My Fault (Culpable Book 1)

I observed her reaction. Since I’d seen her turn white as a sheet when we were playing Truth or Dare and she was supposed to go into a dark closet, I couldn’t stop asking myself what the hell had happened to make her so scared. Even mentioning it just now had terrified her, as if the memory of something were tormenting her inside.

“Relax, Noah,” I said, hugging her. I’d dreamed of holding her like this, but now I’d screwed up everything by asking her that damn question.

“I just don’t want to talk about it,” she said, and I could feel her shivering. What the hell was going on?

“It’s fine. Everything’s fine,” I said, rubbing her back. Tonight I hadn’t been able to resist kissing her; it had been too long since the last time, I couldn’t keep my hands off her. Noah had put a spell on me, and I was starting to realize a new Nicholas existed, one that couldn’t stop thinking about her if he tried.

“I should probably go,” she said. I cursed myself for provoking that reaction. I didn’t like how she ran away from me every time things turned serious or we got closer to each other.

“No, stay,” I said, burying my face in her neck, smelling her magnificent, captivating aroma, sweet but also tremendously sexy.

“I’m tired. Today was a long day,” she said, standing up. I grabbed her hands to get her to stay.

“Sleep here with me,” I asked, realizing immediately what she’d think when she heard those words.

From her expression, I saw I was just making matters worse. I needed to tread lightly with Noah.

“I said sleep. I’m not implying anything else,” I begged her.

She looked like she was thinking it over.

“I’d rather sleep in my bed,” she said, breaking free of my hands. She seemed to want to tell me something else, even to regret not saying it, but I understood that I had shaken up bad memories and she didn’t want to be in this room anymore.

“It’s okay. I’ll walk you back,” I said, standing up.

She giggled, and my heart filled with happiness. That was the Noah I liked.

“Nicholas, my room is right across from yours. You don’t need to come with me,” she reminded me, going inside and gathering her things. It was hot to me, seeing her in one of my T-shirts. It hung just below her butt, and I had to struggle to keep myself from lifting it up to get a better view.

“I don’t care,” I said.

“Thanks.”

I grabbed her shoes and opened the door to let her through. I didn’t know why, but she made me want to act like a gentleman.

We crossed the hall to her room, and I watched her take out her key card and slide it into the slot. A green light glowed, and the door opened with a click.

She turned around. She looked nervous or frightened. I didn’t really understand what I’d done by asking her that question, but she felt so much further away than before. I grabbed her around the waist and pulled her close before she could go inside, kissing her deeply, in a way that left me yearning for more. She kissed me back but broke off abruptly and grabbed her shoes out of my hand.

“Good night, Nick,” she said with a timid smile.

“Good night, Noah.”

I didn’t know what to expect the next morning, but when we all met in front of the elevator, Jenna and Lion were staring at us. I didn’t care. I walked straight over to Noah and kissed her on the lips. She wasn’t expecting it, but she didn’t try to stop me. She was wearing jean shorts, a T-shirt, and sneakers. Those informal clothes were completely different from her outfit the night before and from the way the girls I usually went out with dressed. On the outside, she was simple, but inside, she was like a thousand-piece puzzle, and I still didn’t know where I fit in.

“Get a room,” Jenna said, laughing.

“Shut up, Jenna,” I said. “You look good,” I told Noah. I thought I’d hurt her feelings the night before when I’d sent her that message, and I didn’t want to risk it again.

“You, too,” she said blithely.

We got into the elevator and went to breakfast, conversing about what had happened the night before. Jenna thought we were out of our minds. Noah barely uttered a word, so I was the one who had to defend us.

We were supposed to go around the city that day, visit the shops, and eat out. The next day, we had to go home, and I was scared that everything that had happened between us would mean nothing once we’d passed through the front door. We couldn’t deny that our personalities were constantly clashing. Most of the memories I had of Noah were either arguments or stolen kisses, and that worried me. I didn’t want to lose her; I wanted to go further with whatever was happening between us.

The afternoon flew by. The restaurant we ate at was nice; I treated her to whatever she wanted, and it didn’t matter, it was nothing compared to Jenna, who couldn’t let a single shop slip by without going in.

I stopped next to Noah, who was looking at colored gemstone necklaces. They were cheap trinkets, but they were the first thing she’d seemed interested in since we’d left the hotel. She’d loved the city and its surroundings, but she didn’t seem to care about having more things.

“Give me that one, please,” I said to the shopkeeper. Noah was startled to hear my voice and looked over.

“You don’t have to get me that. I was just looking at it.”

“I want to,” I said as I grabbed the necklace with its little amber pendant. “It matches your eyes,” I said, wrapping it around her neck.

“Thanks,” she said, grabbing the pendant.

“No problem,” I said with a grin. I liked her wearing it and knowing that I’d been the one to put it on her.

After that, we had ice cream together on the shore and then returned to the hotel. The girls were hungry, and dinner service started soon. Jenna told us she had passes to a club in the city if we wanted to end the trip on a high note.

We said our goodbyes, and Lion and I went into our room.

“I don’t know what you’re up to, but you better be careful,” he said. “I’ve had my eye on you, Nick, and that chick’s got you sprung.”

“We’re just having fun, Lion. Don’t screw it up,” I replied, taking off my T-shirt and turning around.

“Nicholas, I know the types of girls you go for, and I don’t see this ending well. I’ve never seen two people more different than you and Noah.”

I looked straight at him. He was pissing me off now.

“Lion, mind your business. You want me to believe you and Jenna had anything in common when you two met?”

“I’m just saying.” With that, he walked out, leaving me alone in the room with a head full of anxious thoughts. It was true; Noah wasn’t anything like me, but maybe that was exactly what I needed. I’d never even wanted to get to know anyone before. Noah was like a riddle I had to find the answer to.

I showered and put on a black T-shirt and jeans. When I was ready, I went to the elevator. Lion was there with Jenna and Noah, who was wearing tight black pants and a blue top. She took my breath away.

Our relationship had changed completely since we’d arrived. We’d barely argued—that was already something—but I still disliked that distance it seemed we could never break through. Every time one of us took two steps forward, the other took five back.

When we left the hotel, the weather was pleasant. The sun had already gone down. We walked to the club. Only when we reached the door did I realize this wasn’t going to go well. The volleyball players were all outside waiting for us. It had been stupid of me not to realize they must have given Jenna the passes the day before after Noah and I had left.

Noah stepped away from my side to greet them. I had to use all my self-control not to pound Jess into the pavement when he hugged her and picked her up off the ground just as he’d done the day before.

“You left yesterday without saying goodbye!” he reproached her. I stepped forward. Thank God he let her go. Noah seemed excited; her cheeks were flushed. Did she like that idiot? If so, I couldn’t be responsible for my actions.

The other players greeted her in turn, and some of them were clearly captivated with her. In those tight pants and those high-heeled sandals, she looked like a runway model. Her hair was pulled back loosely with a couple of locks falling down and framing her angelic face.

When we walked in, I could see the place was more crowded than the club had been the night before. Apparently it was singles’ night. At the door, they gave you a green bracelet if you were single; if you didn’t want to say, they gave you yellow, and if you were with someone, you got red. I kept my mouth shut when I saw Noah pick a green one, even though I wanted to tear it off her. Two could play at that game.

We sat in a small booth close to the bar. Jenna dragged Noah off to get drinks. Lion was already on his way back with one drink for him and one for me. We clinked glasses, and he smiled at me. It was strong stuff.

“Happy twenty-second birthday, my man!” he shouted over the music. The girls returned a second later.

“We’re getting drunk tonight!” Jenna shrieked. Noah giggled. I wasn’t into the idea, but I didn’t say anything.

As the night passed, I felt more and more on edge. Those fucking bracelets were an invitation to any guy who felt like it to rub up on the girls with the green or yellow ones. Sitting in the booth, I could see Noah dancing with a much older guy. She was damn sexy when she moved her hips that way, and it was pissing me off that she seemed perfectly happy to dance with any dude who wasn’t me.

I downed my fourth drink and walked over to her just as the guy she was with pulled her in close and planted a kiss on her lips.

Right away, I saw red.

I pushed Noah away and grabbed the fuckhead’s shirt. Next thing I knew, I was on the ground exchanging punches with him. I didn’t care—seeing his body that close to Noah’s had driven me insane.

“Nicholas, stop!” shouted a voice too familiar to ignore. Lion’s arms grabbed me from behind, and I heard him cursing as he pushed me outside. I’d gotten hit in the eye—the same eye that wasn’t yet healed from my last fight.

“What the fuck are you doing, man?”

“Where’s Noah?” I asked, looking around. There were people everywhere, and I couldn’t see her. When she did appear, she stared daggers at me.

“Are you out of your mind?” she shouted, incensed, hurrying over and shoving me. What did she have to be pissed off about? I yelled at her:

“You like that, when some guy feels you up in front of me?”

“I was dancing!” she shouted. “Dancing!”

I tried to suppress my desire to shake her as I walked close and asked, “And you let him kiss you, too?” I couldn’t control myself anymore, and I was too drunk to think about the consequences of my words as I continued, “If you’re going to let any jerkoff who comes along put his hands all over you, then you should drop the good girl act, walking around with a stick up your ass like you’re some kind of nun—”

She slapped me so fast, it didn’t even start hurting for a few seconds.

In a reflex, I grabbed her by the shoulders.

“Do that again and see what happens.”

Only once I’d spoken did I realize what I’d done. The look of horror on her face made me take a step back. She hyperventilated, and her eyes started watering.

“Noah.”

She stepped back.

“I can’t be with you, Nicholas.” Those words cut like a knife. “You represent everything I’ve spent my whole life running from.”

I tried to hold on to her, but she ducked under me, fire shooting from her honey-colored eyes.

“Don’t you dare put your hands on me!” she screamed. “If you want to solve everything with your fists, that’s your problem, but don’t do it in front of me!”

I wanted to say something, but she turned around and headed for the hotel.

“You’re an idiot, Nick,” Jenna said, hurrying after her.

A hand came to rest on my shoulder. I wanted to shove it away, but I didn’t.

“You fucked up, dude,” Lion said.

“Leave me alone.”