I'm the Alpha's World

"You've changed Evan."

I turn around to see Fiona entering the kitchen. I don't say anything and continue rocking Caroline in my arms.

"Is it because of the kidnapping?"

I sigh. "It a because of everything."

I hear her sit down on one of her barstool at the kitchen counter island, while I stand on the other side facing away from her. "You don't have to be like this."

"I do." I mumble and cower away from her, not wanting to talk about myself while she hates my guts.

"No you don't," she says, starting to get on my nerves. "This isn't you. You're not some killer, you're kind and sweet and a mother now. You have responsibilities to be a good mother to Caroline."

"You don't understand," I say quietly, continuing to avoid her eyes.

I hear her sigh at me. "I am really pissed at you, but I'm trying to understand why you did what you did."

I snap.

"Maybe I have to be like this Fiona! Maybe I'm tired of everyone walking all over me or people killing my family or being treated like a crazy person. Well guess what, go ahead and treat me like a mental patient because I should be one. Ever since I came back into reality my life has been shit. Being out in the forest with my Grandmother was the best days of my life, but I've grown to accept that happiness doesn't last forever. As long as I'm tough and feared, people can't walk all over me. I just snap, my mind just breaks and I go on these rampages of anger and jealousy!"

She watches me carefully as I now face her. "If I'm like Sebastian then people can't hurt me anymore!"

"Then why are you hurting right now?" Her eyes burn into my soul, staring me down.

"Because it's not working! And I'm scared that the rest of my life will be stuck like this, stuck in a pit of death. My grandmothers, my mother, and now my father is going to die because he's a traitor!"

She stands up and rushes to me. "What do you mean your father? I thought he left for the new pack?"

"The new pack was a joke to take over the Tate pack, or at least that what he told us, I don't know. He could've been lying to me because he's an asshole who abandons his kid, then does it again, then tries to kill her mate and take over her pack." I hand Fiona Caroline and run my hands through my hair. "I can't do this right now, not with Caroline and my father. I'm going insane."

"Take deep breaths, you have to calm down or else you'll have another freak out. I'm going to give Caroline to Henry then I'll be right back, okay?"

I nod and lean against the counter, trying to cool myself down. When she comes back in, empty handed, I tiredly turn to her. "Please don't give up on me." Tears well in my eyes and I slide down the counter until I hit the floor. "Please don't."

She quickly comes to my side and pulls me into her arms. "I know you're lost right now, so I am pushing what happened behind us. I won't give up on you Evan, just please don't give up on yourself."

I rest my head on her lap and she strokes my hair. "Sebastian is out there, fighting my father."

"How do you know?"

"Because he saw it coming, and I was trying to deny it. If he doesn't come back I don't know what I will do Fiona."

She continues to stroke my hair. "Whenever Andrew goes out to fight or gets stuck in tricky situations, I find myself writing a letter to him for when he gets back, because inside I know he'll get to read it. Sometimes it will say silly things, and others my tears stain the paper. Sebastian is fine and so is Andrew."

I gaze up at her and nod. Silence comes between us and I catch myself drifting away on her lap. "How much longer do we have to stay locked up in here?" I mumble quietly, trying to keep my eyes open.

"Until someone comes or calls, telling us everything is over."

"I can't help but picture what they're going through, the fighting if there is any." I mutter, imagining Sebastian's wolf battling the rouges.

"I try not to think of it."

I sigh and turn onto my back. "I hope Caroline doesn't end up like me."

"I think every parent hopes their kid doesn't end up like them at least once. It's normal." Fiona shrugs. "I would be saying the same for my kid if I had one."

"You would be a great mom." I motion to my head resting in her lap. "You're very nurturing, very lovable."

She stays quiet.

"Do you think Henry will ever forgive me?"

"Yes, just give him time." She mumbles.

"I told the moon goddess to give him another mate like she did for Kandy, I just want him to forgive me. I guess I'm being impatient." If Henry wants to take years to forgive me then I will wait, I will wait even if it takes forever. Henry is like the brother I never had, he is special to me and knowing that I hurt him kills me inside. "I won't give up, I know this isn't me."

She smiles softly. "Things will get better, don't worry. You're not stuck anywhere but in your head."

I glance away, thinking back to a time when I was younger. I cannot fully remember the situation but I have a severe case of déjà vu from our conversation. "Ya," I mutter, "you're right."

We continue to lay on the kitchen floor, Fiona asleep with her head resting on the cabinet, and my head, laying on her lap. Just as I feel myself drift off there is a sharp knock at the door. Fiona breathes in heavily and we look at each other before quickly getting up and running to answer it.

Please let everything be over. Please let my Sebastian be safe.