Sunlight (Haven River Ranch)

Meet you at the hospital.

Sasha’s text had been grating on my nerves since she’d sent it before lunch. It could be nothing. Maybe she just wanted to ride separately for some reason today. But considering we’d planned to ride together, that for her last appointment she’d hardly gotten out of my truck, it made no sense.

We’d agreed last night to go together. Why the change?

One step forward, three steps back.

Every time I thought Sasha was relaxing around me, something would spook her. She was more skittish than a wild horse.

You’d think after I’d bared my damn soul last night, told her all that shit about my birth mother, she would have opened up, just a little. Nope.

No matter how much I laid out there, she was as guarded as ever.

Though maybe our night would have ended differently if Emery hadn’t shown up.

I loved Emery. She was the closest thing to a sister I’d ever had. But for fuck’s sake, her timing was shit.

I should have made her leave, but with how rocky things had been with Calvin, I couldn’t do it.

Until she left him, my house had become her safe space.

That hadn’t bothered me in the slightest until last night. It made me a selfish bastard, but whatever. I’d wanted that time alone with Sasha.

We didn’t have a relationship. I didn’t really do relationships. But we should have something, right? Something beyond the occasional dinner and a child that had half her DNA and half mine?

Maybe if Emery hadn’t interrupted dinner, then I wouldn’t be in a bad mood, parking next to Sasha’s car in the hospital’s lot.

I headed inside, scanning the lobby as I made my way toward the doctors’ offices. No familiar faces. Thank fuck.

The fact that we’d been able to keep this pregnancy under wraps for three months was a damn miracle in and of itself. It was time to tell people, at least family and friends. It felt like a lie, keeping news this massive to myself.

Was Sasha ready to tell people? Or was she wanting to keep up the secrecy? Was that why she’d wanted to drive separately?

It was time to start telling people. Maybe today, after we got through this appointment.

My boots were a muffled thud on the hallway’s thin carpet. I combed my hair with my fingers a few times before I reached the office’s door.

The waiting area was busy. A mother in the corner watched as her son played in the small toy area. Another couple occupied a pair of chairs. An older woman sat alone reading a magazine. And Sasha was in the back row, sitting with her hands tucked beneath her legs and as far away from anyone else as possible.

“Hey, you.” I took the seat beside hers, leaning in to kiss her cheek.

“H-hi.” She stiffened as my lips brushed her skin.

What the hell? I frowned as I pulled away. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” Her gaze flicked to the ceiling.

“Thought we were going to ride together.”

“I needed to run a few errands. Post office. Gas station.” Her eyes flicked to the ceiling as she lied.

“I could have ridden with you. Or gone along on errands.”

She stayed quiet, her eyes dropping to her lap.

Shutting me out. Again. “If this is about last night—”

“It’s not.” She was arguably the worst liar I’d ever met.

There was no use calling her on it, not here. So I crossed my arms over my chest and waited in silence until a nurse called Sasha’s name.

We stood in unison, and my hand went to the small of her back. It was automatic. She was close, so I touched.

She stiffened again, quickening her strides.

What the actual fuck?

My teeth ground together so hard my molars cracked. Then I shoved my hands into my jeans pockets, not so I wouldn’t be tempted to touch Sasha, but so she wouldn’t see them in fists. I trailed behind her and the nurse, the silent observer as she stepped on a scale.

“Okay, Dad.” The nurse, a different woman than Robin’s from last month, motioned me into the guest chair once we hit the exam room. “You get that seat.”

Dad. She was the first person to call me Dad.

It was wrong to have that first come from a stranger. It should have come from West or Indya. Anyone other than a nurse who used the term because she hadn’t bothered to learn my name.

I sat down, elbows to knees, and kept my eyes on the floor while the nurse measured Sasha’s blood pressure and pulse. When she left us to get the doctor, I sat straight and looked at Sasha.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” she lied again. “What’s wrong with you?”

“I’m in a shit mood.”

She blinked, startled that I hadn’t lied too. But I wasn’t going to hide the truth from her. I didn’t want bullshit between us. She’d get honesty, always, even if it sucked.

Sasha sat on her hands again, staring blankly at the floor. So I did the same until Dr. Green knocked on the door.

He didn’t bother with pleasantries. He shook Sasha’s hand, then mine, making introductions before launching into his short exam. She didn’t have to change out of her clothes today, only pull up her sweater so he could listen to the baby’s heartbeat. Then we were dismissed.

He wasn’t cold. It was better than the awkward visit with Robin. But Green was succinct. Clinical. There’d be no warm, fuzzy feelings during these visits, would there?

When he left the room, Sasha hopped off the table as I stood. “He’s . . . different,” I said.

“Better than Robin,” she muttered as she pulled on her coat.

My nostrils flared, but I kept my mouth shut. Yeah, Green was better than Robin. Had I said I wanted Robin? No. Was everything I said today going to piss Sasha off?

“I have to use the bathroom.” She swiped the urine cup that Green had left behind off the counter. “You don’t need to wait.”

I’d been dismissed. “Fine.”

She walked out of the room first, taking a right for the restroom while I headed left for the exit.

One step forward. Three steps back.

The moment I climbed into my truck, I pounded a fist against the wheel. “Damn it.”

I should go back inside. I shouldn’t let her shove me away. But it would probably just make her mad. So I turned the key and started for home.

Later. We’d talk later.

There was a line of trucks parked outside the stables when I made it to the ranch, most belonging to the guides. Now that spring was here and most of the snow had melted, we’d been busy.

It was still slow compared to the summer season, but I’d hired on three more guides, pairing them with my experienced staffers so they could learn the ropes over the next few weeks.

Harry, one of the guides who worked year round and my best hand with the horses, jerked up his chin when I walked inside. “Hey, Jax.”

“Harry. How’s it going?”

“Good.” He pointed to a sorrel mare in a stall. “Was just going to take this one out for a ride. One of the new guys rode her yesterday and said she was acting like a shit. Figured I’d squeeze in a quick ride to find out if it’s the horse or the rider.”

Sometimes, horses knew their rider was green. They’d act one way with one person and entirely different if an experienced rider was in the saddle. But I didn’t like snotty horses. If she was prone to misbehaving, well . . . this wasn’t the ranch for her.

“I’ll take her out,” I said. This wasn’t a horse I’d ridden before. West had given her a test run before we’d bought her last fall. I doubted she had an attitude. West wouldn’t have bought her otherwise.

Each of the guys I’d hired had riding experience on their résumés. But it wouldn’t be the first time an employee had exaggerated their skill set. At this point, I was more loyal to the horse, but a ride would give me a better idea of the situation.

“You sure?” Harry asked.

“Yeah.” A long, hard ride sounded a hell of a lot better than being stuck at my desk. “Let me grab my hat and gloves.”

I ducked into my office and changed my coat for a thicker one. Then I put on my favorite Stetson. I swiped a pair of leather gloves from the mess on the couch and was about to head out when a knock came at the door and Dad stepped inside.

“Hey,” he said. “Harry said you were heading out on a ride.”

“Yeah. What are you up to?”

He shrugged. “Was hoping I could join you.”

Well, shit.

If Dad came along, he’d want to talk, and I wasn’t in the mood for company. What I needed were a few hours to clear my head. Think about Sasha. Figure out what the fuck I was going to do. “Dad—”

“Please? It’s been ages since you rode with your old man.”

Damn it. “Uh, yeah. Sure.”

“Good.” His exhale was loud, like he’d been holding his breath. “I’ll get a horse saddled.”

I waited until he was gone to groan. Then I shoved past my frustration and walked out to get my horse.

It didn’t take us long to ride away from the ranch, and once we made it to a clearing, I nudged the mare with my heels and let her run.

Dad kept pace for a while but slowed. But I kept going, continuing past a grove of trees and around a bend that took us to the river. Once I reached the water’s edge, I turned around and made my way back to Dad.

“Well, this horse seems fine to me,” I told him. “If there was a problem, maybe it was a fluke.”

“She’s a pretty thing,” Dad said. “She’s got a nice stride.”

“Yeah, she does.” I settled into an easy walk next to Dad, drawing in a deep breath. The air was infused with grass and earth and pine. It smelled like home.

It smelled like Montana.

I’d promised Sasha I’d get her to fall in love with it here. So far, I’d done a lousy job. Other than a trip to the grocery store, we’d spent next to no time together.

We were already three months into this thing. If she hated it here, would she want to move? How would that work?

She couldn’t leave. No way. Maybe I couldn’t convince her to stay at the cabin forever, but Sasha couldn’t leave the state. Not with my kid.

“Fuck,” I muttered, dragging a glove over my face.

“What’s wrong?” Dad asked.

I almost lied. I almost brushed him off. Instead, I blurted, “Sasha’s pregnant.”

Dad swayed, and for a split second, I thought he might fall out of his saddle.

“Whoa.” I reached out a hand, but he’d already steadied himself.

“I’m okay.” He shook his head. “Just surprised me.”

“Yeah, shocked the hell out of me too.”

“How far along?”

“Three months.”

He blinked in surprise. “Oh. I, uh, didn’t realize you two were dating.”

“We aren’t.” I sighed. Not for my lack of trying. I’d lost count of the times I’d invited her to dinner—or been interrupted before I could ask. “We hooked up after the party.”

“Ah.” Dad nodded. “Well. A baby. That’s something good.”

“Yeah.” It was something good, wasn’t it? Scary, sure. But it was good news. News I wanted to share—had shared.

A weight lifted. I’d always figured West would be the first to know. But this worked too. Dad and I might not be all that close. We’d grown apart some after he’d sold the ranch to Indya. But he was still my dad.

A sniffle drew my attention, and I glanced over in time to see Dad dab his eye with the fingertip of his buckskin glove.

“Are you crying?” My heart warmed. Yeah, he was crying. Because this was good news. “Pull yourself together, old man,” I teased.

“Oh, shut it.” He scowled. “I’m allowed to get a little emotional at my age. Especially knowing I’m having another grandbaby.”

“Did you cry when West told you about their kids?”

“Might have shed a tear or two. But I’ll never admit it if you tell him.”

I dragged a finger across my mouth. “My lips are sealed.”

“You doing okay?” Dad asked.

“Anxious. Excited. Scared.”

“That sounds about right.”

“I’ve read three pregnancy books this month. Mostly when I can’t sleep. I can’t decide if it makes it better or worse.” With every page, it made me realize how little I knew about babies. “Were you nervous? Before West was born?”

Considering he hadn’t even known my mother was pregnant, all I could ask about was my brother.

“Yeah, I was nervous. Mostly that I’d screw everything up. And looking back, I fucked up plenty. But you and West are both better men than me. So maybe I did a few things right.”

We’d been hard on Dad over the past seven years, hadn’t we? Too hard.

When he’d sold the ranch to Indya in secret, West and I had both taken it as a betrayal. Maybe it was time to let the hard feelings go. For good.

So that when my baby was born, he or she didn’t have my baggage weighing down a relationship with Papa.

“Does anyone else know?” Dad asked.

“No. Well, Lily does.”

He blinked. “Lily?”

“She was at the hospital when Sasha and I went in for an appointment last month. But otherwise, we haven’t told anyone.”

“All right. Consider it a secret. Until you tell me otherwise.”

“Thanks, Dad.”

“You’re welcome, Son.” As he smiled, his eyes turned watery again.

“More tears,” I teased. “Really?”

“Fuck off.” He laughed, dabbing at his eyes again. “You know, one thing I regret is not being more open with you and your brother. Not just about the ranch sale. I know I screwed that up by not talking to you both first. But everything else too. I guess I always thought you’d think I was weak if I asked for help. If I admitted I couldn’t do it all on my own. I’m working on that. Working on being around more in case you need me.”

There was a vulnerability in his voice I’d never heard from my father before. “Appreciate that.”

He swallowed hard, clearing his throat. Then he adjusted his grip on his reins. “Wanna race?”

Before I could answer, he shot ahead, his laugh carrying on the breeze.

I grinned, counting to ten to give him a head start. Then I clicked my tongue and nudged my horse to follow.

She was fast. Faster than Dad’s gelding. But I held her back enough that Dad could win.

Once we were in the stables, the horses turned out to graze and our saddles hung on their racks, Dad waved goodbye before heading home. I spent the rest of my afternoon catching up on work, visiting with the guides, and reviewing summaries of today’s activities.

The sun was inching its way to the jagged mountain horizon when I left for home. The soft evening light made the colors of the land brighter. The greens and blues and golds were a vivid kaleidoscope, and spring was just beginning.

Maybe I wouldn’t have to sell Sasha on Montana. Maybe Montana would do that all on its own. Convince her to stay.

Her car was parked outside the cabin when I made it to the house. She was safely locked behind her doors, where she’d hide the rest of the night.

Something Dad said on our ride echoed in my mind.

I always thought you’d think I was weak if I asked for help. If I admitted I couldn’t do it all on my own.

Was that why Sasha was so withdrawn? Was she scared I’d see her as weak if she leaned on me? Or was she scared people would let her down? That I’d disappear?

She wasn’t alone in this. She knew that, right? I was here.

Maybe all we really needed was time. Time for her to see I wasn’t going anywhere.

I parked in my garage but didn’t go inside. I walked the distance between our houses and knocked on her door.

She answered wearing the same sweater and jeans she’d been in earlier, her hair still in that slick bun. “Hi.”

“Hi. Sorry about earlier.”

“I’m sorry too. I was in a bad mood.”

“Truce?”

She nodded. “Truce.”

“Sorry about Emery interrupting us last night. I should have told her to leave.”

“No.” Sasha sighed. “She was upset. It’s good she has a place to go. Is she okay?”

“Hope so. He called her last night and apologized. She went back home around midnight. For now, they’re getting along. I doubt it lasts, it never does, but we’ll see.”

“Does she, um, know about the baby?”

“No, I haven’t told her. But I did tell Dad today.”

Her eyes widened. “You did?”

“This isn’t exactly something we can keep a secret, honey.”

“I know.” She worried her bottom lip between her teeth. “I think we should wait a while longer.”

“How long is a while?” A few hours? Sure. Maybe a couple more days. But eventually, there would be no more hiding this.

“Until the ultrasound.”

“Over a month?” My voice bounced off the walls. What the fuck? It had been hard enough as it was to keep it from my family for this long. But another month? “Sasha—”

“Please, Jax. Just until the ultrasound. I know we can’t keep it a secret forever. But I need . . .”

I waited for her to finish. When she didn’t, when she dropped her eyes to the floor, I shifted closer, hooking my finger beneath her chin and tilting her face to mine. “You need what?”

“Time to figure out what to say.” Her shoulders sagged. “People are going to ask questions. I’m not exactly looking forward to telling my employees or my boss, who happens to be your sister-in-law, that that we had a one-night stand and a condom broke. It sounds reckless.”

“It was reckless.” I chuckled, letting my thumb trace along her cheek. “But that doesn’t mean it’s less important.”

“Everything will change when we tell people,” she whispered.

“Everything has changed already.”

“I know that.” The pleading in those pretty eyes was my undoing. “Please? Just until the ultrasound.”

The ultrasound was the halfway mark. “That’s six weeks. Not a month,” I grumbled.

Sasha might not have a poker face. But damn if she wasn’t good at negotiating. She was worse than West’s twins, who always begged for five more minutes to play. Three more minutes in the bathtub. One more hug before bedtime.

I had a feeling that if I didn’t agree to six weeks, her next offer would be eight.

“Fine,” I muttered. “Until the ultrasound.”

By that point, at least we’d know if we were having a boy or a Josephine.

“Thank you, Jax.” A tiny, smug smile tugged at her pretty mouth.

It took everything I had not to kiss it off her face.