The Falcon Ridge Series Book 3 If Looks Could Kill

(Chapter song ‘Come As You Are’ by Nirvana)

ALEXI

When news of the explosion hit my ears, I ran to the Alpha’s property. I knew Ian was going to do something, but I didn’t think he do something so bold.

The Alpha’s pack house is a prize in any invasion and it should always be respected for what it symbolizes. Ian didn’t do that. Ian only inflicts pain and destruction. Which is what I only see here.

After watching the Alpha all day, I saw his pain. I confused myself by questioning if I actually felt it as well. I didn’t want to see him in a light other than Alliance Alpha. He may not be my intended target, but he will be once my vengeance is dealt with. The mission of my father still lives after his murder. The Dragons are the liberators from the Alliance and I will see to it that my father’s vision is upheld.

This Alpha, though. He makes me question myself. He makes me relate to my own troubles of being seen as strong enough and I don’t know how I feel about that.

I heard his words. I heard his struggle with his leadership. I heard him tell his friend how weak Ian made him. I felt bad for him because I knew that wasn’t the case. A good Alpha could never be weakened by the actions of another. They can only be made stronger. The doubt he has is not what he needs to be thinking. I felt his strength when he was in my presence. I know he could be the strong leader he needs to be.

I think I’ve had the same conversations with my mind after my world was destroyed. I know I’ve felt the same as he does now. It was the memories of my father’s words that pushed me through. It doesn’t sound like this Alpha has that in his life.

The question I ask myself is, why do I care?

As I sat and watched him toil over the broken home, I thought back to the night with the child. It’s one thing to enact revenge on your enemy. It’s another to do that with little ones in the way. This is another dishonor Ian has. You do not endanger children. My father believed that wholeheartedly. He showed me that everyday.

My associations with Ian are starting to feel extremely deplorable. I know my father would not be accepting of who I’ve chosen to surround myself with, but I do feel he would understand if he knew what lengths I plan to go through for him and his legacy. Even still, I feel like I want to let the Alpha know I see no honor in Ian's actions.

Due to the curious emotions building inside me, I decided to stay put. Watch over the Alpha and his home. Somewhere inside, I felt I needed to be present in case the Lycans attacked him again.

In the dark of night, I laid in my wolf form, asleep, until my eyes were hit with light. When I had seen activity at the house, I grew curious and checked it out. When I saw the Alpha again, I quickly shifted and dressed. I watched him work in the artificial light until he stopped. I didn’t realize how close I was.

“COME OUT!!”

I felt the anger of his wolf in my chest and I could just run, but took it as an opportunity to tell him what I wanted to say about the event.

I made sure my body and emotions showed him I meant no harm to him. I cautiously approached him, staring at his bare back as he leaned on the bin. When he turned, I dropped my hood to indicate there’s no threat from me.

"What do you want?" He flops his hands to the side and looks at me with such defeat, it’s hard to stomach from an Alpha.

I take a few more steps into the light and stand tall, clasping my hands behind my back. "Truthfully… I'm not sure." I look him over and raise a brow.

"Well, if you're here to kill me… You got your best shot." He picks up his bucket, spins to walk backwards, holding his arms out and presents his chest as a target. He scowls at me then turns around to the house.

I hear the sarcasm and snark, but underneath I hear the suffrage and pity him for it.

Taking a few steps to follow, I stop as he throws the last intended piece in the tub, grabs the handles and lifts it. He turns, sporting the same scowl. He side eyes me as he walks to the bin.

"I'm not here to kill you, Alpha." I reassure. My verbal white flag should be well felt as I watch him dump the bin and go back to collect more.

He picks up the full tub, turns and glances at me. "It's Luke. If you're not here to kill me, then what do you want?”

I see his lip threaten to curl and I understand that he is using my association with Ian to distance himself from me. He needs to understand I don’t condone this.

The night air rattles the giant sheets of plastic covering the opening in the house. When I think of similar situations, I feel a twinge in my heart.

I swallow as I turn my eyes to him. "Were there many injured?" I say quietly as my brows stitch up.

"A couple. Why do you care?" He grumbles, snatches his bin and walks briskly to his debris pile.

This is where I need to establish where I see things. This is where I tell him that I’m not like the Lycans. I’m something different and, at least for now, he shouldn’t fear me.

I take a few more slow steps to him. The dirt from the explosion crunches under my boot, filling the silence between us.

With a distance still between us, I stare at the back of his head. "I find no honor in this, Luke.” My tone is soft and projecting the convictions of what I was taught. “I didn't know Ian..."

He spins around and locks with my eyes. He tilts his head and steps to me. "You didn't know? You're a part of them and you didn't fucking know?" He points out to the road as he spits his words. “I’m not fucking stupid, Alexi.” He turns back and starts to clean again.

I watch his back flex in the shadows and I feel a rise of guilt.

"This was not my plan..." I whisper.

He spins around and stomps to me. "I DON'T GIVE A FUCK, ALEXI!” He throws an arm out as he leans to me and yells. The night fills with his growls.

My lips shrink as I take in his rage filled expression. His eyes never leave mine for a second and I don’t dare blink.

He leans back just a bit, seemingly trying to collect himself. “Just you being with those assholes makes this… your fucking plan.” He throws a finger to my chest.

He closes the gap and our noses have very little air between them. “So, congratulations, Alexi. You destroyed my fucking life. I hope you're happy." He snarls quietly, stares into my soul then goes back to cleaning up.

I stand there thinking of how the concept of guilt by association feels. I know it all too well. My entire world was destroyed by those three words.

The problem with this concept is just because a person is associated with another, what the other does shouldn’t go against them when they weren’t present for it.

But often times, people are punished as if it was their hand that did the act.

I may need Ian for my own agenda, but I refuse to have my own ethics and morality tainted just because he’s the only one who can provide me with the resources I need.

"I'm not happy with this, Luke. I certainly don’t align myself with Ian. This action is something I will never condone. I wouldn't endanger innocent people like this." I step to him, shaking my head. I make sure my tone is filled with sympathy.

He throws the bucket down and I watch it teeter, spilling some of its contents on the pavement. I raise my head as he approaches me.

He stops with only a couple of feet between us. I smell his scent and the sweat of a tired, broken man. He crosses his arms and leans to me. "Then fucking walk away, Alexi. Get out. Get away from the Lycans. Away from Ian."

My brow cinched as I study his eyes. His tone has me curious. It sounds like he’s concerned for me.

I stop the questions in my head and raise my chin. “As much as I dislike Ian Wolfstrike… I can't.” I speak with a matter of fact tone.

He narrows his eyes, drops his arms and steps closer. "Can't or won't?" He states quietly.

I glance at the destruction then back at him. "I can't. For better or worse, I still need them."

He stares at me for a moment, sucks his top lip in, nods then walks away. I watch him closely, trying to understand the behavior of the enemy I was taught to hate.

He raises his head to the house, kicks a leg out to the side and places his hands on his hips. It seems like he's thinking. I watch his back muscles ripple in what is becoming an uncomfortable silence.

Before I think our conversation is over, he turns.

He strides to me and stops closer than before. I look him over as I feel a disconcerting heat build from him being this close. I’m unsure if it’s the challenge or something else.

He scrubs a hand down his face, glances behind me then locks with my confused stare. "For what, Alexi? What could you possibly need someone like Ian for?”

I open my mouth to answer then close it. I continue to study his face. “Why are you concerned about…”

“I just am. Answer the damn question.” He grits.

I raise my head and face his challenge. “I can’t tell you that.”

He nods and leans to me. “Then we have nothing to talk about.”

His response ignited something in me that got my back up. “Listen here. I don’t answer to you and I will not let you blame me for this. Yes, I need the Lycans. What that is, is none of your concern. I came here to express my sympathy for a dishonorable act. You don’t get to vilify for me for it.”

“Really? I don’t get to treat you like a criminal when you run around with criminals and fucking act like one?” He says as he glares into my eyes.

“No.” I stand back, put my hands in my pockets and side eye him. “No. You don’t.”

He looks me over. “Well, I guess that’s where we differ on the decency scale, isn’t it? In my mind, Alexi. You don’t take favors from fucking killers. You just don’t. If that’s your thing, then fine. Get out of my face.”

“You don’t know me.” I say low.

“I don’t need to know you. I can see who you are. I almost wish I saw it earlier.” He clenches as he ticks his head.

“What do you mean by that?” Confusion fills me at his statement.

He points behind my head to the dark and leans to me. “It means, you need to leave before I fucking kill you myself.” He snarls as he stares me down.

We lock eyes, frozen in time for a moment. I realize he is quite capable of making good on his threat. I press my lips together and nod. I turn, take a few steps then turn back. "My word may not mean much to you, but I truly am sorry for your pain.”

He lowers his head and stuffs his hands in the pockets of his jeans. I raise my hood, tuck my hair and walk off into the trees. Once behind them, I undress, pack my bag, shift and leave the Alpha behind me.

The whole exchange was a discomfort. I should have known it would go that way. He can never understand the sacrifices someone like me has to make. He seems to struggle with the idea of doing what you don’t want to do for loyalty.

I do see his point. Relying on Ian is clearly becoming a mistake. These actions he’s taking are getting in the way of completing what I came here to do. Shrouding myself in Ian’s level of ill repute is removing my integrity and the glory of my father day by day.

I’ll give Luke credit for opening my eyes that much. My mission deserves more than what Ian has provided and he’s becoming unworthy of helping me.

I realize now, to save the respect of myself and my father, I need to go it alone.