Selcouth

Roman came in, groaning and rubbing his eyes. “I’m going straight to bed.”

I looked at him and frowned, getting off the couch. “What’s wrong?”

He sighed and turned to look at me. “Work has rough days. I am so exhausted.” He left to his room, closing the door.

I looked at my feet, wondering what I could do to help him when he woke up. I walked to the kitchen and looked at different foods. I grabbed what I could to make food, setting it aside. A good meal.

What else was there? A nice, hot bath was a great idea. These were all great for helping him relax. I would let him sleep for now.

I hummed as I used the spatula to stir the veggies. I added spice and then added some olive oil.

I finished the food, serving it on a plate. I went to the door and knocked on it, earning a groan. “I made you food.”

I walked into the room, looking at Roman. He was sprawled out on the bed. He looked at me and sat up. “Why did you do that?”

“Because you are tired and you deserve it.” I sat on the bed, handing it to him. “And I’ll get a hot bath for you when you’re done.”

“Please don’t do that.”

“Why?” Did I say something wrong?

“I’m not the hot bath type.”

“What type are you?” I watched him take bites of his food.

“I like massages. You probably aren’t good at that.”

I nodded. “No, no. I can try. Massage. Okay. What is that?”

He lifted an eyebrow. “It’s where you give me a massage. Well, one person does it to another. They massage their muscles and relieve tension and knots.”

I nodded, waiting for him to finish his food.

He took slow bites, not hurrying at all to eat. Once his plate was empty, I took it back to the kitchen.

I came back to the room and sat down. “Okay, massage. How does this work? I’ve never done this before.”

“Zel, you might as well not do this. It’s not going to be a good massage if it’s your first time.”

“Roman, no, you have to let me try.”

He shook his head and grabbed my arm, moving his fingers. “This is massaging. You do this to my shoulders.” He let go.

“Okay, okay.” I scooted behind him, putting my fingers on his shoulders. I tried to massage his shoulders. I worked hard not to focus on how his skin felt but I was failing at that.

His skin was warm. It was staring back at me, wanting to be touched. I resisted that urge. It was wrong of me to touch Roman without his permission. He asked for a massage and that was it.

He turned around, sighing. “You’re trying but it’s not working. I’m sorry. You just can’t do it.”

I slumped down, averting my eyes to the bed. I couldn’t do anything right for him. I was just a stupid girl.

“Don’t do that,” Roman said.

“Do what?”

“Look sad.”

“I look sad because I can’t do anything right. I suck at everything I do and it makes me angry. I can’t even make you relax because I don’t know what a massage is.” I gestured to him.

He laid back on the bed. “I’ll relax just be being here. Don’t stress about it.”

It was impossible not to stress about it. I looked at him and swallowed. How could he brush this off? I couldn’t. It was nagging at me.

I got off the bed and left the room, pacing in the living room.

This was bothering me so much. I couldn’t just forget about it. It didn’t work like that. I couldn’t help him and that made me so mad. How could I ever get him to like me if I didn’t know what to do to help him relax?

“Hey, is this really bothering you?” Roman asked, now leaning against the doorway.

I stopped pacing and looked at him. “Of course it’s bothering me. What good am I if I can’t help people?”

Roman pushed off the door frame and came towards me. “Hey, you’ll learn. It takes time. It takes a lot of time to know how to help people. I went through a lot of schooling just to learn how to help people. It wasn’t easy.”

“Really?”

“Really. Be patient. Keep trying.” He smiled at me.

On a spur-of-the-moment thought, I leaned up, using my toes to take me higher. I pressed my lips against his, taking in the feeling of it all. The funniest feelings exploded in my stomach. I could not explain them but I liked them.

I pulled away, looking up at Roman. “Thank you.”

Before he could react, I walked into the bathroom, locking the door. I looked into the mirror, touching my lips. I couldn’t believe it. I kissed him. I kissed Roman. What was I thinking? Oh my gosh. He would kick me out. He was going to kick me out.

I closed my eyes, replaying the moment in my head. I wanted to do it again. I wanted to rewind and do the kiss over.

I opened my eyes and groaned, pushing my hair back. “What have you done? You’ve ruined everything. You ruined everything you could’ve had between you and Roman.”

I leaned back against the door. This was the end of everything. This was the end of the line for me.

My heart raced in my chest, refusing to give up on whatever the goal was. I slid down the door, wanting to scream and cry out for help but not a single sound was made.

My ears were fading in and out, listening to the sound of the AC before it was gone. The only thoughts that rolled into my mind were how Roman could be reacting. Was he washing his mouth? Was he disgusted? Did he leave to avoid me?

These thoughts grew louder with each passing second and my vision became blurry. Nothing made sense. The images were off and I couldn’t seem to take anything in.

What was happening to me?

The more I thought about Roman, the worse it got. My vision was gone in the blink of an eye. I tried to scream but I couldn’t get a sound out. My body refused to listen. I could only panic.

My body now laid in a fetal position on the tile floor.

Rapunzel, take deep breaths. Focus on breathing. Focus on anything else.

I listened to this voice inside my head, my own voice. I inhaled and exhaled, feeling the shaking of my body. I focused on the simple act of breathing, and just breathing alone.

My senses seemed to softly fade back in, allowing me control. I kept the focus on my breathing, blinking as the tub came into my view. The humming of the AC was the only sound in the apartment. For the next few more minutes, I breathed in and out and didn’t think about anything else. It was the only thing getting me through this.

It was several minutes later when I was back in reality. I laid there on the floor, still afraid to move. I wanted to talk to someone but Roman was out of the question.

I pushed myself off the floor and stared at the knob. I gripped it with my fingers, unsure of opening the door. I would need to make a run for it once I left this bathroom.

As I slowly pulled open the door, I peeked out. I speed walked and stopped by the front door, grabbing my shoes. I slipped them on and left the apartment, looking back every now and then. He wasn’t following me.

I walked for a while after leaving the building, before coming up to a park. I sat down, putting my head into my hands.

“What’s wrong there, human?” the voice speaking was low and male, but I knew that voice.

Pulling my head from my hands, I looked up at Bors. “I kissed him. I kissed him and I’m freaking out.”

He walked in front of me, sitting down. “Tell me exactly what happened, and take it slow.”

I pushed my hair from my face. “I was mad because Roman wasn’t relaxing. I couldn’t make him. He told me it was normal and I would need to learn. I leaned in and kissed him. I knew it was wrong. I ran to the bathroom and lost touch with reality and I don’t know if I’m okay.”

“Look at me, Rapunzel.” He moved his head more into my view.

I looked at him.

“You can’t jump to conclusions. That is never going to help you. Just take it easy. You need to do that for your own health. Who is Roman?”

“He’s this man who took me in. He is just so sweet to me. He’s fascinating because of his view on things. He’s warm and he smells great. He seems so perfect.” I zoned out for the moment, staring into one particular spot.

“He sounds wonderful,” Bors mocked.

“Hey, he is. You’ve never liked someone. You don’t know what it’s like. He’s so kind to me.”

“Why are you here?”

“Because something happened to me. I can’t be around him. I’m scared. I needed fresh air and nature. I wanted to talk to someone about this and you’re the only...one I know.” I gestured to him.

He nodded. “I see, I see. A horse is a perfect listener to a romantic struggle.”

“I’m sorry. I don’t know any humans. You’re easier to talk to.” I sighed.

“Hey, don’t fret,” Bors said. “I’m flattered that you find it easier to talk to me than someone else. I may be a horse but I like being included and feeling needed.”

“You are. You are needed because I need a friend I can trust when Roman is unavailable.” I looked around the park, looking at everyone else.

“When I was a young foal, mother and I would watch the stars. Only once did I ever see a shooting star pass before my eyes. I made a wish that I would forever be by my mother’s side. Did that come true? No. Shooting star wishes are made up to make us feel better.” He turned his attention from the sky back to me. “My point is, we have hope in things that make us feel better. That is what keeps us happy and going. Wish upon a shooting star, even if it doesn’t work. You’ll feel better.”

“Roman says that honesty is better.”

“Roman is a moron. He apparently can’t show his feelings to make you feel better. He clearly doesn’t use honesty if he’s hiding at home while you’re talking to a horse.” He rolled his head.

I laughed a bit and shook my head. “Roman is special. I just wish I knew how he felt. He probably hated it. He doesn’t like girls like me. I’m dependent.”

“You’re dependent, huh? Why is that? You just escaped a bad woman. You’re new to this world. You need help. You still deserve romance.”

“You think so?”

He moved his legs. “I wouldn’t have said so if I didn’t think so.”

“I’m still not his type. I’m underweight. I’m...”

“Spit it out.”

“I have no breasts.” I turned red.

He made a noise, shaking his head. “No breasts you say? What do you need those for? To look pretty for a man? Yourself? They’re just body parts. You were born without them and you don’t need them. Accept yourself.”

“It’s hard when every woman around me is gorgeous and has big breasts.”

“They don’t all have big breasts.” He nodded his head towards women in the park. “Trust me. You will be much happier when you accept what you cannot change.”

“And when I accept that I’ll never be with Roman?”

Bors looked at me. “You find peace and happiness elsewhere and move onto someone else who’s worthy of your love.”