Sunlight (Haven River Ranch)

The ultrasound room was dark and cramped. My chair was squeezed into a corner, and any time I shifted, my knees knocked against the table where Sasha was lying.

“What if it’s not a girl?” she whispered.

Why was she so set on having a girl? “Then we’ll have a boy.”

“Obviously.” She shot me a frown. “I don’t know what to do with boys.”

Ah. That was the reason. “Well, I do.”

I was more confident in my parenting skills with boys than girls. But either way, we’d figure it out.

My confidence didn’t earn me Sasha’s smile. She was still worried about doing everything on her own, wasn’t she?

“It’s a Josephine,” I said.

“You don’t know that.”

“We will soon enough.” I shifted, trying to get comfortable, but all of the chairs in this hospital were so damn little. “Think they could have us in a smaller room?”

It was no bigger than a storage closet, and with the ultrasound equipment and exam table, hardly any space remained.

“Maybe we should have gone to Bozeman for this.” At least we’d get to be in a larger hospital for the delivery.

Sasha blew out a long breath, her fingers tapping over her belly.

In the past six weeks, her body had begun to change. Her breasts were fuller. There was a roundness to her stomach when she’d pulled up her shirt earlier for her exam with Dr. Green.

I doubted anyone else had recognized the differences, but soon, there’d be no hiding this pregnancy. Maybe once it was out in the open, Sasha would finally stop hiding from me too.

I’d invited her over for dinner five times in the past month and a half. And with each invitation, she’d had an excuse.

I’ve had a headache all day.

I’m planning to work late tonight.

I was going to make an appearance in the dining room tonight and mingle with guests.

I’m swamped.

I’m exhausted.

Granted, the resort was absolutely hectic now that we were at the end of May. Indya had returned from maternity leave, but she was only working part time until Grace was older, which put a lot on Sasha’s plate.

But it was more than a busy schedule that kept her from saying yes.

Did she get a thrill from shredding my ego on a regular basis? Any other woman, I would have walked away. Moved on. But Sasha had been stuck in my head for months.

And it had nothing to do with our baby.

I liked her.

I didn’t even know what to do with that. I hadn’t liked a girl enough to ask her out on a real date in, well . . . years. Probably not since Robin was my girlfriend in high school, and that had ended in a dumpster fire.

Commitment wasn’t exactly my forte. Not that I was asking for a commitment. I just wanted . . . something. What did I want?

For starters, I wanted her to stop denying the chemistry between us. When Sasha was in the room, she was like a magnet. It took a conscious effort not to touch her. This wasn’t a one-way street. She felt that pull too. So maybe we could find a middle ground. We could get to know each other, see what was happening here, and . . . something.

I couldn’t articulate that something, not yet. Wasn’t that the point? To figure it out?

“After this, let’s go to—”

The door opened before I could finish my sentence, and the ultrasound tech came inside carrying a chart. “Sasha Vaughn?”

“Yes.” She nodded.

The tech did a double take when she spotted me in the guest chair. “Hey, Jax.”

“Hey.” I lifted a hand to wave. What was her name? I recognized her from around town but wasn’t sure we’d actually met.

She took a seat on a rolling stool, explained the process, and readied her equipment. Then she had Sasha lift up her shirt and shift down the waistband of her slacks. “Do you want to know the baby’s sex?”

“Yes, please.” Sasha sucked in a shaky breath as the tech squirted cold gel onto her belly.

My eyes locked on the monitor, watching as the waves of black and white and gray swirled until finally—

“Holy fuck,” I whispered. That was a head. A baby’s head. My baby’s head.

My hand found Sasha’s.

“There’s your baby,” the tech said, moving the wand. “There’s an arm and a leg. And it looks like you’re having a girl.”

The air rushed from my lungs at the same time Sasha squeezed my hand so hard my knuckles cracked.

I bent, dropping my head to hers. “Josephine.”

That was our girl. On a screen, in fuzzy black and white. My daughter.

“Let me get you some photos.” The tech finished with the wand and wiped off Sasha’s stomach. Then the printer in the corner buzzed as it rolled out a series of pictures. She handed them over, then spent a moment on the computer before taking Sasha’s chart and heading for the door. “Congratulations.”

The moment the tech was gone, Sasha’s face crumpled. She covered her face with her hands to hide the tears, but she couldn’t mask the shaking of her shoulders.

“Hey.” I stood and sat on the edge of her table, hauling her into my arms. Then I wrapped her up tight as she buried her face in my shoulder and cried.

The tears didn’t last long. She sniffled and leaned away, wiping beneath her eyes. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be.” I brushed a lock of dark hair away from her face.

She’d been wearing her hair down more often lately. Was that because she didn’t want her hair messed up when she lay down on the exam tables? Or was it because she was relaxing and finally adjusting to the casual vibe at the lodge? I hoped it was the latter.

Sasha righted her shirt, then adjusted the elastic waistband of the slacks she’d worn today, before climbing off the table.

I folded the ultrasound photos carefully, then inched my way around the room to meet Sasha by the door.

She’d let me drive her to town. That was my win for the day. I didn’t take it personally when she stayed quiet as we returned to the ranch. She stared out her window at the fields of lush spring green and the indigo mountains kissing a clear blue sky.

“Let’s have dinner tonight,” I said before pulling up to the lodge. “We’ll get Reid to pack us up a couple of cheeseburgers or something.”

“Maybe.” Her maybes were code for no. “Um, can we see how the rest of the day goes?”

“Sasha—”

But she was already gone, out of the truck the moment I was stopped and disappearing into the lodge without a backward glance.

“Fuck.” I rubbed a hand over my jaw, then put the truck in drive.

Before I’d headed into town for the ultrasound, I’d made sure everything with the guides was covered for the day. So rather than go to my office in the stables, I drove across the ranch, following dirt roads until I found my brother.

“Hey.” He jerked up his chin as I climbed out of my truck parked beside his.

“Hey. What are you up to?”

The gasoline, metallic scent of a two-stroke chain saw engine filled the air, mingling with the smell of fresh-cut pine.

“A couple trees were getting too close to the fence, so I’m just clearing them away.” He took off his gloves, tucked them in a pocket, then shifted the safety glasses off his face to the brim of his baseball hat. “What’s up?”

I swallowed hard, then handed over the neatly folded ultrasound photos. “I’m, uh, having a baby. With Sasha.”

West blinked.

Then his jaw hit the dirt.

Before I’d even climbed the porch stairs to Grandma and Grandpa’s place, the door opened.

“You’re just in time.” Grandma hauled me into a hug the moment I was close enough. “Dinner’s about ready.”

It was barely after five. Normally, I’d eat at six thirty or seven. But after my conversation with West, I was emotionally drained, and Grandma’s comfort food sounded like a damn good idea.

“Working today?” she asked as we made our way through the halls of the farmhouse where she and Grandpa had lived for decades.

“Yeah. Was just out with West for a bit.”

After he’d recovered from the shock of my news, he’d hauled me into a hug.

I hadn’t even realized that I’d needed a hug.

Then we’d spent a few hours cutting up the trees he’d felled and clearing logs from the fence line, all while I told him what had happened at the party in January. And everything since.

Telling Dad had lifted some of the burden. But talking to West was what I’d needed.

He hadn’t overloaded me with advice. He hadn’t asked a lot of questions. He’d just listened and let me talk. He’d let me voice my fears and tell my story, and when we were done, he’d shaken my hand and told me I’d be a good dad.

I really loved my brother.

“I made a casserole,” Grandma said as we reached the kitchen. It smelled like onions and hamburger and garlic. “It’s a new recipe.”

“Is that my warning?”

“She’s been experimenting a lot.” Grandpa emerged from the living room, holding out his hand to shake mine. “I had diarrhea for two days after the last casserole.”

“Alan,” Grandma scolded as she pulled on two oven mitts. “They call that an overshare.”

“I don’t care what they call it, Sarah. It’s the truth. I’m never eating tuna again.”

Grandma held a hand in the air, probably flipping Grandpa off, even though neither of us could see her fingers. “Jax, grab a place setting. Then both of you sit down.”

“Yes, ma’am.” I chuckled and followed orders, keeping out of her way as I went to the cupboard for a plate and the drawer for silverware.

Grandma liked cloth napkins. Tonight, she had out the linen set I’d bought her for Christmas, so I found a matching third and took a seat beside Grandpa at the table.

The dining room was wallpapered in roses. The oak table was scratched and dinged from fifty years of use. My chair creaked slightly under my weight, but the moment I was seated and Grandma carried out the casserole, it felt like home.

This house was as familiar as my own. It was as much a part of my childhood as Dad’s place.

After Lily and Dad got divorced, Grandma had filled the role of mother. On nights when Dad was busy at the resort, I’d spend my evenings here. She’d read me books. Grandpa taught me to play cards. And until I was a teenager, their guest bedroom had belonged to me.

Next time, maybe I’d bring Sasha. I’d never brought a woman to my grandparents’ place before, but they’d make a show of it.

Grandma would use the china from her hutch. She’d pair the dishes with her fanciest set of embroidered napkins. And she’d make my favorite pot roast with homemade biscuits.

Grandpa would take out the old photo albums, teeming with black-and-white and sepia pictures of the lodge in its infancy. He’d tell her stories from the old days, and since there’d be four of us, he’d offer to teach her pinochle.

“I’ve got some news,” I told them once we’d said grace and our plates were dished. “You know Sasha? She works at the lodge.”

“The savior.” Grandma laughed. “That’s what Indya calls her. Sounds like she sure does a great job running the resort.”

“Yes, she does.”

“What about her?” Grandpa asked.

“She’s pregnant. We’re having a baby.”

Grandma blinked. “O-oh. I didn’t realize you were an item.”

“Well, we’re not exactly.”

The room went quiet.

Grandma and Grandpa shared a sour look.

Wait. Were they actually upset by this? I wasn’t sure what I’d expected in telling them tonight, but it certainly wasn’t a disappointment so ripe it could wilt the wallpaper roses.

“Well, that is news.” Grandpa cleared his throat. “Are you getting married?”

“No.”

He arched a bushy gray eyebrow as Grandma’s frown cut deep lines into her weathered face. She went back to eating first. Grandpa followed suit.

All while I sat there watching them chew and avoid looking at me entirely.

What the actual fuck? How was this their reaction?

Was this why Sasha had been so adamant about not telling people? Thank God she wasn’t here tonight.

Manners kept me in my seat. Manners made me eat the meal. Manners sent me to the sink to rinse my plate and put it in the dishwasher.

It took effort not to scowl as I thanked them for dinner and stalked out of the house, not sticking around for the apple pie dessert.

Damn it. They hadn’t shown even a shred of excitement. Not enough curiosity to inquire about Sasha’s due date. Not enough fucks to give to ask if it was a boy or a girl.

My grandparents were old fashioned. I respected their take on life. But for the first time in mine, I was disappointed in them.

My frustration only seemed to get worse as I drove home. By the time I reached my house, I had half a mind to turn around and call them on their bullshit. But I parked in my garage and walked to Sasha’s place instead.

If my grandparents were going to be disappointed in me tonight, I might as well tack Sasha onto that list too. Our secret was out, whether she liked it or not.

My knock was more of a fist pound than a knuckle tap.

When she opened the door, she was still dressed in her work clothes. Her shoes were still on, so she must have just gotten home. “Hi.”

“I told West. And my grandparents at dinner.”

“Oh, okay.” Her shoulders sagged, relief softening her eyes. “Thanks.”

“I figured you’d be mad.”

“No. You were right. We shouldn’t have kept it a secret for so long.”

I gave her a sideways glance, then put the back of my hand against her forehead. “Are you feeling okay? Because it sounded like you said, ‘You were right.’”

A smile tugged at her mouth. “I take it back.”

“Too late.” I tapped the tip of her nose, the anger from earlier fading into the night. “West says congratulations. I’m sure he’ll tell Indya, so I’d expect her in your office tomorrow morning.”

“All right. Thanks for the heads-up.”

“Welcome.” I turned to leave, to give her the space she so clearly desired, but I stopped myself before I could walk home, turning to face her.

We’d been tiptoeing around each other for months, and I was so goddamn sick of it I could scream.

Maybe it was because of Grandma and Grandpa’s reaction. They’d shocked me enough that I’d lost my cool. Or maybe it was because, for a split second, when Grandpa had asked if Sasha and I were getting married, I’d wanted to say yes.

Me, the guy who’d shied away from commitment, had actually entertained the idea of marriage. What was happening?

Maybe instead of fighting it, I should just go for broke. Lay it all out there and see where we landed.

“Robin told me once that I came on strong. I always thought that was a funny statement, considering she was my girlfriend at the time. But I do come on strong when I see something I want. And if the situation was different, if you weren’t pregnant, I’d be in your face so much that you’d never be able to get rid of me.”

Sasha gulped. “Jax.”

I stalked to the door, leaning in close. Our gazes clashed, blue searching brown. “I’m scared to push with you. I’m afraid I’ll push you away. But damn it, Sasha, I want to push.”

She stared up at me for a long moment, her eyes wide and unguarded. “Maybe I need to be pushed.”

The corner of my mouth turned up. “Careful. If you give me permission, you’ll be stuck with me.”

She gave me a sad smile. “That’s what I’m hoping.”

So my guess had been right. She was scared of going it alone.

“It’s a promise, sweetheart.” I clamped my hand over her wrist and pulled her outside.

“Where are we going?”

“My place. I’ll make you dinner.”

“You said you already ate dinner with your grandparents.”

I shifted my hand to hers, lacing our fingers together. “Does that mean I can’t make you dinner?”

That earned me a blush. “I guess not.”