Saving Harper

Toothbrush.

That was the first thing na pumasok sa utak ko nung papalapit na kami sa villa. Dahil dun sa preemption ni Xavier sa gagawin namin, I was feeling extremely nervous. Nervous-excited.

"Bakit ang lamig ng kamay mo?" He smiled as we took our time walking from the porch steps leading to the villa rooms. "Kinakabahan ka ba?"

I can only nod. It sounded ridiculous and alam ko na agad that Xavier will find it amusing. "Harper, it's not our first time to kiss." I didn't need further reminder. Kanina lang I was wishing I could remember that drunken kiss we had. "It's different." I said. Or baka para saakin lang yon? Hindi ko alam kung paano ko ieexplain kay Xavier that it is indeed our first kiss. Real first kiss. OMG Harper, you are romanticizing this too much. Well I couldn't help but romanticize everything concerning Xavier.

A small smile played on Xavier's lips as we arrived on my front door. I faced him and my heartbeat raced as he smiled at me and tucked a strand of loose hair behind my ear.

It was again in slow motion. Xavier's smile turned to his usual boyish one, bit his lower lip, and leaned down habang pasara na yung mata nya.

I held my palms up and yun yung nahalikan nya.

Natawa ako ng konti when his eyes flew open and nagtataka sa ginawa ko.

"Alat ah." He joked pertaining to my hand na wala akong control na inamoy. Amoy hand sanitizer naman.

"Sorry. May isang request muna ako." I grinned. Tinaasan nya ko ng kilay waiting for me to say what's on my mind. "Toothbrush."

He chuckled at what I said. "Nahiya ka pa. Naghalikan nga tayo ng lasang Bacardi ka e." He joked again and inirapan ko sya. "E lasang alimango at hipon?" I didn't want our "first" kiss to be ruined by the taste in my mouth. And sa totoo lang, I want to taste him. I mean his mouth. Taste. Basta yon. Not taste him, taste him. Pota! You're still explaining to yourself Harper! I'm so glad he can't hear my thoughts.

"Okay fine, you win." Xavier rolled his eyes at me. "Excited ka masyado e." I eyed him and to which he only answered with a big smile na mas lalung nagpa kaba sakin. "Sige na toothbrush tapos kakatukin nalang kita." Oh no. Wag sa kwarto. Madaming pwedeng mangyari sa kwarto. "Umm, I'll meet you here."

Natawa sya sa sinabi ko. "Ah PDA pala gusto mo." He smirked. "Wala namang tao!" I said defensively but I still looked at both sides of the corridor. Di ko masabi yung naiisip kong madaming pwedeng mangyari sa kwarto. Mas pagtatawanan nya yon.

I was still nervous-excited while brushing my teeth. And I wasn't contented at brushing my teeth once. Nag mouthwash pako, and brushed my teeth again just to be sure I get the taste and smell of seafood out.

I stuck my ear on the door trying to listen if nasa labas na si Xavier. Ayoko namang magmukhang overeager. Ay, hindi pa ba??? Napatalon ako sa gulat nung may kumatok.

I opened the door. "Kala ko nakatulog ka na e." Xavier smiled. I almost answered na baka hindi nga ako makatulog mamaya.

I stepped out and slowly closed my room door behind me. "It's not going to be the first time na matutulugan kita. Di ka pa sanay?" I answered him. Totoo naman. Tinulugan ko sya nung nalasing ako at tinulugan ko sya nung inaalagaan nya ko sa condo ko.

"Fair point, Ms. Javier." He gently pulled me towards him and he smiled as he heard me softly gasped sa ginawa nya. "Anong toothpaste mo?" He playfully asked me. "Close Up." The way I answered him was like a question itself kasi I'm unsure kung bakit nya tinatanong yon.

"Patikim nga." He whispered as he leaned down to kiss me. Hindi ko na alam kung anong nangyari sa puso ko.

His soft lips gently found mine and his kiss sent electricity down to my whole body. I kissed him back with the same softness. I could really die right now.

I wound my arms around his neck and he pulled me up a little. Ang cute kasi ng height difference namin. I wish I was a little bit taller.

I uncontrollably smiled through our kiss as he gently nibbled at my lower lip. I opened my mouth to let him taste me as I melted in his arms and sa lasa nya. I don't think anything could ever taste better than Xavier. He was intoxicatingly addictive. Our gentle kissing of course slowly builded up and my heartbeat was racing with our pace.

Hindi ko alam how long we were making out sa labas ng kwarto ko when we heard a surprised sound by the stairs. We turned to our side to find the housekeeping staff na nakatayo don, obviously di nya kami nakita nung paakyat sya and obviously nagulat sya saamin at sa ginagawa namin.

"Good evening, maam, sir." Nahihiya nyang bati. Hindi sya sigurado kung tutuloy sya sa floor namin or babalik sya sa baba para hintayin kaming matapos or pumasok man lang kami sa kwarto namin.

"Sorry ate." Xavier said with a guilty smile that also reflected my facial expression. She took the chance nung tumigil kami maghalikan para dumaan sa likod ni Xavier papunta kung saan man syang room dapat pupunta.

"Actually, di ako sorry." Xavier whispered and napailing ako. He cradled my face and we started kissing again.

Dumaan ulit yung staff, pero di na kami tumigil. I smiled through our kiss dahil don.

So this is how it feels like to let everything go. Yung walang pakielam sa sasabihin ng iba. I could really get used to this.

Di ko naramdaman yung ngalay sa legs, not until our kiss ended.

He was grinning from ear to ear pag tapos. I think ako naman hiningal. Napasandal nako sa pintuan ko. It feels like we made out for hours.

"Napatunayan ko ba?" He asked me. For a while my head couldn't wrap around what he was asking kasi high pako sa halik namin. Hindi pa ko nakaka recover.

"Ang napatunayan mo lang magaling ka humalik." Sobrang galing. Pero hindi ko na sinabi out loud kasi baka magyabang pa sya. Sure yon.

As predicted, he gave a boastful smile. Sobrang mature. Kala mo teenager na sinabihan ng girlfriend na magaling sya humalik. Ay teka, parang ganon na nga nangyari diba? Kahit hindi ako girlfriend. Pa.

I haven't really thought about it. Kasi nga aalis sya and dahil may apprehensions ako since I don't think I'll be a good enough girlfriend. Lalu na pag sa LDR. Medyo kumirot sakin yon.

Ayoko muna isipin kasi baka makasira lang samin ni Xavier. Wala pa nga, sisirain ko na.

"Wag ka masyadong ngumiti." I rolled my eyes at him and mas lalu syang ngumiti.

"Bakit naman? Minsan lang magbigay ng compliment si Ms. Harper Javier so I need to celebrate this." Umirap ako sa sinabi nya.

"Ganon ba talaga ako?" I was only curious. Actually, there are two things I don't care about: 1) what my officemates think about how I work and 2) what my parents and Holly think about me. The last one, may mga certain areas lang na sensitive ako pag dating sa parents ko, but not with Holly. I don't really care what she thinks of me sa lahat ng aspeto ng buhay ko.

Xavier slightly laughed.

"Sabi nila. Pero with you, alam kong may reason ka don. So problema na nila kung may problema sila that you don't give out compliments all the time at ayusin nila yung trabaho nila. Kaya babalitaan mo ko pag CEO ka na ha." Tuloy tuloy nyang sagot. He proudly smiled at me. Na parang sure na syang makukuha ko yung posisyon.

But I don't want to talk about work anymore. May hanggang Sunday morning pa kami dito and work should be the last thing on my mind. Wow Harper ikaw ba yan? Jem and Liv would be proud. Which reminded me, I should tell them all about this. Na finally Xavier and I are dating for real.

"Anong plano mo tomorrow?" He asked me. Leaning his arm sa door frame. Medyo natawa ako kasi parang napagod din pala sya sa halikan namin. We should try sitting down sa next make out session. Wait delks din yon. Parang kwarto lang. "Tambay tayo sa beach? Minsan lang ako magbakasyon so I want a tan. Para mapatunayan ko namang kahit papano may buhay ako." I really wanted to work on my tan. I wanted the Boracay glow I had the last time I went here. "Yun lang?" Tinaasan nya ko ng kilay. I'm not really sure if he finds my plan too boring.

"Yeah, tapos mag lunch date tayo kung saan mo gusto or kung ano mang gusto mong gawin." I added. Baka may gusto syang gawin na iba, okay lang naman din sakin.

"Sure ka sa sinasabi mong kahit anong gusto KONG gawin?" If it was possible to choke on my saliva, I think I just did. OMG yun agad agad???

He looked at me playfully. "Palagi ka bang kabado?"

I pretended to think about it for a while bago sumagot. "I think sayo lang."

"Good, kabahan ka talaga. Magpahinga kang mabuti tonight. Papagurin kita bukas." He winked at me and leaned down again to kiss me. Di ko alam kung naramdaman nyang nanginig ng konti yung labi ko sa sinabi nya. Pero dahil sya to, malamang naramdaman nya. His smile while kissing me said it all.

He kissed my forehead after. "Good night, Harper. See you in my dreams." He whispered in my ear. And nanlambot yung tuhod ko. Di ko kinakaya tong gabing to.

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"Good night." ;I murmured.

Papagurin kita bukas. Shit. I am so out of my league here.

"Ohmygod! Ohmygod! Ohmygod! Fuuuuccckkkkk!" I screamed habang nakakapit ako sa kamay ni Xavier with my eyes closed. I think baka durog na yung mga daliri nya. I can feel the fast jolting of my body being dragged upwards. "Open your eyes Harper!" He screamed back at me.

Sumunod ako and I'm glad I did. I stopped screaming at once when my eyes focused on our view. It was breathtaking. The blue-green sea stretched on seemingly unending with swimmers and colored sails of paraws parked on shore and some sailing about. I can also see the white sand below dotted with vacationers who probably heard me screaming my head off.

Somehow, I allowed Xavier to convince me into going parasailing kahit sobrang takot ako. It was also his first time to do this and that fact stopped my refusing. I wanted to share his firsts as well.

"Ohmygod!" My tone was very different from a few seconds ago. The sun's light hit my face as the speedboat towing us curved. Our sight shifted from the sea beyond to the island itself. I gave a wide smile at Xavier who was next to me he was also grinning at me.

I haven't seen Boracay from this perspective. "I love this!" I screamed and it made Xavier laugh. He squeezed my hand.

Pag tapos, we walked over to Hilda and Nick. "OMG you have to try that guys!" I excitedly told them. "No thanks, I think narinig ka ng buong Boracay with all your crazy screaming. It sounded like you were dying there." Hilda laughed and Xavier joined her. "Thanks Nick for not laughing." I rolled my eyes at the two. "Ano ka, kanina yan yung tumatawa dito habang sumisigaw ka sa taas." Hilda slapped Nick's arm.

"So anong next?" I turned to Xavier. "Ay, adrenaline junkie pala sya." He pulled me to his side. "Nag enjoy ka?" He smiled at me. "Yes! Super! Did you?" Okay, I might have said that too eagerly. But I really loved what we did. "Oo naman, kahit bingi pa yung kanan kong tenga. Banana boat?" Was I screaming that loudly?

"Huh? Ano yon?" I asked frowning.

"Seryoso ka ba?" He joined my frowning.

"Joke lang. Nakapag ganon na kami nung college friends ko." Nick discreetly pointed at Hilda's head sa likod nya. "Buuuut, we need to do it with Hilda." I continued.

Hilda vigorously shook her head. "Oh no. No no no no. I'm wearing a little make up, it's going to get ruined!" She was about to turn around and Nick held her in place. "Oh no, we're doing this sweetie." And nagulat ako nung binuhat ni Nick si Hilda over his shoulder papunta dun sa mga nag oorganize ng water activities.

"Dapat pala binuhat kita ng ganon nung nagpoprotesta ka kanina." Umakbay si Xavier sakin as we walked towards Nick and Hilda. "Kaso baka mabalik lang kita sa hotel non." Medyo natalisod ako dahil sa hirit nya and he held on to me tightly. Pota ka Harper. It's a joke!

It was Hilda's turn to scream her head off nung tumilapon kaming apat.

"That was so much fun!" Hilda skipped to the shore.

"Sayo pala nag mana si Hilda?" Xavier looked at me. "Yeah, parang. Except I don't wear make up to the beach. That's more Holly." I smiled at my sister's back. She obviously enjoyed what we did. Parang ako nga kanina with the parasailing. "Di mo kailangan mag make up. Maganda ka all the time." I bit my lip at what he said. Xavier never ceases to make me feel kilig with almost everything he says. Na-master na nya yon.

We spent the rest of the day walking down the beach while drinking shakes and exchanging stories. The four of us watched the beautiful sunset then we had dinner sa Two Seasons where they serve the best 4-cheese pizza and oyster sisig I've ever tasted. We also had a couple of drinks sa bar na chill lang so we could continue talking.

I was glad I came to this trip. Not only because sumunod si Xavier, but I also got to know Hilda more and si Nick din. She was right. He wasn't stiff and boring as I thought he was. Yes medyo entitled sya for being really rich, but di naman pala sya masyadong mayabang. I think it was more because of the tone of his voice. Xavier and him got along surprisingly well na parang matagal na silang magkaibigan. It was nice seeing my sister happy with him as she had said, and it was also nice knowing that Hilda will be marrying the love of her life. She deserved it.

"Are you still sleeping in different rooms??" Hilda looked at us confusingly nung tumapat nako sa kwarto ko when we arrived sa villa and si Xavier din tumapat sa kwarto nya. Hilda can be really loud pag nakainom na kahit konti lang. Pinagdilatan ko sya ng mata though I know it will only be fruitless. It won't stop her from saying what she wants to say. "Kuya Xavier I'm disappointed sa skills mo ha."

"Oo nga e. You and me both Hilda." Patol naman tong si Xavier. Ayokong tumingin kay Xavier kasi alam kong bibigay ako. I'll invite him in tapos god knows what will happen. I'm too embarrassed to tell him na mas lalu akong kabado over what could happen so matataranta lang ako when it does happen.

"Good night, Hilds. Night Nick." Thankfully nagets na ni Nick na hilahin na yung maingay kong kapatid sa kwarto nila after saying good night to me and Xavier.

Should I just invite Xavier? I mean nagsama na kaming matulog. Saka matutulog lang naman diba? I turned to him. "Do you...?" He started. I think medyo nahihiya sya. "What?" I don't want to assume kung anong gusto nyang itanong. Umirap sya sakin. "Gusto mo bang dito ka na matulog?" He pointed at his room.

I didn't know how my face was reacting, but I was definitely kabado. Nanaman. Palagi nalang.

"I mean if ayaw mo..."

"Yeah sure." We said at the same time. Why is this so hard for me? And yet so easy at the same time?

"Katok nalang ako? I need to take a shower and... stuff." Yeah I'll probably freak out in the shower first then magpapa kalma. He walked over to me and kissed me on my lips. "Wag ka masyadong matagal with your shower and... stuff." Oh god, help.

I think medyo kumalma naman ako dahil sa hot shower. But kinabahan ulit ako nung napaharap ako sa mga dala kong pantulog. Tangina why did I only bring silk nighties?? Mukha naman akong tanga if I wear maong shorts and fitted shirt to bed. I groaned at my closet. Wala akong choice.

I dressed in my black silk and lace nighties and wore my black silk robe on top and I slowly walked towards Xavier's door and knocked.

He opened the door to let me in but surveyed me first before stepping aside. I almost ran away nung makita ko syang naka boxer shorts lang. Then I stupidly remembered na he sleeps ng ganyan-On both occasions we slept together AND NOTHING HAPPENED. I screamed at myself to get a fucking grip.

Okay, Harper. Just find a way to tell him that you're here to sleep. Well, make out a lot then sleep. Kasi masyado kang mahihimatay sa kaba if you do anything more than that. And kasi feeling virgin ka. Sa tagal ba naman nung last, I might as well be one. Again. Yun din yung nakakahiyang iexplain kay Xavier. That I might have forgotten how to do it already. Yup, nakakahiya ako. As always.

Gaano ka nakakahiya? Eight fucking years. Well I should take out the word fucking. Because there wasn't any. Gaaaahhhhd. Have I already said I'm too embarrassed?

"I missed you. May surprise ako sayo." Xavier smiled then gave me a soft kiss that once again sent shivers down my spine. "Ano?" I said as I entered. "Nagbook ako ng massage para sa atin." He kept glancing at what I was wearing. Umupo sya sa kama nya and I followed him pero tumapat lang ako sa kanya. Deliks. "Masyado ka kasing stressed kani-kanina lang sa hindi ko malamang rason." He looked at me full of amusement in his voice.

I made a face. Pero syempre, tama nanaman sya.

Tinignan nanaman nya yung suot ko. Boi, robe palang yan. Wag kang mahihimatay pag nakita mo kung anong nasa loob. Feeling ka naman Harper na di pa sya nakakakita ng babaeng naka ganito. He had a 5-year relationship for godsakes. "I... I only brought silk nighties." I exhaled.

"Nagrereklamo ba ko?" He looked at me teasingly. "Teka ganyan yung nighties?" He pointed at my robe. I shook my head. He looked curious as if reading me kung bakit hindi ko mapakita sa kanya kung ano yung totoo kong suot. "Surprise mo ba yan sakin?" Kumindat sya. Buti nalang may kumatok so he stood up to get the door. Naka hinga ako for a while. "Sir you ordered for a couple's massage?" Narinig ko yung babae by the door. Well duh Harper ano pa bang tawag dun sa masahe para sa dalawang taong mag kasama. Couple-ish naman kami. Okay from now on, I'm not going to care about labels. It will just complicate things.

"Maam, undies lang po. You can wear the bathrobe or pwede din yung towel from your bathroom." One of the masseuse told me as they placed a large cover for the bed. Yeah, I already know that so I quickly went sa bathroom to undress and wrapped a towel sa katawan ko. Kung makikita pala akong ganito ni Xavier, parang walang kwenta yung silk nighties.

Pag labas ko, nagulat ako kasi nakapatay na yung mga ilaw except for the two lampshades by the bedside and puro scented candles around. "Parang honeymoon massage yata to hindi couple's massage." I commented at Xavier na nakadapa na sa kama and was waiting for me. "Trust me babe, kung honeymoon natin to, ako magmamasahe sayo. Diba ate?" Tinanong pa nya yung dalawang masahista who only giggled. Yeah ate, you and me both. Well three. Kasi tatlo kaming kinilig dun sa sinabi ni Xavier.

The massage was heavenly and was just what I needed.

"Di ka na stressed?" Xavier sweetly asked me and I took his hand. "A little nalang. Thank you for this." I truthfully answered. "Teka huhulaan ko kung bakit ka stressed. Kumindat ka if tama ako." He whispered para hindi marinig nung dalawang nagmamasahe samin. I swallowed. Syempre alam nya kasi si Xavier sya.

"Kasi uuwi na tayo bukas?" Nagpretend pa syang manghula. I shook my head.

"Kasi dito ka matutulog?" I shook my head again. I was glad he's giving me the courtesy na di kailangan manggaling saakin yung pag amin kung ano bang iniisip ko.

"Kasi silk lang yung dala mong pantulog?" He whispered again. Natawa ako ng konti don but I shook my head.

"Kasi... PG-13 and silk lang yung dala mong pantulog?" See, he knows. A part of me is relieved na hindi ko na kailangan mag explain sa kanya and a part of me was still embarrassed about it. I winked.

He chuckled. I think I died for a while kasi he just chuckled at me. Does he think I'm pathetic? Ang tanda ko na but I was still worried over this. Then he said probably the sweetest thing he can say, or any guy for that matter, when faced with this issue. "Harper, I waited for that chance to talk to you and to get to know you for a long time. What makes you think I won't wait for that?" He whispered.

I leaned in and gave him a kiss. I realized na hindi lang ako kinikilig sa halos lahat ng sinasabi nya, but I fall in love with him over and over again because of it.

In life, I believe there's that one person who will always make you feel light-hearted and warm inside whenever you're with them. Someone who effortlessly makes you feel you're on a high from love. That one person that makes you feel happy you're alive and you have them. Yung paulit-ulit kang kikiligin sa mga sinasabi nila, no matter how simple it might be. With just one look from him or her, your insides knot up and suddenly you're out of words but always in a good way. Someone who constantly makes you feel good about yourself because he or she knows you're not perfect but still looks at you like you are. And yung alam mong kahit tapos na and it's been years after, pag naalala mo yung mga moments nyong mag kasama or yung mga sinasabi nya, it will still warm your heart. Kikiligin ka pa rin.

There will always be that one person at one point in your life.

For me it's Xavier.

It will always be Xavier.