Saving Harper

The day after, I had a solid 8 hours of sleep, but in a way I still feel like shit because of the kiss. A little. I really felt stupid kaya di ko kinayang mag trabaho sa area ko. I was now invading the board room kasi I won't be able to concentrate with work kung aaligid ng aaligid si Xavier. I was just partially working dahil most of the time I'm just going back into thinking about what happened and trying to convince myself at the same time not to think about it. Oh the irony of things I'm doing to myself.

In secret, nagbaon ako ng soju sa tumbler ko (which took 3 bottles to fill it up to the brim) and I was already drinking it after my 10am meeting here. Kung wala lang ako meeting mamayang hapon baka umuwi nako para uminom pa. What am I turning into? Natawa nalang ako. Papagalitan kaya ako ng boss ko pag nalaman nya pinag gagagawa ko ngayon?

Actually, first time ko tong ginawa dito sa office and it's kind of exciting. Lasing na kaya ako by the time na mag meeting ulit ako ng 4pm? That would be a sight for the people here.

"Anong ginagawa mo dito?" Franco entered the boardroom.

"This room is taken. Pumunta ka sa ibang lugar." I said as I continued typing an email.

"Harper, may meeting kami ng department ko. Go mope somewhere else." He took a seat

"I'm not moping, I'm working." I said seriously.

I WAS kinda moping. Ano pang tawag mo sa umiiwas sa fake-boyfriend nya at nag baon pa ng alcohol sa opisina? Somehow I feel that only alcohol will make me get through the day. E paano kaya tomorrow? Or the day after that? After two weeks of this, alcoholic nako for sure.

"Sige wag kang gumalaw dyan, if you don't mind being in the same room with 15 rowdy graphic artists." He snickered. As he said that, his staff began filing in lahat nagdadaldalan. Including Xavier. I just saw him enter the room sa peripheral view ko as I typed the last sentence in my email.

"Di ka sasagutin non gago. Pustahan? Itsura mo palang sa itsura nya. Masyado syang maganda para sayo." One said arrogantly to Xavier, I think his name was Brian? Ako yata yung pinaguusapan nila.

"Bakit hindi mo sya tanungin?" Xavier confidently pointed at me. It looks like he was already saw me bago ko sya nakitang pumasok.

Nagulat yung Brian nung napansin nya na nandito pala ako. Natawa si Franco. "Gusto ko din yun malaman." Hirit nya. Tinaasan ko sya ng isang kilay. "Wag kang chismoso Franco."

Tumayo na ko para hayaan ko na sila mag meeting. "So maam, may pag asa ba si Arnaiz sayo?" Hirit ulit nung Brian as I was about to exit. Xavier just smiled knowingly, not taking his eyes off me waiting for what I was going to say.

Di ko alam kung dahil ba sa soju pero humirit ako. "Turuan nyo muna manligaw." Tumawa silang lahat kay Xavier ng pang asar then I was out of the room di ko na tinignan kung anong reaction dun ni Xavier.

I got a text message from him bago pa ko makalakad papunta sa area ko that made me smile.

(text) Xavier Arnaiz: Wag mo kong hinahamon masyado. [

(text) Me: Makinig ka dyan.

Lunch came and the food delivery was brought in by our receptionist.

"Ms. Javier, Xavier said I should give this to you kasi nasa meeting pa sya." She entered the room para ibigay sakin yung paper bag.

"Thanks, ummm, Anna?" I can't believe I don't know the name of our receptionist.

"Jenny po maam." She smiled as if I said her correct name on my first try.

"Jenny. Thanks." I smiled.

She just stood there like waiting for me to say more. Ano? Am I supposed to tip her? I looked at her unsure of what I should do or say.

"Umm maam, I just want to say na bagay po kayo ni Xavier." She said ng walang hiya-hiya. Nagulat ako sa sinabi nya.

Huh bakit naman nya to sasabihin sakin? I gave a small smile and a slow nod. "Thanks, I guess?"

When she heard that, lumabas na sya sa kwarto ko with a satisfied smile na parang proud sya na nasabi nya yon saakin.

Ok. Weird. May fans club ba kami?

I opened the paper bag Xavier ordered for me and nilabas ko yung food ko. Syempre cheeseburger. From Pound naman ngayon. Well he's clearly abiding by what he said that I can get cheeseburgers twice a week. Feeling ko minsan anak nya ko with the way he takes care of me. I didn't really want to say girlfriend. I think it was clear with the non-kiss kiss.

I'm trying not to be too upset about it kasi yun yung kailangan kong gawin. I can't be upset.

Harper just go back to compartmentalizing those things he's doing and saying that makes you fall in love and hide it deep in your subconscious. Fall in love agad?

It was the first time for me to think that. But it wasn't the first time for me to feel it.

I took a swig off my contraband alcohol because of what I was thinking. I won't be able to deny that anymore kasi I can only control my feelings up to some extent. Maybe sa pag amin ko nito, I would be rational enough to keep my thoughts and actions at bay. Yung hindi lahat nagkakalat.

I opened my lunch and ate while reading a manuscript.

A little after lunch, kumatok nanaman yung receptionist namin.

She was carrying a huge bouquet of flowers that was already in a vase. Oh god. Not Julian again! Kinikilig nyang nilapag sa desk ko together with a paper bag. Okay another pasalubong.

Hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ko dun sa unang flowers na binigay nya so nandun pa rin sa coffee table hanggang ngayon.

"Thanks, Jenny." I smiled at her weakly. For a moment nagtaka sya kung bakit di ako masaya sa bulaklak.

"You're welcome maam." She smiled brightly and headed out na parang excited pa rin. That is one enthusiastic girl.

What if I just giver her these flowers? Girls love receiving flowers. But I think it matters a lot who gave them and she already knows na saakin yon binigay. Well, she can just treat it as desk decoration instead na mamatay lang sa coffee table ko at sa desk ko. Julian giving me these makes it easier for me to give them away to someone else.

I reached for the paper bag but instead of some gift from Julian, it contained coffee ice cream. Huh. This is not from Julian. I also reached for the card that was on the new flowers and opened it. Challenge accepted.

- Xavier

My heartbeat raced. So this means? My thoughts trailed off, but I stopped myself. Hindi ako mag aassume. I'll wait for him to tell me what this is really about. Kasi baka nagpapakitang gilas lang sya para di sya masyadong mapahiya sa mga kasama nya.

Pero kahit ganon, I kept looking at the flowers with a stupid smile on my face and eyes every time I did. And I was already eating the ice cream na parang bata.

"Hati sana tayo dyan, pero parang kulang pa para sayo." Xavier entered my room and I tried to hide my smile.

I offered him the ice cream tub. He took it and kumain din sya. I smiled when he ate.

Now I know. Xavier is turning me into this lovesick teenager na lokang-loka sa kilig dahil sa crush. Why? Kasi natuwa pa ko over the fact that we used the same spoon. O diba, what the hell. Kahit na naghalikan na kami. I drank again from my smuggled alcohol-filled tumbler to push that memory away. Again.

"Thanks for the flowers. But you didn't have to." I told him as he sat down sa couch. But I'm so glad he did.

"It's about time I gave my girlfriend some flowers. Baka isipin mong cheap ako e." He grinned.

"No, iniisip ko na nakikipag kompitensya ka parin kay Julian." I joked.

He sneered at the flowers Julian gave me. "Sus. E hindi mo nga ginalaw tong bulaklak nya." Pagmamayabang nya.

"Wala lang akong vase." Inasar ko sya.

"Hanapan kita gusto mo?" He waited for my answer but looked like he knows I won't bother with a vase. Kaya siguro may vase na yung binigay nya. "Bakit ka namumula? Don't tell me ngayon ka pa kinilig sa bulaklak na galing sa almost- boyfriend mo." He eyed me.

I cringed. "Hindi no." Do I tell him that I've been drinking? Like kanina pang umaga? Ayoko na sabihin. Mamaya tanungin pa nya kung bakit ako umiinom.

"Dapat lang. Sakin ka kiligin. Mas maganda yung bulaklak ko. At may ice cream pang kasama yan." He said with a playful smile. So he was sort off competing with the flowers. That made me smile deep inside.

I drank from my tumbler again to hide the creeping smile on my face. "What time pala tayo aalis mamaya?" He looked up to me, still eating from my ice cream tub.

Tonight, we're going dun sa ArtFair in Makati and excited na ko. I've looked it up and a lot of people go to it even celebrities. But hindi naman ako dun excited. I'm excited to see the art. I'm really glad Xavier exposed me to this. I wouldn't have known all these things if hadn't dragged me to any of it.

"I don't know, anong oras ba dapat? Maraming tao dun supposedly diba?" I said. Proud that I know at least a few things about it.

"Yeah mahaba pila." He nodded and kumakain pa rin sya.

"Sige kahit 5pm after my meeting. Hoy wag mo kong ubusan ng ice cream." I glared at him.

He gently laughed and tumayo na from the couch. He placed the tub of ice cream on my desk and leaned in nakatitig lang saakin. I think I forgot to breathe sa sobrang lapit ng mukha namin, like mga isang ruler lang yung pagitan. "So anong gagawin ko dun sa bulaklak na hindi mo pinapansin?" He smiled boyishly.

"Do what you want with it." I almost whispered. It was the only volume appropriate sa lapit namin.

He frowned and lumayo ng konti. "Harper, have you been drinking?!"

I bit both my lips guiltily. He opened the tumbler on my desk and sniffed it. "God. Ano to? Bakit parang may vodka kang baon??" He was frowning at me.

"Di yan vodka wag kang OA. It's soju. And it doesn't smell as strong." I said defensively. He tasted it and made a face.

"Anyway, tama na. Ang aga aga pa para dito. I didn't know you can be this rebellious. May wine dun sa ArtFair, mamaya buhatin nanaman kita pauwi." Pangaasar nya. I'm just glad he's not asking why I'm drinking so early at work, of all places. "Bakit ka pala nagrerebelde?" He eyed me closing my tumbler and never returned it on my desk. Alam ko na that he's confiscating it. I hope he didn't asked why I was drinking sa office.

"Wala para lang exciting." I just answered. Lying again. Uggh Harper wag mo ng bilangin. You've been lying a lot and the biggest one is mukhang mahal mo na yung taong nakatayo sa harap mo.

"Di pa ba ko exciting enough para sayo?" He asked, may pag taas pa ng kilay.

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Iba naman kasi yung excitement na binibigay nya sakin.

"Hmmm ayos lang." I shrugged.

He clutched his chest like his heart was hurt by what I said. Well, OA yung drama nya kaya I know he's joking. Palagi naman.

After a few minutes, binigyan nya ko ng kape. "Sober up Harper. You need to see art ng hindi ka lasing."

"Di naman kasi ako lasing." I glared at him pero wala akong karapatang mainis kasi hindi naman din kasi ako dapat umiinom sa opisina.

"Oo kasi kung lasing ka sasabihan mo na ako pinaka gwapong tao sa buhay mo and nanakaw ka nanaman ng halik sakin." He laughed.

"Gago." Binato ko sya ng pag ng post-it na nasalo nya and threw it neatly back sa desk ko. He was still laughing then wala na syang sinabi as he went out.

Mga gaano katagal nya kaya ako itotorture tungkol sa mga kagaguhan kong pinagsasasabi ko nung lasing ako? I groaned kasi alam kong matagal-tagal pa. When we arrived in The Link kung saan yung ArtFair, madami ng tao na nakapila. Xavier took my hand and led me sa dulo ng pila.

"Matagal ba to?" I asked pertaining to the line.

He chuckled. "Pila lang to sa elevator." I looked surprised. So ganon ka daming tao?

Well the line moved quickly naman kasi sa elevator lang pala. When we entered, they filled up the elevator and I was almost squished between Xavier and others. I feel so awkward kasi lalake pa yung mga nasa paligid ko. I was surprised when Xavier turned us both around, so my back was against the elevator wall and nakatalikod sya dun sa lalake sa harap ko and he was facing me. He held my shoulders para wala din makalapit sakin na ayaw kong madikitan.

My heart was all warm and fuzzy at what he did. I bit my lip to hide my smile. No one has ever done something like this for me. So kahit super cramped na yung elevator, I could stay here like this kahit 100 floors pa yung daanan namin. Dahil sa third floor lang yung entrance, the elevator ride was just quick. He took my hand again and led us to where the entrance tickets were sold. Not much lines there because the long table was full of staff selling tickets, so we were able to quickly grab ours.

I fell in love with the ambiance here. Kahit madaming tao, I was focused on the art. We slowly walked around looking at one artwork after the other. Some are so mesmerizing that I stood in front of them longer. Trying to absorb what each of them means, Xavier giving his inputs. Feeling ko napaka cultured ko bigla.

I decided to take a picture of the works I liked best so I can admire it even after.

As we walked around naka akbay sakin si Xavier especially in those places na madaming tao so he can maneuver me to dodge people easily na umaatras and matatamaan ako. It was really sweet at kilig na kilig naman yung buong pagkatao

ko.

We were almost finished with all the exhibits on this floor (Xavier said there are 3 floors), when a familiar voice greeted us.

"Wow Harper, you're also here? Hi Xavier." It was too sweet and irritating at the same time. I didn't need to see her to know who's voice it belonged to.

Holly.

"I could ask you the same thing Holly. Why are you here?" I said in monotone to my sister who was finally in front of us. Her two friends flanked her. Yeah, she's the still the same basic bitch who needed two minions like how she was when we were in high school. I think these are her friends from college. I don't think her doctor friends would allow Holly to drag them everywhere just so she can feel superior.

"I love art." She answered then looked at Xavier as if he's the art she was pertaining to.

Holly could care less about art. The only colors she knew were the 16 ones you see inside a Crayola box.

Inirapan ko sya and ang sama na agad ng tingin sakin nung dalawa nyang kaibigan. I don't care.

She flirtatiously placed her hand sa braso ni Xavier. "I texted you to invite you to this when I heard about it." She said sweetly. Kumunot yung noo ni Xavier and he moved his arm away from my sister. Okay, I'm officially tired of this.

I snatched Holly's arm and dragged her towards the part na walang mga artworks displayed and pushed her ahead of me. Xavier was right beside me still holding my hand and I can feel him tensed. I squeezed his hand to say na he doesn't need to be here for this. But he didn't move away from my side.

Yung isang friend ni Holly was instantly between me and her. Xavier almost stepped in front of me para humarap dun sa kaibigan ni Holly to shield me, but I held his arm.

"Excuse me, what are you doing?!" Holly's friend scowled at me.

"Excuse you. This is between me and my sister. So, if you don't back off, pati ikaw ipapahiya kita dito." I gave her a deathly glare. From the look on my face, she knows I mean it and she reluctantly stepped aside para maharap ko yung kapatid ko.

Holly had her arms crossed in front of her chest. Classic Regina George pose only she was just an imitation.

"What the fuck is your problem Holly?" Tinaasan ko sya ng kilay.

"What are you saying?" Ohmygod, I can't believe she's playing this one as the innocent. Regina George pose pero di mapanindigan. Pathetic.

"Don't play dumb. I really don't want to stoop down to your very inferior level, but you just keep pushing me. Do all of us a favor and cut your innocent bullshit. I don't want to waste too much of my time talking to you." I spat. "Why, you can't handle the competition?" She smirked. Her two friends smiled behind her as if challenging me as well. Kahit dala pa nya buong barkada nya, lalampasuhin ko sila.

"What competition are you talking about? Yung pinagsisiksikan mo yung sarili mo sa boyfriend ko with your pathetic and unanswered text messages?" Her face tilted, she was now pouting surprised I know all about those. "Are you seriously that stupid to think that Xavier is not showing me your texts?" Actually, I didn't bother to look at them. I didn't even ask to see them. "Or yung competition on who's the dumb one and so full of herself para hindi nya mapansin that she's been blocked? Wag ka mag alala kasi ikaw yung panalo sa lahat ng yon." I smirked.

Nag iba na yung itsura ni Holly. Like pinagsisisihan nyang pumunta pa sya dito. And because people are starting to see and hear our conversation. But I wasn't talking that loud. I was still aware where we were.

"He only blocked me because you asked him to." She spoke up.

Kahit di ko tignan si Xavier sa tabi ko, I knew he was shaking his head unbelievably from what he was hearing from my sister. To make matters worse for Holly, he grunted at her words.

"I think yan na yung sagot sayo whether or not I tell him what to do. And don't think I don't have any idea what you did or said to Julian." Di ko talaga alam yung mga inutos nya or whatever kay Julian but sobrang halata that she involved him. Mag paplano nalang sya, hindi pa pulido.

"It's actually pathetic that you needed to drag him into this. Di ka ba nahihiya? O yeah, for I while I forgot who I'm talking to. Ikaw nga pala yan. I guess that has always been your problem Holly, nasa iba na aagawin mo pa. And for what? Just to prove na kaya mo? Kaya ka ba may dala-dalang audience dito to show that I'm just going to take all your crap sitting down?" I scoffed. I can see Holly's face already turning red. Di ko alam kung dahil sa galit or dahil napapahiya na sya. Or both.

But I wasn't done just yet. "Guess what, the only thing it proves is how selfish and spoiled you are. And I would bet my life na yung mga kaibigan mong nasa likod mo, alam din nila yan." Holly wanted to turn around to her friends to take a look at their faces. They were wearing pouts but I know deep inside naramdaman na nila yon.

"Wala ka ba man lang sasabihin?" I challenged her and she just glared at me. Mag hahamon tapos walang isasagot. "Okay, tapusin na natin to because I think you've disturbed our date long enough. This is my advice for you, grow the fuck up baka sakaling may mag kagusto sayong hindi mo kailangang agawin sa iba. Oh and the next time you text my boyfriend, after I'm through with you, you'd be wishing you've never even heard of texting. Kilala mo ko Holly, what I can do to you will make this little pathetic plan of yours look like child's play. So, don't even try me again." I was ready to walk out pero mukhang may gusto pang sabihin si Holly.

"You're not going to get away with this Harper."

Inirapan ko sya. Even yung threats nya walang kwenta dahil alam nyang hindi ako takot sa kanya. "Watch me." I smiled mockingly and turned my back at her. Xavier was instantly beside me and held my hand then turned to me and we stopped walking. "Are you okay?" I took a deep breath and nodded.

I was furious at Holly but I'm sure she was more livid sa mga sinabi ko sakanya. Alam nyang hindi nya madedeny yun lahat. Bringing her friends was her first mistake. Kung kami lang yung nag usap, she might have saved her face from the humiliation.

"I'm sorry Xavier. I'm so sorry you had to witness lahat ng to and all the family drama na nakita mo since nahila kita sa buhay ko." I sighed. Kung meron man akong pinagsisisihan sa lahat ng to, yun yung nakikita pa nya lahat ng family drama namin. And me. Na ganito.

He hugged me. "Ilang beses ko bang sasabihin sayo na ok lang?"

"Nahihiya na kasi ako sayo." I talked to his chest.

"It's okay. I want to be here for you. For this. Para hindi mo to ginagawa ng mag isa ka." He whispered to me.

Gusto ko na umiyak sa sobrang bait nya. No one has ever said that to me. I know I'll always have Jem, Liv, and Franco pag may problema ako, but it was different. Xavier said na he'll be here for me HABANG nangyayari lahat to sakin. It was now more than ever, that I was wishing na boyfriend ko talaga sya. But at the same time, having him as a friend and doing all this is also priceless. I won't be able to thank him enough na he's been here not only for me, but with me. I've been dealing with all of the shit that I've been going through with my family ng mag isa lang ako. No one else has seen me do it or was there with me, sya lang.

Sa totoo lang, this was already tiring. My resolve was hanging by a thin thread and it was only Xavier that's keeping me sane. Kung wala sya dito, who knows what I could have done and kung anong effect non saakin. Kasi pagod na pagod na talaga ako emotionally.

"Thank you, Xavier dahil nandito ka. Dahil nandyan ka all the time. You can't imagine how much it means to me having someone with me and nakikita lahat to. Na hindi ako mag isa." I said meaningfully trying hard not to cry sa pagod. Alam na nya what I meant.

"I'm not going anywhere." He said and kissed the top of my head.

His words gave me comfort and calmed all my emotions. Hindi na ko malungkot kung hindi ko sya totoong boyfriend, I'm just thankful that he was always here. Ok na yun sakin because it was at this moment, I knew that I'll always have him. And it doesn't matter what role he plays in my life.

He let me go. "So, do you still want to do this?" He asked me, his eyes full of concern.

"Yes. I'm not letting Holly ruin this."

We started to walk slowly pabalik sa mga exhibits. "Harper, I know you're strong. But please also tell me pag napapagod ka na or hindi mo na kaya. Wala namang masama na maramdaman mo once in a while that you need someone. And I can be that someone."

I nodded. "Thank you. Mag ready ka na sa weekend phone calls ko kapag may lunch kami ng pamilya ko." I kidded.

"Di mo ko kailangang tawagan. Kasi kasama mo ko dun." I smiled at what he said. Bumabalik nanaman yung kilig ko.

"Grabe, siguro naman ngayon maniniwala ka ng gwapo ako no? Kasi pinagawayan nyo na talaga akong mag kapatid. Wow." He started with his usual antics again. Na buti nalang kasi I was now ready for a lighter mood. "Yeah, yeah pwede ka na mag yabang." I laughed.

"By the way, I'm so impressed at how you totally destroyed Holly there. Kahit yung mga kaibigan nya nganga e." He chuckled.

"She deserves it." I pointed. I'm just glad na nasabi ko na lahat yun kay Holly. She deserves the all the bitter cold reality that I just slapped her with.

"Ang sarap mo siguro maging girlfriend." Xavier gazed at me sideways and smiled.

My heart was beating so fast kasi I was so unsure of what I was going to tell him. Then it was too late. "Try mo kaya." I blurted out silently.