SWNOVELS Chapter 48
CHAPTER FORTY EIGHT – A FEAR OF SPIDERS
The two roommates glared at each other in tense silence for several long moments, the only sound Boris’s faintly undulating abdomen as he settled back down in the seeming safety of Gary’s palms. Jasmine could feel her heart still pounding like a drum, a cold sweat beading on her brow.
With a longsuffering sigh, Gary finally shook his head and began rising from the sofa…only to pause, his sour expression taking on a decidedly impish glint. “Very well, very well…if you insist on being such a big baby, I suppose I can indulge your arachnophobia. For now.”
Jasmine’s shoulders slumped in visible relief, a ragged breath escaping her lips. “Oh thank you, thank
In one deft, fluid motion, Gary flicked his wrists and sent the massive hairy form of Boris sailing in a gentle arc straight towards Jasmine’s head.
“YAAAARRRGGHH!!!”
Her shriek echoed through the apartment as she instinctively ducked and threw up her arms to shield herself.
Boris landed with a disconcertingly solid THUMP on the hardwood floor behind her…and immediately began scrabbling across the floor with uncanny speed on those horrific, spindly legs.
Jasmine wanted to shriek something withering and foul back at him….but then Boris took off towards the hallway in a skittering flurry of far too many legs, and all coherent thought deserted her mind.
Instead, she vaulted straight over the back of the couch, scrambled furniture and abandoned chips crashing in her wake.
“Get back here, you disgusting little creep! Just wait until I squish you into the next life cycle!”
And so it continued for the next hour or two, the tiny studio apartment devolving into utter mayhem. Jasmine wildly pursued Gary’s mischievous tarantula through every nook and cranny, always just a hairsbreadth too late to finally squash it out of existence.
At one point, she flung open the shower stall as Boris skittered out between the tiles, nearly slipping and braining herself in the process. Her bestial shriek echoed out “I’ll get you, you eight–legged son of a biscuit!!”
Another time, she tore off her bed covers in a mad frenzy, having spotted the furry harbinger of evil trying to escape beneath them.
All the while, Gary merely observed from the sidelines, dabbing tears of mirth from the corners of his eyes, occasionally tossing out unhelpful quips and jibes at Jasmine’s futile efforts.
Finally, when Jasmine was sweaty, disheveled and teetering on the verge of incoherent hysteria, there came an expectant knock at the front door.
Gary heaved himself off the couch with a longsuffering groan, sweeping his hair out of his face with an errant hand. “Yes yes, I’ve got it. Do try not to divest us of any further furniture, won’t you?”
With the insufferable smugness only he could
very startled–looking Claire standing in the haller, Gary swung open the door mid–knock, revealing a
a casserole dish in hand.
“Oh! Uh….hey guys, I was just stopping by to-” Claire’s bewildered gaze travelled over the scene of devastation behind Gary, finally settling on the rumpled, red–faced vision of Jasmine crouched atop the kitchen counter like some feral woman of the woods.
“Claire!!” Jasmine’s cry was equal parts plea for rescue and utter despair. “You’ve gotta…get it…away from
me! The horrible…massive!!”
With a twitching brow, Claire seemed to pick up on her meaning, handing the casserole dish off to Gary so she could reach into her purse…and produce a remarkably wicked–looking can of high–pressure insect
spray.
“Say no more, I’ve got this. Flashing Jasmine a conspiratorial wink, Claire swept into the apartment with the deadly insecticide gripped in one hand like a soldier’s rifle, systematically peering under each piece of
furniture.
“Alright Boris, this is the last stand…if I go down, I’m taking all eight of your nasty footsies with me!”
“Ah, the fairer sex…so effortlessly reduced to base histrionics, Gary tutted loftily, shaking his head in disdain from his bemused vantage point.
Claire arched an eyebrow at him as she brandished the can of high–pressure insect spray. “You wanna see some real histrionics, four–eyes? Then keep running that smart mouth while Jasmine and I de–leg this situation.”
Jasmine shot her sister–in–law a grateful look, already feeling her panic beginning to ebb. With the two of Tarantula once them united against a common enemy, surely they could neutralize the threat of Boris the and for all.
Just then, a rapid skittering noise came from the kitchen counter beside Jasmine. All three of them froze, eyes locking onto the furry bulk emerging from beneath the microwave Boris, his beady black eyes fixing them with what Jasmine could have sworn was a defiant glare.
“AAAAAHHHHH! There he is, smoke him Claire !!” Jasmine bellowed, pointing a quivering finger as she backpedaled away from the horrific spider.
“I’m on it!” Claire stepped forward, can held at the ready in a textbook combat stance…only for a deafening CRUNCH to echo through the apartment as her heel came down squarely onto something solid and unyielding.
“OWW–geez, what the-?” Claire hissed in pain, hopping backwards as she clutched at her foot. In the process, she’d inadvertently kicked the can of spray away, the volatile contents spewing out in a noxious fog.
“My probiotics!!!” Gary walled, flinging the casserole dish aside in panic and waving his hands before his face as the thick haze enveloped him.
Coughing and choking, the three of them were forced to stumble in retreat amidst the blinding chemical cloud. By the time it cleared moments later, a faint skittering sound could be heard disappearing beneath the sofa…along with Boris.
“That tears it!” Jasmine furned, cheeks still flushed and chest heaving with adrenaline. She rounded on Gary, stooped over and gasping for air. “Get that fugly ottle monster out of here for good, or so help me–!”
Gary wheezed, glaring at her over the tops of his smudged lenses. “H–how dare you malign Boris in such a fashion! The unmitigated gall, to come storming into MY apartment and-”
“Oh can it, already!” Claire intervened, shooting Gary an acidic look as she gingerly tested her injured foot.
If I have to hear one more word about your radioactive pet or your fungus–garden fridge or any of the other crazy–ass stuff you put us through, I swear I’ll trade up to a full–on nuke for that pest grenade!”
The two roommates glowered at each other, Gary obstinately clutching his shirtfront while Jasmine fumed with impotent rage. Typical – just when she’d thought they were bonding over their mutual insanity, leave it to Boris to go scurrying in and light the fuse of male/female tensions.
“Ugh, you know what?” Jasmine threw up her hands in disgust, finally breaking away from the macho
standoff. “I’m over–muched with all the toxicity in this place right now. I’m gonna go get some fresh air somewhere that isn’t infested with Godzilla–sized spiders….”
As the front door slammed behind her, Gary and Claire eyed each other in the ensuing tense silence, defiance and hurt simmering between them.
“Honestly Gary…what is even your malfunction, man?” Claire finally sighed, sagging heavily onto a chair as the adrenaline ebbed and she caught her breath.
Gary seemed to deflate as well, suddenly looking more weary than belligerent. “Look, you simply don’t understand the profoundly deep spiritual bond I share With Boris as my support animal…”
Claire held up a hand, forestalling anbther torturous splel. “Just…promise me you’ll keep that thing locked she’s been through way too much up for good from now on, okay? If not for my sake, then Jasmine’s upheaval lately to deal with hairy house guests on top of everything.”