. He was upset at me, asking me why I’m telling him now. “Why right now, why the sudden burst of honesty”, he asked. I proudly told him about my decision. How I think he is right, how I’m on his side now. I was of course ware that his initial reaction would not be good, but I at least though he would cheer up when I said I think he’s right. I thought it was good news, disguised in a horrible confession. I could not have been more wrong. “All this time you have been spying on us?! Lying to my face, telling them everything, destroying our chances to beat them?! After everything I have showed you! I trusted you!” He shouted at me. “I didn’t tell them everything”, I say. He was still very upset at me and that feeling wasn’t going away anytime soon. I told him what I told them, which was just a part of what he showed me, not everything. My truth crushed him. And for that and for lying, I felt and still feel horrible. Another feeling that won’t just go away anytime soon. And why should it? I deserve to feel lousy after what I did. I knew I had to make things right, to fix this, for him and to redeem myself. I apologized and apologized, but he would have none of it. I lost his trust, completely. But still, I was on his side. Better late than never, I say and he agreed. Still mad and disappointed. Just like I was unsure of him before, now he was unsure of me. I guess karma got me, and it got me good. And I can’t complain, I deserve his shun and distrust. I wonder if I’ll ever be able to get his trust back. I kept assuring him that I believe in everything he does, something that he was aware of. I asked what can I do make him trust me again. The answer was obvious. I need to get more information about EasyWay and if I can, only then he will consider about trusting me again. “To be honest too, I don’t see how I can trust you again. And I need to think about this, if I even will take any information from you”, he says, making me feel even more than awful than I already was. “In three days, me can meet. Same time, same place, I’ll let you know my decision about you then.” Were his last words to me. After that, he walked away. Now it is completely up to me, to try my best so I gain him back. Three days isn’t a lot of time, but I will surely try like hell, to be helpful to him.