Refusing my Alpha mate

Arthur

I walked Clair into my office and took her to the dark green sofa that was on the side, I hadn't changed anything yet, it was all my father's decoration.

I went to the bar in the corner and poured each of us a glass of whiskey.

"At least I don't have to ask what drink you want," I said, extending the glass towards her, who was looking around analyzing my room.

"The decor is still my father's, I would never choose a green sofa," I said laughing, sitting next to her.

Clair smiled, a cute smile on her face swollen from crying.

"Thank you for what you did, I…" She started to speak, but I raised my hand to stop her.

"I don't agree with what you did, I just didn't want you to get hurt," I said resting my elbows on my legs and leaning forward. "You were out of control, and there was very little left for it to turn into a physical fight, then you would lose respect for each other, and a friendship without respect ends," I said firmly, looking into her eyes.

She swallowed hard, thinking about what she did, I could feel through our bond that she was trying to find an argument.

"Thanks for that, then." She said simply.

"But what happened anyway?" I asked trying to understand it all.

"I discovered that 4 guards from my Pack were involved in the ambush, that's why those men managed to chase us, there were people on the inside involved. She told me and let her emotions get carried away again, I felt her feeling vulnerable and betrayed.

"Clair," I said with all the empathy and compassion I had, I placed my hand on her leg and squeezed it lightly, as a gesture that I was there, but her eyes went to my hand, and I felt her heart accelerate, and at the same time her excitement reached my nose, I quickly removed my hand and moved away a little.

"But do you have any indication that David knew this?" I asked trying to bring her back to her senses.

"No, but he's the head of the guard, shouldn't he know everything that happens to them?" She responded by changing her voice again.

"You're the Alpha, do you know everything that happens to all your subordinates?" I asked firmly and made her swallow hard as she leaned back against the couch. "And he's been head of the guard for what, two months? You can't let your emotions let you out of control, especially when you lead Clair, you have a Pack in your hands, and your decisions affect many lives." I gave my speech and expected her to stand up and scream, she wasn't there to hear a lecture. Like the spoiled and selfish girl she was, but at that moment Clair surprised me, she took a deep breath.

"You're right, Arthur." She said with all the confidence she had leaned her back against the sofa and took another sip of the whiskey. "Maybe that's what my father meant when he said you were a great Alpha, and I would hopefully one day become one." She said and sighed.

"Don't be so hard on yourself. You need to improve your control over your emotions, for sure, but you've done great things for your Pack, you're a great leader for sure. You just need to adjust some details like the rest of us. And you are still very young, Clair." I said, with all my heart, and took another sip of whiskey afterward.

"You always know what to say." She said sighing again, almost confessing a loud thought.

For I don't know exactly how long we sat there drinking, first in silence, then chatting away, when I realized, it was late, really late.

"Can I sleep with you?" Clair's question was direct and ran deep inside me.

"Clair, I already talked about this, I don't think it's a good idea…" I started to say, running my hand through my hair and shaking my head.

"I didn't talk about sex, Arthur. I've had too much to drink to drive now, and I haven't been sleeping well lately, the two nights I slept with you were the best sleep of my life. I needed that right now." Clair said, turning to me and crossing one leg over the couch.

"I don't know if I trust you sleeping next to me." I laughed saying it, but it was true.

"I promise I won't abuse you." Clair laughed back. I just laughed, standing up, and I didn't believe the words that came out of my mouth.

"Okay," I said, and Clair quickly got up, and followed me towards my room. At the same time that part of me feared what might happen, another part really thought about whether she just wanted my company.

I opened my bedroom door and went straight to my room.

"I'm still in my old room, I'm not going to take my parents out of there." I justified myself by not actually being in the Alpha's room.

"I totally understand you, I would do the same," Clair said sitting on my bed.

I grabbed a t-shirt and shorts from my dresser, I wasn't going to let her sleep in a guard uniform. I just threw it towards her and pointed to the bathroom, I heard her thoughts saying: You've seen me naked before. But she didn't say it out loud, instead she just went to the bathroom to change. And it took a few minutes for her to come back looking like a child in adult clothes wearing my clothes, I smiled, and deep down I thought it was cute.

"You can lie down, I'll take a shower first." She said and I went to my bathroom, thinking if this was all a good idea, or if I was just sinking deeper and deeper.

I came back wearing just sweatpants, and she was already lying on her side, but I wasn't sure if she was sleeping or not.

I climbed onto the bed and got ready to lie down, but she moved and hugged me, lying on my chest.

"Clair," I warned her, I had already said it was all or nothing.

“It was never just physical.” That was the phrase she said, but I wasn't sure if she was really awake.

And then Clair just snuggled into my hug and fell asleep, she was honest, she wanted to sleep.

And not only did she have the best sleep next to me, but I had the best sleep next to her, it took seconds until I actually fell asleep, the most enjoyable, restful, and deep sleep of my life, deep down I knew we both needed it.

I woke up in a daze with the sweet smell of Clair in my nostrils. She stretched, and analyzing every inch of her body made my wolf groan inside, it wasn't because I was determined to get away from her, that Clair had no effect on me. A big part of me just wanted to take her right then and there. I pinched the bridge of my nose to clear the thoughts that filled my head.

"Did you sleep well?" I asked and she quickly stood up.

"Yes, thank you very much," Clair said grabbing her uniform and heading to the bathroom. "I need to go, I have a full day of meetings today. But I feel much better." She said leaving the bathroom and zipping up her uniform. "Thank you really for everything, Arthur." She came towards me, I was still lying in my bed, I caught a thought of her thinking about kissing me before leaving, but she stopped halfway, looked at me, and swallowed hard. "See you." She said waving her hand and walking away.

I let my head fall on the bed, not understanding what had just happened. I was almost choosing to ignore it, or I would go crazy.

I went down to have breakfast and my parents were at the table.

"Good morning," I said kissing my parents on the top of each of their heads and sitting down at the table.

I started to serve myself, but I felt them watching me over and over again.

"Son, did the Troffenholl girl sleep here last night?" The question came from my mother.

"Slept Mom, but that's all it was, sleeping," I said clearly, but talking about it added more uncertainty to it all.

"Do you want to talk about it?" My father asked, spreading butter on his toast.

"I don't know." It was true, I didn't know if talking helped or made everything worse.

"You can see her side too, can't you?" My father asked. But I didn't respond, I just looked up at him, and he smiled before saying. "She went through a lot to be an Alpha son, I heard her called a slut several times, just for trying to assume her father's legacy, and that it was absurd for a woman to be an Alpha, even though she proved over and over again that she was capable. And all the respect she has was earned, at great cost, I don't think any of us have the ability to put ourselves in her shoes, only she really knows what she went through. Clair accepting another Alpha as a companion, despite having gone through all of this, she would just be a Luna." My father said sighing and biting into his toast.

"But could she try to talk? We could find a way, but she insists on my rejection." I said, trying to help myself with some toast, but not knowing if I was hungry anymore.

"I think the real reason is that she doesn't want to be like her father." Now the sentence came from my mother, who calmly spread jam on her toast.

"What?" I asked, frowning completely without understanding. Because it didn't make any sense, she always tried to be a copy of her father.

"Her father lost his mate when she was born, Ethan was completely transformed, and I'm sure she knows that. He lost everything, only Clair was left, and his position. She must be afraid of getting involved and losing someone, and we all here know Ethan, he's anything but affectionate, the girl grew up to be a soldier, she must not know how to deal with her feelings." My mother said, I understood Clair's side a little, and she certainly didn't know how to deal with her feelings, but I still didn't justify her actions, if she cared about me, why would that be?

Did she really care about me? Sometimes it seemed like it, sometimes it didn't.

Did she ever feel love? I didn't know the answer

Or was I just a body to satisfy her? She said yesterday that It was never just physical., what did that mean?

I finished my breakfast and tried to work, but her words wouldn't leave my head: It was never just physical.

My thoughts went round and round, and I couldn't come to any conclusion, I took a shot of whiskey, but the alcohol only made me more confused, I needed to talk to her, ask her if this was true, what she felt.

I just wanted to make sense of it all.

It was mid-afternoon when I got up the courage and drove to her pack, parked and when I got out of the car, two guards already looked at each other and I could hear them whispering.

"I would like to speak to Alfa Clair, please," I said while still getting out of the car, and the guards looked at each other before responding.

"Alpha Arthur, do you have an appointment?" One of them asked.

I sighed, I had no patience for this.

"Arthur." David's voice brought me relief. "Did you come to see Alfa Clair?" He asked coming out of their Pack House.

"Yes, David, I need to talk to her," I said, trying to sound as normal as possible, but in reality, my head was boiling inside.

"Come this way." He passed between the guards and hugged my shoulder walking with me inside. "I wanted to thank you for intervening yesterday, I was hot-headed, and I almost did something stupid," David said with a lower tone of voice, but there was genuineness in his speech.

"No problem, I just didn't want you guys to ruin your friendship," I told him as my eyes searched for her.

"We've started the investigation in the guard now too, and I confess it's difficult to see my men investigating each other." He said even more quietly when we reached the door to her room.

"I just imagine." If their Pack was in chaos before, I wonder now.

"Alpha Clair, someone would like to see you." David's voice entered the room as he opened the door, and I saw her there, sitting at her carved wooden table, with a shield and two crossed swords adorning the far wall, two sets of sofas, one on each side of the table and three huge armchairs in front. She looked like a child playing at her father's table, she was so small compared to all that, and due to the huge piles of documents on each side of her, she was wearing a guard uniform, and glasses, the round frame made her even cuter, and my wolf growled inside. If that wasn't enough, Clair smiled her most beautiful and genuine smile when she saw me, dropping the papers and getting up, while David closed the door behind me.

"Arthur, what a surprise, what brings you here?" She said in her sweet voice.

"I actually just came to ask you one question." My voice came out dry and firm, and my head was spinning so much within my thoughts that I needed to take a deep breath and concentrate, my gaze was down and I felt my eyes filling with tears. "Do you really love me, Clair?"

She froze at my question, her lips opened in astonishment, I saw her swallow hard, her gaze dropped to the floor and she took a step back.

The lack of response there broke me, broke me even more.

"Because I hate you, Clair."

I know we have a lot of back and forth, but I need a little bit of patience right now, a lot will be explained in the next chapters, and some clues....

Confused? Maybe... Wait for tomorrow, strong emotions...

And who here likes a little David right now?