Synonym

Those EMTs must have given me drugs yesterday because right now I was having an incredibly hard time believing that my mind was feeling blank in search of something new. Now it was running faster than I ever thought possible and that meant something.

***

And as fast as my brain was going, it seemed as though the actions of the people around me were in slow motion. The morning dragged by even slower than the first day of court. I was having a hard time believing that I wasn't dreaming and that this was actually real life.

This nightmare of a year could be over in thirty seconds.

The judge opened her small pink mouth and it seemed like time stayed frozen before she eventually started to speak and her voice flooded through the courtroom. "In the case Mason vs Green, Alvarez, and Coleman, the State of Connecticut District F Judiciary Court finds Ryan Alvarez guilty of attempted murder, conspiracy to commit murder, sexual assault, and aggravated assault. The defendant, Ryan Alvarez, is here by sentenced to 30 years in Northern Correctional Institution." I gasped in relief. Tears welled in my eyes but they didn't fall. That man would finally get what he deserved. My heart rate dropped to almost nothing because I was suddenly so relaxed. Northern Correctional. That was one of the toughest prisions in the state. Sucks to be him. I guess you shouldn't go around trying to kill people.

"The State also finds Jack Green guilty of rape as well as assault and sexual assault. The sentence is 20 years in Northern Correctional Institution with possible parole after 15. The State of Connecticut rules Jeffery Coleman guilty of conspiracy to commit murder, assault, and sexual assault. The defendant is sentenced to 20 years in Northern Correctional Institution."

Thank the lord. They would all be trapped away until they were well into their thirties and for Ryan, well into his forties. They deserved it. I felt no remorse for what they were about to go through. Maybe I should have, maybe that's what makes me a monster. But I didn't care. I don't care about the horrors they would face for the next 20 years, how their lives might as well have been stolen away from them. I didn't give a fuck.

After what happened to me and the permanent damage to my mind and my memories, they should rot in hell for all I care. Call me a monster but I wouldn't believe you. They are disposable humans and they deserve every piece of pain and suffering that comes their way.

I didn't even care if they died in prison. I didn't care if they were murdered or raped. I didn't care if they were beaten unconscious. They deserved it. I would say no person deserves the pain I went through because I'm not a merciless person but I am. I'm selfish. And I want them to feel my pain. To experience what I did. Fuck them, they aren't my problem anymore.

I couldn't care less about what happens to them after they stepped foot in Northern Correctional.

"-furthermore, the state rules that rape of a minor onto an adult is rape and punishable for the minor not the adult." That was a relief. For the first time in the history of the United States, a solid ruling was reached in a district that stated rape was rape. It protected the victim. If I'm being completely honest, that is what made me the happiest. Other people in the Connecticut would never have to face prosecution for being raped because of this woman. Suddenly, Judge Dennis had a much better rating in my book.

I was weary of her after looking at her track record of punishing those claiming false rape. I thought she wouldn't sympathize with me, but she did and I am eternally grateful. I could return to normal and that was something I never thought possible.

When my hot tears dropped down my warm cheeks and a smile broke out on my face, I knew everything would be okay. My lawyer put his hand on my back soothingly. His warmth bled through my clothing and into my heart. I did it.

I testified and gave those mother fuckers what they deserved.

If there was a sight that would be forever be ingrained in my brain, besides the images of that night, this moment would be one of them. My brown eyes studied the three boys as Court Marshals hauled them up by their arms and cuffed their hands in front of them. Ryan was paraded from his seat to the very front of the court room where he turned to face us before being pushed through a door. His scared brown eyes looking at his last breath of freedom was a sight that would burn into my mind.

And the same was true for Jack and Coleman.

People cried when the three suited boys were taken away from view in hand cuffs, flanked by two marshals each. Presumably their parents were the ones weeping for them. I couldn't imagine anyone else who would. I might not feel bad for the three boys, but I did feel sympathy for their parents. You don't stop loving someone because they did something atrocious. They were still little boys in their parents eyes, and that I could feel sorry about. Inflicting hurt on innocent people, no matter how guilty their son's were, felt wrong.

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Everything seemed to go by on auto pilot. I don't even remember exiting the courtroom when we were dismissed. Next thing I knew, I'm practically tackling Finn with all my weight as my arms wrapped around his hulk frame. He caught me in his arms with ease and squeezed my body back just as hard. My tears had dried and now I only had a smile on my bright face. I was so proud of myself for even making it to court on the first day, let alone testifying and putting them away for good.

"We did it. It's all over." I said is disbelief.

Finn laughed in my ear. "You did it. They won't ever see you again. They got what they deserved." He spoke into my ear. When we pulled our heads back, I kissed Finn on the lips passionately, not caring about the setting.

His lips loved feverishly against mine, his excitement translating into the movement of his warm lips against my own. It was blissful.

We were pulled apart by the sound of someone clearing their throat. Normally, I would have untangled myself sheepishly but instead I did so with confidence. I turned around to see that the noise had come from my father who was standing behind me with a smile on his face. I wasted no time in tackling the suited man into a hug of his own which he returned with glee.

Things were finally looking up.