Saving Harper

The last 2 days we were in Iceland, we did whale watching, city tour and another sea tour to see the icebergs. Dun sa whale watching I vomited sa boat and of course, sinama nanaman ni Xavier yun sa video jusko talaga. Buti nalang kami lang makakanood nito.

Tawa kami ng tawa when we started watching the clips sa airport while waiting for our flight to be called. I didn't know Xavier was able to record my epic facial expressions about almost everything. "Am I really like this?" I wondered cringing my face. Alam ko naman yung sagot kasi nasabi na din yon sakin ni Franco.

"Hindi. Sa ibang tao isa lang expression mo. Passive borderline masungit. Ganyan kita kilala for the longest time. Isipin mo nalang kung gaano ko katagal hinintay na makita kang ngumiti." He kissed the side of my head.

I wondered how it would have been like if I had met Xavier sooner. Kung mas maaga syang napadpad sa area ko at napagkamalan kong assistant. Or if Franco introduced us dati pa. Would we be here where we are today? Or we would just run off course eventually? Would knowing Xavier sooner just make him another one of the things I pass up? Or marerealize ko din that I need him?

"I bet all the expressions you've elicited from me are worth it." I retorted rolling my eyes kahit di nya nakikita. "Everything about you is worth waiting for." Xavier's voice resounded contentment. It was like our "now" was all he could ever want. Hindi sya nagmamadali papunta doon sa point na babalik na ulit sya saakin nor he didn't seem to want to freeze time. He just wants to live it. With me.

I wish I could have the same "zen" he has about us eventually having thousands of miles between us. Just the thought of booking our flight for Hilda's wedding is enough to trigger a mental panic attack dahil it would also mean na aalis na si Xavier. I try to block that out so ang result wala parin kaming tickets to Boracay for the wedding.

"Sa condo ka ba mag stay or uuwi ka?" I asked him hopefully as we waited for our luggages dun sa conveyor belt. We finally arrived Manila and medyo maaga pa. It was only 5:30pm. I was thinking we could stay in for dinner but if Xavier wants to go out ok lang din naman. I think I might have jet lag pero survivable naman yung dinner. Buti nalang Sunday pa lang bukas, may time pa kong maka adjust before pumasok sa office.

It's too clingy I know, but being back in Manila made me feel our remaining two months quickly approaching. Okay, calm your nerves Harper. I only have to think about my plans I have yet to work on to follow him in Seattle para di ako magwala about him leaving. I don't think mag kakalayo kami ng matagal. I can also go to him sa Christmas and New Year, I'll be alone anyway because of the recent ties I've broken with my family. It would probably be the best Christmas I'll have if kasama ko si Xavier.

I took a mental note to list all the vacations I can take to go to him bago pa ko lumipat don. And I also have to think of how and when I should tell him of my plans. Depende on how absorbed he will be on his studies. If sobrang busy sya, I would need to tell him the earliest possible time para makapag prepare din naman sya. Or maybe I could tell him sa Christmas? Wait! What if I derail his plans there? What if he doesn't want me there??

Panic.

"About that, I was thinking we can stay sa bahay namin for tonight?" I shook my head to focus on what he said. Bahay. Not condo. "Bahay?" I asked him. I haven't been sa bahay nila. Of course I wanted to see kung saan nakatira si Xavier before sya nag sarili, but it would mean na makakasama ko ulit yung family nya. Di ko alam if my jet lagged self can manage to ruin the first impression I was able to make.

Not that I don't like his family. Quite the opposite actually especially with his lolo. I'm kinda apprehensive lang kasi I've only been with them once so I don't know if they even like me.

"Yeah. Surprise sila ate at Tatay yung susundo saatin ngayon." Xavier smiled sheepishly. Yeah guilty sya kasi ngayon lang nya sinabi sakin. I looked down at what I was wearing. Shirt and pants lang naman but I would love to shower first bago ko harapin yung pamilya nya. "Pwede bang maligo muna?" I wrinkled my nose at my state. I don't even want to count the hours since our last shower.

"Sa bahay ka na maligo, sasamahan pa kita." I don't know why that made me feel embarrassed. I think it's because nandon yung parents nya mamaya at dahil bahay nila yon. They know that we're dating pero siguro naman di ganon ka open si Xavier kung ano yung mga pinag gagagagawa namin. I'll kill him if pati yun alam nila. Funny kasi sya parang walang hiya-hiya nung nandon sya sa bahay namin, kahit na ba pretend lang kami non. I really wish I have Xavier's easy demeanor. As we stood waiting for his sister and lolo, I was debating whether to ask him if his family likes me or not. After all di sya magsisinungaling saakin. Di ko lang alam if pabor yon or hindi. "Xavier, gusto ba ko ng pamilya mo?" I asked in a small voice. Bakit ba hindi ako uminom muna ng tubig?! Mukhang uulitin ko pa tuloy kasi parang hindi nya ko narinig. "Hmmm?" See!

Inipon ko muna yung lakas ng loob ulitin yung sinasabi ko at yung laway ko para naman di masyadong tuyot yung lalamunan ko then asked him again. "Ang sabi ko, kung gusto ba ko ng pamilya mo?" Now I made sure malinaw and he heard me. I think kahit yung lalakeng nakatayo sa tabi nya narinig kasi pati sya naghihintay ng sagot ni Xavier. Kuya ano ba! Mind your own business! Mapapahiya pa ko pag sinagot ni Xavier na hindi ako gusto ng pamilya nya.

"I think malalaman mo yung sagot dyan soon enough." Gaaahhhh ngayon pa talaga nya piniling sumagot ng ganito. I gave an unsure smile and he turned to hug me. "Bakit pag dating ba ng kapatid mo may signboard silang dala-dala na 'Harper Javier, pwede ka ng umuwi sa condo mo'?" I leaned on his chest ang hugged him around his waist.

"Malay mo naman ang nakalagay 'Harper Javier welcome to the family'." I groaned. This was Xavier's jesting na hindi ko kinakaya ngayon. "Don't worry too much about it babe, makakadagdag lang yan sa jet lag mo." It wasn't the answer I wanted to hear! Parang gusto ko nalang mag book ng Grab. Kaya ko ba silang harapin with this uncertainty?

"You never asked me if nagustuhan ka ng pamilya ko." I looked up to him habang nakayakap pa din kami sa isa't isa. I know Xavier might care lesser about the impression he left on my family, so siguro nga dapat di ko na tinanong. "Alam naman natin na Hilda likes me. Si Nick din. Si Holly, type ata ako non." He laughed and I made a face, ngayon ko nalang ulit naisip yung kapatid kong bruha. Gaaah I remembered all of the story-twisting she made! Malamang baka iniisip parin ng magulang ko na Xavier is some kind of a cheater. "So sa parents mo ano sa tingin mo?" Tinaasan nya ko ng kilay.

I shouldn't have opened by big mouth. Hindi dahil sa dun sa ginawa ni Holly but I don't think I know if my parents really like him. They never said it at mas lalung hindi nila pinakita. If I was in Xavier's place I'd be horrified, me knowing these things.

"To tell you honestly, hindi ko alam. But it's not exactly a bad thing." I said.

"Paano naman naging hindi bad thing yon?"

"Because it doesn't matter."

Siningkitan nya ko ng mata. "Why? Kasi what matters is you like me?" What he said made him chuckle kasi napaka cliche.

"No. Well yes. But more importantly, it doesn't matter because you're too good for them anyway." I shrugged. Kahit ano pang isipin ng magulang ko, Xavier would always be my choice. Paulit-ulit hanggang sa next life ko and all the rest after that.

He smiled with a little hint of pagmamayabang. Yeah, yeah, patay na patay ako sayo I said through my eyes. I think yun naman yung palaging nakikita sa mata ko whenever I look at him. He leaned down to kiss me.

"Ewww PDA." Lumingon kami to find Tiff na nasa tapat na namin. I tried na kumawala sa yakap ni Xavier but he wouldn't let me go. "Mas ewww ka kasi nanonood ka pa dyan." Pang asar ni Xavier at inirapan sya ng ate nya. Yung lalake yata sa tabi nya yung natamaan kasi nakatingin pa rin sya samin until nagsalita ulit si Xavier. Ewww kuya.

Xavier gave me a light peck on my lips para mang asar lang sa ate nya na umirap sa kanya then we loaded our things sa Toyota Land Cruiser nila.

Nagulat ako when Tiff hugged me and bumeso sya. "Happy birthday Harper, I hope my brother gave you a good gift." She said as she opened the front passenger seat. Ivan, her boyfriend who was driving, also gave me a friendly wave and I waved back.

"Thanks. The trip was the gift. So safe to say your brother exceeded all expectations." I said and Xavier looked smug again nung pinagbuksan nya ko ng pinto. Sumakay ako and katabi ko si Tatay. "Happy birthday Harper. Nagenjoy ba kayo? Did you see the northern lights?" He also gave me a hug and tapped Xavier's shoulder to greet him.

"Thank you po. Yes sobrang nag enjoy ako kahit muntik nakong mamatay dun sa glacier caves." I cringed. If Xavier shows them our trip video, bubugbugin ko sya. "And yes nakita namin yung northern lights exactly on my birthday." I think I said that almost dreamily recalling again that night with Xavier.

We started talking about our trip. Kung saan kami pumunta during the tour, what we did, and what food we tried. Nung pagkain na yung pinaguusapan, naramdaman kong gutom nako. I usually hate airplane food pero pag long flights, bearable sya and wala ka namang choice masyado except kung chicken, beef, or pork. I miss rice and cheeseburgers.

"By the way, Xavier naiinis nako kay Kylie ha." Tiff spoke up from her front seat. Not exactly my favorite topic, but I sort of want to hear bakit sya naiinis sa ex ni Xavier. "O bakit?" Xavier asked beside me. Di ko matignan yung itsura nya. "Kasi naman tawag ng tawag saakin. Nung una, about the house extension that her dad wants then biglang segue sa pag tanong tungkol sayo. Bakit ka daw nasa Iceland and kung girlfriend mo daw ba yung kasama mo kasi she saw all your posts in IG." Tuloy-tuloy si Tiff with an annoyed voice.

"Anong sabi mo?" Di ko parin matignan si Xavier sa tabi ko. I wanted to browse again kung anong mga pictures yung pinost nya sa IG nya. Affected ba ko na Kylie's been slightly stalking him? Not sure. Kaya gusto kong makita yung Instagram ni Xavier.

"Sabi ko get a clue." Pasungit na sabi ni Tiff and medyo natawa si Ivan sa tabi nya. "Sa mga pictures nyo ni Harper na pinagpopopost mo? Ang tanga naman nya if di pa nya gets yon."

Now I was the one looking smug. I finally turned to Xavier switching my expression into a more tamed smile. He returned my smile kahit na alam kong he was studying me kasi pati dun sa Iceland napag kamalan ko pang tumawag yung ex nya. Bakit kaya ganun yung mga ex no? They have some sixth sense whenever you meet someone new so they know exactly when to call you or magparamdam. Yes I now share that same sentiments of Xavier's sister towards his ex. Annoyance. Tiff's phone started ringing. "Ohmygod. See. Naamoy ka na nya agad kahit wala ka pang isang oras na nasa Manila." She showed us her phone and Kylie was calling her. She ignored it. Shit what if si Xavier naman yung tawagan nya? He already turned off his airplane mode to call his sister kanina.

"Tama na nga kay Kylie. Mag move on na tayo don." Their lolo spoke up. Mukhang di din nya trip yung topic. He wasn't even saying anything about the project they're doing for her or her dad.

"Bakit ako ba yung ex?" Tiff spoke up. Huh what exactly is she saying? Na di pa nakakamove on si Xavier?

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"Ate." Xavier said.

"Sorry Harper, I didn't mean to sound like hindi pa nakaka move on yang kapatid ko sa ex nya. Naka move on ka naman na diba?" Tiff teased Xavier. At kung hindi lang concerning Kylie, matutuwa sana ako. I can only plaster my fake smile. "Alam mo ate, you're making it worse. Pero for everyone's information, oo naka move on nako. Matagal na." Xavier scratched his chin. I could feel Tatay beside me na nagpipigil ng tawa. I guess regular na asaran lang nila tong mag kapatid? I hope so.

It was now Xavier's phone that rang and I was right, si Kylie yung tumatawag. He groaned but ignored the call. Well, alam na. Kylie's the one who hasn't moved on.

We arrived at their house. It wasn't as large and intimidating as my parents' house but who wants that anyway? Their house was really beautiful. Mediterranean style right down to the arched walls, dark orange roof shingles, small terraces on the second floor, and large arched windows. If I was a client and makikita ko to, I won't hesitate na magpagawa ng bahay sa kanila. Parang this came straight out of the HGTV channel. But most importantly, it looked welcoming. Like a house should be.

"Wow." Hindi ko napansin na nasabi ko out loud yung iniisip ko. "Thank you, hija." Tatay said with a smile beside me as we walked towards it. It only means that he was the one who designed it. Oh I am definitely buying a land para makapagpatayo ng ganitong bahay.

I really love it.

Xavier insisted na dalhin yung lahat ng bagahe namin sa loob. His parents greeted us, welcoming us back and they also gave me their birthday greeting. "Maligo muna kayo then go down, we're having dinner sa garden." Xavier's mom finally said and umakyat na kami sa kwarto nya. The inside of the house looked equally stunning as the exterior. The bright warm lights all throughout made it all more cozy and homey.

Xavier's room was definitely not like mine because it looked like he comes back here way more often than I do sa kwarto ko sa bahay. I had to shove him off me one too many times so we can take a shower separately kasi if we do it together baka hindi na kami bumaba where his family was waiting for us. I wore a simple gray short dress with long sleeves eto na yung pinaka pang mainit kong damit na na baon, buti nalang I didn't decide to wear it sa byahe.

Medyo nag tagal lang kami ng konti because I wanted to see his pictures. He looks so cute nung bata pa sya. I took all his picture frames on his bed (yung iba kinuha pa nya sa kwarto ng magulang nya) so I can see them isa isa while he dried my hair with Tiff's dryer.

Surprisingly, Xavier likes drying my hair kasi naging OC sya about it. "At least may plan B ako kung babagsak ako sa masters ko." He joked. Oh my god, internal panic nanaman. What he said made me think. Pag lumipat ako don, both of us would be out of work. Yes I can always find work but how long would it take? I have my savings of course, pero gaano ka bilis lang yung itatagal non. It might be able to sustain me for a year or so dito sa Pilipinas, but syempre mas mahal sa Seattle. Baka 5 months lang yung itagal ng pera ko dun. Relax Harper, you'll think of something.

Xavier finally led me sa garden nila which was also brightly lit.

"Surprise!" Nagulat ako kasi pag labas namin sa garden nila, nakatago sila sa gilid so di ko nakita agad. Aside from Xavier's family, nandito din si Liv, Jem, Franco, Nick, and Hilda. I was blown away and di muna nag register na para saakin to kung wala lang don sila Jem.

"Ohmygod babe. Not another birthday gift again." I looked accusingly at Xavier. He raised his arms and shook his head. "Di ako to. This was Tatay and ate's idea. Well actually, isama mo na si mommy at daddy. Kaya sinabihan ko si Hilda and Jem para isang birthday celebration nalang." He laughed at my reaction to what I said then lumapit na sila saakin to greet me again together with my friends and sila Hilda.

Dinner was fun and relaxed lang, everyone was getting along and nagkwekwentuhan. "So siguro alam mo na kung gusto ka ng pamilya ko." Xavier whispered to me. It made my heart flutter.

Right after dinner and we were already having coffee and cake. Yes I think ngayon nalang ulit ako nagka cake for my birthday and they even have me blow the candles on it while they sing. Grabe, from almost not celebrating my birthday, to having a party and coming from a trip with a guy I'm completely crazy about.

"Okay, gift time." Xavier's dad rubbed his palms together parang mas excited pa sya. Namilog yung mata ko and natawa si Hilda sakin. Even if di nya nakikita, malamang may idea sya na I don't celebrate my birthdays like this. "Babe, don't be overwhelmed ha, ganito talaga kami pag birthdays."

"Pag birthdays lang?" I have a feeling na hindi. "Practice to for Christmas." He confirmed it. I couldn't imagine kung paano pa sila pag pasko.

"Happy birthday again, Harper. This is from me and tito Romy." His mom handed me a gift. Di ko alam kung hindi lang ako sanay, pero I can feel myself grow shy dahil yung pamilya ni Xavier was waiting for me to open my gift. Yeah ganito yung nangyari nung birthday ng lolo nya e. His parents gave me a small white-gold cross pendant. Opening that first gift makes me wonder how long I'd last without crying.

Tiff and Ivan gave me a framed semi-nude sketch of a woman na nakatalikod that apparently Xavier did nung college pa sya. Alam ko na agad that I'll put it in my bedroom. Franco gave me a new keyboard for my iPad, Jem and Liv gave me a bag, and Hilda and Nick gave me a camera to use for traveling.

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I think I survived the gift-giving without crying.

"Now for my gift." Tatay stood up and lahat din sila nagtayuan. "Sorry love, pero kailangan kita i-blindfold." Xavier took an eye mask handed to him by his mom and placed it on my eyes bago pa ko makareact.

Ni hindi ko masubukang isipin kung ano yung pwedeng iregalo ng lolo ni Xavier na kailangan pang naka blindfold ako. I can feel myself growing cold from all the anticipation. Hinawakan ko yung kamay ni Xavier. "Magugustuhan mo to babe." He said to me as I felt movement around the garden. "Don't tell me sasayaw sila." I said trying to ease some of the nervous-excitement I'm feeling. "Kung sasayaw, di ako papayag maiwan dito. FYI, eto yung plans na pinaguusapan namin ni Tatay nung kausap ko sya sa cr sa Iceland." Xavier chuckled.

I was speechless with all the effort sa pagpaplano palang kahit hindi ko pa nakikita.

I braced myself nung pinatayo nako ni Xavier and nilakad nya ko ng konti. "Ready?" He excitedly asked. I could only nod.

He removed the blindfold and I faced the gift I would never be able to guess even in my dreams. There was a small stage and a backdrop artistically made complete with the UP seal. I could see everyone beaming excitedly and Hilda holding our traditional sablay on the brink of tears. Tatay's gift was a redo of my graduation rites.

Ayan na, di ko na napigilan yung sarili ko. I was already crying. "Bawal umiyak Harper. We're doing pictures." Liv waved Xavier's camera. Before I composed myself, I walked over to Tatay and hugged him not being able to say anything. "Xavier told us about your college graduation. So naisip ko bibigyan ka namin ng replay ng araw na yon." He said softly as he returned my hug. "Tay, I don't know how to thank you for this. Thank you so so much." I said shakily from all the tears streaming down my face. "You're welcome Harper. Suot mo na yung sablay mo para makaumpisa ka ng grumaduate ulit." He smiledd and kissed my forehead. I finally knew what it feels like to have a grandfather.

This was too much. I don't even know if I deserve this kasi di ko alam what I ever did para gawin nila to for me. Alam ko naman na hindi talaga yung graduation yung regalo nila. Pamilya. Sila. How can they give it so easily for someone they barely know? Kaya pala ganon ka generous si Xavier because this is the family he grew up with.

I tried to dry my tears but Xavier did it himself with his handkerchief because di na kayang punasan ng kamay ko. Hilda approached me and halata sa kanya that she has been crying harder than I was. "Ate I'm so sorry na wala ako during your graduation. I'm so sorry." She hugged me tight and sinuot nya yung sablay ko. "It's okay Hilds. This redo is also for you. Thank you for being here sa graduation 2. 0 ko." I smiled at her para di na sya umiyak.

We started with the rewind. Tatay acted as the chancellor and may hawak pa syang diploma as he called out my name. Xavier's mom and dad with Hilda went up with me sa stage while Xavier and my friends cheered. Di naman kasama yung parents sa stage talaga, but I love that they did it like this.

So ganito pala yung feeling ng may pamilya.

For the picture taking, tumakbo si Xavier para sumama. "Ummm sir, hindi kasama yung fake boyfriend sa picture, di ka pamilya." Biniro ni Franco si Xavier.

"Future family to pre." Dahil sa sinagot ni Xavier, lumapit na din si Tiff and si Jem for the picture after a few photos of me with Xavier, his parents and Tatay. We took lots of photos.

Glancing at everyone around me, I promised myself na if si Xavier man yung maging asawa ko and magkakaron kami ng pamilya, or even if hindi man sya, I will make sure our family is just like this. I will make my children feel loved, wanted, supported and someone to be proud of, no matter what. Hindi ko ipaparamdam sa kanila yung nangyari saamin ng pamilya ko. I wouldn't let any of my children graduate alone. Surprisingly, I didn't feel that bitter and hurt anymore at that memory. Maybe because now I can say that my family was with me when I graduated.

We ended the night with me feeling that I was just given the whole world. I slept over sa bahay nila because they wouldn't let me go home sa condo kung saan ako mag isa. We had lunch the following day and Xavier gave me a tour sa buong bahay nila. Si Tatay din pala doon nakatira in his own separate house. Nagenjoy kaming ikutin yung bahay ni Tatay because he had a lot of Xavier's paintings, sketches and photos framed together with other art. It was like he has his own personal museum.

Nung hapon, hinatid ulit kami ni Tiff and Ivan sa condo ko. Xavier was going to stay with me tonight. Clingy? Yes. Excessive? Nope. Kulang pa nga e.

"Babe bakit parang nadagdagan yung laman ng maleta mo?" Umirap ako as Xavier lugged my 2 bags palabas ng elevator. "Babe ang lecture about bagahe sa susunod na nating travel. Ang lapit lapit na natin sa unit ko."

"Babe sino yang bisita mo?" Xavier asked ng pagulat as we rounded the corner. May babaeng nakaupo sa harap ng pintuan ko. If it was night and Xavier wasn't with me, baka natakot nako. Her shoulders was hunched and her hair was covering her face na parang umiiyak. I looked down at her designer bag na nasa tabi nya, and I already know who she is.

Holly.