Love is Weakness. [1]

Anastacia.

After the funeral we head back home. Neither of us felt like doing the second day of celebrating. I'm secretly very greatful that we're going back. My heart feels like it's floathing around in my chest in a million little pieces. Running into Avril's twin sister has made me feel more and more broken. Tiff and I haven't spoken much, but from what I could see in the plane her and Duncan are pretty close. Since she is his Mate they must be perfect for eachother. Would Conan and I be perfect too? Ofcourse not. Because of me Avril died, his closest friend.. The more I think about it, the more it confuses me that Conan lets me get so close to him. When we were packing our bags he even helped packing mine too. Now we're sitting in the car back to my house, Tiff and I's house. Atleast I thought so, the moment we hit the driveway I reconize it as Conan's. He is sitting behind the wheel driving with Duncan next to him. I look at Tiff, who is sitting next to me, with a confused face.

'Oh, uhm well, I hope you don't mind. But Duncan and I have been together since you got kidnapped. I wanted to stay with him and it's not good for you to be alone so Conan offered that you can stay at his house.' Tiff says with a blush creeping on her face. I just nod. After all I've done, it's the least I can do for Conan. He probably doesn't want to be alone himself. However when we get out of the car his front door opens and a handful of people come out. An older woman walks up to Conan and gives him a hug. He doesn't hug her back but just stands there staring straight ahead. She holds him by his shoulders and looks at him. Giving a small nod her gaze comes to meet mine. I immediatly stare at the ground. They must know what I did too. I feel a hand pull my chin up and I see the woman stand in front of me watching me closely.

'My name is Kacey. You're beautiful, I can see why the Goddess has chosen you.' A warm smile spreads on her face and I can't help but smile back. She pulls me in a hug and whispers in my ear. 'Come find me later. We need to talk.' She pulls back when I nod. 'Conan, send her to me when you're all settled in.' She doesn't bother looking at him while she walks towards the trees around Conan's house. I have never heard anyone speak to him like this. I know he's an Alpha and people are always careful what they say around him. I have a feeling that this woman is more then she leds on. Tiff gives me a big hug and kisses me goodbye to head off to Duncan's place. Conan and I walks in his house, him carrying all our bags.

'Sleep with me?' he asks. When I look up to him there's a pleading look on his face. I nod. He disappears towards the stairs and I know he is going to put down my bag. I walk to the livingroom I sat in when I was here the first two times. I put my hand in front of my mouth. The bookcase he had is shattered on the floor in pieces, all the books stuck between them. I carefully take them out trying not to damage them. What happend here..?

'I smashed it when I found out he had you.' Conan says from behind me. I nod once again. He shouldn't have, I'm not that important and I ended up being the death of one of his most important friends. He should have left me there. After we clean up everything Conan sits down on the couch. 'Kacey will be here shortly. She will take you to her home. I'm sorry in advance.' I don't ask what it's about but just nod again, eventhough I know he can't see me. I haven't been able to speak after I spoke to Avril's sisters. Everytime I open my mouth to say something I feel like I lost my voice. Why did this have to happen once again? When my parents died I was grieving harshly. I couldn't eat or sleep for days, maybe even weeks. But this feels so much more painful. But then again, my parents death wasn't my fault..

Kacey has come to get me and now we're sitting in her living room. Her house is beautiful. It's all wooden from the outside with windows just as big as Conan's. However inside is a warm sea of colours. I immediatly feel like it's a home. Kacey hasn't said a word all the way here and now she is sitting across me eyeing me carefully.

'You're feeling guilty.' she states. I simply nod again. 'Her death wasn't your fault.' Again I nod. 'You didn't kill her.' I nod once more. Suddenly the cracking of her table fills my ears and I push myself back on the couch.

'What the..?!' I nearly scream. Kacey is standing above the table, holding her hand in her other hand. 'So you can speak.' she says with a smile. 'What the heck did you do that for?!' I scream at her. She just looks at me with her head a little curved to the side. Suddenly a wave of anger comes over me and I stand up before her. 'Why did you do that?! If you came here to fucking punish me you don't have to! I know it's my fault and I know I have been a dumb naïef girl!' I scream to her. Kacey folds her arms over eachother but doesn't say anything. This just makes me more angry. 'I should have never been here or even out in the city that night for Conan to meet me. I should never go anywhere at all! Everything I do hurts people. Everything I do fucks me up. I'm freaking done. So don't come here and stand in my face like that. I know, I fucking know I'm a walking disaster.' At this point tears are streaming down my face, my longes are screaming for air and my heart is beating out of my chest. Kacey grabs my arm and pulls me in for a hug. Her touch is killing every grip I have on myself and I start sobbing uncontrolably. After a while Kacey lets go.

'I can help you.' she says with a soft smile. 'Some wolves have abilities. I can shift emotions. That means that I can take away your pain and replace it by something else, like peace. This is not your fault, you didn't ask to be kidnapped, you didn't ask to be someone's mate. This just happend to you and it's aweful. But that doesn't mean that it's your fault. Sometimes things just happen and they hurt greatly. But that doesn't mean we deserve that pain.' Her words spark a little hope and against all judgement I agree with her. I agree to take away the pain. She takes my head in her hands and puts her nose against mine. I look her in the eyes. I can't look away and the longer I look the more at peace I feel. Kacey chants some words I do not reconize and then she lets go. I close my eyes and when I finally open them again the world around me seems brighter. The heavy weight that I've been walking around with for days is gone. I feel my body relax.

'Thank you.' I gratefully say to Kacey. This time it is her who nods. When I look a little past her I see a picture hanging on the wall of Kacey and an attractive man that makes me think of Conan. I walk towards it and I study it.

'That is Conan's father. This is a picture of us when he had just found his Mate, Conan's mother. We were having a celebration for the new Luna to arrive. I have never seen him happier then on that day. Maybe when Conan was born. But this was definitely one of the good days. We will have a celebration for you too, when you have officially taken the Luna role.' Kacey says. At her last words I turn around at her. Me? Luna? Conan won't want me. And I'm a human, that's impossible. How can I lead strong werewolves? How on earth can I even give birth to a werewolf. Panic sets my face by the thoughts of it and Kacey starts laughing. 'It's not as scary as it looks. Sometimes hard decisions have to be made. But I know you will make the right ones. By taking away your pain I also say the memories that caused them. You fiercly protected Eadon's pack, especially the childeren. You will make a great Luna and a great mother one day.' I look at her and try to smile. Sadness creeps over my face, but still I don't feel as much pain as before. Conan will never accept me. Jackson told me that there is a way to break the bond.

Suddenly the door breaks open and Conan comes running in. 'What did you do to her?!' he says to Kacey. Kacey just looks at him unfazed. I stand in front of her to protect her from whatever has made Conan angry. Conan moves his gaze from her to me. He looks me over up and down for several times before his face relaxes. 'I felt your pain, but you're okay.' he says. I nod at him and bite my lip. Kacey's words of being a good mother gives me thoughts of having Conan's babies. I feel a blush creep over my face. Conan watches me in amusement. 'What are you thinking about?' he asks with a twinkle in his eyes. I clutch my legs together and shake my head as if to say nothing. I don't trust my own voice right now. He grabs my hand and leads me out of Kacey's house, back to our own. Oh wait, I mean his house... Goddess, what is coming over me?!