Synonym

My eyes shot open and the image in front of me didn't even process by the time my chest convulsed and shot into an upright position. Only then did I realize there were two EMTs hovering above me when one pushed my chest back down to the cool tile floor that I was laying on. We weren't in the court room anymore; that was evident by the vaulted granite ceilings and walls. We were in the hallway outside of court.

There was an oxygen mask on my face and a heart rate clip on my right pointer finger. The skinny Jamaican EMT above me with kind eyes spoke, "Ms. Mason? Nod if you can understand me."

I followed her orders and moved my head slightly up and down against the hard tile floor. She smiled slightly and squeezed my left hand. "You fainted in court. They called recess and the verdict will be in tomorrow. Your boyfriend said you sometimes suffer from panic attacks but you've never fainted. Is that true?"

"Yeah." I croaked out in a raw voice. I should have taken the fucking Xanax.

"Everything is looking okay now. You should be fine to go home. Just don't do anything strenuous for a little while and have someone keep an eye on you."

"Okay." The other male paramedic unhooked the oxygen mask from around my head and they both helped me off the ground slowly to make sure I was steady.

"You were out for about two minutes. That's relatively normal. Your boyfriend and your dad are waiting for you over there." She nodded her head to her left where my dad and Finn stood watching me from a distance with their hands in their pants pockets. I only glanced at them for a fleeting second before turning back to the woman.

"I'll be fine by friday right? I have Olympic training to get back to." I asked with a pleading voice. She looked at me reluctantly.

"Possibly. As long as you take it easy and there are no other incidents between now and then." I thanked her and signed some forms before crossing the room to my friends that had joined Finn and my dad along with George, Finn's dad. "How are you feeling?" My dad asked worriedly but made no move to touch me. He wasn't the physical comforting type. I suppose I get that from him.

"Fine. I just want to go home." I muttered under my breath without making eye contact with anyone in particular. They all seemed worried except for Finn who ironically seemed calm. I could tell he was just trying to mask his concern because he knew it annoyed me but I could still see it in his cautious and observant eyes.

"How are you feeling?" My dad asked worriedly but made no move to touch me. He wasn't the physical comforting type. I suppose I get that from him.

"Of course. Do you want me to ride with George?" My dad asked lightly.

"Yeah. Sure. I'll see you at home." I was being rude and I knew it, but I didn't know what else to say. I wanted alone time with Finn because I only talked about this stuff with him. My father said goodbye along with George, Sam, and Jameson. When they were gone I looked at Finn who was eyeing me up and down. "I could go for a hug right now." I muttered miserably.

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I didn't have to tell him twice. Finn wrapped his strong arms around me as my own smaller ones went around his waist. I inhaled his manly scent as my face buried itself in his neck. Finn smelled they way a smooth bourbon tasted. It warmed you inside and reminded you of wood. It was comforting to me. A scent that was always there for me.

"Are you okay? You scared the crap out of me." Finn murmured in my hair.

"Yeah. I don't really know what came over me. It just happened, but it's over now. I'm fine. You might not be, though."

Finn pulled away from me slightly so I could see his face. His brows were drawn together slightly in confusion. "Why?"

I smirked a little. "Because you're not getting it until Friday at the earliest. Doctors orders."

Finn scoffed and rolled his eyes. "And you say I have a one track mind. You can't go five minutes without mentioning sex." He untangled himself from me and took my hand, starting to lead us out of the back of the courthouse. Just one more day here. One more day until I return to reality.

I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

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In all honesty, my regular life was pretty damned stressful. The constant go go go motion was a lot to deal with. I loved where my lacrosse career was headed, and I hoped to be able to make it to the 2024 Olympics too, but I also wondered what my life would be like without lacrosse.

Would I have more friends? Would I be happier or lonelier? How would it affect my other future ambitions?

I don't even know if I would be the same person. I suppose it didn't exactly matter though, because that world doesn't exist and it never will. As crazy as it sounded, in a way this week was a vacation. It was an excuse to escape my hectic training and classes and to be with my boyfriend. Granted, I still faced an immense amount of stress but I also had time. That's something I never had now.

I wouldn't change it for the world but the phrase 'the grass is always greener' seemed to echo in my mind constantly this week. It made me worry about what the future held. What would happened once Finn and I graduated and our fathers were no longer supporting us? By the time we graduated it would be time for Olympic trials again and we would need a way to support ourselves. Trust funds aren't the solution to everything. That needed to be saved.

I realized that I didn't even know what Finn wanted after graduation. Would he even want to go to the Olympics again or would he want to kickstart his career? I think we had both eluded to getting a masters if we were on Team USA again but that didn't solve any logistical problems.

I don't know why this was hitting me now. It was probably because the trial was almost over. My hyper active brain needed something to worry about. Something to fill the now empty space in my mind.

I had always been an active thinker and when left with nothing to think about, my mind ran wild and drove itself crazy. I pinged from different topics like the flip of a coin, in search of another complex or depressing thought to busy myself with. None of the topics ever stuck though, because I was too busy in search of a better topic to emurse myself in. My brain was infuriating to say the least.

One thing was for sure though; tomorrow would define my life in more ways than one.