The Darkness We Hide

Stepping out of the bathroom feeling cleaner if not better, Michelle stopped in her tracks. Gareth was sitting on the end of the bed waiting for her.

The pool of vomit had been cleaned off the floor and the room had a lemony ammonia smell that caused bile to rise in her throat.

“Michelle,” he said standing, taking a hesitant step towards her with his hand outstretched.

“No,” she said, stepping back and throwing her hands up to defend herself. “Stay away from me.”

“Michelle, please,” he said, his eyes welling with tears. “Please let me explain.”

“Explain what?” she laughed hysterically, “You’re a werewolf right?”

“A lycanthrope,” he said, “there’s a difference.”

“How long have you been one?” she asked.

“I was born one. My mother and father are lycanthropes, my brothers and sisters are also lycanthropes as are some of their wives and husbands,” he explained.

“Some of them?” she asked, confused.

“We don’t expect our mates to change. It is a choice always left up to them,” he said, cautiously inching forward.

“There is something else you should know,” Gareth added, unable to look her in the eye.

“Something else besides you being a werewolf?” she asked laughing maniacally, unable to control the emotions that rolled over her in ceaseless waves. “Pray, do tell.”

“Lycanthrope, not werewolf,” he corrected again, irritated that she kept calling him that.

“Whatever,” Michelle said, waving her hand dismissively.

“No,” he said, his voice harsher than he’d intended causing her to move further away, “not ‘whatever’! There is a difference between the two.

“You calling me werewolf would be like me calling you an ape,” he explained, “there are some fundamental parts that are the same, but the rest is an ocean of differences.”

“Okay,” Michelle acknowledged, seeing how much the distinction meant to him.

“What else besides you being a wer… I mean lycanthrope, is there that could possibly top that news?” she asked, not wanting to know.

“Richard,” he said flatly, knowing that no matter how gently he tried to tell her it would only add to her fear and pain.

“What about Richard?” she asked, dreading to hear anything Gareth was about to say. “Is he a lycan too?”

“Hell no,” Gareth boomed, disgusted to even consider the idea. “He is a werewolf.”

“What is the fucking difference?” Michelle demanded, the little hold she had on her ragged emotions giving way to rage. “Werewolf! Lycan! You’re both fucking monsters that seem intent on ruining my life!”

“I’m sorry,” he said, knowing she was right, they had both done terrible things to her.

“Let me explain the differences between the two,” he soothed, backing away from her.

“A werewolf is a creature of pure animal emotion,” he started, trying to think of the best way to describe things. “Rage, love, sadness, they are all heightened and exaggerated to dangerous proportions.

“They have very little control over the wolves that inhabit their minds, especially around the full moon. For those nights they are at their most dangerous. It’s also on those nights that they can change form and become the wolf.

“The biggest problem where Richard is concerned is that he is a rogue. He has no pack to call his own, no one to reign him in and keep him in check. He lives outside of a pack’s laws, and most human ones as well.”

Listening to his explanation so many things about Richard suddenly made sense. Feeling weak kneed, she moved to sit on the edge of the bed, still keeping her distance from Gareth.

“Lycan’s are different,” he continued, shuffling his feet uncomfortably. “While we also carry the wolf in our souls it is more of a symbiotic relationship. While we tend to have strong feelings they don’t overwhelm us like a werewolf.

“We share it’s enhanced instincts and senses,” he continued, wanting to sit with her, to hold her and make everything better. “We can also take wolf form, like you witnessed, but we can do it at will no matter what phase the moon is in. The full moon does make it easier, but we’re not bound to it like werewolves.

“It was him last night, in the woods, all the crashing and growling,” he continued, his hand reaching out to touch her shoulder. “He was there to take you.”

“What does he want from me?” Michelle sobbed, too absorbed in thought to notice his hand touching her flesh.

“He wants you to be his,” he said, a look of bitterness on his face. “He wants to turn you into his mate.”

“Why?” she pleaded, “Why me?”

“You are a very special human,” Gareth sighed, sitting down next to her, his hand remaining still.

“You are my destined mate,” he explained, praying he didn't overwhelm her. “You have an aura about you that drew me to you. It’s what drew Richard to you too.”

“My aura,” she asked, flabbergasted.

“Yes,” he nodded, “that and just your own personality. You’re beautiful inside and out.”

“Are there any other differences between you?” she asked, feeling the heat of his nearness.

“Lycans can influence the thoughts and emotions of the humans around us,” he explained with another heavy sigh, knowing the time for lies was over.

“Is that why we are together?” she demanded hotly, turning on him with venom in her eyes. “Did you do that to me?”

Looking down in shame, he said quietly, “Yes.”

“Oh God,” Michelle said crumpling to the floor.

Hurrying to kneel beside her he tried to embrace her.

“I’m so sorry. I only ever did it to help,” he said, trying not only to convince her, but himself as well.

“I think I’m going to be sick again,” she said, shrugging off his embrace, her stomach churning.

“Michelle,” he begged, “please listen to me. The first night, I didn’t make you do anything you didn’t want to do. All I did was lower your inhibitions a bit. Your mind was begging, screaming for me to stay but you wouldn’t let yourself act on the impulse, so I took that small part of you that was resisting and removed it.”

“Oh God,” Michelle breathed, covering her mouth with her hand.

“I didn’t plan for it to happen,” he continued, sincerely sorry. “I honestly just wanted to talk to you, then you fell and I wanted to help. As I carried you back to your apartment, I could feel your need. It radiated from you stronger than any emotion I have ever felt from someone. I could also feel you trying to repress it, and the pain you were in.

“Once we were there, I felt your need, your emptiness, and it was almost as strong as my own. That’s when I kissed you, and in that kiss I knew you wanted me as much as I wanted you,” he reasoned.

“You had no right!” Michelle screamed, raising her head to look at him.

“I know,” Gareth said sadly, his head sinking lower. “I’m not proud of it, but you wanted me in your bed as much as I wanted to be there.”

“I did want you,” Michelle sobbed. “Oh God, I’ve never wanted anything more in my life than to be with you.”

“Michelle,” he said, reaching out to touch her again. “There were two other times I altered your mind.”

“When?” Michelle asked, scared of the answer.

“The second time was the night Richard came to your apartment, it was a more traumatic experience than you remember. He was violent and tried to hurt you, but I stopped him. You were so disturbed by the event that I just couldn’t stand it, so I made the memory less painful,” he explained.

“And the other?” Michelle asked.

“Last night,” he admitted.

“Why? What happened?” she asked, confused.

“We were talking about family and children. You got upset over the idea of my parents pressuring me about settling down and having children of my own,” he said, stroking her face. “I just removed some of that pain.”

Suddenly Michelle shoved Gareth with all of her strength, knocking him off of his feet.

“How could you?” she raved standing over him. “You had no right to do any of that! You violated my mind!”

“Michelle,” Gareth pleaded, jumping to his feet with a languid grace she’d never seen before in a human. “I swear, from this moment forward I will never do that to you again. With my hand to the Gods I will never, ever do that to you again.”

“You’re right you won’t,” Michelle said, slapping him across the face. “I never want to see you again.”

Before she could get two steps from him, Gareth pulled her into his iron embrace.

“I can’t lose you,” he said, tears in his eyes. “I can’t! Whatever feelings you have for me are real… you do have feelings for me don’t you?” he demanded, his eyes boring into hers.

“Let me go,” she seethed, her fists beating uselessly against his muscle bound chest. “Let go.”

Not wanting her to injure herself, Gareth released her.

Free from him, Michelle stumbled backwards barely catching herself from falling to the floor.

“Michelle,” Gareth said, his voice sad and plaintive. “I am in love with you. No matter what you decide, I will continue to love you.”

Unable to hold back anymore, Michelle lashed out, slapping him with all of her strength. Again and again she slapped him, screaming profanities until her arms were limp and her throat burned. The whole time he willingly let her abuse him, knowing he deserved so much more.