Shattered Hearts A MFM Love Story

~ ~ Logan ~ ~

Maddy’s light footsteps retreated, leaving me alone in the kitchen. I drifted to stand in front of the widow, placing my palms on top of the counter, like I needed some kind of unspoken support staring out the window. It was in those quiet moments when everything around me was still and the blue sky stretched out as far as the eye could see and my lungs inhaled the smell of food being kept warm on the stove I thought of my ma.

My ma, who’s left us without an explanation or a goodbye. Just vanished.

Why was I thinking about my ma? Because my eyes didn’t lie. The girl, Casey, was the spitting image of her, well from what I remember and the two photographs that my pa didn’t burn.

And I wasn’t sure what to feel about that... yet, or what to do with it. I had enough on my plate worrying over Jackson and hiding the secret from Maddy.

I shifted both my hands and dragged them down my face, groaning. The quiet evaporated with the clearing of a throat behind me. I turned around and forced myself to smile.

And as my eyes assessed her—hers were doing the same to me.

“I wasn’t sure if I should wait by the door.” She looked uneasy, stood there clutching to her chest that damn backpack which had seen better days.

“No. You’re fine right where you are.” She nodded her head once. “You find everything you need?” When I showed her to the bathroom, I’d told her she could wash up. And by the looks of it, she had washed her face and tidied up her ponytail. Her clothes stayed the same, her shirt was faded and her jeans were dusty and a little hole-ridden. My eyes caught the small silver cross that moved with her heaving chest. She was either breathing in all the air around her or wasn’t getting enough oxygen.

My ma had one just like it.

“You said your name was Casey, right?”

Another nod as she gulped and her eyes went wide. How was it possible for a young girl to look strong and yet vulnerable at the same time? “Thank you for letting me use your restroom, Mr Reilly.”

“Yeah, let’s not be callin’ me, Mr Reilly. That was my pa. It’s Logan.”

She looked surprised by that and I had this weird urge to make her feel better or try to settle those nerves saturating her small frame. I wanted to hug her, which was crazy, right? I didn’t even know the girl.

Casey’s eyes flicked around the kitchen, settling on the pan on the stove. We’d left some breakfast casserole for Jackson, in case he was hungry. “You hungry?”

She shrugged.

“Well? You either is or you ain’t—which one is it, kid?”

Her forehead crinkled as her lip curled up in disgust. “I ain’t no kid.” She huffed, throwing me shade in a very teenager way. Kinda reminded me of Jackson.

How old was she? “Okay. When was the last time you ate something?”

She shrugged. Christ. Getting blood out of a stone would be easier. I walked over to the stove and pulled a bowl from the shelf and plated up a good-sized portion. Grabbing a fork, I walked toward the table and set it down. “Sit.”

She looked like she was about to argue, but the growl from her stomach decided for her. Dragging her feet, she pulled out a chair and stuffed her backpack under the table. Sitting down, she pulled her chair right up close as if to protect the bag now covered by her legs.

I poured myself a fresh coffee and leaned up against the kitchen worktop. My eyes lifted to the ceiling, wondering what was taking Maddy and Jackson so damn long.

Blowing over my coffee, I set my focus back on our guest. With a slightly more relaxed posture, she was wolfing the food down. By the looks of it, it might have been more than a few days since she last ate a good meal. Deciding to wait on the big questions, I would go easy. “What’s in the bag that’s so important?” She was guarding the damn thing with her life.

Casey visibly stiffened at my question and I got the impression she didn’t trust a lot of folks. But she needed to remember she came to us for something. “It’s not a hard question, Casey.”

Her eyes dropped back to her bowl. “My whole life is in that bag,” she finally answered.

Well. Damn. This story was gonna be interesting. Or painful. I wasn’t sure which. I pressed my mug to my lips and drank.

She forked in some more food, as if worried I might take it from her. And with her next mouthful, she asked. “I doubt that’s the question you wanted to ask me.”

True. But I was waiting on Jackson. “My brother will be down any second and I don’t see no reason to repeat yourself. Finish eating first.” I heard the shuffling of feet from upstairs heading our way.

About damn time.

I put my drink down and started toward the door. “You want any more. Help yourself.”

As I walked away to head off Jackson, I heard the scrape of the chair on the tiles and I smiled to myself.

Coming to stand at the bottom of the stairs, I watched Maddy and Jackson come down.

“Sup?” asked Jackson as his feet landed on the bottom stairs. “Maddy said we had a visitor—some girl here to see us?”

At the sight of how messy and tired he looked. I was scanning for something—anything that might scream he was about to keel over on me. His hair was standing up in spikes, his jaw dark with a five o’clock shadow. Everything looked normal.

Which had to be good, right?

But what would a person walking around with a ticking time bomb in their head look like? And the internet had been little use to me either, apart from scaring the living Jesus out of me.

“Earth to Logan.” Jackson waved a hand in front of my face. He frowned as he looked me up and down. “You listenin’?”

“Sorry.” I blinked. “Just thinking.” He stepped back, and I thought it was best we had this conversation in private. “Let’s talk in the office.” My office was on the other side of the house, far enough away from the kitchen just in case Jackson lost his shit when I told him who I thought this girl might be.

Maddy hung back

“You not coming?” I asked her.

“What?” She pressed a hand to her chest. “You want me to come with you both?”

Jackson held out his hand to her before I answered. “C’mere Princess, why wouldn’t we want you to come with us?”

Maddy shrugged. “I was thinking it might be private family business.”

She was family as far as me and Jackson were concerned. “You’re part of us now, Maddy. We don’t have any secrets,” said Jackson and my eyes went wide.

Was he kidding me right now? My jaw dropped. He was hiding the mother-load of all secrets.

Rolling my eyes, I followed Maddy and Jackson into my office, closing the door behind us. Walking past Maddy and Jackson, I walked over to my desk and propped my ass against it, folding my arms across my chest.

“Don’t keep us in suspense, Logan... who is this girl?” His eyes flicked to Maddy and then back to me. “And what does she want?”

Here goes. “She’d said her name is Casey Proctor.”

Jackson breathed heavily through his nose. “Proctor... as in Holly. She knows Holly Proctor?”

I nodded.

“Who’s Holly Proctor?” asked Maddy.

Jackson’s head swung her way. “Holly Proctor is...” he scoffed. Or was our ma.”

“Your mama?” she asked in surprise.

Jackson dragged his hand through his messy hair, cursing under his breath. “And what? This girl is related to her? ” His eyes narrowed. “Is that what you’re telling me?” His frown deepened for a second.

I slowly shook my head. “She’s not said and I’ve not asked.” I dropped my arms to rest on either side of me, gripping the desk. “But it has crossed my mind they might be related.” I let that sink in before adding. “She might be related to us.”

Jackson threw up his hands. “You serious?” he snapped, his biceps straining out of his white tee-shirt.

“As serious as a heart attack.”

He pulled his head back. “So, what’s she doing here?”

“I was waiting till you came down to ask. I don’t know.”

Jackson’s eyes teemed with questions. “I mean, it’s not like our ma, I mean Holly Proctor wanted anything to do with us. She walked out on us and never looked back, right?”

He had always made it clear he never cared about Ma leaving. But I knew better than that. He just hid it better than I ever could. “Pa never told us why she left.” I’d asked him a few times over the years and even on his deathbed, he refused to give me a straight answer.

Jackson’s jaw ticked. He looked ready to blow a fuse, and I knew stress wasn’t good for him. “We know little, so let’s not get upset about it yet. Okay?”

His exhale was huge and noisy. “I don’t give a shit why she left us. The point is, she did. And whoever that is in there.” He jerked his thumb over his shoulder. “She can go right back to where she came from.”

“Jackson,” soothed Maddy, reaching for his hand. “Let’s talk to her first. If she is your sister. Then shouldn’t you at least listen to what she has to say?” Her head turned to me and I smiled. “She looks like she’s come a long way to find you.”

Jackson bristled, pulling his shoulders back, clearly not happy.

And I understood his anger. He’d never forgiven her. Hell, I was a little angry too. But that didn’t mean given the chance, that I wouldn’t want to reconnect just to find out why. Listen to her side of the story.

Over the years, I had tried to locate her. Even searched through all those damn social media platforms hoping to see her face. But I’d given up when Pa got ill and needed me to focus on the ranch because Jackson had little interest in running the place.

“Maddy’s right, Jackson and I don’t know ’bout you, but I’d like some answers.”

When he looked at me, I could see he wanted to argue the point, but with Maddy’s soft eyes encouraging him to at least talk, he let it go. For now. “Well, if she thinks she’s got any claim to this place - The Ranch. Then she can think again.”

I hadn’t thought of that. I honestly didn’t know much about my parents’ divorce or even if they ever got one. Of course, there were rumours flying around Lockwood about why she left us, but that’s all they were.

“Maddy.” She turned to me. “Can you check up on Casey? See, she’s okay and tell her we’ll be in a second.”

She smiled, nodding. “Sure.”

I waited till the door closed behind her.

Jackson moved past my desk, staring out the window. “And before you ask. No, I’ve not said anything.”

I’d already figured that out. “Wasn’t gonna ask.”

He swivelled around to face me. “What is it then?”

“I just wanted to see if you’re okay. Checking in. That’s all.”

He sighed, the tension slipping from his shoulders. “I’m doin’ okay. So quit worrying, alright?”

I knew he would hate it if I started treating him any different. “Look asshole. I’m gonna be concerned. Heck, flip it around and you would be the same.”

That pulled a smile from his lips. “I know.” His pause was weighted. “If I don’t think about it, then I can pretend it ain’t real—you know?”

“I get it, Jackson. I do. But I meant what I said last night. We are in this together. I want to know what’s going on.” I tapped my head. “Up here.” I sighed. “And Maddy needs to know the truth. We can’t keep this from her.”

“I know.” His head dropped back. “And as soon as we find out who this is. I’m gonna tell her.”

“Good. Well, after you, brother.” I gestured to the door and followed him out.

Walking into our kitchen, Maddy looked over Casey’s head and smiled. Both Jackson and I pulled out chairs and sat down at the table. “Casey, this is Jackson, my brother.”

Casey’s eyes flicked between us, the wariness still there. “You don’t look identical anymore.”

That weirdly seemed to amuse her as she cocked her head to the side looking at us both. And it was the hair that set us apart now. Oh, and Jackson had bulked up since he joined the army.

“What do you mean?” Jackson snapped.

“I saw. Well, no.” she stumbled, not knowing the right words. “I mean my mom...” she bit into her lip before adding and confirming what I already knew. “Our Mom—”

Jackson cut in. “She might be your ma, but she ain’t ours,” he growled, his hands clenching into tight balls.

She didn’t hold back on the attitude. Giving just as good as she got. “Deny it all you want. Don’t change facts.”

“Yeah, well, it’s news to us, kid,” he said.

“And just like I told your brother here. I ain’t no kid.” She glared at him.

I kicked Jackson under the table and he threw his angry eyes my way, which I ignored, focusing on Casey. “How old are you if you don’t mind me asking?”

“Just turned twenty.”

I wouldn’t have pegged her for older than eighteen. But doing the math. Me and Jackson were five when she left. Was she pregnant with Casey when she left my pa?

Jackson huffed. “I’ll tell you right now. If she thinks she can send you to make peace, then you can go right back and tell her we’re not interested in anything she has to say.” His tone was anything but friendly. “You got that?”

Her eyes flicked down as she pushed away her empty bowl. “That won’t be possible.”

“Why the hell not!?”

And when she looked up, her eyes were a little glassy. “Because she’s dead, that’s why.”

Maddy gasped, her small hand covering her mouth as she muttered something I didn’t quite catch.

Dead? Unexpected sorrow twined around my heart, and the air emptied from my lungs. Dead. I could feel Jackson’s eyes on me. Every emotion running through his grey eyes was running through mine too. The only difference was he swallowed what he felt down and dropped his gaze from mine.

I looked back at Casey. “When? How did she die?”

Her eyes wandered away. “Just over a year ago. But for as long as I can remember, she wasn’t well—mentally. In and out of places that take care of that kind of thing.” She didn’t look sad, just resigned. “But it was cancer in the end. At least, that’s what they told me.”

“What? You weren’t living with her?” asked Maddy, who had moved from her chair to stand behind me and Jackson, her small hands finding their way onto our shoulders, squeezing.

I pressed my hand on top of hers, not realizing mine was trembling.

Casey shook her head. “No. Hadn’t for a long time.”

“So you lived with your father?” asked Maddy.

Casey laughed, but it wasn’t with humour. “Know nothing about any father.”

Maddy gasped. “Who looked after you?”

Casey shifted in her seat, sitting up straighter, pushing her slight shoulders back. “I looked after myself—mostly.” She shrugged. “Since Mom couldn’t look after me, they put me in the system.”

“Foster care?” asked Maddy, and I looked up to find horror and sadness.

“Yeah, until I was eighteen, and then you’re on your own.”

“Oh, my god. That must have been awful for you.”

Casey shrugged. “Can’t do anything about it now.”

My heart went out to her. Our ma had left us to go on and have another family and then left her in a way. But then I thought to ask. “There’s only you? No brothers or sisters?”

“No. Just me.”

I wasn’t sure what to say.

“So why are you here?” asked Jackson.

She swallowed. “When she died, I got all her belongings, and that’s when I found out about her boys, as she called you.”

“What? So she never told you ’bout us when she was alive?”

“No.” Shaking her head. “She kept a journal of sorts. Talked about the both of you a lot, and she kept pictures of you too.” She pushed out of her chair and reached under the table for her backpack. Opening it, she rummaged around and pulled out the book, placing it on the table.

I just stared at it. Were the answers I needed in those pages?

She opened it and at the back were two pictures, both of me and Jackson.

Lifting my eyes from the book, I saw Casey watching me and we stared at each other for a while. I knew all my emotions were on show and her eyes softened and I could see how afraid she was. How lonely she must have been growing up. At least I always had Jackson, Jody, and my pa.

We all sat there in silence Until Jackson broke it. “So what? You expect to show up here and live with us now?”

“Jackson!” scolded Maddy.

I knew this was Jackson’s way of dealing with stuff. He would ignore it as long as he could and then run away from it. Not wanting to deal with it.

“No. I can look after myself.” She picked up the journal to put it away, but I reached out to stop her.

“Please. I’d like to read it.”

“What do you want to do that for?” gasped Jackson. “What? You think she’s gonna say how much she loved us and regretted leaving us?”

I sighed, my chest heavy. “I don’t know, Jackson. But I would at least like to read it.”

“I’m done here. Enough of this shit.” Jackson pushed out his chair and was up, heading for the door.

“Jackson, wait up!” called out Maddy.

“Where are you going?” I asked him.

“Out. I want to clear my head.” The door was flung open, and he was out and slamming it behind him.

Great.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to cause no trouble.”

I waved it off. “It takes time for Jackson to come around.” I looked back toward the door. Shit. A thought hit me. What if he went riding and something happened to him? “Maddy.”

“Yeah?”

“Go find Jackson. And don’t let him go riding by himself.”

She cocked her head in confusion. “Why?”

Shit. My hands waved around all over the damn place. “I just don’t want him alone right now. Can you just do that for me?” Guilt twisted up my insides for not telling her the truth. But it wasn’t my place to tell her.

“Sure, but will you be okay?” She smiled at me, but her eyes drifted to Casey.

“I’m good. Just go find Jackson, yeah?” She placed a kiss on my forehead and then left.

I twisted in my chair to face Casey. “What are your plans now?”

“I thought I might hang around Lockwood for a while.”

Really? “Where are you staying?”

She shrugged. “I’m sure I can find a hotel or something.”

She didn’t look like she had any money to speak of. “You know anyone around these parts?” I doubted it.

“No, but I can get a job waiting tables or something. You don’t need to worry about me.”

But oddly, I did. I’d only known about her existence for an hour, but she was family and that meant I felt responsible for her. “You can stay here—with us.”

She shook her head adamantly. “Nah-ah. No.”

“Why the hell not?”

“Why? You honestly need to ask that question?” I knew she was talking about Jackson. “We both know your brother will have something to say if he finds out I’m staying here.”

“Jackson will come around. He just needs time to adjust.”

“I don’t want your pity, Mr Reilly.” I arched my brows, and she corrected it. “Fine, Logan. I ain’t no charity case.”

“We have more bedrooms than we need. I want you to stay for a while.”

I wouldn’t beg her to stay, but I would be honest. “I would like to get to know you, Casey. Don’t you want that too?”

Her shoulders dropped as she placed the journal back on the table and pushed it toward me. “I know this won’t mean much. But I believe she regretted what she did.”

I pulled the journal closer. “So you’ll stay awhile? Here?” Maybe it was my tone, but I saw a change in her posture.

“What if I told you I bite or snore so loud the windows rattle.”

And now I understood her attitude toward us. It was a show of vulnerability. She wanted to get to know us but was afraid of rejection.

“I’d tell you, I’ll take my chances.” A grin slipped across my lips. “And wait till you hear Jackson snore.”

She finally smiled and damn, it was like staring at my ma. “If you’re sure it won’t cause any trouble—me being here.”

I smiled back. “Leave Jackson to me.” I might not get through his hard-headed skull, but I knew Maddy had him wrapped around her tiny finger.