Selcouth

In his eyes, I was a failure. “No, no. You have to focus.” Roman shook his head, sighing from disappointment.

I frowned, looking back at him as the light disappeared. “I am focused.”

“No, you’re not.” He came closer. “Your mind is elsewhere. I can see it in your eyes. What are you thinking about at a time like this?”

I looked at him, sighing. I couldn’t tell him the truth. “Nothing. I’m just trying to focus and it’s hard.” It was hard to focus with him around me.

I was still accepting the facts. I was getting used to the reality that I liked Roman.

Roman eyed me and crossed his arms. “How about this? How about I use something to motivate you. A reward.”

My eyebrows shot up. This has me intrigued. What kind of reward could I get?

“What is it that you like? What would you want if you complete your task?” You.

I swallowed, knowing I could never say that to him. “I’m not sure. What do I like?”

“Only you can answer that.” He shrugged, leaning against a wall.

Chills ran down my body. The small breeze from the AC was enough to raise goosebumps. I could barely think about what I wanted besides him. I liked the light. What else was there to like? “If I complete my goal, would you be able to answer five questions I choose?”

He furrowed his brows. “That’s an interesting reward. But why is that what motivates you?”

“I like knowing about people.” I created light.

Roman nodded and pushed himself off the wall. “Okay, I want you to aim at the candle. Use your light to light the candle.” He came closer, standing behind my left shoulder while pointing at the candle.

I snickered. “I know what I’m trying to do. It’s just a matter of doing it. I’d like to see you do what I can do.” I narrowed my eyes at the candle, focusing my mind on the flame I’d seen emitted from it days before.

“Watch your mouth, Zel. I let you live here,” he said with a small and playful smirk on his lips.

I took a deep breath, picturing the flame again. I pushed the light towards the candle, slowing it down once it was above the candle. I gently lowered it and focused all my energy on just lighting this thing.

I lifted the light, gasping and letting it disappear. “I did it! I lit the candle!”

“Good job.” He chuckled. “I guess I have to answer five questions now.”

I turned and looked at him, smiling big. “You do.” I crossed my arms and tapped my chin. “Alright. What is it that I could ask? Where does your family come from?”

“Ah, that’s two questions already.” He smiled.

“That is not fair! The first one doesn’t count.” I frowned.

He sat down, sitting back. “It does. You can ask anything you want. There’s the first question answered.”

I crossed my arms. “You are so mean.”

He laughed. “That’s what they all say, sweetheart.”

“So you know it’s true.”

“Perspective is everything. Some people see honesty as a good thing. Some see it as a bad thing. You asked me two questions and I’m being honest about it. You don’t have to like it but you have to deal with it.” He put his hands behind his head. “As for where my family is from... We’re from India.”

“India... I’ve never heard of that place.”

“It’s far away from here. I was born in India but my parents came here when I was very young so I’ve grown up here. That would be why I don’t have much of the accent. I’ve been told it’s there though. Subtle, but existent.” He shrugged his shoulders.

“India is far away you say.” I was being careful not to ask questions. I had three more.

“It’s far. We are in America. Between us is Africa and Europe. Past Europe is Asia. Asia is where India is. That is probably one thing I’ll have to tell the woman I marry. Our wedding will be inspired by Indian culture. I wanna include my culture into my wedding. I mean, most do.” He sat up, looking at me.

I nodded my head. “What kind of woman is your type to marry?”

“Hm... My ideal woman? That’s a weird question but a deal is a deal.” He touched his facial hair. “My ideal woman is probably a stable woman. I want her to be able to be independent. It seems weird but I don’t want her to completely depend on me. I want her to be a hard worker.”

“What about the appearance?” I knew I only had one more question after this.

“Well, it’s probably not going to happen but I probably like girls with dark hair and dark eyes. I want her to be healthy like me because I like to know she takes care of herself.” He put his hands together. “Does that answer your question?”

I nodded. I had one more question. I had to make it count. “Why do you see the world the way you do?”

“Well, that’s a new kind of question.” He leaned forward, deep in thought. “I don’t see any point in lying to my patients to make them feel better. That isn’t going to help or save them. I see the world as a cruel place because of what I’ve grown up in. The healthcare system turns people away with no insurance, like you. That is cruel. People treat others differently for many different reasons and that is cruel. I see the way humanity acts and it discourages me in wanting to see our future. I have no hope for mankind. It’s unfortunate.

“Mother held you captive for eighteen years and yet you don’t think this world is cruel. That surprises me. Perspective is a strange thing. But I see what she did to you. I see reality. Knowing people like her, and knowing you as a person, teaches me why humanity sucks.”

“Knowing me means humanity sucks?” I looked at my hands. “I’m sorry...”

“No, that’s not what I meant. Knowing you and how sweet you are is what makes me sad that humanity would treat you the way they have. Bad guys are trying to hurt you. Mother hurt you. Healthcare turns you away. You do not deserve any of that.” He stood up. “Let’s teach you self defense. I can’t let anyone else hurt you.”

I looked up at him and nodded, standing on my own feet.

My mind drifted back to his fourth answer. Independent. I was the opposite of that. He wanted a girl so different from me. I wanted him to want me. How could I be the girl he wanted? I couldn’t change my eyes. I could, however, change my situation. I was going to become independent.

I wanted to do it for me as well. I needed to be able to be my own person and survive on my own. I wanted to survive on my own accord. “Teach me how to defend myself,” I said to Roman. I would start by not needing him to save me. I had to save myself. He couldn’t always be around. He couldn’t see me as the independent woman he wanted if I didn’t know how to save myself.

Roman began showing me moves, moves that gave me an upper hand even at my size.

Knowing how small I was, he had to take into account the strength I had compared to a large man. I had to fight smarter, not harder, if I wanted to win.

“Here’s a tip,” he started. “Aim for the groin.” He pointed to his crotch. “Knee him here. It always weakens a man. Trust me. Another tip is to go for his eyes. Stabbing your thumbs into his eyes is painful and it gives you an advantage.”

I nodded and stored these tips in my brain.

Roman came closer, putting his arm around my neck and shoulder. He didn’t put any pressure. “Chances are, he will do this. He may cover your mouth. He will try to choke you and knock you out. When you’re in these positions, bite his arm. Bite his fingers. Bite anything you can.” His chest was pressed against my backside and I wanted to stay in this position forever. His warmth seeped into my body.

He pulled his arm away and I turned around to look at him. “I’m going to practice these. Thank you.”

Roman added, “If all else fails, use your light to burn him.”

I smiled, nodding my head. “That’s a good one. It’s as if my ball of light is my version of the sun.”

Roman sat on a stool, leaning against the counter. “How did you discover your gift?”

I tilted my head. “Well, that’s a boring story.”

“I want to hear it.”

I shrugged and sat down on the stool next to him. “Okay. I always knew I was supposed to have it as I said. Mother Gothel made sure I knew I was special. I didn’t believe I was but Mother did. I would play with my hands and my gown a lot out of boredom. One night, the light appeared when I was playing around with my gown. It burnt my gown and I put it out, pulling back. I kept making it appear in my hand, admiring it. I knew I couldn’t tell Mother. I was too scared.”

“I don’t blame you. It’s normal to be scared. Humans don’t have these kinds of gifts. It’s a pretty big deal and you don’t want to be used for it. I understand that.”

I shivered, hugging myself. “I want to be seen as a person. Mother saw me as a pet. I’m so glad I got out of that and that you took me in. I’m going to learn about self-defense and my powers so I never get stuck in that situation again.”

Roman’s eyes gazed at me. “Of course. You deserve to be free.”

“I am. I’m going to make the most of it and this stalker can try with all his might to attack me but I will make sure he pays for it. Nobody else is going to hurt me,” I promised.

Roman was at work all day and night. Many patients were in need of care. I was left alone, practicing my tricks.

The wind was blowing outside tonight, whistling at me. I peeked out of the curtain and watched the cars and people in the streets below.

My jaw clenched at the sight of my stalker. I was going to show him I wasn’t a weak little girl. I was going to show everyone. I wanted Roman to see me more than my appearance. I was small but I could fight back. I killed a woman.

I walked into the bathroom and stripped down, looking at my body. I closed my eyes, shaking my head. I wasn’t very pretty to look at. But gaining weight to be healthy would take time.

I wanted to be healthy. I wanted to wear clothes with no issues.

I started the bath and got in, sitting back. I swallowed, looking up at the ceiling. My fingers gripped the side of the tub as the memory raced in my mind. To this day, I was haunted by the thoughts of Mother. She drowned me. She tried to kill me.

Illogically, my brain would get paranoid and assume she was coming back for me.

She would appear above me, pushing my head under the surface. I’d fight and struggle to breathe. I’d fail.

I sat up, breathing heavily, starting to sob. I wrapped my skinny arms around my knees, hiding my face. I knew she was dead and gone but I couldn’t make the fear go away. She still lived in my fears and she always would.

My heart was pounding against my ribs. My breath was short and shallow. Mother Gothel was a threat to me and she wasn’t even alive anymore.