Selcouth

I jumped at the knock against the bathroom door. “Rapunzel, you can’t hide in there forever.”

I crossed my arms and paced, looking at the door. “Watch me. I spent eighteen years in a basement. I survived that. I can live in a bathroom forever.”

“We have to talk about this.”

“No, we don’t. I don’t want to hear whatever you have to say.” I didn’t want him to tell me that I was just a stupid girl who didn’t know what she wanted. He would tell me that I didn’t know what I was doing and I was just experimenting and I didn’t like him like that. He would tell me how to feel.

Roman asked, “How is hiding going to solve anything?”

“It won’t. I’m not trying to solve this. I’m hiding from it.” I closed my eyes, taking deep breaths to keep myself calm.

I heard footsteps lead away from the door. It was quiet and I thought maybe he was leaving me alone. The footsteps came back and I saw the knob jiggle. I stepped back, swallowing the fear that was rising.

The door creaked open and Roman’s head peaked in. “Hey, come out of there. Please.”

“I will, under one condition.” I crossed my arms.

“Fine, what is this condition?”

I couldn’t allow for the chance. I didn’t want him to reject me over my stupidity. I’d rather not know than face reality. With a fifty-fifty chance, I had hope. “We are not allowed to talk about what happened.”

“That defeats the entire purpose.”

“Roman, if you want me to come out of here, you will never talk about it again.” I pointed my finger at him.

He sighed and ran a hand over his face. “Okay, I promise not to bring it up again.”

That eased my fears and I left the bathroom, looking around the apartment. I felt so much better knowing he wouldn’t bring up the topic. I walked to the couch and sat down. “Alright, I just have a few questions in general.”

He eyed me and folded his arms. “About what?”

“Romance and kissing. What’s the point of that stuff?”

“Why do you think you kis-”

“Ah! Roman, you promised not to bring it up again!”

He groaned. “Damnit. Fine, I’ll try to answer something you can answer yourself.” He sat down next to me. “We’re humans. We have hormones. We have other chemicals in our brain that help us crave certain things. We crave romance because we want someone to be close and intimate with who understands us. At the same time, we want to kiss them because they’re attractive or they’re really good to us and they’d make a good partner.”

I knew his game. “Fair enough.” I narrowed my eyes at him. “And why is it that some people crave things in a person they haven’t met but not the person they already know?”

“It’s just human attraction.”

“So you admit you see me as the stupid little girl you have to take care of. I’m sorry I was kidnapped and I don’t know how to be independent by now. I’m sorry I’m not healthy. I’m sorry that I didn’t save myself sooner,” the words rolled off my tongue.

Roman’s head turned to me and his eyes went wide. “Whoa, whoa. I didn’t say it like that.”

“What did you think it meant when you told me you like independent women? You said you like women who don’t need to depend on you. I’m the exact definition of the woman who has to depend on you. Do you think I want to be dependent? I want to be able to fight back. I want to do things for myself. I want to be healthy. But that isn’t the card I got dealt. I have to learn these things. A wise horse once told me I deserved romance.”

Roman didn’t know what to say.

I turned away. “Forget I said anything. It was wrong of me to think that I could have someone who was so clearly out of my league.” I turned on the TV and crossed my arms.

“Rapunzel...”

“I don’t want to talk to you. I’m just going to continue to learn to be independent. When I’m able to, I’ll move out and leave you to find your perfect woman. I’ll just find happiness and move on to someone more worthy.” I didn’t look his way.

I couldn’t get into the movie. I stood up from the couch and went to the room, closing the door. I started to work on practicing my moves. I worked on kicks and learning techniques that would give me leverage as a skinny woman.

I also worked on creating light with my hands, controlling the ball. I moved it around, making sure I had every movement down. I worked on these things for hours until Roman came in. He grabbed some clothes and a bag, not saying a word to me.

I stopped and crossed my arms, clearing my throat until he looked at me. “I’m going with you. A girl needs to get healthy and fit if she wants to learn to be good in self-defense. I think it’s fair to keep moving towards these goals for myself and maybe any future men who won’t judge me for something out of my control.” I grabbed some clothes. “Let’s go.”

Roman drove us to the gym but the car ride was silent. You would have assumed someone had died.

We parked and went into the gym. Roman signed us in and I walked away, eyeing the machines. It had been a while since I had been here now but I was much more prepared.

I got on the treadmill, messing with the buttons and jogging with the machine. It was refreshing to be able to run like that. Being in a basement for eighteen years made me crave running. It was freeing.

When I finished the thirty minutes, I moved over to some other machines, first watching others use them. I moved the little stick up to the appropriate weight for myself. I followed their actions and kept going.

A girl sat in the machine across from me and eyed my body. “I’ve seen you all over the news.”

“So I’ve heard I’m famous now.”

She chuckled and nodded, setting her weight limit. “You are.” She moved her arms with the machine, lifting the weights and slowly letting them down again. “I see you’ve gotten yourself into the exercise lifestyle. That’s interesting. I can teach you a little about what you’re supposed to do.”

“That would be so kind of you to help me out.”

She nodded. “Okay, so we call these reps.” She lifted the weights using the machine. “You do this ten times, then take a sixty-second break. Do it ten more times, then take the same break. Do it a third time. Then you’re done with that machine. It’s a good suggestion for getting what you need. Or you can just do the exercises until you can’t do them anymore because your muscles give up. I probably wouldn’t recommend that for someone your size.”

“That’s a great suggestion. Thank you. Would you want to help me swim? I’m coming to realize I want to learn but I don’t quite know how.” I finished with my machine.

She finished with hers and stood. “Sure. Swimming is good exercise too. It’s one that gives you a really good workout but you don’t feel it. You get sore but it’s not the same kind of soreness from other machines, but it’s still healthy.” She waved her hand.

I followed her into the girl’s room. I looked around. She grabbed her stuff from a locker and looked at me. “Do you have a swimsuit?”

“I do.” I showed her mine. “It’s just hard to deal with. I’m still skinny.”

She nodded and took off her shirt. I widened my eyes. “What are you doing?”

“Changing.” She laughed and took off her tight pants. “Nobody has told you this but most girls change in front of each other. We have the same parts. I’m not ashamed.”

I looked at my chest. It must have been nice to not be ashamed. I sure was.

I looked away as she finished changing. She came to me and coughed. “You can change in the stall if you aren’t comfortable.”

Taking her advice, I went into a stall and changed. I hated my body so much. How was I supposed to accept myself? Bors was insane.

I left the stall and looked at her. “What’s your name?”

She smiled and put her hand out, shaking mine. “I’m Kara. Rapunzel, correct?”

“That is correct.”

“It’s a pretty name.” She grabbed my hand and pulled me to the pool area. “Okay, so I want you to try out swimming where you can touch.”

I glanced back at the gym through the glass walls that surrounded the pool. Roman was watching us with some kind of look in his eye. I couldn’t quite make it out.

“Rapunzel,” Kara said, getting my attention.

I nodded and got in the water, shivering. “Sorry.”

She looked at Roman and laughed. “Oh wow. It’s the boy. You must like him.”

I turned red and pushed my hair behind my ear. “I like him. I kissed him and it was the biggest mistake I made. He doesn’t like girls like me.”

“And why is that?” She floated on her back.

My eyes landed on Roman again but he was exercising with a machine. “I’m too dependent. I’ve tried to learn to be on my own and take care of myself but it takes time. I’m too skinny for him. That’s just how attraction works,” I spat.

Kara’s hands landed on my shoulders. “Sometimes you need the help of another girl to help you learn how to pull in his attention. Let me teach you.”

“I barely know you.” I looked at her.

She pulled my arm back, pulling me deeper into the water. “But you need friends. We can be friends.”

I sighed to myself and rubbed my eyes. “Alright. You have to teach me.”

She smiled again. “This will be so much fun.”

My tiptoes were barely getting to the bottom of the pool. “Kara, please, stop.”

She let go of my arm. “What happened?”

I tried walking back to the shallow end but my feet were too quick and I went into the water, falling under. Someone pulled me up, and I screamed, crying. The tears were barely noticeable with my wet face.

Kara wrapped her arms around me, keeping me close. “Hey, it’s okay now.”

I coughed up water, still sobbing like a baby. “Rapunzel!” someone yelled.

I looked at the figure getting in the water and walking towards us. Roman grabbed my face and pulled me into his arms, holding me tight. “I’m here.”

“I’m sorry,” Kara whispered behind me.

I coughed a bit of water and wrapped my arms around his torso, letting him comfort me. I was still angry with him but my fear of the water was larger than that. He still made me feel safer than I’ve ever felt at any other point in my life. Roman was my rock.

Roman held onto me as he helped get me out of the pool. He pulled away from our hug and looked me in the face. My eyes were definitely red and swollen. “Are you okay?”

I gave him a small nod and took deep breaths to keep myself under control.

Kara came out, looking at us both. “I’m so sorry.”

Roman put his hand up to stop her from talking. “Please, don’t. She’s got trauma with being drowned. She needs to be eased into the water.”

“I didn’t know.”

Roman just shook his head, not responding to her. She wrapped his arms around me again, pulling me back into his chest. “Let’s go home. You need to get some sleep and rest.”

Following his advice, we both left the gym. My chest was still tight, giving me a hard time with breathing. I just wanted to be normal.