Nadir

Some days I wake up in the middle of the night and all this feels surreal. You know how when we were kids there was this myth that when you are too happy then sadness is coming? I try to shake off that feeling but it gets strong, some days I have to remind myself that I am in a good place.

The past months have been the most thrilling months of my life. Everyone is shocked that my pregnancy has been smooth and I continually thank God because the stories I have heard are horrifying. The scan showed that we are carrying twins. Both Joshua and I have a strong feeling they are boys.

At first I was sad because it was more than I bargained for but as always Joshua was thrilled and he has been referring to them as Zion 1 and Zion 2. Which of course is funny but I have learnt not to make fun of him because he is obsessed. Martha and I on the other hand secretly call them Joshua and Emmanuel because we feel like it’s the universe punishing the two brothers for their rivalry.

His people met my people and it was decided that we can only go ahead with the wedding after the boys are born and we are both okay with it even though Joshua has literally moved in with us. Martha moved back in when the pregnancy was confirmed and she is in love with the twins.

Joshua’s mother calls me every day to check up on me and is in Lusaka every two weeks just to make sure that we are fine. The only people that have been distant are Jackie and Ems. Weirdly they both talk to Martha and ask about me but they have totally shut me out. I have tried so many times to reach out to her but she has just put this wall between us so I have decided to give her some space.

‘You are awake.’ Joshua says stirring in his sleep.

‘Your boys won’t let me have peace.’ I lie.

‘Do you need anything?’

I feel bad for him. This man has been so good to me. He wakes up no matter the time of the night and gives me whatever I want. I can see that he is tired but he keeps being kind and I keep promising myself that I will repay this kindness some day.

‘I am fine babe.’ I say holding my tummy.

‘Tell me, is everything fine.’

‘Everything is fine.’

He kisses my lips lightly and gets out of bed. He is gone for a few minutes and when he returns he starts to massage my feet.

‘Babe.’

‘I know exactly what you need when you can’t sleep.’

‘You are the best.’

‘For you and the boys.’

..

‘Emmanuel what is the meaning of this?’ She asks.

‘I want you out of my house and out of my life.’

‘What have I done? Everything was okay between us you just can’t chase me like this.’

‘I don’t want to repeat myself.’

‘It’s about what I told you not so?’ She adds looking genuinely hurt but I don’t care.

‘What’s your business with Nandy Emmanuel? Why can’t you accept that she is with your brother and there is nothing that you can do about it?’

‘I want you out of my life.’

She stops picking up the clothes that I have thrown on the floor and looks at me.

‘If you think that you are going to chase me out of your life for you to throw yourself at Nandy then you have another thing coming. You are not going to leave me just to go back to her.’

‘You are a very bad person Jackie and I am going to do everything in my powers to make sure that you never get close to her again.’

‘And what are you going to do?’

‘You really want to know?’

She swallows hard. This is the first time I am showing her this side of me. She picks up all the clothes and puts them in her case then gets her car keys from the console table.

‘You are going to regret doing this.’

‘I bet I will.’ I respond banging the door after her.

I am so angry at myself for having stayed away from Nandy. I am so angry that she couldn’t see her best friend and I am generally angry at the world for everything.

I look at my ringing phone, Joshua is calling. I don’t know why because we haven’t spoken in close to five months but for him to call me now I know there is a problem.

‘What do you want?’

‘Nandy is in labour, we just got to the clinic.’

‘Isn’t she a few weeks early?’ I ask going to grab my car keys.

‘How do you have this information?’

I ignore him.

‘Good Health hospital right?’

‘Yes.’

‘I will be there in a few minutes, have you carried her hospital bag?’

‘Are you insane? Of course I have everything.’

I don’t say anything else. I just cut the line and quickly lock up then get into the car and drive off. Good Health Hospital is in Kalundu. I stayed away from Nandy but I used my resources to keep tabs on her because somehow I just felt like I needed to be present in her life in one way or the other. Ignoring all speed limits, I drive there as fast as I can.

When I arrive, Martha and my mother are in the waiting room. They tell me Joshua is in the delivery room and Nandy is in active labour. I don’t know why I get like this but I have to remove my Jersey because my pits are sweating like crazy. We are all pacing about the delivery area with no one saying anything to the other.

..

Kwenje’s Girl

Winnie

🙇🏽‍♀️