SWNOVELS Chapter 46
CHAPTER FORTY SIX–THE DASHING FIREFIGHTER
His eyes were closed as he swayed back and forth, chanting in some unknown tongue that raised goosebumps on Jasmine’s arms. Smoke from pungent incense clouded the air.
“Uh…Gary?” Jasmine ventured cautiously. “What…what’s going on out here?”
Gary’s eyes flew open, the green irises seeming to glitter manically in the candlelight. “Aha, excellent you’re just in time to bear witness! This is my nightly ritual to cleanse the apartment’s energy of or intrusive forces that may have slipped through during the day.”
any
errant
He gestured expansively at the bizarre scene around him. “Positive vibes and spiritual harmony are of the utmost importance, you see. I won’t abide any chaotic influences disrupting my meticulously cultivated environment.”
Jasmine’s jaw worked soundlessly as she processed this new insanity. Of course he was a certifiable nutcase – why was she even surprised at this point? “Uh..right. Yeah, cool, cool. I’ll just…get back to sleep then. Enjoy your…vibes?”
She hastily shut herself back in the bedroom, trying to drown out the sounds of Gary’s increasingly frantic chanting with a pillow over her head. This was going to be a long living arrangement…if she didn’t wind up getting sacrificed to some pagan moon–god first.
“Earth to Jasmine, helloooo?”
Jasmine started, blinking her eyes as she was pulled from her stupor. She was standing amidst the teeming crowd at Brennan Gallery’s latest installation when a familiar voice had cut through her inner monologue.
“Ramirez! Hey, sorry, I was just…” She trailed off, offering the handsome firefighter a sheepish grin.
In truth, she’d been trying and failing to analyze the bizarre performance art piece centered in the Gallery’s main hall. Her mind just kept drifting back to the sheer weirdness of her living situation back at the apartment.
“Let me guess you were overthinking that avant–garde display about three levels deeper than anyone else here?” Ramirez chuckled knowingly.
He was dressed casually in a snug henley and slacks rather than his firefighter’s gear, but the roguish grin and muscular physique were as distracting as ever.
Jasmine felt her cheeks warm slightly at his gentle ribbing. “You know me too well already. I just…struggle to penetrate some of these more obtuse modern pieces, I guess.”
“Which is exactly why you need to get out of your own head more often and enjoy the simple things,”
Ramirez countered with an easy shrug. He jerked his thumb towards the Gallery’s side entrance. Whaddya say we blow this weird pretentious scene and grab a drink, hmm? I know this hole–in–the–wall bar not too far from here that seriously under–promises but over–delivers in all the right ways.”
Despite her reservations about leaving a social function she really ought to be fully engaged in, Jasmine found herself oddly charmed by the offer.
Perhaps a detour to unwind and refocus would be just what she needed right now. Maybe then she could stop dwelling on the chaos awaiting her back home.
“You know what? That actually sounds perfect,” she admitted with a relieved smile. “Lead the way, Ramos.
As she fell into step beside the dashing firefighter on their way to this fabled local haunt, Jasmine couldn’t help stealing a sidelong glance at her newest acquaintance.
There was just something uniquely appealing about Ramirez’s easygoing charisma and how he seemed infent on periodically coaxing her out from the labyrinthine depths of her own troubled mind.
For the first time in a long while, Jasmine felt the spark of intrigue flicker back to life, beating back the bitter aftertaste of her recent traumas.
Perhaps her living situation had devolved into utter madness, but that didn’t mean she had to lose herself completely.
With that unexpected wellspring of hope buoying her spirit, she followed her charming new companion out into the vibrant night, eager to see where this unfolding adventure would lead.
Jasmine pushed open the fridge door, grimacing at the alarming sight that greeted her. Every single shelf was crammed full of Mason jars – row after regimented row containing various murky liquids and chunky, fermenting…substances.
“What in the world…” She leaned closer, wrinkling her hose as a pow Sour odor wafted out. Little bubbles fizzed up through the murky brownish sludge filling one of the
“Ah, I see you’ve discovered my collection!”
Jasmine started at the sound of Gary’s nasally voice, nearly cracking her head on the fridge door as she whirled around. Her eccentric roommate was beaming proudly, looking rather unkempt in a ratty bathrobe and slippers.
“Your…collection?” She eyed the jars again with trepidation. “Please don’t tell me those are the remains of your past roommates or something…”
Gary issued a high–pitched titter of laughter that made Jasmine’s skin crawl. “What? No no, perish the thought! Those are simply my fermented food stores, part of my strictly curated dietary lifestyle.”
Jasmine arched an eyebrow dubiously. “You…eat that sludge?”
“Of course!” Gary declared, bustling over and plucking one of the more nauseating–looking jars from the bottom shelf. He twisted off the lid, causing a small burst of rancid air to waft out. “This is my own special recipe – fermented cabbage and radish with a touch of turmeric. Quite good for the digestion and flushing toxins from the body.”
Jasmine barely stifled a gag as the pungent odor assaulted her nostrils. “You’re…you’re joking, right? That smells like something crawled into your fridge and died two weeks ago.”
“Nonsense, it’s a culinary delicacy!” Gary raised the jar with gusto and upended it over his awaiting maw. Jasmine’s jaw dropped in horrified fascination as the lumpy, brownish sludge plopped out in a viscous
stream.
She couldn’t hold back the small sound of revulsion as Gary loudly slurped and smacked his lips around each noxious mouthful. When he finally drained the last dregs from the jar, he let out a noisy belch and smacked his belly contentedly.
Mmm, quite reinvigorating! You simply must try some of my fermented fare, Jasmine. I insist.”
“Uhh…yeah, I’ll pass thanks,” Jasmine managed weakly, her stomach still roiling in queasiness. “I think I’ll just stick to normal, non–sentient food for now.”
Gary tutted reproachfully as he began rooting around the other jars. “Tsk, such a pedestrian attitude. This careful regimen of fermented, probiotic–rich foods is the only way to properly cleanse the digestive system of toxins and-”
“Okay, okay, I get it!” Jasmine held up both hands in surrender as he hefted another particularly chunky. looking jar in her direction. “Total detox, very healthy, yadda yadda. Can I please just have a little space to keep some normal, non–fermenting food in the fridge too?”
Gary sniffed disdainfully, eyeing her up and down as if she were something unseemly he’d found stuck to his shoe. “Yes, I suppose a small concession can be permitted so long as you adhere to my list of prohibited comestibles.”
He waved a bony hand towards a lengthy printed list tacked to the fridge. “Note that any processed foods, refined sugars, meat products, or dairy items are expressly forbidden in this household. Only the most pure, organic plant–based-”
“Uh huh, very cool, got it,” Jasmine interrupted before he could really get wound up on another insane diatribe. She hastily scanned the massive list, her heart sinking. “So…basically just feeding me grass clippings and twigs, then? No offense, but I’m a human, not a baby deer.”
Gary’s face crinkled in obvious disapproval, his mouth turning down in a petulant moue. “Make your childish jests if you must, but do not say I didn’t warn you. A diet of those toxin–laden processed monstrosities will quickly overtake your system and rot you from within.”
Jasmine opened her mouth to protest again…then seemed to think better of it. With a heavy sigh of resignation, she simply held up her hands in surrender once more. “You know what? Whatever. I’ll figure something out.”