Saving Harper

"Ano nga ba tayo Harper?"

I sat up straight and dramatically turned around. The voice was accompanied by a shy boyish smile from Xavier. I was stunned to find him standing there on the sand, about two meters away from Hilda and I, that was why he was able to hear our conversation.

Well malalakas din naman siguro boses namin because we thought no one would bother to listen to us. We were almost alone. There were only a handful of guests lounging there at this time, mostly foreigners.

Xavier was dressed in a white short-sleeved polo, khaki shorts and beach slippers. The type rich people wear when they board their yachts, well maybe not the slippers but who cares. I can't believe he could look even more handsome than he already is when he's surrounded by palm trees at hinahangin-hangin pa yung buhok nya. He looks like he stepped out of a summer ad.

"What are you doing here?" Napanganga pa ko.

Hilda, after her successive shrieking as soon as she spotted Xavier, jumped up from her lounge chair spilling her drink, and skipped towards Xavier and hugged to greet him. She even squealed from excitement when she hugged him then she ran-skipped towards Nick and hugged him din obviously from kilig.

My heart was hammering inside my chest as Xavier slowly walked on the sand towards me. I think my heart could jump right out of my chest with how fast it was beating.

What is Xavier doing here? I echoed one of the many questions running inside my head ngayong nakarecover nako pagkatapos ko syang makita. Then kinabahan ako at what he just asked me aloud. Yon, bigla ko lang naalala.

He settled on the lounge chair Hilda just vacated and humarap saakin looking at me intensely. I pressed my lips together. I can also feel my hands grow extra cold despite the hot sun and it's not because of the cocktail I was holding. I had to put it down on the sand kasi nanginginig na din yung mga kamay ko bigla.

"So..." He trailed. He wanted my answer.

My mind raced. Alam naman nya that I like him e. Does he want me to say it out loud pa? I think he saw my thoughts reflected on my face. He took my shaking cold hands. I couldn't help slowly exhale with pursed lips. Relax Harper, wag kang mahimatay.

"Harper, I really like you. Gusto na kita from the first time I saw you on the office elevator two years ago during my final interview. Kahit na natakot ako non sayo to think hindi pa ako yung kausap mo sa phone, but you were incredibly captivating." He said sincerely but with amusement on his face..

What? I was confused. He smiled knowing na hindi ko alam yon. Well si Xavier yan e. He knows how clueless I can be sa mga ganitong bagay. He already saw me sa elevator bago pa sya nagtrabaho sa office? I would have remembered him if I saw him. Or maybe not. I can be very oblivious when it comes to things outside work.

I had no life nga diba. Not until nakilala ko sya. Dun lang ako may inisip na iba aside from work. At sya yon.

"I know, medyo limited nalang yung oras ko dito, but if you'll allow it, I want to date you. I'll completely understand kung ayaw mo or you'd think it will be pointless kasi aalis din naman ako."

He bit his lower lip as if hindi pa nya alam yung isasagot ko sa kanya. I mean seriously? Ako yung asang asa na sana may gusto sya sakin while apparently nauna pa pala nya akong magustuhan?

Limited time. It resounded in my consciousness. Sa totoo lang, if we were only given a week together, as the real me and him, I would have still taken it. This might be the shortest turning point of my story, but definitely the most meaningful one. Sabi ko nga, in two years laman parin ng utak ko si Xavier. And the more memories I will have with him would mean that once upon a time, I was this happy.

"Ohmygod, of course!" I exhaled. There wouldn't be any other answer to his question.

He kissed the back of my right hand without breaking our eye contact, and just like that my heart burst as he smiled triumphantly.

Hilda shrieked again napatingin kaming dalawa ni Xavier sa kanya, interrupting us and inirapan sya ni Nick but with a smile on his face. I don't know if they even heard our conversation.

"So wait, bakit ka nandito?" I asked him as lumipat sya sa lounge chair ko sa likod and took me in his arms and humarap kami sa beach habang naka sandal ako sa kanya.

OMG kung kinakabahan ako nung fake boyfriend ko lang sya, parang mas lalu na ngayon. Less than a minute after agreeing to date him, natatakot nako that I'm going to suck at this.

"I tried leaving you alone. Pero nanalo yung kagustuhan kong makita kang naka bikini." His voice was filled with playfulness kaya hindi ko alam kung seseryosohin ko. I lightly jabbed at his ribs and natawa sya ng konti.

"Syempre I've thought about it. I've been wanting to say I want to date you umpisa palang." He breathed as I felt him relax behind me. Habang ako, kinakabahan parin. "Pero dahil gusto mo kong pinapanood na mataranta, ngayon mo lang sinabi." I rolled my eyes kahit hindi nya ko nakikita. I can feel him vibrating holding in his laugh.

"No Harper, that was very entertaining. Aalis na kasi ako, I don't want to blow my chances. Pagsisisihan ko if I won't even attempt it, if I won't even ask you. I just really want to spend all my remaining time here with you." He said sweetly. "Yun din gusto ko." I smiled. Simula nung nalaman kong aalis na sya, it's been what I wanted. To take what I can.

"Teka, pwede bang magrelax ka naman? Kinakabahan din ako sayo baka hindi mo pala to gusto." Xavier chuckled and massaged my shoulders.

"No, kinakabahan ako kasi baka I'll screw this up." I admitted. Inabot nya sakin yung iniinom ko kanina hoping sya that it will loosen me up. Well alam naman nya that it definitely will.

"Sa tingin mo ako hindi? I only have months. If I screw this up, baka paalisin mo ko ng mas maaga." I highly doubt that.

"Diba sinabi ko na sayong ikaw yung pinaka magaling na fake boyfriend? So I don't think you can screw this up." I said light-heartedly as I felt myself smiling recalling at what I said before. Na medyo bitter pa ko nun dahil fake boyfriend ko lang sya.

"Kasi feel na feel ko yon." I can feel him smell hair. What he did sent shivers down my spine. I wanted more of this reality. Definitely.

"Akala ko magaling ka lang umarte." I replied. Natawa sya ng konti.

"Ikaw nga yung magaling umarte nung lasing ka na e. Akala ko nga tinototoo mong tayo na. Yun pala paasa ka lang." I made a face.

"So sasabihin mo na ba sakin lahat ng nangyari non?" Do I want to know? Now that we're dating, I think gusto ko ng malaman.

"Go out on a date with me tonight, I'll tell you everything." Xavier whispered on my ear. Ohmygod, I could easily die from kilig sa mga pinag gagagawa nya.

"Sige, para maramdaman ko naman how it feels like to date Xavier Arnaiz for real."

"Grabe yung pressure! Wala ka sa opisina nyan ha." He hugged me tight. Sasabihin ko sana na pwede nakong mamatay, pero parang nakaka adik yung ganitong feeling. So, wag muna.

"Saan ka naka-check in dito?" I asked him. Uhuh Harper, masyado ka bang nagmamadali? You still have months with him pero you made that sound like a loaded question.

He snickered. Sabi na nga ba iba iisipin nya e. "Pag sinabi ko ba, sasamahan mo ko mamayang gabi?"

Jusko.

"Depende kung gaano ka kalapit sa kwarto ko." I was actually proud of myself for having the guts na pumatol sa kanya.

Mapapasubo ka lang, Harper. Nararamdaman mo ba?

"Yown! Sa tabi ng kwarto mo." He laughed.

"Baliw. Di nga?" I quickly turned around to face him. He was wearing his teasing look and smile pero hinawi nya yung buhok ko na mukhang nasampal pa sya.

"Oo nga!" Siningkitan ko sya ng mata trying to see if he was serious.

"Sa dinami-dami ng Villas dito napunta ka samin?"

"It's about who you know baby." He winked at me. Tinaasan ko sya ng kilay. "Harper kelan pa ko nagsinungaling sayo?" Never.

"So sino yang koneksyon mo dito at viniolate yung privacy ng mga guests nila by revealing where I'm staying?" I challenged him. Di naman talaga ako galit, gusto ko lang malaman kung gaano sya ka-resourceful to pull this off. "Una, all your emails go through me so alam ko yung flight details mo at kung saan kayong resort pupunta. As for your room, tinawagan ko yung bago kong bff para malaman." He pointed at Nick na tinuro din sya pabalik. Ay close na sila agad? When did that happen? "So walang empleyadong kailangang tanggalan ng trabaho ok?" Natatawa nyang sabi sakin.

"By the way, di ka ba marunong magbakasyon?" Niloko nanaman nya ko. Alam naman nya yung sagot.

"Obviously, you know na hindi. So why don't you show me how?" I retorted. It was his turn to raise his eyebrow at me.

Sabi sayo mapapasubo ka Harper.

"Ok, first Harper and Xavier dating rule: Bawal kang tumanggi sa mga dating ideas ah." He pinched my nose.

"Wait! Wala masyadong wild!" ;I quickly spoke up.

"Define wild." He looked at me with so much flirtatious vibe na kinabahan ulit ako.

"Not THAT kind of wild! As in swimming with sharks ganong klaseng wild!" Inirapan ko sya. Lay off the sexual undertones, Harper.

Natawa sya sa reaction ko. "Okay rule number 2: No swimming with sharks. Takot ka ba sa pating?"

"Yeah, I have this ridiculous fear of them, minsan kahit picture lang di ko matignan."

Aliw na aliw sya sakin. "Don't laugh at me Mr. Arnaiz!" I made a face.

"Cute mo e." He kissed my forehead. Sumisigaw nako sa utak ko.

"Okay ano pang ibang rules?" I sat up and faced him.

"Bakit gusto mo ng madaming rules?" Sya naman yung sumimangot kasi parang naexcite ako sa pag mention ng "rules". Oo nga ang corny naman pag puro rules kami.

"Gusto ko lang malaman kung ano limitations ko." I made up an excuse. Shut up about rules Harper! Hindi to trabaho.

"Sakin, wala kang limitations. Gawin mo lahat ng gusto mo sakin." Hirit nya and kinindatan nya ulit ako. PUTA. I think I forgot to breathe.

"Noted." I tried saying it without any emotions passing through my face. Di ko alam kung nag succeed ako.

Natawa nanaman sya sa sinagot ko. Tangina e hindi ko alam sasabihin ko! I can't entirely say na wala akong planong may mangyari samin, kasi mamaya meron diba? Well not necessarily mamaya. Puta Harper, wag ka na mag explain sa sarili

mo.

"E ako anong limitations ko?" He asked playfully.

GAGOOOOOOO!!! WALA DIN!!!!

Feeling ko namula ako sa tanong nya. Hilda help!!!!

I opened my mouth thinking of what to answer or what to even say, pero wala akong maisip so I closed it slowly.

"Wala din. Noted." I gave him a sour look and he laughed aloud.

"Ummm lovers, we're going back sa room already to wash up before dinner. Are we having dinner together?" ;Hilda approached us. Her question was directed to Xavier.

"Akin muna kapatid mo tonight." Xavier said to her and Hilda didn't even bother hiding yung kilig nya. "Kahit wag mo ng isoli yan kuya."

Xavier stood up, pulled me to stand up, and helped me gather my things. Naglakad kami towards the pick up point of the resort transport na dadalhin kami sa villa.

Xavier put his arm around me. "Not for anything, but you really look hot sa suot mo. Even if you didn't agree to date me, seeing you would be worth coming all the way here." He whispered.

"Maganda lang taste mo sa swimsuits." ;I wasn't used to compliments din so nahihiya ako. Of all things about my bikini! That he gave.

"Nope. Maganda ka lang talaga sa kahit anong isuot mo." He pulled me closer to him. Sobrang sarap sa feeling ng ganito. I've been trying to imagine over and over in my head what it would feel like to have Xavier as a real boyfriend. Ganito pala. Well, di naman kami, but close enough.

Close enough is enough.

"Ohmygod ano????" It was probably the fifth time I've said those words in the last 30 or so minutes habang kinekwento sakin ni Xavier yung nangyari nung nalasing ako nung birthday ni Holly.

He was laughing a lot but it was more because of my reactions.

Nandun na kami sa part ng kwento nya na naka kandong nako sa kanya almost the whole night while almost strangling him sa pagiging clingy ko. Nakwento na to ni Jem na sakanya ako nakaupo, but iba pag si Xavier yung nagkekwento sakin ngayon. At hindi lang yon, nagpapakiss pa ko sa kanya sa cheeks and ako din humahalik ako sa kanya.

He was right before, at that time I asked about what I did, I wasn't ready for all of this. If he told me all of this baka namatay ako at iniwasan ko nalang si Xavier sa office sa kahihiyan.

Pinagbabalat nya ko ngayon ng hipon habang nagkekwento sakin. We decided to eat sa dampa and ang dami naming pinalutong pagkain na mukhang mauubos namin. The last time I was here was nung college nung nagpunta kami dito ng mga kabarkada namin ni Liv. Xavier insisted na ipagbabalat nya daw ako ng hipon kasi ang bagal ko daw. Well bahala sya, at least kakain lang ako.

It was actually nice na dito nya ko dinala. A lot of girls would want the fancy first date, but I think this is perfect for us kasi we're here as Xavier and Harper not the pretend couple. Totoo na to ngayon and this was the most casual place to be real.

"Tapos ano pa?" I groaned. Kasi I'm sure madami pa.

"Tapos, sabi mo sakin you really, really like me." Ineexpect ko mang aasar sya habang binanggit nya yon, but he looked endearing. Like he was really waiting for me to say those words to him at that time. Wala din akong violent reaction kasi totoo naman yung sinabi ko.

"Niloko ka ni Terrence sabi nya 'Like lang?' Tapos sabi mo you love me." Ohmygod. I'm a living proof na talagang mas nasasabi mo yung totoo pag lasing ka. Napanguso lang ako. I think it was because of all those pent-up emotions/attraction that I have for Xavier at that time. I was practically pining for him. Masyadong feel na feel kong my feelings were unrequited.

"Nakakahiya ako." Nag kalat ako nung gabing yon, but I'm not going to deny what I said that night.

"So nakakahiyang mahal mo ko?"

"Hindi ah!" I quickly reacted. The last thing I wanted to make him feel is I'm denying all of it or pinagsisisihan ko.

"Ano pa?" I pried. Nakakasanay na ding mapahiya ngayong gabi. I kind of prepared for this habang nagshoshower ako before our dinner. Nakondisyon ko na ng konti yung utak ko na nagkalat talaga ako non.

"I said I love you too. Then you kissed me." My heart jumped at what he just said.

He said 'I love you too'????

Does he really? I blew air in my cheeks stopping myself from asking if totoo yon or sinasakyan nya lang ako. We were pretending at that time and nakaharap kami sa mga pinsan ko, so baka kasama lang yun sa acting nya habang ako bulgaran kong pinagsasasabi lahat ng nararamdaman ko para sa kanya.

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"I kissed you nanaman? Ang swerte mo pala nung gabing yon." Hiniritan ko sya. Who am I kidding? Ako yung swerte and I don't even know about it! I'm never getting that drunk again pag kasama ko si Xavier. I don't want to miss anything. "Bakit feeling mo simpleng kiss lang binigay mo?" He said habang seryoso syang nagbabalat pa. Lahat ata ng hipon nabalatan na nya.

"We made out." He continued. And again, hindi na nya ko binibiro. My jaw dropped. Halikan hindi hinalikan. Xavier could see I was again speechless.

"I told you nung hinalikan kita sa parking nung nakipag kita tayo kay Julian na gumaganti lang ako sa halik na ninakaw mo sakin." He smiled. Wala parin akong masabi.

Sa totoo lang, I would have paid any price para maalala ko yun lahat ngayon.

"I'm sure nagulat ka." I laughed nervously deep inside. Nagulat ba sya? Or inexpect na nya? Or ayaw nya? Parang hindi ko nanaman sya binigyan non ng choice.

"Gulat na gulat nung unang mga segundo." Nasamid ako sa sinabi nya. Unang mga segundo? Gaano ba katagal?

"How long was the kiss?" I asked after swallowing a gulp of water na nastuck sa lalamunan ko.

"LONG. Inasar tayo ng mga pinsan mo pagkatapos. Mahilig ka pala daw sa PDA." Xavier rather looked proud about that kiss.

I shook my head. Syempre maaasar kami. Sila kuya Terrence yon e. It was their first time to see me like that.

"Why? Sisi ka?" He surveyed me. Ako pa talaga yung tinanong nya if nagsisisi akong hinalikan ko sya.

"I think ang pinagsisisihan ko lang is hindi ko naaalala yun lahat." It was now easier for me to tell him the truth. We're already dating, useless magsinungaling kay Xavier and with all the honesty he's been showing me, ang asshole ko pag sinira ko pa to para saamin.

He smiled at what I said.  "Wag ka mag alala babawi tayo kasi maaalala mo na lahat ngayon."

I don't think I can easily get used to this kilig. Actually ayoko. Gusto kong kiligin ng kiligin over everything. I want to savor every feeling, every moment and my every second with him.

"Baka pinapaasa mo lang ako." Ay excited makipag halikan? Actually, oo.

"Sa lahat ng bagay dyan pa kita paaasahin? Seryoso ka ba? Gusto mo ngayon na e." He chuckled while we continued eating. The thrill of promises you know that will be fulfilled is so high-inducing. I've never felt this way for anyone ever. But I think nasabi ko na yon.

"Alam mo ba, umasa ako nung nag i love you ka. Kala ko tayo na non. Kaso pag gising mo, di mo na maalala lahat e. So parang brinaekan mo din ako nung umaga." He smiled at me in jest. Ang cute nyang umaamin ngayon.

"Yeah sorry. But at least you got to make out with me. Was I at least good? Kasi ang kalat ko na nung gabing yon, sana man lang worth it yung pag aalaga at pag bubuhat mo sakin paakyat sa kwarto ko." Ay weh. Gusto ko lang yata ng validation na marunong parin akong makipag halikan. Na hindi ko pa yon nakakalimutan sa sobrang tagal ko ng single.

"Magaling. Masarap actually. Parang wala nakong ibang gustong halikan pag tapos non." He pushed the sides of his cheek with his tongue and staring intently at me.

Okay, medyo nahiya ako don. Maybe he was just pulling my leg. I shouldn't have asked. Who the fuck asks a guy if they are good at kissing?? Dapat alam mo na yon e! Unfortunately for me, hindi ko alam kasi when we made out, I was dead drunk.

"Okay Xavier, di mo ko kailangang bolahin. Di ko na pala dapat tinanong." I rolled my eyes. Yes Harper, di yon dapat tinatanong!

"Sino bang nakakaalala satin? Ako diba?" He shook his head disbelievingly at me.

"E syempre sasabihin mo yon kasi kaharap mo ko ngayon!"

"Sige tumalikod ka." He joked. "Fishing ka lang ata kung magaling ka humalik e." Yup, he sees right through me. Binato ko sya ng naka rolyong tissue kasi natatawa sya sakin and nagets nyang yun lang yung rason ko for asking. Tapos nakong maglasing eons ago, pero nakakahiya parin ako. I think eto yung hidden talent ko pag dating kay Xavier.

"So saan tayo pupunta after this?" I asked kasi patapos na din kami kumain.

"Okay dating rule number 3: Bawal ang change topic." He quipped with his trademark look of amusement every time I do change the topic.

"I wasn't changing the topic! Tapos naman na talaga tayo kumain!" I said defensively. "We can go back to talking about the lack of my kissing skills pag dating natin sa susunod nating gagawin or pupuntahan." I made a face and he looked, yet again, entertained by me.

"Okay, kung ganon bumalik na tayo sa hotel." He said standing up.

"Why?" I frowned.

I wanted to walk around with him. Yung magagawa ko ng maging clingy sa kanya. Holding hand while walking sa beach and under the stars, ganon. Yung malalabas ko na yung lahat ng teenage kilig na gusto kong maramdaman with him. He took my hand and naglakad na kami and intertwined our fingers. I'm still disappointed na maagang matatapos yung date namin. While walking he turned to me and held me close. "Kala mo niloloko lang kita diba? Ipapakita ko sayo kung gaano ka galing humalik."

Okay, forget about that walk in the beach.