His Alpha's Guardian

The door to the hospital room opened and King Lucas stepped in, followed by his Luna, Guardian, and my parents.

The moment the door opened, both of my brothers’ woke up and started rubbing the sleep from their eyes.

“You are awake,” Lucas stated. He didn't bother with the niceties, cutting straight to the point. “Everyone out.” I could tell that he was angry at me, but I don’t know what I did that upset him Everyone cleared out of the room, not willing to argue with the king on my behalf, except for Lucas, his Guardian Edward, and Luna Everleigh.

Lucas stood next to my bed and was quiet for a moment. “What the hell were you thinking?” he said quietly. “Let me tell you what you were thinking: you simply weren't. You did not think about how this could have hurt those that are closest to you.” He gestured to his Luna. “When Everleigh found out what happened to Justin, she wanted to rush down here and check on you, but I convinced her that you needed some time to think about everything that had happened. We needed to give you the time to process...Do you know how angry she was at me for not letting her come down here when she heard that you tried to kill yourself? That you had purposely eaten monkshood to prevent yourself from healing the marks that you left? What would your pack have done without their Alpha? Your family? Your friends? Justin's death hit everyone hard, but it is time for you to pull your head out of your ass and get a move on. Your pack needs you. They need to know you are not going to fall apart and leave them. Remember, they lost one of their Alpha’s too, which means they are hurting as well. Did you consider what his family is going through? They lost their son and they nearly lost his mate...you should have reached out, Kataleya. We would have found you the help that you were needing. I wish you had gone to someone about this and about what you were going through, instead of trying to take these matters into your own hands.”

Lucas was clearly getting angrier the more he talked to me. I watched as his Luna and Guardian placed a hand on each of his shoulders and he visibly calmed down.

I looked between the three of them before making the split decision to tell them what had been weighing on my mind. The main reason is that I have not been able to cope. “Justin wasn't the only thing I lost that day,” I whispered.

The three of them looked at me, confusion written all over their faces. Luna Everleigh was the first to realize what I was saying. She rushed to me and wrapped her arms around me, pulling me into a tight hug.

Lucas and Edward still looked confused, so I decided to just tell them. “I was pregnant. Four weeks to be exact.” My voice was barely above a whisper. This is the first time that I have spoken it aloud since I miscarried. No one had known, except for the few people that Justin had told right before the rogue attack and that was only because he was dead set on having protection arranged for me. I watched as the anger in Lucas'’s eyes softened as he realized what I had just said.

"So, to answer your question, your majesty,” I whispered, “you are right. I was not thinking. How could I think? I was willing to live after Justin died. I was willing to live for this baby, even if I was in pain every fucking day from missing my soulmate...but, I would have dealt with it because this baby did not deserve to die. This baby did not deserve to lose both of his or her parents’ before they had a chance to meet them. Once I realized I had a miscarriage? All bets went out the window. I couldn't do it. Everything that I was willing to live for died that day. I had lost the last piece that had reminded me of him. The last piece I had of him. Yes, I am angry, but beyond that? I am tired. I am so unbelievably tired. Right now? I have nothing to live for. Yeah, I have my own pack, but their Alpha is broken. I am a shell of my former self. Goddess, I am angry. Every single day, I have wanted to curse the Goddess for allowing Justin to be taken from me. Every day I grow to hate the Goddess more and more. She claims to be there for her children, at least that is what we are always taught about the great Moon Goddess Selene, but when does it really count? When it really matters, where is she? She isn't here. She allowed my mate to be taken and then allowed my baby to be taken too. I wanted to end it. I wanted to get rid of the pain that I am feeling right here.” I placed my hand over my heart and squeezed the thin hospital gown. “And as much as everyone claims to understand what I am going through, they don’t. They didn’t lose their mate and their unborn child within hours of each other. No one in this pack besides four people knew that I was pregnant. I don't want to tell them. The pity that will be in their eyes, I cannot handle. I cannot think past that. I refused to be pitied. I hate anyone feeling sorry for me. The worst part? I know I am stronger than this. I was raised better than this! The pain, though, is so strong. I have to fight my every instinct. And it hurts. So, God damn much. Look at me? Now I am fucking cursing the human's God!" I started crying. Luna Everleigh continued rubbing my back, telling me that everything would be okay, but it wouldn't. Like I said, they won't know what I am going through. They won't understand it. Lucas and Everleigh still have each other. I don't have Justin. That is what sets me apart from them.

Suddenly, Luna Everleigh is no longer hugging me and the door is gently shut. I looked up and realized that I was left alone with their guardian, Edward.

“I hope you don't mind, but I decided that you needed to talk to someone that might truly understand what you are going through. I have only told you a little of my story, but you don't know the true reason I became a guardian.”

"How could you possibly understand the pain that I am in? Every time I see you, you are happy. You have already told me that you enjoy being the guardian to Everleigh and Lucas.”

“You are right, I do enjoy my job. More than you will know, but Kataleya, I do understand what you are going through. Would you like to hear my story?”

I nodded my head and waited for him to continue.

"About 105 years ago, I was the Beta for the Moonlight Wolves pack, located in northern Britain.”

I looked at him in shock. 105 years ago?! This man looked to be about my age, if not slightly older. He must have registered the shock on my face because he added, “When you are a guardian, it slows down your aging, immensely. You are meant to live for an incredibly long time, which is what the Guardian Elders bless us with when we take the oath as a Protector. I can tell from the look on your face that you are trying to do the math. I am currently 134 years old. When I became a Guardian, I was 29 years old. Now to continue on with my story...l was happy. I had everything that a man could have wanted. I had two beautiful children, a mate that I adored, and I was the Beta for a pack that I loved. I thought that I had everything. That is, until I had nothing. In one night, I had lost everything that I held dear. There was a rogue attack and we were not prepared. This was back before border patrols were a regular thing. The pack lost a lot that night...Rogues snuck into our territory and started to kill our pack members. My mate was head strong and she was a damn good fighter, but that was not enough. They killed her when she was trying to protect our children, while I was on the front lines trying to keep the rogues from entering further into our pack. I felt her link snap first and then it was shortly followed by the links of my children. My mate was able to link me right before they killed her and told me she loved me and she was sorry. I nearly died that day too. The moment their links snapped, I collapsed to the ground and I was willing to let them end me at that moment. My entire world died that night. You know, you remind me a lot of my mate. She was headstrong, refused to believe that she needed a man to do anything for her, but most of all, when she loved, she loved with everything that she had. She had this light in her eyes when she was on the battlefield. It was, oddly, nearly the same light she had when she was looking at me or talking about our children...While many people in this pack and hell even in the world, may not understand what you are going through, Kataleya, I do understand. I wanted to die just like you. What is the point in surviving when you feel that things you were surviving for were no longer here?

You know what I can promise you? It will get better. The pain, the heartache, it will all eventually fade. Then, you will be left remembering the good times you had with Justin. The laughter and love you shared. You will always love him and I am not trying to tell you that you won't, but I am telling you that it will get better. Several years after their deaths, we finally rebuilt the pack, but I was never the same. I was constantly wanting to end it all, to the point that I actually did try to kill myself. I didn't slit my wrists. Nope, instead I tried to poison myself...fortunately, my Alpha saved me...and I am glad he did. Death would have been a permanent fix to what would be a temporary problem You are young and you have so much more to experience. I promise.”

I contemplated everything that Edward told me and realized that he truly does understand everything that I am feeling and going through. “What changed for you? What made you decide that you could handle this and bare the pain that you have been feeling?”

"After I attempted to kill myself, I was soon approached by two Elders, Carlos and Tate. Tate is currently the High Elder for the Guardian Court, and Carlos is his mate, even though Carlos is a regular Elder. They both told me about how they see the potential in me. They told me about the Guardian Court and how I could work my way up the ladder. I was told about how I would be granted a second chance mate, once I found her. And they told me it would help me with my grief over losing my mate and children. I don't regret taking the job. After my initial training, I was assigned to King Lucas and, later, Luna Everleigh. I have known Lucas since he was a small baby and I met Everleigh after she agreed to be Justin's mate.”

“Do you regret leaving your pack as Beta?"

“No, not at all. In the beginning, I was guilty. My Alpha was my best friend, so I did feel guilty about leaving him, but I knew that he understood what I was going through. He had lost one of his children in that attack, so he knew my thoughts and how I was feeling. He always left the option to return open for me though. He knew that if I ever chose to return, then he would accept me back without hesitation. It helped me see the world from others’ point of view and allowed me to help others. Truthfully, what helped me move on was being able to help those that needed it. I have helped many of my charges find their mates and their happiness. For me, that was worth it. It was worth the pain that I was in, as long as I was able to help make someone's life a little better. There are always different types of contracts that you can sign with them too. You do not have to give the Elders your entire life, especially if you are considering doing this, Kataleya. For what it is worth, though, I think you would make a damn good Guardian.”

I contemplated my options for a minute. Would it be crazy for me to consider doing this? Would my family be okay with this for now? What if I allowed my brother to temporarily take over the pack, or even asked my father to do it?

I made up my decision.

“I want to do this. I want to meet the Guardian Court.”