Severed Bonds

"You're right, but I do know this. It's not going to get better Hannah. You either stick it out or let it take control over you." Ian takes his leave, leaving his words stuck in my head. He's only saying this so he doesn't get sucked along with my own self destruction. I can feel my eyelids getting heavy and my body wanting to sink into the foamy pillows and mattress. I shake the feeling off and sit up straight. I won't allow myself to fall asleep, I don't want to relive those moments. I can feel my body getting heavier and heavier, my arms droop down while my begins to hang. I wish I brought those pills with me, I need them! I allow myself to lean back a bit, a migraine has begun to form. Making me rethink my decision to avoid sleep, it's painful. My head is throbbing so much that waves of nausea begin to attack me. Maybe when a nurse comes in I can ask her for something. The night feels everlasting, my body is achy and cold, chills cause me to shiver uncontrollably. It's so cold, why is it so cold? I tug at the thin sheets the hospital provided. I clench them close to my body making sure to cover up every aching and trembling area. I lay my hand on my forehead and feel the cold sweat running down. After a while my aching body stops shivering, and the cold sweat is no longer dripping down my forehead. I feel at ease and warm. My hand brushes against the blades of grass, I look up and see the sun shining down on me. I sit up and feel a cool breeze brush by, the blades of grass sway with the white daisies. The daisies are small, frail and plain looking. I sit there and close my eyes and feel the warmth of the sunlight gently caress my face. I don't want this moment to end, or dream. Whatever this place is, it's nice and beautiful. I could just sit here and watch the daisies dance in the wind forever. I stand up and stare in awe at all of the daisies surrounding me, they stretch even more in the direction in front of me. I glide my hand through the field and run in front and feel every feathery petal brush against my leg and ankle. I stop to take another glance around me, what is it about this place? I've never felt this at peace and safe then when I'm at home. It's so, comforting and eerily familiar...But I'm sure that if I've been to a place like this I would remember it. It's almost like...a sign. A sign that...everything's going to be okay. I no longer feel as terrified or upset. "It's not going to get better Hannah. You either stick it out or let it take control over you." He's right, I can't let it take over me. And I won't let it anymore! I'm done running and hiding. This time I will escape from that room, this time I will be strong enough to run away from them. This time...I won't let fear control me or my mind anymore! Just like that, the field of daisies fades away returning to my hospital room.

"Hello? Hannah?" I snap my head to the direction of that voice and sit up. A nurse stands there cautiously.

"Y-yeah?" My voice comes out more hoarse than I expected it to.

"I didn't mean to startle you."

"It's alright." I assure him. I had a dream, for the first time! I didn't visit the dark room and that house at the party! I smile to myself.

"Can I get you anything?"

"No, I'm good. I'm really good right now." I say smiling more and more with a chipper voice. He walks away and smiles at me. He comes back in an hour or two and brings me breakfast. It's not a home cooked meal or anything. But I didn't mind, I was hungry and grateful. I gulped down my apple juice and left the empty tray on the makeshift table. The same nurse comes back and takes the empty tray. I holler thank you on his way out, I sigh to myself. I really am better, not a thing in the world could bother me right now! Except for these night terrors...I push the negative thought aside. I'll worry about you later! I say to myself. A nurse opens my door and announces that I have a visitor. Dad walks in slowly. It's always awkward with my dad lately.

"How are you doing?" He looks at me with so much emotion.

"I'm fine dad, really." I say softly and calmly.

"Really, Hannah?" I give him a gentle nod. He pulls me in for a hug, "I'm sorry Hannah, for all of this." I pull away.

"It's not your fault, none of what happened to me is your fault."

"Well I have good news." He smiles and holds my hand.

"Really? Now?" I beam. It would be nice to have some good news for a change.

"The school called and said your assignments this week don't have to be made up." My mouth hangs open.

"Are you serious?" He nods with a smile. "AHHHH! This is the best thing that's ever happened to me!" He laughs and slaps his knee.

"Yep, they said they want you to focus on getting better first." I beam again. "But that does excuse next week's assignments."

"Way to ruin the mood dad!" I joke. He laughs lightly.

"Hannah?" A soft voice echoes. I look over and see Violet standing by the doorway. My dad looks at me and releases my hand.

"I'll leave you two to talk." He leaves the room. Violet walks over to me.

"I'm so sorry about not coming to visit you yesterday."

"It's fine Violet." I say calmly. "It's not like you did it on purpose right?'" I joke. She smiles.

"Yeah, you look a lot better." She tilts her head at me.

"Well, I do feel a lot better." I smile again.

"That's good Han." She pauses. "What happened?" She asks with a concerning tone.

"Stupid me, came to school drunk." I sigh.

"Drunk? I didn't think you drinked?" She laughs. I laugh with her.

"Yeah, so I walked into a locker because I couldn't tell that it wasn't the door to the nurse's." I laugh a bit.

"Eek, well you won't believe what Rose is saying about you."

"What! She's still saying shit!" I clench my fist.

"No, no no! Actually it's the opposite..." Wha? "She's saying how you guys..." She begins to giggle. "You guys..." She laughs again. "How you guys are friends, and she's so..." She laughs even harder. "Worried about you!" Violet loses it and bursts into full laughter. I start laughing too, I feel like I need to hear that again.

"Wait, what?" I say almost bursting into a fit of laughter. She repeats the phrase clearer. And I laugh so hard my side hurts. We both end up wheezing over our laughter. "Oh, my..."I huff. "I..can't believe she's..." I let out a laugh. "I bet, she's...cringing, so hard." Tears pour out of my eyes and Violet cracks up harder. My dad peaks through, watching us laugh and talk to one another.