Saving Harper

"O, mag tatravel vlog tayo ha." Kumunot yung noo ko at what Xavier just said. Waiting for him to drop the punchline. "Oo thing yon Harper, wag mo kong tignan ng ganyan." He swiped his hand on my face to emphasize that I was looking at him too weirdly at parang ayoko yung gagawin namin. We were already waiting to disembark the plane.

Super long haul yung flight from our layover and we watched movies, tinulugan ko sya and well, what we do best-maghalikan. Ang landi? Definitely. But who cares? We're happy. At sa totoo lang ang sarap talaga makipag landian kay Xavier. Just thinking about it, kinikilig nanaman ako.

"Okay chill." I suppressed my small laugh. Cute naman yung travel vlog. I've seen some on YouTube na sobrang ineffortan. Dun ko nalang din ata nararamdaman yung pagtatravel. Living vicariously through others, that was what I was doing while watching them. Feelingerang nag punta na din ako dun sa mga lugar na napapanood ko.

"Wag ka mag alala Harper, di naman natin ipopost yon. Para saatin lang. Masyado ng PDA kung ilalagay pa natin yung mga videos natin sa YouTube." He smirked. "Sayang kala ko sisikat na tayo." I joked as we finally stood up kasi pinauna namin yung mga naghahakot pa ng mga gamit sa overhead compartments.

"Maba ban lang tayo. Alam mo na yung content natin." He winked at me and took my hand to guide ma palabas ng eroplano. I stuck my tongue out while smiling like a schoolgirl kahit nakatalikod na sya kasi kinikilig nanaman ako. "Oh my god hindi ba malamig?" I hesitated going down the stairs opening up to the Blue Lagoon. This was the first and only stop for today since we arrived in Iceland. The sights were breathtaking. Natatawa na sakin si Xavier kasi para akong bata na turo ng turo kung saan saan. And true to the vlog, we filmed everything using a camera he brought with him. Minsan di ko pa alam gagawin ko dun sa camera pag sya na yung finifilm ko. Ang trabaho pala ng travel vlogs at nakakangawit mag film.

It took some time getting used to na may camera na nakatapat saakin palagi. I wonder how actors do it all the time?

"Babe sa tingin mo ba nandito ako ngayon kung malamig? Mas malamig pa kung saan ka nakatayo ngayon." Xavier looked at me. Yeah malamig nga kung saan ako nakatayo dahil humahangin pa na tumatagos sa rashguard ko, kaya ako naghehesitate. Konti nalang mag chachatter na yung ngipin ko. "Come to daddy." He laughed and raised both his hands and gestured with them and inaabangan din nya kong bumaba. Bahala na!

The water was surprisingly hot when I entered it. "Ang sarap." I instantly relaxed in his arms. "Ako? Syempre. Pero mas masarap ka." He whispered and kissed my neck. Jusko! Mainit yung tubig pero parang mas mainit yung naging reaction ko sa sinabi ni Xavier. Oh the things he can make me instantaneously feel! Ni wala nga akong chance ngayon na mapigilan lahat. Kasi you're not anymore trying na pigilan, Harper. Wala naman na kong rason para pigilan lahat.

Cute ni Xavier kasi he gave his camera pala to one of the attendants so he can film us during our swim plus kissing moments. Walang swim actually kasi nakayakap lang ako sa kanya. Parang mukhang pre-nup tong ginagawa namin ah. But this was definitely one na dapat nga naming itago for posterity and something that we can always watch when we miss each other too much during our time apart.

Xavier posted some of our plane pictures and yung sa lagoon sa IG stories nya and yung mga sweet pinost nya sa IG. I posted a lot dahil like me, deprived din sa buhay yung Instagram ko.

I couldn't sleep because of jetlag, sa dami ng kinain ko during dinner, all the things Xavier and I did pag balik sa hotel, and dahil din excited nako sa tour namin bukas. "Babe, sleep." Nakapikit si Xavier and alam kong malapit na sya makatulog kasi ang bigat na ng braso nya na nakayakap sakin. "I'm too excited."

"Sige pag di ka pa matutulog papagurin pa kita." He hugged me tighter. As if naman. He could barely open his eyes sa antok nya. I kissed them the watched him sleep until it also took me.

The following morning, our tour group gathered in front of our hotel. Puro foreigners yung mga kasama namin na of course, nachika na ni Xavier nung breakfast pa lang.

Xavier was filming everything and I talked to the camera kung anong gagawin namin. Which was to see a lot of falls and some beaches that you can't really swim in sa lamig. He also filmed me hauling all our luggages papunta sa malaking bus namin kasi magpapalit na kami ng hotel kasi medyo malayo na kapag babalik pa. He was cracking up kasi hirap na hirap ako. "O diba love? Kung nag insist ka sa malaking luggage mas hirap ka?" Inirapan ko sya sa camera. "Sabi mo ikaw lahat magdadala!" I frowned at him. He pointed the camers sa aming dalawa. "I'm just proving my point. Eto ang itsura ng ngiting tagumpay sa pag eempake. Kaya mga anak, Walang magrereklamo sa listahan na ibibigay ko sainyo pag nagtravel tayo." He smiled widely sa camera pointing a finger at it.

I almost fainted. Mga anak daw. Tanginaaaaa.

"You are both so cute! I take it you're on your honeymoon?" Humirit yung isang babae sa tour group namin nung naghihintay na kaming umakyat sa bus. I think Stephanie yung pangalan? Americans sila nung asawa nya na kasama nya. "Oh no, he's not my husband." Yet. Feeler.

"Oh, you sounded like you're on your honeymoon." Tinignan nya kami ni Xavier full of meaning. I frowned. Ano she just got it from our conversations? Tagalog nga kami mag usap e. "Last night. We were next door to your room." Ay pota. I shrieked a little to myself and I think namula din ako. Gaaaahhhddd. Natawa si Xavier at walang dineny. Inakbayan pa nya ko na parang nanalo kami ng award. "Pustahan kung pang ilang araw bago may magreklamo saatin?" Siniko ko lang sya and umakyat na sa bus kahit wala namang makakaintindi sa kanya sa mga nakapaligid samin.

"Goal ko bukas ng umaga may magrereklamo na saatin." Baliw din to e. Siguro dapat sinabi ko nalang na naghohoneymoon kami para may excuse kami. But then again who cares? We would most probably get dirty looks sa mga conservative naming kasama dito. "I think yung hilik mo yung naririnig nila." I told Xavier habang tinitignan nya yung mga videos namin pag upo namin. Mukhang chinecheck nya kung narecord nya yung sinabi nung Stephanie which he found funny. As was my expression sa sinabi saamin.

"Ah talaga? Gusto mo tanong ko sila kung hilik ko or yung mura mo at pag tawag mo ng pangalan ko yung narinig nila kagabi?" I made a face at namula nanaman. See? Baliw. I don't think I was that loud. Well, di nga pala ako reliable sa mga akala ko. "Saka ikaw yung baby dinosaur saatin diba?" He quipped.

"Bwiset. Bahala ka mamayang gabi, pagod na agad ako ngayon palang." I stuck my tongue out.

Well napagod talaga ako. We walked to and climbed a lot of mountain sides to get to the falls na pinakita sa tour. Ang lamig pero sa sobrang haba nung nilalakad namin, napawisan nako and I took my jacket off ng madaming beses at dahil nabasa kami sa falls. Pag dating namin sa last destination, sinisipon nako. My voice sounded like it came from a kid dun sa mga videos namin.

Xavier was extremely enjoying doing the vlog. Napagod din ako kasi he kept directing me so he could get good photos of me with the view. Traveling with him felt that I have my very own photographer. Malamang, photographer naman talaga sya. He attempted to teach me to shoot with his camera. I think naman I took decent photos of him but syempre not as good as his pictures of me.

Sobrang sakit ng legs ko with all the walking and mga ilang beses nag cramps yung pwet ko. Di uubra yung mga sapatos kong I wanted to bring kaya buti si Xavier yung nagemapke for me and I'm so glad he made me bring yung Dr. Martens and North Face boots ko that I already forgot I have. Parang binili ko lang yon para magpacute nung nag Christmas kami sa Boston because it was snowing there.

Naalala ko nung nageempake kami mas lalung nag sungit si Xavier when I said that. I had to convince him na hindi ako kay Julian nagpapa cute non and I just wanted to look winter-y sa pictures ko when we went around. "Siguraduhin mo kasi baka bisitahin ko yang si Julian sa Boston pag punta ko sa Seattle." Wala daw syang pakielam kung magkabilang dulo ng USA yung Washington at Massachusetts.

"Selos ka?" I kidded kasi hindi ko din naman alam if nagbibiro lang sya as per usual. "Oo. Ok lang?" How do you answer that? Syempre with a 'yes'. Di pa kami, selos na sya sa taong hindi ko naman ex at halos ipag tabuyan ko na. Well sya. Halos ipag tabuyan nya sa pag sampal kay Julian na may boyfriend nako. "Di ko ma imagine na seloso ka pala." So mali pala ako. I though he was too cool to mind other guys. "Hindi naman ako seloso. Pag sayo lang." Ay. Haba ng buhok mo Harper ah.

That night I was sure I sounded like a baby dinosaur while sleeping sa sobrang pagod. The following day was my birthday and as a birthday treat yung activity sa tour was a glacier walk. Sabi ko kay Xavier dahil birthday ko, he should carry me all the way to the top. Baka patay nanaman ako at the end of the day. But the sights more than compensated for the grueling walks and climbing we've done so far. Then we have the night tour para abangan yung northern lights. I was looking forward to that the most from this whole trip.

I woke up to Xavier kissing my face. I smiled and stretched then opened my eyes to his beaming face that I won't ever get tired of seeing every morning. "Good morning. Happy birthday baby." He said softly. Birthday finally appreciated.

"Thanks babe." I smiled. Can all my succeeding birthdays be like this? Waking up to his beautiful face and his kisses. Ngayon parang ayoko ng pumunta sa glacier walk na yan and buong araw nalang yumakap kay Xavier dito sa kama. "Wait wag ka muna babangon." He held his hand up to me and umupo lang ako sa kama. Tumayo sya to get something excitedly.

"Breakfast in bed para sa pinaka magandang birthday girl." I smiled as Xavier placed a tray sa harap ko. "Don't tell me nagluto ka pa." I looked at what he served feeling suddenly hungry. Bacon, toast, scrambled eggs, sausages and orange juice. Madami so I figured he was going to join me. Namiss ko bigla mag kanin. "Actually ako nga nagluto nyan."

"Huh e may breakfast dito sa hotel." I buttered the toast to put in the strawberry jam. "Syempre, special request ko sabi ko birthday ng asawa ko ngayon e. Kailangan breakfast in bed na ako yung nagluto." He winked then sinubuan ko sya nung toast. Kilig masyado sa "asawa" kahit di ako girlfriend. Wala naman akong problema kung dun na agad kami tatalon. Harper di porket birthday mo, lahat pwede mo ng hingin. Oh well, girl can dream.

"Seryoso ka ba?" Ngayon lang ako nakarinig ng guest na nag pumilit magluto ng sariling pagkain sa hotel. I started eating and sinusubuan ko din sya. "Special breakfast for my special girl." He kissed me and kahit eto palang yung nangyayari saamin, I knew today will be special.

That was all I kept thinking about-Harper, special yung today, special to, as I almost slipped for the second time climbing up the glacier. Parang pang benteng hakbang ko palang. Di na alam ni Xavier kung aalalayan na ba nya ko, bubuhatin nalang ba nya ko kasi kinakabahan na sya na baka madulas lang ako, or will keep filming the special birthday episode ng Harper-Xavier travel vlog.

When I got the hang of climbing, na by the way pawis na pawis nanaman ako under my coat tagos sa thermal wear ko, he finally was able to film ng matino and kept cheering me on. Wala akong choice kasi yung mga kasama nga namin na mas matatanda sakin umaakyat. "Kaya mo yan babe, mas mahirap pang maglakad ng lasing." If you call that cheering from Xavier, and it's all on video. Madami syang pag tatawanan pag pinanood nya to.

Pag dating sa ibabaw, again, it was all worth it. Di lang dahil maganda yung view, but I'm freakin standing on top of a glacier! We kept taking photos. Actually, people from our tour group automatically volunteer na picturan kami ni Xavier kasi ang dami nilang photos na si Xavier yung nag take and ang gaganda. They're all so nice nag greet pa sila sakin ng happy birthday. Nabendisyonan pa kami ni Xavier as "the honeymooners" when they talk about us. Xavier liked that one. Actually sige na, ako din. May kilig every time I hear it. I didn't know meeting strangers could be this fun.

Papasok daw kami sa loob ng glacier cave na akala ko simple lang. Pero tangina pababa na! I looked in horror kung anong ginagawa nung mga nauna sakin. Kahit may rope to help us go down to the actual cave, it's a big possibility na mahulog parin ako. Every crevice was either slippery ice or rocks! Feeling ko pag nadulas ako, bagok ako or deads. We were wearing special attachments for our shoes that were spiky to help in climbing up and down the ice, what if pag nalaglag ako masaksak pa ko non sa leeg? Imposible? Aba pag malas, malas. What a way to die on my birthday.

"I don't think I can do this." I turned around, starting to panic. I don't even know if there's another way to get down from this thing. "Babe, kaya mo to. Hinga." Xavier whispered and hugged me "I won't let anything happen to you, promise." Pinauna na namin yung ibang tao habang pinapakalma muna nya ko.

"Ganito, mauuna muna ako para makita mo yung gagawin ko then gayahin mo ok?" Medyo nakahinga nako knowing na may sasalo sakin. Xavier made it look so easy. "Wag kang pipikit babe! Hindi yan roller coaster jusko." Inunahan na nya ko as I started to descend. Hindi ako pala dasal, pero I think nakatawag ako ng limang santo.

"O diba? Easy." Xavier took my hand and kissed my forehead nung sa medyo patag na kami naka apak. "Easy easy ka dyan, kanina ko pa iniisip paano pag nabagok ako pag nalaglag ako."

"Saakin ka lang pwedeng malaglag." Trust Xavier to turn my morbid thoughts into some cheesy-kilig moment. He kissed me and started filming again. Nagpapatawa pa sya na panic mode nako kanina pero dahil humarap na yung camera naka ngiti nako and it's all fake smiling. We explored the cave which was really beautiful, wag mo lang papansinin yung fact that every step could be the last one you'll take.

So syempre, di nanaman tapos yung cave kasi lalabas pa. Pinauna ko ulit si Xavier and this was even more challenging kasi ang dulas na ng nilalakaran namin. Xavier kept filming me na nagmumura pag nadudulas. He laughed his head off over that. I think he wanted to do the videos far this.

"So babe, congrats for conquering the glacier caves. Will you do that again?" He laughed as he pointed the camera towards me. "You won't let me die would you?" I think kahit ano pa magagawa ko with Xavier. "Medyo morbid, but never." He chuckled. "Then yes, uulitin ko yon if you want." Yup kuhang kuha ng camera kung gaano ko kamahal si Xavier.

"Thank you for the best birthday gift ever." I leaned on him sa bus on our way back sa hotel. We planned na matulog muna after maligo before we go on the northern lights night tour that I was so excited about. Sana magpakita sya sa amin. "Hindi pa to yung best. Madami pa tayong birthdays na mag kasama." That made me smile as he kissed the top of my head.

I woke up from my nap and wala si Xavier sa tabi ko. I stood up to look for him and I heard his voice sa cr, mukhang may kausap sa phone. Sino naman? And why does ha have to talk sa cr? I tried to listen in.

I think I heard "I don't know Ky."? Ummm yeah tangina. On my fucking birthday. Lumayo nako sa pinto ng cr. Wag kasi nakikinig sa mga pinaguusapan ng iba. Now what do I do? Pretend that I'm still sleeping? Abangan sya and tanungin? Why is he even talking to her? Nahihilo ako. I think dahil sa sakit.

I curled up sa kama lying down and pumikit nalang. Wag kang iiyak Harper. Too late, naluha ako but natigil din agad when Xavier finally opened the door. The tear that escaped my eyes could easily pass off as luha ng bagong gising. "Kanina ka pa gising?" He cuddled me from behind and buried his face on my neck. Aray ha. Parang walang kausap na ex sa cr kanina lang. I shook my head a little, trying to find my voice. Or if I want to even find it. How do I ask him? The last time na kausap nya si Kylie, he did it in front of me so I can hear everything. Does this mean na may ayaw syang iparinig? Or baka lang magising ako?

"What time should we get up?" Yun nalang yung nasabi ko. I just broke our dating rule number 3: Bawal mag change topic. It's not exactly what I'm doing. Di naman nya alam na I heard him.

"In a while. Gusto ko pang tumira dito sa leeg mo." He started kissing my neck. Which just made what I was feeling much worse. "Let's go. Excited nako." He groaned when I struggled from his hug to sit up but sumunod din sya. After dressing up, we met with our tour group sa harap ulit ng hotel. It was freezing cold but even before the blast of cold air hit me, my heart felt cold already. Sabi nila may may mga lamig na nakakasanay eventually after a while, but a cold heart was not something I wanted to get used to.

Xavier pulled me towards him and resumed yung naudlot na pagcucuddle na ginawa nya nung nasa kwarto kami. Sakto naman may hot chocolate na pinasa saamin to warm us up before the trip and I took it agad agad para mag iba yung pwesto namin ni Xavier. Excuse me, I will need something hotter than this.

I think Xavier instantly knew something was amiss with the way I was acting. I was jumping at every opportunity na di kami mag dikit. Now I really hate the way that nothing gets past him. For a while hinayaan nya lang ako. Buti din alam nyang now would not be the time to flash the camera on my face so he didn't record anything. Buti nalang din some people from our group started chatting with him. Us. But he did all the talking knowing that I wasn't in the mood. Sinubukan ko nalang na mag mukhang inaantok and just smiled through what they were talking about.

Nung nasa bus na kami, mas mahirap na iwasan yung tingin nya sakin. I was only successful for 30 seconds. I had to look at him. He was studying me. Probably trying to guess what caused my pag iiwas. But if he really knew me, he would know na iisang tao lang naman yung rason para magka ganito ako ng biglaan lalu na if hindi naman kami nag aaway bago ako ganito.

"Harper what's wrong?"

I shook my head. Tangina Harper, kahit di ka nagsasalita, you're lying. It's not something you want to start doing again.

Hindi din naman sya naniniwala and tinignan nya lang ako. Might as well get over this. I cleared my throat not wanting to say it in a shaky voice. Baka maiyak pa ko.

"I heard you talking to her."

"Teka, sinong 'her'?" He frowned at me and napalayo pa sya sakin mukhang gulat. Di nya alam na yun yung sasabihin ko. Ano ba dapat?

"Kylie. You were talking to her on the phone sa bathroom kanina." I said in a straight voice. I can't believe I had to elaborate this.

If you're loving the book, nel5s.org is where the adventure continues. Join us for the complete experience all for free. The next chapter is eagerly waiting for you! "What exactly did you hear?" He was still studying my face pero di na sya nakasimangot. I wanted to look away, but I couldn't. His eyes trapped me.

"I heard you saying 'I don't know Ky.." I said in a low voice. Wag na natin masyadong ipagsigawan yung sakit ano?

Kumunot ulit yung noo nya. So totoo nga?

"Babe, you almost got it right. It's actually 'I don't know Tay.'. Hindi ko kausap si Kylie, si Tatay yung kausap ko about some plans na he consulted with me." I think he wanted to joke about it but my face said 'don't you dare'. "Harper, wala nakong rason para kausapin si Kylie. We're not even friends and I'm not going to do that to you." His eyes pleaded for me to believe him, even if he doesn't need to.

Lies were never a problem for me and Xavier kasi never syang nagsinungaling. As I've said ako yung may problema. Masyado akong takot na masaktan by important people in my life na nasanay akong mangyari saakin. Pero mas lalu na ngayon with Xavier. Before kung masasaktan man ako when we were still pretending, bearable pa e. Ngayon na sobrang emotionally invested nako with what we have? I don't think I'll survive it. So the paranoia wasn't helping. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have assumed." ;I said. Now I feel bad.

"It's okay. And hindi ka nag assume Harper, you just misheard. So pwede na ba akong dumikit sayo ulit?" He tested. I nodded and he hugged me tight na akala mo napaka tagal nya kong hindi nayakap.

"I promise, I won't talk to her." He rubbed his nose on my cheek and humalik sya sa side ng head ko inhaling my scent. I didn't think it would be possible for him to miss me agad since sandali lang akong lumalayo sa kanya but he sure acted that way.

"It's okay Xavier if you talk to her di ko naman sinabing wag." Medyo mapait. "I guess nabigla lang ako why you'd hide it if sya man yung kausap mo."

"For the record, kausap ko si Tatay sa cr para di mo kami marining and di kita magising. Saka as I've said, wala akong rason to talk to Kylie." I believed him. Unang sabi palang nya.

"I think I ruined my own birthday." I echoed my feelings. Oo, medyo gaga ka din kasi e. Paranoid. He kissed me again. "No you didn't. Pwede ka na maexcite ulit." He chuckled. Yeah medyo downer yung sumagi pa sa utak ko yung ex nya na inakala kong grabe yung timing sa pag tawag.

Sa labas palang ng bus we can already see it in the sky Aurora Borealis. And we excitedly looked on from the windows as the colorful bright lights illuminated the sky. It was exactly what I needed to restart our night.

Umupo kami ni Xavier sa slightly rocky field among low hills kung saan nagkalat din yung ibang tourists snapping pictures. We were already done with the pictures and we just wanted to enjoy the incredible beauty playing on the night sky. Xavier took me in his arms and sumandal ako sa kanya getting more comfortable. "Happy birthday, baby." We melted into our kiss. Tumitig kami sa lights for a long time. Going back to what Xavier said na baka hindi pa ito yung best birthday ko, it may be right, but I have a feeling na babalik at babalik ako sa moment na to and the feeling of how perfect this felt for me.

Xavier handed me a box. "One last gift." Kinindatan nya ko when I took the box. Syempre excited nanaman ako.

I

I opened it and saw a beautiful charm bracelet. May mga nakalagay na na charms. Xavier pointed to each one of them. "Eto surfboard and starfish for LU and Boracay." Then he pointed sa isang charm na bilog I'm not sure what it is exactly. "This one is Filia Highland dito sa Iceland. Tapos airplane for all the travels we will be doing together." Kinilig nanaman ako. Together. Kahit magkakalayo na kami soon, it gave me a lot to look forward to. "And eto, pina customize ko pa yan." He smiled at it na parang yun yung pinaka favorite nya. It was letter H and X together in one charm with a small heart in the middle. I think yun din favorite ko. "And this one is Seattle." Yeah I could see the famous Seattle Needle sa skyline of the charm. "Para kahit nandon nako, I'm still with you." My heart wanted to burst. He placed his gift on my wrist and kissed the back of my hand.

"You'll always be with me. Thank you babe, I love it." Everything in it was about the two of us. And there's plenty of room left para sa lahat pa ng mangyayari saamin. This was the tangible reverberation of his promise. That he'll come back to me. All the spaces in this bracelet he gave could only be filled by us.

I stared at the Seattle charm. I think favorite ko rin to, kasi I have a feeling na in a year or two di ko matitiis and susundan ko lang din sya don. Who knows? Baka dun pa kami magsimula ng buhay namin ng mag kasama.

Yes, there would be a lot to plan out if I'm moving my life there to be with him, for one yung work ko, but I'll find a way. A year would be more than enough to think of a way to do it. Maybe even sooner.

The more I think about it, the more it made more sense for me to live with him there the soonest that I can. Like the bracelet on my wrist, my life felt bound to his.

One lifetime with Xavier would never be enough. The sooner I can spend my every waking day with him kahit nasaan man sya, would be a start of this one lifetime I have with him.