Selcouth

I rubbed my temples, letting out a long sigh. “Focus, Rapunzel. Focus on the flame.”

I opened my eyes, keeping my gaze fixed on the fire come from the candlewick. I moved my fingers together as if controlling the flame.

It flickered and grew by an inch but went back to size. I sighed and shook my head. “Wow.” I pinched my fingers together, making the flame go out.

“I need to stick to regular lights.” I walked to my room, looking at the lights hanging on the wall. I tilted my head and observed how they worked. Did they work the same as my light?

I opened my palm, flattening it. A ball of light appeared, hovering above my skin. “I want to learn about all of my skills. I want to improve now that Mother is dead.”

Behind me, someone yelled, “What the fu-”

I spun around, closing my palm as the light vanished. I swallowed, now facing Roman. “What? Is there a spider?”

His eyes moved down, looking at my hands. He grabbed the door frame, narrowing his gaze. “What the hell did you just do?”

“W-What do you mean?” I swallowed, trying to hide the nervousness.

He came closer, grabbing my hand and showing it to me. “You created light from your hands. How the hell did you do that, Rapunzel?”

I cowered, looking anywhere but his eyes. “It’s just a gift.”

He grabbed my chin, pulling my face towards his. “What kind of gift is that? I just get watches for Christmas or my birthday. You get to produce light.”

His hot breath fanned against my face. My mind was too focused on the warmth his body gave off. I wanted to wrap up in it and never let go. “W-What?”

He let go of my chin, still holding onto my hand. His grip was gentle as if he was holding something delicate. He used his fingers to trace my palm while his other hand still held mine. “How do you do it? Show me. I want to see.”

I pulled my hand from his, shaking my head. “No.” Was he the one sending bad men after me? Did he know I was being stalked?

“Why?”

“Mother warned me about people like you. You’re going to use me for my powers. I can’t let you use me, Roman. I’m tired of being controlled. I want to be free. I want to use my powers and roam the world.” I closed my fingers, forming a loose fist.

“What?” Roman moved his eyebrows downward. “I’m not going to use you. I’m a nurse. I help people. I’d be going against my own oath if I used you like that. I want to see. Please, show me.” He took a step toward me.

I looked at him, contemplating what to do. “You won’t take advantage of me? You promise?”

“I promise. I cross my heart and hope to die.”

“What? Die?”

He shook his head, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “It’s a figure of speech. I’m saying I cross my heart and hope to die if I lie to you and break our promise.”

I gasped. “I don’t want you to die if you break the promise.”

“Zel, no, it’s just a figure of speech.”

“You said you hope to die. Why would you say that?” I wiped my wet cheeks. “Am I that bad? Why do you hope to die?”

He groaned and threw his head back, looking up at the ceiling. “Forget I said anything.”

“Roman, you said you hope to die. That’s a serious thing. I can’t forget.”

He grabbed my cheeks, holding my face in his hands. “Listen to me. It’s a figure of speech. It’s not meant to be taken seriously. I don’t want to die. I just said it to show you how serious this promise is to me.”

I didn’t respond but instead, I was lost in his eyes. They were gorgeous and I never wanted to leave. “Zel?”

I snapped out of it and nodded. “Okay.”

He let go of my face and crossed his arms. “Alright, so I want to see this power of yours.”

I took a deep breath, lifting my palm to my eye level. I used my fingers from my other hand to throw something into my open hand. A ball of light appeared, floating in my palm.

Roman’s eyes lit up and it wasn’t just because of the light reflecting in his eyes. His curiosity grew and he reached out to touch the light but I pulled back. “No,” I yelled. “You can’t touch it. I don’t know what kind of repercussions there would be if a human touched the magic.”

He nodded a bit, admiring my gift. “How long have you been able to do this?”

“It’s only been in the last few years that I could create a light but I’ve always known about the gift. That’s why Mother kidnapped me. She wanted to use my gift.”

“That’s...Mother?” Roman’s eyes were full of worry.

“That’s Mother.” I watched the light fade. “She waited for eighteen years. I hid it from her for so long but she finally found out before I killed her. She almost killed me. I had to escape. I had to defend myself when she tried to stop me.” I lifted my head to look at Roman.

He grabbed my hands when the light disappeared from my hand. “You did what you had to do. You were trying to survive. She raised you like an animal instead of a person. You did what anyone would do. Nobody judges you for what you had to do to escape her captivity.”

“But murder is wrong. Is it not? Where do the lines end?”

“Murder is wrong. Of course. Killing someone for calling you a bad name is not okay. But if you have to defend your own life, and I mean this literally, people won’t blame you. You have every right to defend your life. She tried to kill you. She treated you with no value. She deserved what she got and everyone can agree. What she did earned you the right to kill her and get away with it.”

I pressed my lips together. “This doesn’t make sense.”

“What doesn’t make sense? You can’t kill anyone in this world unless they’re trying to kill you first. It’s called defending yourself.” He tightened his fingers around mine.

“What if they’re stalking you?” I whispered.

“What? Who’s stalking you?” Roman stepped back, letting go of me. He looked around the apartment.

“What am I supposed to do if someone is stalking me? How do I defend myself? Do I just wait until they try to kill me so I can finally kill them and justify it?” I watched him search for something.

He looked out the window and closed the blinds. “Rapunzel, who is stalking you? I need to know.”

I hugged myself. “I... I don’t know. I don’t know his name.”

“What does he look like? When did this start?” he asked me.

“I don’t know when he started but I first noticed him at the pool. He’s big and scary. I think he’s one of the people Mother warned me about.”

Roman locked the windows. “Listen to me. I want you to keep the windows and doors locked when I’m away. I want you to stay here and not go off on your own. I’ll be teaching you self-defense in the meantime. We have to make sure this guy can’t get you.”

I nodded, shivering. “I don’t want to die.”

“You’re not going to die. I won’t let that happen.”

“I just got free. I’m still finding out so much. There’s so much I want to do and experience first. I want to have fun. I want to meet more strangers. I want to get a job, become healthy, and learn to drive. I want... I want to fall in love.”

“You will. I’ll make sure you can defend yourself when I’m not able to be around.” He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into a warm and comforting hug. I was safe. I had to believe his words. He would teach me to fight back. He knew about my powers and together we could teach me to use them for self-defense.

He whispered into my ear, “You’ll get to live out all your dreams.”

The muscles in my body relaxed. His scent filled my nose, keeping me calm. He smelled like a hospital but it made me feel better. Hospitals were generally safe.

“Come, let me make you food.” He let go of me, leaving me cold and insecure. He walked into the kitchen, pulling out different ingredients.

I placed my hands on the counter, watching him move around the kitchen. I wanted his arms around me again. I wanted to be in his warmth. Could he not see that?

He looked at me and ran his fingers through his curls, moving them from his forehead. “Why don’t I teach you to cook?”

I nodded, giving him a frown. I walked over to the stove, reaching for the pan. Roman grabbed my wrist, pulling my hand back. “You can’t touch. It’s hot.” He grabbed some vegetables and put them in the pan. “Grab the spatula.”

“What’s that?”

He grabbed a took that was flat with holes in it. “This.” He put it in the pan, using it to push the vegetables around. “You do it like this.”

I nodded. “I understand now.”

He gave me the spatula and I followed his demonstration. He smiled at me. “Good. You do this because it helps the food cook on all sides. You want every bit cooked thoroughly.”

“That makes sense.” I pushed it around more.

“You can stop now. You just want to do that every once in a while.” He grabbed something from the cabinet. “Let me help you learn how to pour just enough on.” He put the bottle in my hand and grabbed my hand, guiding it. “You want enough to flavor it but not too much or you can’t taste the vegetables.”

He helped me sprinkle some of this stuff on the food.

He let go again, putting the bottle back. “Smells amazing.”

I laughed a bit. “That’s only because you’re helping me. I’d screw it up if given the chance.”

Roman gave me a sweet smile and leaned in. My heart sped as my breath hitched.

He leaned over the pan, smelling the food. “It’s going to taste even better.”

My face burned red. I was stupid for thinking he was going to try anything. I was a skinny girl who knew nothing about the world. I had no boobs. He could never like me the way I liked him.

He pulled back. “We can add a little meat if you’d like.”

I nodded my head, refusing to say anything. My tongue could not be trusted.

I took a moment to go to the bathroom. I looked into the mirror, observing myself. Roman told me what he wanted. He wanted to teach me to do things on my own so I could leave eventually. He wanted to find a real woman. I was not her. No matter how much I wished I was, I just wasn’t.

I was still new to this world, new like a newborn that could already walk. I was too skinny. I had no breasts. I needed help with most things. To Roman, I was like a child. He couldn’t see me as a woman. He couldn’t like me the way I liked him.

He made me happy. He took me in. He made me feel safe and free. He knew about my powers and yet he didn’t judge me or use me. It was nearly impossible not to want to be with him. He seemed to care about me in a way that nobody else did. It was too easy for me to have a crush on him. He was just so sweet to me.

But no matter how many times I wished to be with him, the mirror reminded me of what I was. I was a child. I was like his child and he could not get feelings for his child. I did not like the way I felt. I didn’t like being the girl who dreamed about a guy she could not have. I’d wished I was a different girl.