The Forbidden Freshman: A College Sports Romance (Nolan U Hockey Book 1)

I didn’t have time to order an Uber. Instead, I sprinted like the wind through the darkness, arriving back at the sorority house out of breath and nearly keeling over. I’m a fit person, I keep up with my running and calisthenics, but I have never run that fast in my life.

Bending over, I brace my hands on my knees and suck air into my lungs. I need to pull myself together before walking in the front door.

Shit. Shit. Shit!

I thought Ethan wanted me. I was so fucking sure, and then he paused. That look on his face while he stared at the condom packet spoke volumes. It was almost like he was scared to go all the way with me, which is total bullshit because he’s a freaking manwhore!

He must have just felt bad because he went and led me on like that, but then when it came to the crunch, I’m not enough for him.

I hate this feeling so much.

My chest hurts.

Pushing my fist against my rib cage, I squeeze my eyes shut and feel the burn fire down the entire length of my body. It makes me want to drop to my knees and cry, but the front door pops open and I jolt upright, staring at Aimee as she struts down the path toward me.

“What are you doing?” Her tone is so derogatory.

I puff, then force a deep breath through my nose. “Catching my breath,” I finally tell her.

She gives me a weird, disgusted look before crossing her arms and glaring at me. “And where have you been?”

“Nowhere,” I mutter.

But that’s not good enough. Shit. She’s gonna make me talk, and like hell I’m gonna tell her what just went down with Ethan.

And double shit.

I still need a place in this stupid sorority house. I’d spent my day trying and failing to come up with a good alternative to this stupid initiation and in the end gave up. My sole focus became all about my feelings for Ethan and how we were finally going to do the deed.

But he doesn’t want me, which should make the whole initiation task a hell of a lot easier.

Yet I still don’t want to go through with it.

My chest still hurts.

This burning, brutal ache is relentless as it pulses inside me.

“Were you with Ethan?”

“Yes,” I grit out.

“And how are things progressing there? You’re running out of time, you know.”

“I know that.”

“You had the perfect out. We arranged it all for you, but you had to go and get drunk, and make a total fool of yourself and us.” She points at her chest, then flicks her hand at the house. The venom in her voice has me backing away from her. I’m so not in the mood for this shit.

I’ve got my own fucking crisis to deal with.

I want to tell her that. I want to yell it right in her pretty little face.

But she’s still ranting.

“Now you’re having to drag this thing out unnecessarily.” Her eyes flash. “You are so not meant for this place, Mikayla. I don’t understand why you’re trying so hard to be one of us. I—” She cuts herself off, probably realizing how loud she’s shouting, before crossing her arms. “All you had to do was”—her voice rises again—“make Ethan Galloway fall in love with you, then publicly break his heart!”

“I know that!” I thunder back, finally lowering myself to her level. “What do you think I’ve been trying to do? You can’t just make someone fall in love with you!”

The words hurt coming out of me.

Here I was, pining after Ethan like some sap while he was probably figuring out ways to gently let me down.

“You sure about that?” Aimee arches her eyebrow, and my stomach pitches when I notice the wicked gleam in her eye.

Dread rises over my shoulder as I spin around and spot Ethan just behind me. The wounded look on his face crumples my insides.

Oh shit. He just heard every word of that… and he looks gutted.

“Ethan,” I rasp.

He shakes his head. “So this is why you never want to talk about anything. Because none of it is fucking real.”

I open my mouth, but all I can manage is a soft squeak.

His injured expression is brutal. I get one more look at it before he spins and starts walking down the road.

“No, wait…” My voice is a pathetic croak. I stumble after him but don’t get very far.

Aimee snatches my arm and spins me to face her. “Well, not exactly the public heartbreak I wanted.” She smirks.

“But it’s close enough!” Teah grins. She’s standing in the doorway next to Bella, who is watching her phone screen with glee, while I’m struggling not to throw up.

“I got a picture of it,” Claudia sings from an upstairs window.

“I recorded the whole thing. As soon as I saw him walking toward the house.” Bella’s laughing. “You should see the look on his face.”

A bunch of girls start crowding out the doorway, cackling as they watch the footage over Bella’s shoulder.

Aimee grudgingly laughs, turning to eye me up with a look that might actually be appreciation. “I don’t know how you got him to follow you here, but… nice work. I guess I have to say… welcome to Sigma Beta Mu.”

Teah and Bella both cheer, which sets off a round of applause.

I stare up at the house, at all the girls congratulating me, and feel like the ground beneath my feet is cracking open. I’m standing in my own personal earthquake, and I’m begging it to swallow me right down to the Earth’s core.

That look on Ethan’s face.

I can’t get it out of my head.

I hurt him.

And I broke my own heart too.