Shattered Hearts A MFM Love Story

~ Maddy ~ ~

“I’m good. Just go find Jackson, yeah?” asked Logan.

My stomach turned over on itself, hating that I had to decide which one of them needed me more. Both were in shock at the news of their mama’s death and finding out they had a half-sister and I desperately wanted to comfort them both. Jackson storming off was his way of dealing with things, his way of hiding the pain he felt. Logan was the complete opposite. I could read the open emotion on his face. There was anguish there, but hope too. And need. So much need.

It was like being caught between a rock and a hard place. Would it always be like this? Wishing I could split myself in two and be there for both?

But then something in Logan’s eyes spiked my heart rate. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but they looked haunted by something. Scared even.

That made my decision and pressing a kiss to his forehead, I hightailed after Jackson.

Shutting the door behind me, I tried to get my head around them having a half-sister and their mama just leaving them when they were so young.

Logan, on the face of it, was handling it better than Jackson, that’s for sure.

And I understood Jackson’s anger towards his mama, and to some extent, Casey. Not that it was right being angry with her.

Shielding my eyes from the sun, which was already throwing out some serious heat this early in the day, I looked for Jackson. Spotting him uphead, he was going toward the stables. His footfall seemed heavy as dirt and dust kicked up around him.

“Jackson—hold up,” I called out, picking up my steps.

He either didn’t hear me or he was choosing not to acknowledge me.

Was he angry at me, too? Did he think I was taking Casey’s side or Logan’s? In truth, I wasn’t taking any sides. I didn’t know enough about the situation, but sitting next to him when Casey had said their mama was dead, the anger from him had wrapped around me like a heavy blanket.

“Jackson!” I shouted louder and pumped my legs harder to catch up to him.

He didn’t even pause or slow his steps

“Jackson, stop!” I panted, grabbing hold of his T-shirt at the small of his back when I caught up to him.

He stopped then but didn’t turn around. His shoulders heaved. They shifted and rippled up and down in a jerky motion and my heart rate went back to double-tapping.

“Jackson?” I whispered his name again. As a question. A plea for him to turn around for him to see I wasn’t the enemy here.

He heard it and finally turned to face me and the pain in his eyes shot right to the heart of me. It was all there, in the lines around his eyes, the set of his jaw, the tilt of his mouth. “Go back inside the house, Maddy. Stay with Logan.”

“Not until you tell me what’s going on inside that head of yours!”

His eyes grew round. “Inside my head?” he spluttered, blinking. “What the hell did my brother say to you?”

“What!? Nothing.” I elaborated. “He just asked me to come find you. Check your okay.” Softening my tone because he didn’t look okay. “Talk to me, Jackson.”

“I’m fine,” he barked, his face edged with shadows and his grey eyes looked so dark they reminded me of the depths of a bottomless well. “Go back inside,” he repeated.

I grabbed his T-shirt with both hands, moving closer, so close his warm breath skimmed my cheek as I tipped my head up. “I’m right here. I know you’re hurting. Let me help you.” My fists tightened.

His jaw locked as he moved his hands over mine and forced me to let him go and when my fingers gave up the fight with the fabric, Jackson dipped his face lower.

And with my heart pounding in my chest, he pressed a soft kiss. A feathery kiss. “I just need to be alone right now, Princess.”

“What’s going on Jackson? What are you not telling me?”

The same fear I saw in Logan was staring right back at me. My gut told me I was missing something much bigger. But what? So I forged ahead.“Besides, where are you plannin’ on going that I can’t go with you?”

Jackson watched me for a few beats. But then my jaw dropped when he stepped away from me. Nope. Wasn’t happening. I didn’t want more space between us. So I closed the distance.

He said nothing but turned away from me and carried on walking toward the stables with his head down. Did he think I was gonna let this drop?

Nope. Not happening. “I’m not letting you walk away from me!”

Only getting another five steps ahead, he stopped abruptly and I almost ran into the back of him. He spun around and his hands dropped onto my hips, pinning me in place, and I had to tip my head back to meet his gaze head-on. But instead of looking at me like he was about to give in and accept that I wasn’t going anywhere. Now he just looked plain angry.

He raised his eyebrows in question. “Tell me something, Maddy.”

Finally. He was talking. “Yeah, what do you want to know?”

“Are you gonna cut out on me when the going gets tough or something goes wrong?”

Umm What? Where was all this coming from?

I jerked my head back. “Jackson, I don’t know what—”

He cut in, apparently not wanting to listen to anything I had to say. “Let me guess—you don’t know!”

“What?” I shook my head.

His hands were gone in a flash as his expression exploded in shock and fury. “What the hell are we doing here, Maddy? What are you doing here—with someone like me!? Or Logan?”

I held my hands up to try and calm the raging storm brewing in his tense frame. Taking a tentative step closer. “You jumped in before I could finish what I wanted to say.” Heaving a breath. “I don’t know what the future holds for any of us, but I would never just up and leave you and Logan. I’m here because I want you. I want Logan.”

Another step closer, but he took another back, my words having little effect as his eyes studied every inch of my face with a thick frown between his brows. “You didn’t answer my question, Maddy.”

I thought I had given him a straight answer. There was clearly something else going on here and an icy feeling settled inside the pit of my stomach. Whatever it was he was hiding or avoiding, I needed to get to the bottom of it. “I’m nothing like your mama, Jackson—”

Quick enough, he jumped in. “Yeah,” he scoffed. “I bet she said that to my pa and then she was off the second something or someone better came along.”

“We don’t know what happened with your Mama. Perhaps that journal can help explain things.”

“I don’t want to listen to any of her excuses.” He let out a sound I didn’t recognise, half-laugh, half sigh. “Y’all the same.”

“Jacks—”

He cut me off again like he was vying for an argument. “Is this a game for you, Maddy?” The colour rose in his cheeks. “Do you even know what you mean to me?” He thumped his chest with his fist. “To Logan?” He breathed loudly, heavily through his nose.

“What if things get tough? What if one of us got ill? What if I asked you to choose between us?”

Wow. The questions came thick and fast and I stood there blindsided, as each question was a verbal slap.

With a slow nod of his head. “Yeah, thought so.” He took my silence as confirmation.

The hurt in his gaze.

The perceived betrayal.

None of what he was saying made any sense to me. Reason had somehow eaten away at his mind since Casey had shown up and he had learned of his mama’s death.

I went to shake my head and say—No. I’ll never hurt you or Logan. I’m not leaving. We’re not all the same. Please don’t ask me to choose.

But my tongue stayed silent, held captive, trying to figure out what the hell was going on here.

Jackson threw up his hands in anger, backing away from me before he turned away and picked up his steps continuing his journey.

My eyebrows furrowed. He thought he could drop all that on me, and then what? Expect me to scuttle off back inside. “Jackson Reilly!” I bellowed out, my tone even surprising me. Chasing after him, I caught his arm just as he swung open the stable door.

I stopped dead when inside there was Hank, the ranch manager and another cowboy, Bob?

“Well, look what the cows dragged in, Bob.” chuckled Hank, his eyes wandering over Jackson onto me. “And damn, ain’t you a sight for sore eyes, pretty lady.”

My cheeks heated, and I returned his smile.

Jackson huffed but said nothing to either of them as he stomped off, passing them to get his saddle.

Stepping fully inside, I shut the stable door behind me. Turning around to watch Jackson, in the corner of my eye, I could see the amused looks passing between Hank and Bob. “Beautiful day-ain’t it?” I said, trying to act like everything was fine and dandy.

“Ain’t it just.” They both tipped their hats in my direction. Jackson was mumbling something as he stomped past them again, this time with his hands full. He looked anything but happy.

“What’s got your panties in a bunch this morning?” asked Hank and Bob snickered next to him, which earned him a jab in his ribs from Hank’s elbow.

“None of your goddamn business,” growled Jackson.

He eyeballed Hank, who dusted off his glare and said, “Man. You look like you’re tryin’ to kill someone with the power of your stare.”

“Do I pay y’all to stand around?”

Hank ignored Jackson’s snippy comment and turned to me, hitching a thumb over his shoulder. “What have you done to him?” His smile widened. “Usually you can’t shift a smile from his or Logan’s face when you’re buzzing around.”

“Leave her out of this,” he shouted from inside Champs’s stall.

I rolled my eyes, and Hank’s lips twitched.

Jackson appeared a minute later with Champ, who was a Mustang with his speckled white on top of his dark grey with a black mane and tail. My eyes took stock. He was now wearing chaps over his washed-out jeans—where the heck did they come from?

Seated comfortably on the saddle, he pulled on a pair of leather gloves.

It didn’t hurt to admit, he might have riled me up not five minutes ago with his crazy talk, but looking at him up on his horse. He looked damn fine and made me feel all hot and bothered.

Stupid, beautiful, stubborn man.

“I’ll see you back at the house later,” he said to me.

Oh, no. Logan had been adamant in his instruction to me. “Don’t you dare be riding off without me. Give me one minute to saddle up. I’m coming with you.”

His face dropped into a frown, clearly not happy with my reply. And if he thought he could get rid of me. He better think again.

Grabbing my hairband from around my wrist, I gathered up my hair and fixed it in a ponytail. I did a quick stock on the horses available, deciding on a pretty mare named Elsa. Bob was already walking over to the saddles. “Let me grab a saddle, little lady,” he offered and although I was capable of getting my own, I said thanks and smiled.

“I’d wait up if I were you, Jackson. The lady looks like she means business,” said Hank, tossing a wink my way.

I didn’t hide my smirk, looking up at Jackson, but he wasn’t frowning now as he rubbed across his forehead as if he was in pain.

“You alright, Jackson?”

“Just a headache.”

He looked up, and I watched the colour slip from his face faster than water down a drain.

“Perhaps you better not go riding?” This time, he swayed in his saddle and I gasped. “Jackson!” His eyes rolled back, and he slumped forward. I moved at speed but Hank beat me, catching a falling Jackson with a humph!

“Damn,” Hank gritted out, “need a hand here, Bob.” Bob was there in a second as the two men lowered Jackson from his horse onto the ground. I grabbed Champ by the reins and pulled him back into his stall.

“Jackson. Can you hear me?” asked Hank, gently tapping Jackson’s cheeks as I kneeled beside him.

Panic reached out and grabbed me by the throat. “Jackson!” Pressing a hand to his forehead. He felt clammy and cold. “Jackson... please?”

I looked up at Hank’s worried face. “Bob.” He glanced up. “Go get Logan and call an ambulance.”

I leaned over Jackson, cupping both cheeks in my warm hands, his face white as a sheet. “Has this ever happened before?” I asked Hank, who shook his head.

I kept on talking quietly to Jackson, trying to hold on to my panic. My head shot up when Logan burst into the stables with Casey right behind him. “Fuck,” he muttered, dropping beside me. “What happened?”

“Just—” Hank shrugged. “Was fine one minute—out cold and falling off Champ the next.”

Logan pressed the side of his face over his brother’s chest. “He’s breathing seems normal. Heart rate slow.”

I hadn’t even thought to check that. With a wobbly voice, I asked, “Has this happened before, Logan?”

He didn’t answer my question. It was almost like it didn’t even register before saying, “Ambulance is on its way.”

Three hours later, we were all at Mercy Heights Hospital. Logan had travelled with Jackson in the ambulance and I’d driven me and Casey in his truck. My hands had been shaking all the way there. And when we finally parked the truck we found him in the waiting room alone and pacing up and down, wearing a hole on the tile floor. I hadn’t spoken two words to Casey, and almost forgot she was with me.

Sitting down but hardly able to sit still, my foot tapped to a restless rhythm and my eyes followed Logan’s frantic pacing. His shoulders were full of tension.

“Here.” I looked up, blinking as Casey held out a coffee for me.

Accepting the beverage. “Thanks,” I tried to smile.

She walked over to Logan and handed him one, too. “I didn’t know what you liked.” She shrugged.

He stopped pacing and nodded his thanks.

She returned and sat next to me as Logan shifted his attention to look outside the window.

“How much longer, do you think?” Casey whispered, and I turned to face her, but my eyes went straight over her head as I saw Dr Finlay come through the double doors. I’d met her a few times at Lockwood events over the years. She’d always been nice.

I placed my coffee on the floor next to the leg of the chair and stood up, smoothing my hand over my vest and shorts as if my appearance mattered.

Casey stayed where she was.

Dr Finlay nodded her head my way, but her eyes were seeking Logan. “Mr Reilly.”

Logan turned to face her, and I walked to stand next to him. “Is he awake?” He handed me his drink without looking at me. Placing it on the windowsill, I slipped my hand in his. He stiffened but then relaxed as our fingers threaded.

Dr Finlay shook her head, pressing a clipboard to her chest. “I’ve spoken with his specialist doctor, Dr Monroe at the Centre for BrainHealth.”

The what centre? I looked up, and Logan glanced at me briefly before returning his attention to the doctor.

Dr Finlay continued. “We’re running the tests and sharing the results.” She paused and Logan nodded for her to go on. “Dr Monroe also has agreed with my assessment that he remains at Mercy and he will travel here to perform the surgery.”

“Surgery?” My heart quit beating smoothly. It jerked rhythmically in pain.

Neither answered my question, but Logan squeezed my hand, asking with a tight voice. “Is it his tumour?”

What the hell? A tumour. Jackson had a tumour? How? He was young and looked healthy.

My skin heated, even as goose pimples spread right across my body. I kept my mouth shut as Dr Finlay kept talking, discussing Jackson’s prognosis and the best way to proceed. Listening to her rattle off the risks with and without surgery was frightening. A rare type of hemorrhagic bleeding. An arteriovenous malformation and other words that, frankly, I had no idea what they meant.

None of it seemed real. She finally stopped talking.

“Can we see him?”

She smiled tightly. “We just got a few more tests and then you can sit with him for a while.”

Logan let out a long, slow breath, thanking her. I watched her walk away before he turned his full attention to me. “What’s going on Logan?”

He dropped my hand and dragged both of his hands through his hair. “Jackson has a brain tumour.”

“For how long?” I asked as Casey saddled up beside us. “You knew about it?”

He nodded slowly. “Only found out by accident, a couple of days back.”

Anger at their deceit would itself around my chest and squeezed tight.

“You’re mad at me, aren’t you?”

Yes. No. I think I felt more hurt by neither of them talking to me. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Logan stared ahead and blew out another breath. “Because he wanted to tell you himself.”

“Will he be okay?” asked Casey. Her concern seemed genuine.

“I don’t know,” he answered honestly, dropping his arms. “I’m in the dark just as much as anyone here.” His eyes lowered to mine as his hand cupped the nape of my neck. His thumb rubbed gently circles as I blinked back tears. “We have to trust the doctors now.”

The fear I felt at that moment was almost unbearable. Like a living thing with its own pulsing heartbeat. It sat right alongside regret. Regret that I didn’t tell him exactly what he meant to me. Logan wrapped his arms around me, pulling me tightly against him. Strength radiated from his body and I rested my head on his chest, listening as our hearts matched beat for beat.