Gone Bitch: A Parody of Gone Girl

Oh goody: they’re gonna arrest me today.

Gilpin called Tanner in the morning to give him a heads up that today was the day. And Tanner called me and told me to prepare to be arrested sometime around 1. I wasn’t really sure what “preparing to be arrested” involved. So I just ate a lot because I didn’t know when meal time was in jail, and also I searched my own anal cavity to make sure the prison guards didn’t find anything when they searched it.

After that, it was just a lot of sitting around Go’s house and waiting. Finally, at 12:50 p.m., there was a loud knock at the door. I opened it, ready to see Boney or Gilpin, or maybe a sheriff’s deputy.

But it was someone else.

It was Amy.