Saving Harper

Xavier studied me. Di ako sure if he's surprised or not sa sinagot ko. He reached for my hand as if to bring comfort. Di nya alam na sya lang yung comfort ko talaga sa lahat ng biglaang nangyayari ngayon sa buhay ko. Sya lang since dumating sya sa buhay ko.

"Care to explain?" He asked me habang hinahalo nya yung adobong niluluto nya na tinuturo nya kanina saakin kung paano gawin. I had to video him para matandaan ko kung paano ko uulitin.

I moved nearer and pumwesto ako sa likod nya to hug him while I say my piece.

"I don't know babe. I think I feel guilty because I didn't try harder? Hindi ko sila inuna. Hindi ako nag patawad. I easily gave up." I think madami pa kong maiisip later on, but those were the first thoughts that entered my mind. Pinatay ni Xavier yung stove then he faced me.

"Teka love, himayin muna natin yang mga sinasabi mo. You didn't try harder? Saan?"

"Na mapabuti yung relationship ko sa kanila." I answered him and shrugged. He frowned at what I said.

"Bakit? Did they try? Sa pagkakaalam ko, lima kayo sa pamilya nyo so hindi lang ikaw yung dapat mag try. What's the second one you said?"

"Hindi ko sila inuna." I felt like I was being schooled. Recitation pala sir di ako prepared. These were one of the priceless times I've seen Xavier being really serious.

"Okay, again, ikaw ba inuna? Sa lahat ng sinabi mo sakin, I think yung pinaka affected ka was what happened during your graduation. Graduation yon Harper, pinaghirapan mo. Who the fuck skips their own daughter's graduation? Ako pag nagka anak tayo, kahit gumuho yung mundo or kahit nasaan mang lupalop ako ng mundo, I wouldn't dare miss his or her graduation. Kahit nursery graduation nya lang yon. Saka anong nakuha mo for your birthday? Except sa binigay ni Hilda at Nick. Wala diba? Walang text or tawag. Kahit missed call wala. Bakit mo uunahin yung taong hindi ka inuuna?" Oh shit. I can already see his building displeasure I didn't know he has over MY experiences. Di ko alam that he felt this way. I couldn't even enjoy my kilig over what he said about us having kids someday. "Ano pa?" He was really going to break down what I said.

Inalala ko yung sinabi ko. "Hindi ako nagpatawad." "Saan?"

A lot of things. Above all for not being the family I expected. I needed. Pero alam ko naman na madaming taong malas sa family so hats off to those who can easily forgive that misfortune.

"Everything. The graduation, being on the receiving end of their looks of disappointment, all those times they made such a big deal that I wasn't on med school sa mga kaibigan nila then eventually ipinakilala nalang nila ako as 'Harper, our other daughter', yung mga pagpaparinig nila that if only I was a doctor now I'll be a surgeon with Julian or whatever, lahat ng sinasabi ko sayo about us. I'm so bitter about those things because I can't forgive them. And it's a vicious cycle. I'm bitter because I can't forgive them and at the same time I'm bitter that's why I can't forgive them."

"Forgiving takes time Harper. Sinabi mo saakin na ayaw mong mapipilitan ka na magpatawad and that's the perfect reason over your decision not to give careless and half-hearted forgiveness. Lalu na if they can't even sincerely ask for it. May sinabi ka pa ba?"

"I easily gave up."

"If you think you easily gave up, how many years did you wait for them to say they are proud of you?" His eyes softened as he gazed into mine kasi naluluha nako. Everything he said was true.

"Love, I'm sorry for the things I said. Hindi ko intention na mas magalit ka pa sa kanila. I just don't want you to feel guilty over things na may karapatan ka namang maramdaman." He hugged me and I started crying and feeling confused about my thoughts.

Xavier took me face in his two hands para matignan ko sya ng deretcho. "Harper, alam ko importante sila. Maybe much more now than before because of what's happening. Pero wag mo namang kalimutan na importante ka din. Madami kayong kailangan pag usapan, but do it when you're ready."

"What if hindi pa ko maging ready anytime soon? Paano pag naging ready na ko too late na kasi... well you know why. Hindi ba mas madadagdag pa yun sa lahat ng bagay that I'm guilty of?" This is also why I was feeling like this. Why I'm torturing myself. Dahil galit pa rin ako kahit na pwede ng mawala yung mommy ko anytime soon.

I feel really heartless. Am I? Although Xavier does have a point about half-heartedly giving forgiveness. If ibibigay ko yun, I wanted it to be absolute. Hindi yung magsasabi akong ok na but II still feel resentment towards them, even for a little bit.

He fixed my hair strands and wiped the tear that escaped my eyes. "You'll know what to do when the time comes. Naniniwala ako dun. Baby, I fully support na isipin mo yung sitwasyon nyo and wag mo lang iwasan. What I don't want you to do is blame yourself. It may be true that you could have done more, but don't forget that you also deserved more."

It was at that moment I knew that I wouldn't want to be with anyone else other than him.

I kissed him, appreciating everything that he has done for me. For my life. I wouldn't know what I would do if hindi sya dumating sa buhay ko. I don't know how my old self would deal with all this. Would I have a breakdown? My phone sounded its notification and Xavier gave me a final kiss and bumalik na sya sa pagtapos nung niluluto "namin" so I checked my phone.

(text) Unknown number: Hi Harper, this is Kate, Hilda's maid of honor. We're planning to do Hilda's bridal shower on Friday at the Makati Diamond Residences in front of Greenbelt. I hope you're free? It will be around 9pm ish. (text) Me: Yeah sure. Anything I can do to help with it?

(text) Unknown number: We have games, gifts, booze, food. Ano pa kaya?

(text) Me: Male strippers! She'll enjoy that.

(text) Unknown number: Sure ba yon?

(text) Me: Yes! Game and fun yon. I'll pay for it.

(text) Unknown number: Okay sige I think we can find one naman. Thanks Harper and see you friday!

I laughed. Hilda with a male stripper? I couldn't imagine. Maarte sya so baka di nya trip yung mga ganon. But why not? You only to get to experience a bridal shower once. Tinaasan ako ng kilay ni Xavier wondering why I was suddenly giggling at my phone. He was already done cooking. I showed him my conversation with Kate.

Kiniliti ako ni Xavier on my side. "Woooh ikaw lang ata yung may gusto ng male stripper e." He teased.

"Aanhin ko yun e nandyan ka naman." I smiled at him mischievously, alam kong mag eenjoy sya sa pag patol ko sa kanya.

"Ahhhh. Stripper pala ah!" He grabbed me and swung me over his shoulder papunta sa kwarto and napasigaw ako sa ginawa nya. I playfully slapped his butt. "Yung dinner!" I giggled. Mahirap tumawa ng nakabaligtad. So I guess late dinner for us tonight.

The following day, I deliberately moved slow. Binagalan ko sa pagliligo, well effortless don because Xavier joined me so doon palang late na ko. Binagalan ko sa pag pili ng damit because I was waiting for Franco's text message. They're throwing a despedida party for Xavier at the office during lunch at syempre ang tulong ko lang was to bring him at the office pag ready na sila.

"May meeting ka po ng 2pm Ms. Javier, pinapaalala ko lang. Kasi parang buong umaga ka pipili ng damit dyan." Xavier patiently waited for me and syempre bihis na sya. He wasn't supposed to go sa office today nagpaka clingy nalang ako (as if hindi pa) para mapapunta sya.

"Yeah wait." I called out to him. Kahit na nagpapanggap lang ako, bigla na din akong naguluhan kung ano bang isusuot ko. When he mentioned my meeting, bigla kong naalala na wala pa rin akong assistant hanggang ngayon. Ang ginagawa ko sinasabi ko kay Xavier yung mga meeting ko tapos sya yung nagpapaalala saakin.

"I should keep paying you kasi ikaw parin nagpapaalala ng mga meetings ko." I came out holding a pair of jeans and a sleeveless white top. I didn't feel like dressing up for my meeting kasi Printing lang naman yung kameeting ko for the day. "Para sayo, libre lahat ng serbisyo ko. Pati yung stripper services ko." He winked at me as I started dressing up.

"Gusto mo lang yata na ikaw yung dalhin ko dun sa bachelorette ni Hilda e." I lightly laughed remembering the things he did last night. Asang ipapakita ko yung Xavier na yon sa ibang tao.

"Di nila kaya yung talent fee ko." He boasted in his usual fashion. Kahit kaya nilang bayaran, it's a NO.

"E ako magbabayad e." I pointed out. Ang bilis maghanap nung Kate ng stripper. Foreigner daw para mas gwapo, kaya mahal din. I didn't mind because I wanted to see Hilda's reaction. Baka magwala si Hilda dun sa party nya, mukhang kailangan namin syang lasingin muna.

"Sa bridal shower mo nalang ako sasayaw." He chuckled.

Tinaasan ko sya ng kilay. So ibig sabihin hindi ako sa kanya ikakasal pag ganon?

"Saka sa honeymoon natin." Napatili ako deep inside. "O wag ka masyadong kiligin dyan, papasok ka pa." Tinusok ni Xavier yung tagiliran ko para kilitiin. Alam na alam nya talaga pag kinikilig nako sa mga sinasabi nya.

Xavier's party was actually really a party, complete with decorations and a large sign wishing him good luck and bidding goodbye. Lahat ng tao sa office nandon and he knew everyone. The word 'goodbye' sa banner nya tugged at my heart. OMG we only have two weeks! Panic was rising at my throat and naiiyak nanaman ako. I'm such an emotional wreck lately dahil sa mom ko and sa pag alis ni Xavier. I had to beg off giving a farewell speech for him because I might just choke on my tears. Something na hindi pa ko ready ipakita sa mga tao. Well at least di nako naiyak sa bathroom. I just kept stuffing my face with food para di ako maiyak sa mga well wishes nila for Xavier. Di ko na mabilang kung ilang beses namention yung Seattle.

Xavier kept his arms around me the whole time parang nung birthday lang ni Holly kaya rinig na rinig ko lahat ng mga tanong nila about Seattle. I kept eating bawat tanong nila.

"Masarap yung cake?" Xavier whispered to me. Parang ikinain ko na din sya. "Yeah ok lang." I answered. "Okay lang e pangalawang slice mo na yan?" He smiled teasingly. Yeah yung cake naman yung pinagtuunan ko ng pansin. I fed him the cake para matikman naman nya since yung second slice ko was really intended for him, ako lang yung kain ng kain.

"Nasestress ka ba?" He asked me. Siguro kung may champagne dito, yun na yung iniinom ko. Dapat ata nag baon ako? If I tell him na sobrang nasstress nako dahil paalis na sya, baka di pa sya umalis. Sayang lang yung pera naming lahat na nag ambag para sa despedida nya, but I'm not going to lie. Alam na din naman nya.

"Ang lapit na kasi." I answered.

"Harper, you just need to say it. Alam mo namang ikaw lang yung magiging rason ko to stay." No! Xavier don't be like this! He's just making it too hard for me to let him go.

"No, I already told you, I can deal with my family. Don't worry about me. Saka you need to do this okay? And sa Christmas, I'll be with you." Baka sayo nako nakatira non, I continued in my head. Kahit na hindi pa din naman ako sigurado what will happen here once na yung pamilya ko nalang yung poproblemahin ko. But definitely, di ko kakayanin if matagal pa kong makakasunod sa kanya.

"Sige! Sakto kasi sila mommy di makakapunta sakin kasi yung kapatid nya uuwi from Italy so kailangan nandito sila for Christmas." He beamed at me. I could see his excitement over it at mas lalung gusto ko ng sumunod agad. Siguro kaya din ako nagkakaganito. Gusto ko na agad sumunod kay Xavier, but there's my mom. Hindi pa kami okay, but I really don't want to be away once she gets worst. I can't be the asshole daughter. I really need to think this through. "Hoy Harper, baka naman magresign ka na din ah." Franco joined us. Syempre, on-point sya about my plans, na mukhang hindi pa nga sigurado. Gusto ko syang batukan kasi if I decide to do it, wala ng surprise para kay Xavier. "And leave you as the CEO? Baka iyakan mo ko na bumalik wala pang dalawang araw." I made a face at him and natawa lang silang dalawa ni Xavier. "Nasa airport ka palang Harper, hahabulin na kita." Franco said. "Sure yon, pre. Clingy ka din e." Biniro ni Xavier si Franco.

"Oo naman. Naiiyak na nga ako e, mamimiss kita pre. Pero yung isa dito dinadaan sa cake yung emosyon. Baka gusto mo pa?" I stuck my tongue at Franco. Ilan kaya silang nakakapansin na ang dami ko ng nakain ngayon? Pero nung tinignan ko yung cake ulit, ayoko na. I can't believe I've been stuffing my face with food and emotions. Binigay ko na kay Xavier yung paper plate ko.

After my meeting, kung saan uminit ulo ko, I wanted to go home already. Kaso naalala ko that I need to buy a shower gift for Hilda and a wedding gift as well. So hila-hila ko si Xavier sa mall after work.

"Dapat kinky babe." Xavier commented habang nasa loob kami ng La Senza browsing over lingeries. I really don't know what to get pag ganito.

"Yung tipong edible panties ganon." Omg. Edible panties? Super old school. Do they still make those?

"Saan naman ako mag hahanap ng ganon? Saka hindi ba sayang yon kung kakainin lang?" Syempre eto nanaman ako, overthinking everything. Xavier just shook his head at what I said. "Kailangan yung magagamit sa honeymoon." I tried to salvage my lack of knowledge about these things.

Tinaasan nya ko ng kilay. "Love, di porket binigay mo na kay Hilda, kakainin na agad. Ano yan merienda?" Natawa ako sa sinabi nya trying hard not to imagine paano pag ako yung binigyan ng edible panties. Aabot pa kaya yung sa honeymoon? Or magiging merienda lang?

"Baka may expiry date, sumakit pa tyan ni Nick." I retorted. "Saka parang walang mga ganong stores dito."

"May alam ako pero wala dito sa mall." He shrugged.

What the fuck bakit may alam syang ganon??? Sumimangot ako.

"Relax. Sinamahan ko si ate Tiff nung bumili sya para sa bridal shower ni ate Eliza. Tinandaan ko baka trip mo yun e."

I glared at him. "Para talaga sakin? E di pa nga tayo naguusap non! Baka nga hindi mo pa ko kilala non?!?!?!" He was probably still with his ex at that time. Ginigigil ako nito e.

"Oh, wag kang magalit." He tried na yumakap sakin but I shook him off and lumipat ako sa kabilang part ng store to pretend to look at some underwear. Dito pa nga kami mag aaway katapat ng mga panty at mga sales people. Sinundan nya

ko.

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"Sorry na baby. I was only joking. Last year lang yon so wala naman akong girlfriend or dinedate non. Binibiro lang kita." I was still ignoring him and pretending na tumitingin ako ng underwear.

"Huy, Harper." Naiinis ako for some reason. Even if he's not dating anyone at that time, as he said, nagkakaidea nako kung sino naman talaga yung naaalala nya don. At hindi ako yon.

"Love please." He held on to me gently. I looked at him pero naiinis pa rin ako. Kahit na alam kong dapat hindi ako mainis.

"Sorry na, please?"

"Wala ka talagang naisip nung nandon ka?" I eyed him.

"Wala, promise. Except si kuya Peter. Kasi binigyan ni ate si Eliza ng whip." Gusto nyang tumawa pero nakasimangot pa rin ako. Selosa masyado Harper! "Wag ka na magselos. Wala talaga akong babaeng naisip nung nagpunta kami don. At promise pag bumalik ako don, ikaw lang maiisip ko."

"Bakit ka naman babalik don???" He's making it worse for himself.

"Malay mo, trip mo yung ganon." Nagbiro nanaman sya pero di parin nagbabago yung itsura ko. "Okay, okay. Bakit ko pa kasi namention yon e. Kasalanan to ng bridal shower ni Hilda." He groaned.

Ang sungit ko parin pag balik namin sa condo, di na alam ni Xavier kung anong gagawin nya. Di ko din naman alam kung bakit naiinis parin ako kasi Xavier's telling the truth. Di na kami nakabili ng wedding gift namin. I'll probably just give Hilda and Nick travel tickets to somewhere they want to go to.

"Baby, anong gusto mong kainin? Baka kasi gutom ka lang kaya ang init ng ulo mo?" Baka nga. But with all the food I ate? I let him hug me finally kasi alam kong hindi sya matutuwa sa sasabihin kong gusto kong kainin. "Sorry ang sungit ko. Baka dahil din sa meeting ko kanina. And I believe you naman na wala kang naiisip don. Baka nga gutom lang din ako."

"Okay, ipagluluto kita. What do you want?" He kissed me. Yey! Kailangan ko lang din talaga marinig yon. Hahaha. "Vigan longganisa." I smiled triumphantly pero nagpapacute din.

He couldn't groan. "Don't tell me plinano mo to?" He eyed me but naglakad na sya papunta sa kusina to start cooking.

"Excuse me, you're the one who mentioned the kinky sex store no. If you didn't, we're probably eating something else."

Wala syang nagawa pero parang gumanti sya kasi niluto na nya lahat ng vigan longganisa sa ref ko para di ko na masabi na yun yung gusto kong ulam. Okay lang sya din naman uubos nun lahat. "Wag ka na sumimangot, mamimiss mo to pag nasa Seattle ka na." I said to him while I happily ate.

"Ikaw lang naman mamimiss ko."

I wanted to cry all over what I was eating. Okay Harper, get a grip. He's leaving and you know it. I need to find the perfect going away present for him and not cry all the time.

The night of the bridal shower for Hilda hinatid ako ni Xavier kasi he wouldn't let me drive para makainom din ako so susunduin nalang nya ko after. He went out with Franco for a final bonding session and I think kasama din nila yung ibang mga lalake sa team nila.

As predicted, nagulantang si Hilda sa male stripper nya. Gwapo naman as Kate promised and buti nalang ang daming nainom ni Hilda kaya game na sya after a few minutes na nagulat sya. Sigaw na sya ng sigaw ng "Farewell to single life!" Paulit ulit.

I admit the party was fun with all the nakakahiyang games. I even won yung pabilisan maglagay ng condom sa saging. Sinisigaw ni Jem at Hilda na masyado akong madaming practice. I laughed dahil isang kahon ng condoms yung prize ko. Xavier will get a kick out of this. Nag enjoy ako even if nandun din si Holly. I could feel she was trying not to be annoying for my sake, or for all our sakes kasi alam nyang maiirita din si Hilda sa kanya.

"In fairness sa ate nyo, hindi pabida." Jem said as she handed me champagne habang nagiingay na silang lahat.

"Baka paalisin sya ni Hilda." I snickered as we watched Holly na tumatawa lang at Hilda na sinasayawan ng stripper. I sipped on my champagne. Ewww ano ba to? Di ba marunong pumili yung friends nya ng iinumin? It tasted bad, pero ayokong ding mag inarte so ininom ka nalang. I didn't want to drink at all mamaya buhatin ako palabas dito ni Xavier pag sinundo na nya ko.

Hilda enjoyed everything and lasing na lasing silang lahat, except saamin ni Jem kasi magddrive din sya. Pinagtatawanan nalang namin sila then one by one, sinundo na sila ng mga boyfriend nila. Some were staying over sa hotel with Hilda. "Omg, sino yang sumusundo kay Holly?" Nagulat ako when some guy looked for her. "OMG ano ba naka block ba yung group ng mga cousins sayo??? May boyfriend na sya!"

"Weh? Bakit di mo ko tinawagan?" I accused her. Holly didn't mention it pero bakit naman diba? She went to me for a different purpose and it's probably the last thing I wanted to hear from her.

"Kasi po busy ka kay Xavier. And yes may boyfriend na talaga sya. Hindi naman nya sinulot sa iba but separated na yung guy sa asawa. Medyo may sabit parin e. Iba talaga yang kapatid nyo."

"At least consistent sya. And hiwalay naman, let's give her the credit na hindi sya yung cause non." I said. I kind of feel happy for Holly na finally may someone na sya na hindi nya inagaw from someone else.

"Paging Harper Javier! Nandito na daw yung asawa mo! Yung gwapong asawa mo. Ay sorry, Harper Javier-Arnaiz daw!" Someone's voice announced. Aaaahhhhhkkkk! di ako nakakilos agad! 'Harper Javier-Arnaiz' stunned me.

"Uy, congrats girl, di mo naman sinabi na kasal ka na pala." Jem said as bumeso ako sa kanya pag tayo ko. "Yeah, shotgun wedding para wala na syang kawala." I said.

"Gaga seryoso?" Ay believable pala?

"Baliw syempre hindi. Sa tingin mo ba di ko sasabihin yon sayo?" I rolled my eyes at her then hinanap ko na si Hilda to say goodbye. Lasing na sya so it was useless to say goodbye so nagmadali nako to go out to Xavier.

"Kala ko lasing ka na e." Inakbayan nya ko as we headed out. "No, panget nung champagne and ayoko na ng hard drinks." I cringed as if nalalasahan ko yung alcohol sa bibig ko. Xavier looked amused. Grabe ha nandun parin yung stigma from that one drunken night. Na ang kalat kalat ko.

"Okay, Mr. Arnaiz, I'm driving tonight kasi amoy beer ka na." Inagaw ko na yung susi nya and he didn't protest but held me tighter. Buti nalang pala naka kalahating baso lang ako ng champagne. "Wait lasing ka ba?" I asked him. "Madami lang nainom. Si Brian pa yung nagdrive ng sasakyan ko papunta dito." He chuckled as if being drunk was something to be proud of. "Ah kaya pala sinabi mong asawa kita."

"Di ko kailangang malasing para sabihin ko yun." He kissed the side of my head habang palakad kami sa parking.

"Ay confident si Mr. Arnaiz." I said to him jokingly.

Hinila nya muna ako sa tapat ng kotse nya and he leaned on it and nakayakap sya sakin. "Two years baby tapos na yun. By the way, nanalo ako sa pustahan natin ha, at kahit alam kong hihintayin moko, yun parin yung hihingin ko."

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"You don't need to use the bet. I already said na hihintayin kita." I said sincerely.

"Gusto ko lang maging sure."

As if naman iiwan ko sya! As if kaya ko. I promised myself to try and face my family problems agad so I can plan when I can leave for Seattle.

"Xavier, if there's one thing you should be sure of, that would be me waiting for you. Now, in two years, three, five, until our next life."

He smiled and kissed me.

*

The following morning, di ko alam kung paano ko iiwan si Xavier because I wanted to buy his gift already. I called Tiff para pauwiin si Xavier for a sudden family lunch. "Isasama ka nya duh." Tiff said when I explained. Yeah alam ko naman. "Wala nakong maisip ate. I need to buy his gift kasi paalis na sya next week." Wag kang iiyak Harper!

"Hindi ko alam kung saan sya yayayain ng hindi ka nya isasama. Di ka hihiwalayan nyan Harper. Napaka clingy ng kapatid ko sayo." She pointed out. Awww kilig, but I really need to do this one without him. Hindi na surprise pag binili ko tapos katabi ko lang sya.

"Gising na ba sya?" She asked.

"Hindi pa, ang daming nainom kagabi."

"Umalis ka na now! Bilisan mo lang para di nya mapansin na wala ka and just buy lunch para may excuse ka." She suggested.

"Ohmygod ang galing mo ate! Parang sanay na sanay ka ah." Perfect yung suggestion ni ate Tiff. Sa hilik ni Xavier, mukhang later pa sya magigising.

"Hindi girl, malakas lang humilik si Ivan so I need to get of his condo for my own sanity." Natawa ako sa sinabi nya. I'm really glad I have her. Sana lang hindi kami mawawalan ng connection once na umalis na si Xavier.

I quickly said goodbye and nagmadali din akong maligo and magbihis habang tulog parin si Xavier. I was waiting for my purchase nung tumawag na sya.

"Babe asan ka?!" His sleepy but panicked voice sounded on the other end of the phone.

"Practice para pag wala ka na." I joked, pero kahit ako hindi ko nagustuhan yung joke ko.

"What the hell Harper??? Not funny. Nasan ka nga?" Annoyed na sya bigla. I could hear him moving around the condo parang hinahanap nya ko dun. "I'm buying lunch. Relax." I placed my index finger dun sa store attendant kung saan ako bumibili since he looks like he's about to ask me something. "Okay nasan ka nga?" Okay yikes clingyness kicking in. "Mall." I simply answered. Totoo naman, di naman nya tinanong kung anong ginagawa ko. "Bakit ka nasa mall? Di mo nalang ako ginising?" Jusko ngayon pa talaga nyang piniling maging curious.

"Lunch nga love. I'm buying sa Chili's I was craving and sobrang sarap ng tulog mo so I didn't wake you." I said the first restaurant that popped in my head. "Okay, bilisan mo, I'm going to think tinatakasan mo ko." Yes very on point, I'm so sorry Xavier. Ang problem, yung gift ko 30 mins pa daw matatapos so nagmadali nalang akong nag order sa Chili's praying na di nagbibilang ng mga minuto si Xavier.

"Ang tagal mo." A frowning Xavier yung sumalubong sakin di ko alam if he's feeling irritated dahil gutom na sya or dahil pag gising nya wala ako. "Bakit po ang sungit mo Mr. Arnaiz?" I placed the food down and lumapit ako sa kanya and hugged him on his waist. He's still so gwapo kahit na naka simangot na sya.

I kissed him again and again para hindi na sya mabadtrip, but he looked sad all of a sudden.

"Hindi nako sanay na gumigising ng wala ka." Haaay same.

"So FaceTime hanggang sa pagtulog pag alis mo?" I looked at him. I'm really trying hard not to cry. Napaka iyakin ko talaga lately.

He hugged me and nestled his face sa leeg ko. "Harper, I really don't know how to let you go."

Ahhhhh! Naluha nako. I thought I was the only one struggling with this. This was really testing my strength. Paano ko to gagawin? "You're not letting me go diba? Ang isipin mo nalang you'll be doing this for your future." I didn't want to exclude myself anymore sa future nya kasi sure na sure nako sa kanya, and it feels like he is as well. "Our future."

He straightened up finally not feeling defeated anymore. "Our future." He finally smiled. "Wait for me." I nodded.

I think now is the perfect time to give him his gift. "I have something for you." I can't say that it's my farewell gift. Ayoko ng farewell or goodbye or going away. Walang maghihiwalay!

I got the box from my bag and handed it to him. Nanlaki yung mata nya nung nakita nya yung box. Napasimangot din sya ng konti kasi alam nya kung gaano ka mahal yon. But I really wanted to give him something nice and I think eto talaga yung perfect for him.

He opened the Rolex box to reveal the watch I chose for him. "Wow!" Yun lang nasabi nya and eto pala yung feeling, giving something to someone you love equally feels good and nakaka excite din.

He took the watch out of its case and admired it. "Thank you baby." He kissed me. "There's something engraved on the other side." I told him and he flipped the watch.

What I had put on there was the sum of all I was feeling for him. Kung hanggang saan ko sya mamahalin.

I will look for you in every lifetime and love you there. - H